I don’t need to tell you what a whore is.  In fact, you have probably already seen the bottom half of her ass sticking out of her way-too-short “dress.”  She’s the one slurring her words at the club or messing around in the upper bedroom at the house party. We all know what she is (not) wearing and whom she has slept with. Now the more important question is: how do we avoid being her?

The difference between the girl with a remarkable man and the girl with a remarkable number of STDs manifests itself in a woman’s character. Of course too much cleavage and sexual activity can also play into this realm of whoredom, but these aspects are not nearly as important as how a sexy woman carries herself. To be sexy (and not whore-y), a woman has to be filled with playfulness, sexual entendres/innuendos, and mystery. In short, she must master the art of the tease.

Mastering Playfulness:

A tease doesn’t need to rock a mid-drift and sky-high heels to get attention. (She gets too much of it already.)  Instead, she gains and maintains a man’s attention through extreme amounts of playfulness. This can take place in numerous scenarios. Simply by turning her body, making eye contact, and smiling, she has already made the first move.  If the man has enough guts, he will approach her. It’s just that simple.

After obtaining a man’s interest, a tease walks the fine line between approachable and unobtainable. Think: “Sure you can flirt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re going home with me.” This can be accomplished through coy behavior and the right amount of provoking. Put him down a little. Make harmless fun of him. Warning: it is important to do this about meaningless topics (like his favorite football team or love for girlie martinis, not his baby beer gut or the way his ears stick out), maintain a smile, and keep an “I’m just kidding,” attitude the entire time. The goal is not to piss the guy off, but to encourage him to play along.

You’re from Italy? Oh, you know what they say about Italians, don’t you?

[These are best played with a little push or nudge to add physical contact.]

Mastering Sexual Entendres & Innuendos:

The English language is filled with suggestive vocabulary. From “large” and “hard” to “wet” and “fast”, words with double meanings are great for throwing into casual conversation. A tease wants to imply “sex” without explicitly saying anything about it. It is vital to leave him wondering: “Did she mean to refer that or am I just imagining it?”

What are you doing tonight? You know I am always up for anything.

Overall, the point is to get the man thinking of sex without knowing you are thinking the same thing. But make sure to keep a balance. If you start coming off as too forward, make sure to mention that you are going to a baseball game with Steve later in the week, “forget” to answer one of his text messages, or leave early in a conversation. Men like competition and it is always important for a tease to leave before she is left.

Will you excuse me for a second? My friend, John, just walked in and I need to go say hello.

[Constantly switching from sexual flirtation and pulling away will keep him wanting more!]

Mastering Mystery:

Never give too much away! The more secrets a woman appears to have, the more interesting she becomes. This can be accomplished by refusing to give complete answers to questions or by returning his questions back to him.

I had a dream about you last night. I can’t tell you about it here. But it was a good dream!

Generally, a tease wants to leave most of the work to his imagination. If she is showing off the girls, she’ll cover up with some blue-jeans. If she is rocking her legs, she’ll cover up with a conservative top. Nothing is ever too-low, too-short, or too-explicit. A tease wants to leave a man needing to see more of her. She is Alluring. Confident. Sexy.

But definitely, absolutely not a whore.

Yeah, not gonna happen. Thanks.

Sometimes, against our better judgment, we put ourselves in situations that we would rather not be in. Whether it’s too much flirting or too much tequila, sometimes we send mixed signals. One thing leads to another, hands are creeping towards places we don’t want them to go and we realize it’s time to put the breaks on. We need to say no.

Sometimes this is easier said than done. Sometimes there’s that “point of no return,” where it’s just awkward to stay stop – even though no one should ever do something sexually they’re not comfortable with. So, what’s the solution?

For starters, avoiding situations where things can get carried away is a good place to start. Don’t go alone somewhere with someone who you don’t want to fool around with — into a bedroom at a party, for example. Limiting the chances of unwelcomed advances in awkward/private situations, and setting very clear boundaries before getting into that kind of predicament is a pretty good idea too. Saying something along the lines of “I’m only comfortable with _________” or “I’m only going to ___________ with you” is both fair and assertive enough to get the point across.

What if it’s too late? What if things are heading in an unwelcomed direction? We’re told that saying no after a certain point makes you a “tease.” Fine.  Really, ladies, it doesn’t matter – don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Say “no,” say “not right now” (there doesn’t have to be a later), or make an excuse (“sorry, I’m on my period” always works). Make a compromise, if you you want, that’s a pretty easy way out too.

Regardless of what we’re told, the majority of guys will respectfully accept your “no, thanks,” and stop what they’re doing. If they don’t, it’s time to get more forward about what you want. The only people that won’t stop at that point are, quite frankly, criminals (no means stop and not stopping means rape).

Part of being a sexually empowered woman is not being afraid to say no. It’s our responsibility to try to avoid these situations, obviously, but we all know that sometimes one thing leads to another. Don’t ever feel like you “owe” somebody sex, because you don’t. It’s never too late to change your mind.

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (like, Is there something better out there?!) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hey Dude,

So I kind of have this thing where I don’t like to sleep with guys unless I’m in a relationship. Let me preface this by saying I have no problem messing around and hooking up, making out, and so on, with random guys until a relationship comes into the picture. Here’s my problem: after 5 or 10 minutes of hooking up I always end up just bailing on the guy and making some lame excuse to leave. I can’t tell whether or not it’s me just being bored of kissing and frustrated that I wont be having sex, or me being insecure that all he really wants to do is have sex and I know I won’t be giving that to him so what’s the point of continuing to make out? Won’t it just bore him or be a tease?

Is it wrong for me to assume that the guy is only interested in sex and wants me to do more than kissing? What should I do? Should I just stick it out and make out for half an hour or am I just being a tease? Any tips?

–Frustrated with Foreplay

Dear Frustrated with Foreplay,

In the immortal words of Cher, spoken after slapping Nicolas Cage (if only she had done it 10,000 more times since): “Snap out of it!”

Of course the guy wants to do more than just make out. When you’re heating up the couch with a game of tonsil hockey then one or both of you will want to see how far you can go. If you see making out as the only item on the agenda and don’t want to blue ball him or yourself (whatever the female equivalent for blue ball is, little terminology help, ladies?) then stopping is appropriate.

Teasing is a sticky area with a lot of guys. We hate it. We really hate it. Like, Israeli-Palestinian, Yankees-Red Sox, Blair-Georgina hate.  We’d rather have swollen testicles from a David Beckham punt. What you’re doing isn’t really teasing. In fact, it’s merciful compared to some.  If you had your hand down his pants and decided mid-stroke that you needed to go home and feed your cat that would be teasing. Saying goodnight after a few minutes of lip locking is reasonable.

Making out is like trying a sample. You want to see if you’re sexually compatible. If you are and you feel comfortable rounding the bases then swing away. On the other hand, if you like what you’re getting but want to take it slower, then stopping things before they go too far is better for all involved. Of course he could be licking your teeth or trying to swallow your tongue in which case running for the hills sounds appropriate.

There’s no shame in saying no. If you’re scared the guy won’t like you because you won’t go further then maybe that’s a sign he isn’t someone you should go further with. If he’s worth a shot in the sack then he’ll be patient and do the work. Will he be disappointed? Sure. But hey, that’s why there’s porn (and thanks to the internet, FREE porn). So unless he’s blind and handless, calling it early before either one of you gets too hot and bothered to avoid making regrettable decisions sounds pretty sensible to me.

My tip? Go with your gut. When you feel like putting your shirt back on and saving the best for later, do it. On the other end of the spectrum, if the timing feels right and there’s some insurance handy (aka contraception) then go for it! Just be considerate and say goodnight before he gets you off if there’s no plan to return the favor. Because that would be teasing.

XOXO,

Gossip Dude

There are few topics in a relationship that cause more controversy than strip clubs. Many of us can’t understand why our man would need to watch some other girl strip it off and shake her ass in his face when he can have our naked ass in his face whenever he wants it (for free, I might add).  And isn’t watching some other girl get naked a form of cheating? He wouldn’t like it if I let some random dude come over and rub his crotch in (or on) my face for $5.

So why do guys do it? And what is the appeal of having some girl rub her boobs on him if he has to stick a few bucks in her panties to do so? I haven’t spent much time in strip clubs, so I turned to someone who does. Frequently. And loves it.

Here is the strip club lowdown from a dude who knows it (very) well.

The tease, in my opinion, may very well be the purest form of foreplay.

So why not participate in some online foreplay? Everything else these days is online. You trust your bank account online. Your private emails. Your social security number. So why not your sexy legs?

I’m not saying that you need to go off and buy a “(your name)inherunderwear.com” domain. However, if you’ve got an appetite at all for building on sexual chemistry between yourself and someone else, why not restructure your approach to the traditional tease? Lets face it: nothing else is traditional anymore, so this doesn’t need to be, either.

Far too many girls, in my opinion, really need to sort out their bunched up panties over matters like this.

DEAR GIRLS WHO ARE AFRAID OF SENDING YOUR DESIRED OTHER SEXY PICTURES OVER THE INTERNET:

You have boobs. You’ve got a vagina. You’ve got an ass. And so does every other girl in the whole wide world. Considering the fact that so many girls in the whole wide world are naked on the world wide web, believe me when I say that you won’t be making headlines IF your pictures ever “get out”. And that’s just an IF.

Don’t get me wrong…being a good Catholic girl can be hot. But ACTING like a good Catholic girl and then surprising your potential or current lover with naughty pictures is even hotter. The internet is making everything easier…and that includes foreplay. So why forgo a prime opportunity to make someone’s morning at the office just a teeny bit sexually frustrating?

It’s only a click away.