"No puedo sentir mis pies" -- I can't feel my feet.

Ah, Cinco De Mayo.  A grand holiday that brings to mind sombreros, margaritas, awkward family encounters with my cousin’s salsa band… no one?  Just me?  Okay then…

This prestigious holiday marks the warding off of the French from Mexico, and is usually celebrated with parades, etc.  Unless you are a college student; then it’s celebrated by waking up May 6th covered in confetti, wearing a sombrero, and clutching a kazoo.

You may think you’re honoring Mexico’s history with a few too many shots of tequila, but if you wanna celebrate this holiday right, it’s time to embrace Cinco De Mayo full force. And that means speaking its native tongue. So here’s a little Spanish guide with all with the essential phrases you’ll need for this joyous holiday.

Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

Margarita on the rocks please! = Margarita con hielo, por favor!

You come here often? = ¿Vienes aqui frequentamente?

Has anyone seen my wallet? = ¿Alguien ha vista mi billete?

My pants appear to have gone missing. =  Mis pantalones parecen a ser desparecio…

How did I get this sombrero? = ¿Como consigui esto sombrero?

WAIT THAT’S MY SOMBRERO!! = ¡¡ESPERA!  ESTO ES MI SOMBRERO!!!

That guy over there is cute. = El chico alla es guapo.

…Just kidding, did not see his face. = Solo en broma, no vi su cara.

Maybe four tequila shots is too many. = Quizas cuatro chupitos de tequila son demasiados.

Is the room spinning? = ¿Es la sala girado?

Wait, is there tequila in these margaritas? = Espera, hay tequila en estas margaritas?

How did I end up here? = ¿Como he llegado hasta aqui?

No. It’s most definitely not.

So we thought we’d help College Board and all those other important SAT people out by offering them a few alternative SAT questions. Real life questions, the kind of questions that college students may encounter on any give college day…

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila…

(A) Four (B) Floor (C) Bed (D) Death

2. Beer goggles is a commonly used college expression. Explain the meaning of this phrase and then use it in a sentence.

3. A walk of shame is:

(A) Walking into class after said class has started (B) Walking home during the early hours of the morning in last night’s clothes after spending said night in with a guy (C) Tripping while walking in high heels

4. A steak dinner is to real life as ____ is to college life.

(A) cafeteria food (B) Ramen noodles (C) Chef Boyardee

5. Finals week will most likely be spent:

(A) in the library (B) studying (C) on Facebook (D) Both A and C

6.  In college your dating life changes. It’s far less likely that a guy asks you to hang out after class or go to a football game with him, and far more likely that he propositions you at a party. But there is an alternative. Explain the concepts of friends with benefits. Then discuss the pros and cons of such an agreement.

7. Your roommate asks to borrow your favorite sweater. Not only is it too small for her, but she also has a habit of returning items she borrows unwashed. Explain how to get out of such a situation without starting a roommate war.

8. Name six of CollegeCandy’s ten ways to drink a beer.

9. The best reason to drop a class is:

(A) It’s at 7 a.m. (B) The professor has terrible reviews (C) It’s on a Friday (D) All of the above

10.  Name some college stereotypes. Which will you be? Why?

Veev:  An excellent substitute for vodka, Veev is actually manufactured from acai berries which are packed with antioxidants and anthocyanins.  What makes this drink even better, however, is the company’s commitment to the environment.  Veev donates $1 towards the Brazilian rainforest for every bottle sold, preserving their sustainable acai supply.  Veev is also the first carbon-neutral liquor company, powering all of their distillers through renewable energy.  Pass up the Smirnoff  and throw one of these back with friends (but don’t forget to toast to the Brazilian rainforest first!).

OneHope Sauvignon Blanc: I bought this baby on a whim at BevMo (5 cent sale, anyone?) and felt an instant karma boost.  With every bottle sold, OneHope donates 50% of the profits to the American Forest, a charity aimed at protecting, restoring, and enhancing our native trees and forests.  If you’re not a sauvignon blanc fan, there are several other wines to choose from, each with their own cause.  Drink chardonnay for breast cancer, merlot for AIDS, or zinfandel for our troops overseas.  Whichever you choose, you can bet you’ll feel a little buzz of goodness with every glass.

New Belgium beer:  This brewery from Fort Collins, Colorado has a long list of environmental actions and achievements.  I am not going to go through the whole list here because, well, I’m lazy.  Here are the most notable ones of the bunch:
* Decreased energy usage in their brewing and in the facility itself due to efficient lighting, sustainable building materials, and efficient brew kettles.
* Wind power and waste water are used to produce renewable energy for the factory.
* Encouragement of bike transportation by hosting an annual bike festival and giving every employee a free bike after 1 year of employment.
* Member of 1% For the Planet, meaning that they give 1% of their revenue to environmental non-profits.

ModMix organic mixers:  The name says it all – ModMix creates a line of fully organic mixers for your favorite cocktails.  This means no chemicals, no synthetic pesticides, and no harmful substances.  You can use ModMix for pretty much any drink you could imagine.  Their products include mixes for citrus margaritas, French martinis, lavender lemon drops, mojitos, pomegranate cosmos, and wasabi bloody marys.  Just be sure to mix these babies with a sustainable alcohol such as Papagayo organic rums, 4Copas tequila, or TruVodka.

Who doesn’t love having a few shots of tequila? This writer doesn’t.  I can usually manage with the lime and salt included, but still; there are tons of things I’d rather experience than the burn of tequila as it runs down my throat followed immediately by my stomach trying to send it back.

BUT, it is National Tequila Day, so the Goose (or the cheap Burnetts vodka that I normally drink) is gonna have to wait until tomorrow night. I can’t let a momentous day like this pass me by without partaking in some “festivities.” And by festivities, I clearly mean a little one tequila, two tequila, three tequila…. well, you know the ending.

And I don’t even have to do it in shot form, because there are some mighty fine lookin’ tequila cocktails out there. These badboys give you all the tequila goodness without the pain/regurgitation.

I’ll drink (tequila) to that!

If I’m going to get fatter, I better damn well enjoy it, am I right?

I’m sick of plugging my nose while throwing back a shot and rummaging through my kitchen for an open can of Diet Coke to chase it. I want to enjoy my drink from beginning (taste) to end (drunkity drunk drunk). So I sifted through the internet to find drinks that taste less like gasoline and more like my favorite thing: dessert. I’ve tested these recipes again and again (and again…) and they do the trick.

Potent? Check.
Lip smacking good? Mmmmmcheck!

Here are my faves:

Chocolate Valentine
1 part vanilla flavored vodka
1 part dark crème de cacao
1 part cherry juice
splash of cream and a splash of club soda
Shake with ice and strain into a shot glass.

Coconut Sweet Tart
1 part vodka
1 part coconut rum
1 part cherry juice
splash of lemonade
Shake with ice and strain into a shot glass

Cinnamon Toast Crunch
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
1 part Irish Cream
Splash of Goldschlager
Layer in a shot glass

Girl Scout Cookie
½ ounce Baileys Irish Cream
½ ounce Kahlua
½ ounce Peppermint Schnapps
Shake with ice and strain into a shot class

Raspberry Brownie
1 part coffee liquor
1 part raspberry liquor
Splash of cream
Layer in a shot glass

And a Shooter for Good Measure: Apple Pie Shooter
Apple juice
Vodka
Whipped cream
Dash of cinnamon
Have a friend pour it all into your mouth, swish it all around, swallow and enjoy!

Now that I’m halfway done with my college career (a pretty cushy place to be, considering I have two more years before the real world), I anticipate all the bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen about to invade the dorms and use fake-id’s at all my favorite bars. Putting myself in their shoes, I wish that someone had been there to give me advice for my college career (all I got was my Mom telling me not to hook up with any fraternity boys until Spring semester). So I dove in head first and learned a few lessons of my own.

I learned the value of my dry erase board to my social life, I learned that “attendance optional” classes are not always a good thing. I learned that I should always have an assortment of costumes readily available, and that sharing drinks with my friends meant sharing drinks with whoever they made out with (and whoever they made out with…) All of these were very important lessons, and I’d like to share some of the pearls of wisdom I gained my freshman year.

College is not as big a place as you think.

It was easy to assume that a huge new campus meant instant anonymity. Therefore it was also very easy to assume that taking 6 tequila shots, throwing up underneath a bar stool, and going home with some guy in a sombrero at my first college Mexican restaurant experience would have no repercussions. Unfortunately, my hangover proved otherwise, as did the nickname “El Puke Capitan” that followed me around for the rest of my freshman summer. Oh, and Senor Sombrero? In the same section as me for Social Problems that Fall. Bottom line: college is big, but it ain’t that big.

You will not wake up at 7, make a power smoothie, hit the gym, shower then go to your 9 am class. Ever.

Come December of my freshman year, I realized what a mature, responsible and “together” young woman I had become (making your own doctor appointments can have that effect). So, I decided that I’d be way more productive and on top of shiz if I made all my Spring M, W, F classes at 9 am. That way I’d have time to wake up, eat a healthy breakfast and listen to CNN podcasts on my way to hot yoga. After that I’d hit the showers and head off to my first class with a post-workout glow. Unfortunately, that post-workout glow was more like post- flip cup nausea, the closest I got to a healthy breakfast was O.J. with my McMuffin, and I never did make it to the gym. More importantly, I very rarely made it to those early classes. Bottom line: prioritize school over partying, but don’t kid yourself about your ability to turn down nickel beers at your favorite bar. When you have the chance to take a later class, just do it.

If you have the opportunity to bring a big bag out, pack a survival kit.

Clutches are cute, and obviously the more practical handbag option for a night of debauchery, but if you can get away with a monster bag, bring that bad boy out. That way, you can pack a toothbrush, flip flops, Soffes and the proper toiletries to decrease the embarrassment level on your walk of shame. Of course the easiest way to avoid the W.O.S. is not to shack with randos, but if I learned anything my freshman year, it’s that those random nights of terrible decision making will occur. Bonus: you can pack your own condom preference. Her Pleasure, anyone?

If your future roommate shows signs of insanity, it may be time to break the lease.

After successfully surviving two semesters of random roommate pairing, I was extremely excited to get my first apartment my sophomore year and signed a lease with two friends from home and one of their friends. We planned how we would decorate our bedrooms and living room and thought of all the themed dinner/drink nights we would have at our cute little kitchen table. I thought that my new roomies would be GREAT, but looking back, the signs were all there. I realized that saying my third roommate’s name earned me some strange, almost piteous looks from mutual friends. I heard more about her spring break hookups from JuicyCampus than I did from her. She started a fist fight and pressed charges against the other girl.

Yeah, in retrospect I probably would have reevaluated my roommate choice, it would have saved me a broken front window that she kicked in, a whole bunch of food that she ate, hours of sleep lost listening to screaming matches between her and others, and a whole bunch of Claritin from the time she bought a cat (even though my other roomies and I are allergic and our apt. is pet free!) At least in the future I know to make roomie decisions a little more carefully…

Get to Know Your Profs and T.A.’s

Fresh out of high school, the idea of spending any extra face time with a teacher seemed a little…lame. But then I realized that seeing a teacher twice a week (along with 200 other students) would not allow them to ever know who I was (or know that I was their favorite student ever), so I started going to office hours. Professors are always willing to clarify assignments, and LOVE discussing their lecture material (most of them would gladly continue talking long after their hour and 15 minutes is up) and appreciate you being proactive about your grades. T.A.’s like this kind of meeting because it’s less formal than their classroom setting and they can level with you as a peer. Also, it shows them you’re interested in what they have to say. A personal relationship with your professor or T.A. will come in handy when you are running late on an assignment, need extra help, or earn an 89.45% in their class and need an opportunity for extra credit.

Keep your Facebook clean.

When I look back on my freshman year, I look back in neatly captioned and tagged albums via my profile. The first look back last summer, after completion of my first year at college, made me realize that I had some major deleting and de-tagging to do. While those pics of me impressively funnelling or taking ice-luge shots with my besties show my friends I can outdrink them, I didn’t want to know what they would show the family I babysat for if they ever saw. So I started deleting. Goodbye Pikeboy Lingerie Party pics, so long drunk wheelbarrow race to the stadium on gameday, no more 47 second kegstand (47 seconds!!). Yes I will miss these pictures, but they’re still on my hard drive, and now there are no creepy old men enjoying my creative use of Saran Wrap for anything-but-clothes parties. Even better? Employers, professors, and my friends’ parents can judge me based on PG-rated pics. Bottom line: put down the Solo before you say cheese, and you’ll be much happier you did.

Speaking of barf, maybe we shouldn’t have taken part in Tequila Tuesdays last night? There is never an excuse for waking up fully clothed clutching a 2 liter bottle of Hawaiian Punch and pair of Converse sneakers (WTF?), but especially not on a Wednesday morning.

Anyways, in order to get you through the hardest day of the week we thought we’d play a little game of “Would You Rather?” Because what is more fun than pondering life’s most random conundrums?

So, here we go. Choose your answer and explain why in the comments section below!

Would you rather remove a thirty-foot tapeworm from a rhinoceros OR be ejaculated on by Snuffalupagus?

No, we did not think of these ourselves – we aren’t that sick. All questions come from our friends Justin Hiemberg and David Gomberg, creators of the Would You Rather…? series.

OMG OMG OMG. Spring break is here (or almost here?)!! It doesn’t matter if you are going to Mexico, Florida, or just heading home; it’s time for some vacay, baby! No more studying. No more class. NO MORE ALARM CLOCKS. For a whole week!

We’ve been preparing for this for weeks! Some of us have been building up that base tan with a little fake and bake, while others have been more focused on getting their livers ready for the main event with daily margaritas.

Can you tell we’re excited?

We have been freezing our asses off for months and now it’s finally time to throw on a bathing suit (and a dress to cover up the extra winter poundage) and head to the beach. Hell. yes. Let’s just hope we don’t make the same mistakes we’ve made in spring breaks past…

This week, the CollegeCandy writers weighed in on their biggest spring break regrets. We can all learn a few things from these bad decisions and poor planning:

K – GWU: I have never had a real spring break because I was a rower, so I guess my biggest spring break regret is being a rower. Trust me, I wish I had gotten the chance to chug substances other than water and moan for reasons other than physical exertion (just sayin…)

Cristina – Michigan State University: Wearing tanning oil on on the front side of my body..and not the back.  Then getting sunburned. Awesome.

Laura – St. Johns: Not going on spring break one year in order to save money… sitting at home during a week of snowstorms was miserable when I could have been at the beach!!

John – UConn: My biggest Spring Break regret? I didn’t get any Astronaut Ice Cream when I visited the National Air and Space Museum. Now that I don’t have to howl at anyone to buy it for me, I don’t even want it any more.

Amanda – Wagner: Tequila, lots and lots and lots of tequila… enough said.

S.E. – Fordham: Mine was refusing to put sunblock on because I somehow thought I could lay out

with my really tan friends. I then got sun poisoning…

Lauren – University of Michigan: Sneaking booze onto our cruise in Listerine bottles. All of our drinks tasted like mouthwash for the entire trip.

Donnette – Manhattaville College: Sleeping. Time waits for no one and before you know it I’m back in class).

Carrie – Duke: Urinating on the lawn of a police station (the tequila convinced me to do it). After two male police officers demanded that I “PULL MY F***ING PANTS UP,” I realized it probably wasn’t worth the satisfaction of an empty bladder.

Thu – USC: Not going out every single night when I was in Ireland!

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Being the lame-o who goes home for spring break.

Alex – Lakehead University: Not applying sunscreen on my first trip to Mexico. I felt invincible, like my pale, Canadian skin could handle the intense sun.

Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Letting people take pictures of me on the dance floor at a club in Rosarito.  Those babies have been haunting me for years.

Anna – Northeastern Univeristy: Drinking on the last night when your plane leaves at 5 a.m the next morning…. and you are on a trip with 40 other people. And everyone gets sick on the plane. And there’s only 4 bathrooms.

Noa – CU Boulder: Wet t-shirt contest. Not that I was in it…that I watched it. Those images are burned in my brain.

Erica – Kent State: Booked hotel rooms in advance for people who never showed.  I ended up driving 12+ hours with one other girl when we were both underage, to stay at a hotel miles away from any beach/bar.  In 50 degree weather.

Maddie – Tufts: Getting my cartilage pierced on a sketchy beach boardwalk. Let’s just say I had some issues, and the earring came out quickly.

Meregan – Brown University: I deeply regret trying tanning oil (even though it had an SPF on it!). Not only is it bad for the skin, I roasted myself the first day of break and had to stay inside the rest of the week.

Really, that sounds fun and all, but this year I just can’t stomach any more pink. That pepto bismol pink is everywhere I turn. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion? Check.

Believe me, I’m not bitter, I even enjoy romance and chick flicks from time to time, but for some reason I’m more excited about Friday the 13th than February 14th. I think it is fate that the two holidays have fallen in the same weekend because now when people ask what I am doing for the big holiday, I can say something like “drinking tequila and watching Saw IV.” (It’s not like they said which holiday!)

Some of you may be thinking that Friday the 13th isn’t a holiday, but you’re wrong! Friday the 13th is a day of horror movie marathons filled with snack foods and drinking games; it’s the day when some of the best scary movies of the year are released in theaters; and, of course, an excuse for a theme party. To kick off the big weekend of terror, I included my top 5 horror movies of all time.

5. Scream- Maybe it’s just nostalgia, but Scream will always be in my top favorites list. After all, it started the era of my favorite sleepover pastime: prank calls asking strangers, “What’s your favorite scary movie?” Classic.

4. The Ring – I don’t know what scared me more; the girl climbing out of the TV screen, the creepy images, or the music. Either way, it’s all terrifying.

3. The Shining - “All work and no fun makes Jack a dull boy.” Words to live by.

2. Friday the 13th – Add teens, a deserted summer camp and a serial killer and you got yourself endless gory fun. I still have issues going camping.

1. Psycho- One of the classics, so it obviously made my list. I couldn’t shower alone for a week after I saw this. And to this day I refuse to stay at a motel.

I know what I’ll be doing Friday night and may even extend the festivities into Saturday. Scary movies just fit my mood a little better than The Wedding Planner or any other crap they’ll be showing on TBS.

There are so many difficult choices in life (do we love or hate tequila??), so we thought we'd sort through 'em right here. Every week we will discuss another issue we are torn up about. Let us know your thoughts in the comments section!]

You’ve heard it all before…

“Uggs are so cute and comfy!” Girl with Uggs on.

“Uggs put the ‘ug’ in ugly.” Guy giving the girl a strange look.

I can see both sides and I’m completely torn:

Love Em:

Uggs are definitely one of the most comfortable types of shoes out there. And unlike the apparantly comfy-but-ugly Crocs (gag!), they actually match your outfit, and can be a cute addition to your winter wardrobe. Uggs come in lots of different colors and patterns, and although they’re a little on the expensive side, they last FOR.E.VER. (OK, maybe not forever, but I’ve had mine for 3 years and they’re as ridiculously soft as ever.)

Loathe Em?

They are a bit clunky and awkwardly-shaped. (But it’s all for good reason, right? Why so chunky, my dear Uggs? To hold all the warm and fuzzy fur inside, of course!) They also look eerily similar to the bedroom-slipper your mom might wear, due to the sheepskin outer layer. (But that’s what makes them warm!) And, obviously, they add quite a bit of unflattering mass to the calves, making even the skinniest leg look a little chunky.

It’s a love/hate relationship between me and my (4 pairs of) Uggs, but that doesn’t seem to stop me from buying and wearing them 6 months out of the year. Still, I have to wonder if the warmth and comfiness is really worth it all….and why on earth girls wear them with mini skirts.