When you go off to college, all of the moments from high school fall into the teenage years and you’re suddenly an adult (“adult”). We adapt to the independent life pretty quickly and forget how, just a few years ago, things were pretty different. Mom did our laundry, and we had to ask permission to do stuff. When you stayed at home by yourself for a weekend you were both excited and slightly terrified that a serial killer was going to find you. Getting into R-rated movies when you turned 17 was one of the coolest moments, and going to the grocery store was awesome. Sometimes we revert back to our old teenage ways, like when Smart House is on TV or when we’re sick and need to be taken care of. It’s fun to look back and reflect on all those teenage moments.

We pulled some of our favorite teenage moments from Teenager Posts and it took us down memory lane. These should be a nice flashback for you too…

I’m pretty sure high school was only about four years ago, so I’m left wondering what the hell is going on with teenagers? I don’t mean to sound judgmental or high-and-mighty, because we’ve all been there. We all lived in that place where everything was the end of the world, where drama ran high and there was never, ever enough glitter. But come on, things have gotten a little out of control lately.

Whether high school was the best time of your life or a time you’d rather forget, it’s still a time that we can vividly remember. That being said, I do not remember “the choking game”  being a fun after school activity. I also don’t remember blowing anyone on the back of the bus nor witnessing anyone else performing oral sex on the back of the bus. It just wasn’t happening when I was a teenager.

Teenagers are not my favorite group of people, so I have no problem calling them idiots. Seriously, what are they thinking? Not only are they becoming a group of mini faux-celebretards, but they aren’t doing anything even remotely smart or safe.

Take the latest sexting scandal. I get that you want to flirt with hot guys via fast paced technology; it’s fun, I know that. But maybe you could keep your shirt on? Or even your panties for that matter? That would be smart.

Also, stop drinking at school. Once again, I understand that assemblies are boring, but maybe selling vodka shots out of water bottles isn’t the best way to spice things up. As a college student, I of all people know how much fun boozin’ can be. But once again, let’s be smart, yes? You are underage, you are at school, you do not know your limits, and you are tiny and possibly pre-pubescent. You should not be drinking. You will most likely die and/or get expelled and spend the rest of your life working at Applebees. Stop trying to land yourself in rehab! It’s not as cool as Lindsay Lohan makes it out to be.

I have never felt older and more conservative than I have when I listen to today’s teens. I say this, not because I love them, but because I am going to have to deal with their crap when they “grow up” and graduate. I do not want to land my dream job, only to worry about potentially training these idiots someday. Let it be known that if I find anyone passed out in the bathroom at work, I’m reporting your ass and taking over your cubicle. You’ve been warned.

They were gorgeous and bright, well versed in their rights, talented, and respected. They had lyrics crafted especially for the freeing of the spirit. You know who I’m talking about. Ani Difranco. Tori Amos. Fiona Apple… the list goes on. These ladies helped mold me into who I am today with presence and personality that could give any girl hope and strength.

My questions is this: Where have all of these fantastic ladies gone? As a musician, I can only aspire to be like them, but when I look around, I feel as though I hardly see anyone else aiming for that goal. I see one hit wonders without longevity. I see women using curse words matched with a catchy chorus to be “cute”. Giant boobs and bare midriffs and lyrics written by some fifty year old guy.

Where are the heroes of this generation? Which female singer today would get up at the MTV Video Music Awards and tell little girls everywhere that “This world is bullsh*t“? What singers are telling every record label “F*ck you” and starting their own? Which singers will boldly, and in detail, write a song about being raped?

I know there are great women musicians out there, and I try myself to be the best I can. But when I look at teenage girls today, I feel bad for them because they don’t have the same women I had in their lives to look up to. It pains me every time a younger girl says “Ani WHO?”.

I hope I’m wrong about this, but I feel like my generation was the lucky one for having so many talented ladies holding the reigns in the 90′s. Today’s girls…who do they have?

Wow, so how about Medium last Monday night, huh?

The premiere episode was just OK, but with this one I could tell that Glenn Gordon Caron and the writers have really shot straight back up to the level of tension, mystery, and all-around awesomeness they had reached at the peak of last season.

I loved seeing more about Ariel, especially now that she’s blossoming into the snide teenager that everyone hates. After that episode, I’m beginning to think she should have been born in the ’70s, because the huge hair and earrings the size of small yachts really suited her.

I’m still not sure about Ameritips Woman, though (what the hell is her name, anyway? Cynthia or something old-ladyish like that?). Anjelica Huston is a great actress, no doubt, but whenever I look at her, all I can think about is how strongly she resembles a horse.

Is that wrong? I’m sorry, but every time she’s going on about Missing Person #3114, all I can think is, “Horse! Horse! Horse!” Oh, well. I’m sure I probably look like a furry animal, too, so no hard feelings.

Any other Medium fans out there? Hit me with your thoughts on the season so far!

Just kidding, but with all the relentless (and unprotected) celebrity sex stuff going on recently, that sort of thing wouldn’t be hard to believe.

In case you’re not big into tabloids (but of course you are, since like, what else is there to read these days?), Little Spears isn’t the only one on the fast and furious “accidentally pregnant” train. 22-year-old singer Lilly Allen announced she’s carrying Chemical Brothers musician Ed Simons’s baby almost at the exact second Jamie Lynn jumped onto the cover of Ok! Magazine, while beating out both starlets in the baby drama department was presidential hopeful John Edwards.

That’s right. John Edwards. The guy with the hair. Who’s running for president.

Apparently, some chick told the National Enquirer a few months back that Edwards cheated on his sick wife with her, leaving her sperminated and disgraced.

The news today is that an “ex-key official” in Edwards’s campaign (who has a family of his own) is actually the baby daddy, allowing Edwards to have some of his integrity back, but not all, since he totally had a lying bastard working for him.

Now, I’m aware that sex is a pretty popular activity, but when the hell did it start to become popular to have unplanned pregnancies?! Obviously, this sort of thing happens, but when you’re rich and famous, one would think you’d have enough change in your pockets to buy a few boxes of condoms or get yourself a nice supply of birth control pills.

Kids aren’t like designer purses. Just because they’re fashionable right now doesn’t mean that you can trade them in for something better later. Young Hollywood (and ex-presidential officials) better start smartening up fast, or there’s gonna be a whole lot of baby backlash.

OK! Magazine is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears, the supposed “good sister” to a psychotic, dramz addicted older sibling, is, as we speak, 16 and pregnant.

Yup. The Nickelodeon star just confirmed to the mag (and subsequently, the world) that she’s got a bun in the oven courtesy of her “live-in” 19-year-old boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

This is:

A) horrible news… and

B) even more confirmation that the Spears clan drinks a special kind of water spiked with “bad – decisions – that – will – effect – your – entire – life – and – ruin – your – career” vitamins.

While 10pm on a Tuesday night yields no comment from Nickelodeon, one can only assume that an unwed, pregnant teenager is not exactly the kind of role model they’re looking to endorse, and The Littlest Spears is most likely going to get a front row seat to her own career meltdown.

…That is, unless MTV calls her up and asks her to do a reality series.

“Jamie Lynn Spears: My Life As a Stupid, Pregnant Teenager” anyone?

Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe that acting and singing are an admirable art. In no way is it an easy job.

Motion pictures or the right lyrics can change peoples’ lives, send important messages, or make you cry hysterically for hours unsure as to why you care so damn much that Rafe forgave his innocent best friend Danny for rolling around in the parachute hangars with the woman that they both love.

My point is, the amount of money that these celebrities are getting paid is absolutely ridiculous, especially considering how much cool shit they get for free just for being famous in the first place!

Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter) has officially been named Britain’s wealthiest teenager, worth a reported 23 million. (out-earning Joss Stone!). As if that’s not enough, he’s getting paid $50 million for the next two Potter movies. On July 23^rd, Radcliffe will be turning eighteen, not only celebrating his legality by probably sleeping with plenty of thirty-something gold-digging vixens, (he just dropped $17,000 on a custom made Savoir mattress, try and tell me he’s a virgin), but eighteen also means finally gaining full access to his mind-boggling funds. I’m sorry, am I the only one nauseated over the “sexy” pictures of the little boy? Ron was always more my type, I think it’s the flannel.

Hayden Panettiere (aka the rando who decided to date fellow rando Steven Coletti from Laguna Beach. Yes, she’s dating Ste-veeeeeeennnnn) is estimated to make about $2 mil a year. It gets better — her debut album is supposed to be released in 2008. There’s no doubt that her edited off-beat voice drowned out by cymbals crashing and pre-recorded keyboard melodies will make her many more Benjamins.

People Magazine decided this topic was so important that they resolved to make it their July cover story. They also decided to mention Rihanna, who really is only letting you stand under her umba-rella because every time it rains she has a portable roof built and customized right above her head (and million dollar legs.).

Even worse, I was forced to desperately control my gag reflex when I learned that nineteen-year-old Hilary Duff also made the list. Every time I read or see an interview with her I have suppress the urge to punch myself repeatedly in the temple. The girl that once said something (non-verbatim) along the lines of, “I really like the way the word dignity sounds. So, I went online and looked up what it means, and then I liked it. So, that’s why my album is called dignity.” Yeah, she makes about $12 million a year.

Wait, like? One million a month? Hold on, let Hil grab her diamond-encrusted calculator.