Every college library is similar – always too hot or too cold, smells kind of bad but you aren’t sure why, phrases etched into the tables, and a mixed population of students either writing on each others’ Facebook walls or writing 20 page term papers in a single night.

Good times!

I used to be very anti-library (who isn’t), but this semester I have found ways to make it more comfortable, enjoyable and conducive to a productive day/evening/month of work-doing. It’s all about being prepared (for anything) and as long as you have these essentials in that backpack of yours, you can be successful too.

Water bottle: This seems obvious but you’d be surprised. I once pulled an all-nighter without bringing a water bottle and because I was so into the work I was doing, I never felt like going to get water. Stupid mistake! I got tired and sick, and spent my night drooling on my laptop instead of researching on it. The next time I filled that sucker up a few times per hour, got everything done, and felt great the next day. Also, drinking only coffee, tea or Red Bull (or Bawls...) will almost definitely dehydrate you, cause you to crash sooner than without caffeine and probably give you a terrible stomachache (which may explain that weird smell in the libs….).

Personal hygiene products: I’ll admit that I’m a little weird when it comes to hygiene – I carry toothbrushes with me wherever I go – but I highly suggest anyone going to the library for an extended period of time should have at least a toothbrush thrown in their backpack. Some other products that always come in handy for me are hand sanitizer, lotion, tissues, chapstick, and deodorant. Trust me, it’s better for everyone if you smell like a “Satin Pear” (whatever that is) than whatever 10 hours in a dirty library smells like for a 9:35 Italian class!

Oh and don’t forget the gum! Studies show that chewing gum helps jog memory and you are much better off bringing your own than being forced to bum it off someone you may or may not of (you just aren’t sure…) hooked up with freshman year (FML).

Electronic accessories: Bring them all. There is nothing worse than having your computer die halfway (or 90%) through a paper, or your cell phone dying and not being able to text your friend about which book you were supposed to have read for Competitive Authoritarianism in the Middle East (Oops?). You are also going to want to throw in a pair of (noise canceling) earphones to block out the loud whispers, Swine Flu sneezing fits and vibrating cell phones of those (RUDE) people around you. If listening to your favorite jams distracts you, set up a Pandora station with Ludwig Van Beethoven or any other classical music that will give you some relaxing surround sound.

Fruit*: The natural sugar in fruit will pep you up a little bit and not make you too full when you are working diligently in the library. Sometimes when I don’t feel like eating anything (which rarely ever occurs) fruit is less daunting than say, a sandwich, and makes you feel healthier than devouring a bag of peach rings. The asterisk next to fruit stands for whatever the hell Starbucks sells in the middle of the night when the last fruit cup is sold. If they don’t have fruit, go for something that has fiber or protein. Scones, bagels and other carby snacks will give you a quick fix, but aren’t what you need for the long haul on that paper (or your FB Scrabble game).

Protection: A very sophisticated study was done (aka a group of my friends chatting last week) and turns out, many students have fantasized about/have had/would be willing to have sex in a library. Put these curious students together with a desperate need for procrastination and a relatively isolated spot in the stacks, and well, all I can say is throw some of these guys in your bag too…

Parka/Bathing Suit/Etc.: I am quite certain that they put the temperature on random numbers each day just to keep the students on their toes. If you cannot personally adapt to arctic or tropical studying conditions at the drop of a hat, I’d say prepare. Just yesterday my library was pumping heat into the study rooms and it was 92 degrees outside. Trust me, I wish I had that bathing suit… and one of those ghetto sprinklers to play in while I did my Italian homework.

“Going out clothes”/supplies: Many a time, I or people I know, will spend obscene amounts of time working on a very important assignment, all the while fighting the urge to party. My post-assignment celebrations are kind of like the carrot that keeps me going and my GPA where it is supposed to be. Best to be prepared. Throw a few evening essentials (accessories, shoes, makeup, flask?) into your bag for a quick change in the bathroom. Just please do not wear your leopard stilettos and “club wear” to the library; even my earphones can’t cancel out the sound of bangles running across a desktop.

I hope I helped you pack your backpack for the library. While I (attempt to) joke a lot, seriously take care of yourself during finals. Keep eating, sleeping and getting fresh air – humans need those things! If you have major procrastination problems, consider deactivating your Facebook account during this time, or, better yet, try not to bring your computer at all if you can help it! Happy studying.

Time for me to fill up my water bottle and get to the ‘brary.

So you waited until the last minute to do that super important term paper again. There you are, middle of the night, all by yourself cranking away at this monster of an assignment with only your trusty laptop for company. And then it happens. Out of nowhere: the Blue Screen of Death!!

Who you gonna call?

Ummm, nobody, because it’s two in the morning. You’re on your own with this one, cupcake.

Actually, if this happens, just restart your computer and only open what you need to get the work done (read: no AIM or Facebook), remembering to save often. You should be able to at least make it through the paper. In the morning you can diagnose the issue. And by morning, I really mean later in the afternoon when classes are over and you’ve had a much needed nap.

In any case this is exactly why you need to be able to do more on a computer than hit the power button. If your computer starts smoking, then, yeah, it’s pretty much dead, but when software issues arise you should be able to identify and at least partially work around ‘em. Computers are very rarely “broken,” they’re just momentarily troubled.

Learning about computers is easy to do. Just ask! The internet is a wealth of knowledge. I assure you that a million other people have had your exact problem before, and after correcting it, provided an easy to follow guide on the internet. And even if you can’t fix the problem yourself, it’s still good to be able to halfway identify specifics of the issue. When you do call for help, it is much easier to assist someone who can explain the situation than someone who calls and says, “It’s just not working! Help!!”

You should know some basics: what operating system your computer runs on, what virus software you use (and if it’s up to date), and what your C drive actually is. Just basic things. No one is asking that you become your own little Geek Squad, but the next time you have a computer crisis, don’t just wait for your on-call tech friend to fix it; see what you can do on your own. The problem might be as simple as uninstalling and reinstalling a corrupted program. Or just running a virus scan.

You don’t have to be a Jedi computer master at first – that’s fine. But knowing these few things will stop you from panicking every time something unexpected happens. After all, knowing is half the battle, and in this case it’s the half of the battle that keeps you from crying on the phone to Indian tech support at 3am.

Which is the most important half.

I mean being sick.

Not just “being sick,” though. Not just having a little cough or a small sniffle. No, I mean being sick as a dog. Having bronchitis. Having a box of tissues in one hand and pockets full of throat lozenges. When you’re on a small campus, one person’s cold is everyone else’s cold. Being stressed doesn’t help matters, either, so of course there are tons of other people in the boat with me – and not just seniors. And call me sadistic, but watching everyone suffer makes me feel a little less awful.

But my loss is your gain, folks. From my week-late thesis chapter, paper due on Friday that I still haven’t written, and a few other delayed things, I’ve learned some pretty awesome techniques to combatting exhaustion, delirium, sickness, and even lack of alcohol.

5. Caffeine naps. These beautiful things are possibly one of the best things ever. When you’re not feeling too hot for whatever reason, have yourself a Rockstar or a Red Bull or whatever (if you can’t swallow the way I couldn’t, have one of those coffee Rockstars, but heat it up. It helps a lot), then take a quick 20 minute nap. It helps refresh your system, and gives the caffeine a chance to get into your blood stream. And hey, when you’re working on that term paper all night long, one or two of these can save your ass.

4. Do’s and do not’s. DO take Nyquil with Chamomile Tea when you can’t sleep. Do NOT take Dayquil with a Rockstar when you cannot. DO spend time relaxing now and then. Do NOT relax so much that you are procrastinating. DO have all-nighters if you positively have no choice. Do NOT have all-nighters consoling yourself with all manner of drugs so that you pass out in class the next day. DO come up with ideas for that late-night paper that you know will work. Do NOT come up with ideas for that late-night paper based off of Adult Swim.

3. Eat right. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be eating these things all the time, but there are certain foods that work super hard – probably harder than you are – at keeping you both healthy and energized throughout the day and night. Fresh citrus fruit, strawberries, blueberries, as well more as filling foods like salmon, tomatoes, and bell peppers all will keep you running as smoothly as an exhausted senior (or maybe just student). And incorporating these guys into your diet long-term while eating small and frequent meals could even help you lose weight. Who knew senior year could be healthy?

2. Sleep. Seriously, those caffeine naps are awesome, but nothing keeps you well rested and healthy enough but a good night’s rest. Guess who was feeling better shortly after she finished pulling all-nighters? Sur-freakin-prise.

1. Sleep…some more. Honestly, you guys, I’m not actually 100% yet. But once you’re done with that killer week (or two or three or…alright, so Thanksgiving break, I guess?), just chill. It’s honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. That’s why it’s on the list twice.

(That’s also why, as you’re reading this, I’m probably curled up beneath my blankets, recovering from my life.)

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself.

4) Militant Political Views (In any direction)

It doesn’t matter if you agree with your new professor’s crazy theories, prof’s who bring their crazy into the classroom end up wasting your time. If you’ve got a super liberal, there is gonna be one Bushie student who never lets anything go. If you’ve got a right-winger, there’s gonna be a granola child who throws red paint on them. Crazy fem-nazis hate you because you have a boyfriend, and idiot chauvinists who won’t stop suggesting your ‘female chemicals’ make you irrational. It’s a free country, and you can believe whatever you want. But I don’t pay you to talk about those beliefs, motherf*cker!

5) Mr/Ms.Smiles

Every class has jerks. Kids who need the credit but don’t want to be there. They ask stupid, sarcastic questions, yell aloud, text and use the cell phone — I even had one girl bring her yippy dog to class. Jerk students are all around distractions, wasting everyone’s time. No one wants a Prof who’s mean, but you need someone who will check these offenders when the time comes, before the classroom devolves into some bizarre Lord Of The Flies type setting. Be wary of teachers who refuse to tell kids they are incorrect or out of line.

[Any other warning signs? Let us know!!]

I admit to not putting 100% into my academic efforts in college, but that was because I didn’t need to. I was writing papers with a buzz on and taking finals hungover, and still made Dean’s List. I knew that grad school would be different though, and I fully intended on being a legitimate scholar.

If you are considering grad school, you are probably doing very well in school. By senior year, you’re probably breaking the curves and tutoring your friends. You probably stand out in class for having thoughtful ideas and a firm grasp of the subject matter. Newsflash: Everyone in Grad School has gotten used to being a star scholar.

Often, PhD students and MA students will be mixed into classes together. I went from taking Shakespeare classes with business majors who didn’t know the definition of “iambic pentameter” to listening to a PhD debate over which folio edition was most likely the Bard’s original manuscript. WTF? My thoughts exactly.

Because college often mixes students of all different academic backgrounds, there’s a lot of information that slips through the cracks, even in a university setting. There were certain things that other MA students took for granted that I’d never been taught. A lot of research methods that PhD students had been using for years were completely alien to me. Even more embarrassing (for an English major, especially): I’d never written an abstract. Of course, writing an abstract was one of my first assignments in grad school.

I spent longer writing my first two-page abstract (a response to a critical article by one of the most renowned Shakespeare scholars in academia) than I did writing a ten-page research paper in college. Imagine my disdain when I received a “check minus” and a “Please Revise” comment on the damn thing. My professors in undergrad had always complimented my writing style, but my graduate professor tore apart my abstract. Comments like “wordy,” “colloquial,” and “strive for active verbs” littered the piece that I’d struggled with for hours.

As I continued through the semester, I continued to be disappointed with myself time and again. I ended up rewriting almost every abstract I wrote for my graduate Shakespeare class, and even my revisions usually didn’t get a higher mark than a “check.” Once a straight “A” student, I got a “C” on an easy response activity because I had two grammatical errors that involved a comma and a semi-colon. I had research paper proposals torn to shreds, and I was told to completely redo entire assignments for various reasons.

Of course, by the end of my grad school career, I was working with the same professor who had given me my first “check minus.” As my thesis advisor, she constantly reassured me that my writing style had become more polished, and the rest of my committee also complimented my word choice and tone. In the end, I stuck it out, and I improved, but it was never easy to handle harsh criticism and see my work take such a beating.

I’m not going to tell you that I finished grad school without a considerable amount of tears, rage, and near-nervous breakdowns. Still, I completed the degree and expanded my knowledge of English literature. Looking back, I think I may have been too sensitive to the negative feedback I received time and again, but that just goes to show that grad school isn’t for everyone. If you are planning on moving on, I suggest you grow a thick skin and check your ego at the door.