Here they are: the 3 biggest don’ts of having The Talk:

1. Don’t try and break the ice via text. There’s nothing more impersonal than trying to have a serious conversation via text message. In person is your best bet.

2. Don’t decide to have the talk during game 5 of the NBA Finals. I guarantee you won’t get the response you’re hoping for.

3. Don’t ask your Facebook friends for advice. I’m serious, social networks could end your relationship before it even begins. You have been warned!

While I’ve covered the three biggest don’ts, my guess is that at this point, you’re still completely lost about what you should do. While I can’t give you any more advice (I’ve pulled a lot more don’ts in my years, than do’s) you can definitely find some more sound advice on the do’s and don’ts of having the talk here.

Good luck!

I am a complete technology addict.

Receiving a text message gives me a blissful, momentary high.  A day without access to the internet is a sad day.  If a couple of days go by and I haven’t signed onto Facebook (like that ever happens), I get antsy and feel out of the loop. This loathsome habit isn’t exactly an insightful revelation that came from deep soul searching or a problem unique to myself. Because, let’s be honest – you, dear reader, are probably just as addicted as I am.

I mean sure, anyone who’s seen a few episodes of Intervention knows there are far worse things to be addicted to and I’m not harming other people by logging onto Facebook five times every day.  I’m not even sure I am hurting myself.

What I do know is that our addiction can interfere with the quality of interpersonal interactions, focus in class, and other activities deserving of one’s undivided attention.

This is a day in my life:
I go to class and at least half of the people in attendance are not paying attention to the lecture.  They are either a) texting, b) shopping online, or c) on Facebook.
I go on a date and my date begins randomly texting somebody while pretending to listen to me at the same time. Annoying!
Even this past Thanksgiving my fourteen-year-old cousin was playing videogames on her iPhone at the dinner table.

It’s like everyone is perpetually bored and needs to use technology to alleviate themselves from their sorry state of boredom.

As finals and the holiday season are upon us, why not put in the effort to disengage and take a vacation from technology.  You might do better on your exams and can reconnect with yourself, your family and friends.  It would be hard to imagine going completely cold-turkey on technology (it was hard enough for one CollegeCandy writer to go cold-turkey on Facebook!), and after all, technology does have its merits, but with a few simple modifications, you might find the holiday season to be that much richer. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Host tech free gatherings. Invite the girls over for a movie night or old-school sleepover, but inform them ahead of time that cell phones are persona non grata. You can even offer a “tech check” where your BFFs can check their phones at the door and claim them once the night is over. Talk about bonding time!

2. Make exercise a time to connect with yourself and leave the distractions and stress of your every day behind. Create motivating playlists with your favorite music to keep you focused and pumped during your workouts, but leave gadgets that connect you to the outside world inside your locker. You’ll focus more on your workout and even give yourself some much needed time with your thoughts.

3. Implement a “tech curfew.” Let your friends and family know that at a certain time, you will not be available. Establish that time and turn off your technology. Without chimes and reminders that you have mail, a text message and constant Facebook updates that pull for a response, you will claim a lot of extra time for yourself and perhaps reconnect with something called relaxation.

4. Tech charge time. Leave the house willingly without any form of technology. At first you may be uncomfortable with how naked you feel as you re-experience everyday activities without your phone, but after the initial shock you will be surprised at how liberating it is to NOT be accessible.

With the holiday season approaching, it is the perfect time to reconnect with family and enjoy some time to ourselves. Our Digital Self needs a break too, so why don’t you and I turn off our BlackBerrys, Droids, and iPhones and tune into opportunities to be tech free-not all the time, but enough to feel a nice change.

Apparently ridiculous college courses are the new trend on campuses all over the world.  I’d go so far as to call them “unnecessary,” but the 440 people who just enrolled in Potsdam University’s e-mail flirtation class would beat down my door (or fill my inbox…) in disagreement.  Yes, you read that right- one German university is actually offering a master’s course on how to flirt via modern technology.  It promises to give you the skills to “get someone else’s heart beating fast while yours stays calm.”

At first glance, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard; seriously, a class that teaches nerds to be better sexters?  But really, it’s probably going to be really helpful to some of these people.  Everyone deserves to know how to drop a well-placed “Did U know I used 2 be a gymnast?” or a “Miss ur face, come get in my bed.”

Of course, this got me to thinking; what are some other quirky classes that college students actually need?  (I mean, beyond all that Astronomy…tooootally going to use that one day!)

The Kitchen Beyond Ramen

I’m not talking three days a week learning how to create the perfect gazpacho; rather an overview of the basics.  This is what a tablespoon of sugar looks like, note it is significantly smaller than a cup.  Here is how you hard-boil an egg, and yes we keep the shell on for the boiling process.  Your final would be an open-ended challenge to create a balanced three-course dinner; the catch being that cereal could not be incorporated in any way.

Texting for Dummies (also see: Put the Phone Down 101)

I know you’ve been there.  Walking to class behind someone who just has to recount every excruciating detail of last night through a text message the length of a Great American Novel.  They walk slowly down the center of the brick walkway, tripping here and there.  Between glancing at your watch and trying to cut around the moron, you’re half waiting for her to go down like a Jenga tower and take out that pack of unsuspecting freshmen.  While it’s completely the norm to be “pro-text”, this class will show you how to be “anti-pain-in-the-ass” while your thumbs type away.  First lesson: just pull off sidewalk and find a bench.

Navigating the One Night Stand
(First year requirement)

You’re lying awake.  He’s right there next to you, eyes closed, drooling on your favorite pillow.  He has to leave.  Now.  Do you get out of bed and start making noise around the room, hoping he’ll get the hint?  Do you poke him?  Maybe you just put on your best bitch-face and tell him to get out.  Bottom line: there’s no easy way to navigate the morning after, especially when you’ve got a headache the size of a bottomless Long Island pitcher.  Perhaps if there were some ground rules, ones that were universally acknowledged and actually respected, the awkward moments would be few and far between.

Beer Pong (see also: Beirut Is Not Just a City)

Few things beat the feeling of landing that little ping-pong ball in a red solo cup five feet away, especially when you’re playing against some seriously hot guys.  Sad thing is, for most of us those moments are rare- like finding shooting stars and comets and J.Crew outlets.  Sure, you can throw a ball in a cup when it’s just you and your roommates playing on the back deck.  But mix in some nerves and a strapless dress, however, and…err…can someone hold my top up while I try to sink this shot?  Everyone needs a class to teach them how to tackle depth perception, high-pressure situations, and Natty Light buzzes.

One of the best parts of summer is how it changes the dating game, hands down. Instead of having to desperately duck into a random cafe so you two don’t become walking icicles, or having to cut your date short because of that research paper that you should have started, you know, yesterday, you can spend hours at an outdoor fair! Or spend the day playing some fun outdoor sport! Or even take long, leisurely walks on the beach at night.

No, seriously, I’m in Miami and people do that. Delightful, right?

All the benefits of dating in summer are great for another reason: my friends have tons of hilarious stories to tell me! Which got me thinking…

Would You Rather go to the bathroom at the end of an amazing date and realize your nipple had been showing the whole time thanks to your new low cut top OR realize you sent your fantastic date a text, meant for your best friend, describing all the graphic things you wanted to do to him?

Things to Consider: Janet Jackson-style repercussions, how dirty your thoughts get after a few drinks, visible evidence Mr. Date Man can show his friends.

Vote and tell the world why below!

[There are over 100 million sites on the Internet. 100 million! You might think you know about all the important ones (CollegeCandy, Gmail, Google, Zappos…), but there are thousands of other sweet sites out there (like Party School Texts, Daily Burn and Musicovery) and more showing up every day! We get it – it’s not easy or fun sifting through the crap and porn to find those gems, so we’re gonna bring the gems to you. Just sit back, kick up those feet and allow us to introduce you to the diamonds in the internet rough.]

Life can be pretty overwhelming sometimes: balancing classes, a job, and social life can sometimes be too much for one person. I know it gets hard for me to remember all that I have to do—especially schoolwork.  I have a regular planner that I carry around in my purse to help keep me organized, but I don’t always remember to look at it every day when I get home, which means sometimes I forget about a reading assignment or worse, a test… which doesn’t really help my G.P.A.  I know I need a better way to organize my schoolwork, but I haven’t found a way that works for me yet.

A few years ago, Andrew Schaper was a high school student with the same organization problems I have.  In order to solve these problems, he created Soshiku, a website that helps you manage and keep track of all your school assignments.

It couldn’t be any simpler to start getting organized.  First, register for a free account on the site.  Once you do that, you can log in, set up all the courses you’re currently taking and add assignments for each.  Every time you log in, you’ll be directed to your personalized homepage that displays all the assignments you have due that day, the next day, and in the coming week, as well as a calendar highlighting the days you have projects due.  You can add notes or upload files to each assignment as well, which helps you stay organized by keeping all your work in one place.

Soshiku’s most useful feature, however, is the option to set up e-mail or text message reminders of the projects you have due at the particular intervals you set (such as the day it’s due or a few days before).  How awesome is that? I mean, you may not check your planner every day, but I can guarantee you’ll check your phone.

You can also upload projects to your account via text message or e-mail so you can add them as soon as your professors assign them, which means less chance of forgetting about them.  There’s also an option to share an assignment with other users and assign tasks, which makes organizing group projects a breeze.

Thanks to Soshiku, it’s now practically impossible to forget you have a test or project due (unless for some reason you decide to ignore your texts and e-mails).  Using Soshiku will help even the most organizationally challenged change their ways!

Oh no he didn't.

Ah, getting dumped- we’ve all been there, and it’s not pretty. Whether it was a long-term, serious relationship or a fling in which the end was inevitable, getting broken up with sucks. A lot.  But even more pathetic than the subsequent week spent downing ice cream, getting incoherently drunk off boxed wine, and sobbing to your friends (“I did everythinggggg for him!”), is the way in which some dudes choose to perform the dumping.

So, I present to you, the 5 douchiest ways to get dumped. If your guy did any of these, take heart, because he obvi wasn’t worth your time in the first place. In fact, this turd isn’t worth anyone’s time, so put down the woe-is-me shots and move on, woman. You deserve better. And trust me – there’s a lot of better out there.

5. Via Text/AIM
Texting is a primary form of communication for college students, but when you’re sharing a bed on the reg, a face-to-face conversation is necessary.  Texts are meant for booty calls and talking during class, not for ending a relationship. “Dnt think we r wrking out. C U L8r.” is NOT proper breakup etiquette.

4. The Facebook relationship-status change
For all those a-holes who change their relationship status from”In a Relationship” to “Single” with absolutely no warning, this is just humiliating. It quickly shows up on the news feed of everyone you know, and the “OMG!” calls and texts start rolling in before you have even logged in for your first FB sesh of the day. This is more of an ambush than a civilized split, and the only thing worse is if it’s accompanied by an unfriending. Jerk.

3. The fade-out
Slowly but surely, he calls and texts less often and he doesn’t want to hang out as much. When you two are together, he treats you like crap. This loser is too chicken to tell you he’s not interested, so his plan is to gradually create distance until you’re unhappy and decide to do the dumping. Brilliant.

2. The third-party
The last thing a respectable girl needs is her boyfriend’s dumb-ass roommate/frat bro coming up to them and doing the dumping. “Uh so, Rob said he’s really sorry but uh, I think he wants to see other people and stuff.” Even worse if the friend orchestrates the breakup over #5. Give your ex a nice big slap in the face for this (if you ever see him in person again).

1. This third-party
Really!? A guy that makes a living off other people’s misery!? Whose actual profession is making people cry!? I can now say that I’ve seen it all. I don’t know who the bigger douche is, this guy or the guy who would pay him ten bucks to dump his girlfriend. If this happens to you, I condone any and all forms of revenge you can think of (preferably involving public humiliation).

WTF does that mean?

Like any CollegeCandy girl, I am never far away from my cell phone. And if I’m not on my phone, I’m on my computer. And sometimes I’m on both at the same time. While watching TV. I’m a technology addict, but who isn’t? Cell phones, wireless Internet and text messaging have made our lives so much easier to live.

Except, of course, when it comes to dating.

Back in the olden days, like 1990, guys had to actually call you to ask you out. And it’s not like they could just call your cell and leave a VM; they would actually have to call a land line and possibly brave talking to a roommate or parent just to get to you. (Oh the horror!) Courting girls took a lot of work and if a guy was willing to go to such great lengths to get in touch with a girl, it was pretty easy to see he was into her. But not anymore. It seems like a distant concept to us, but the constant communication available because of the wonders of modern technology has further complicated what was already a confusing world of dating.

Getting In Touch:

What does it mean when a boy texts me? And is that different if that “What’s up?” text comes in the middle of a Tuesday versus after midnight on a Saturday? What about when he Facebook-chats me and says he wants to buy me a drink next time I see him? What if he pokes me? Comments on my status? Uses a winky smiley face in an IM? Retweets my tweet??

Which one of those means he likes me and which means he’s just trying to get in my pants? And is one more committal than the other? I mean, if a guy sends me a message on Facebook asking me what I’m up to that weekend, is that more or less serious than if he sent it to me in a text?

It has been established by one of my wiser girlfriends that if a boy is to call you without any particular reason, you can be fairly certain that he likes you. But does that same theory apply to texts/Facebook messages/drunk dials?

What Does he Mean?

Obviously, it’s a whole lot easier to flirt with someone or put yourself out there when you don’t have to look that person in the eye (you know you’ve been there), but not being face to face leaves a lot of room for mis-communication. Emotion or even sarcasm can easily get lost when texting someone you don’t know super well and kill a relationship before it even has a chance to start. My friend was recently FB messaging with a guy she met at a party. After going back and forth for days with some playful banter she told a guy to ‘f*ck off’ as a joking response… and never heard from him again. She knew it was a joke. Anyone who knows her knows it was a joke. But because this guy couldn’t hear the tone in her voice, he had no idea it was a joke and they both missed out on something potentially great.

Being single in this technological world is hard. It’s difficult enough to try and figure out what a boy is thinking in person, but analyzing all these different kinds of communication to try and understand is just exhausting. Who knew 5 little words in a text message could take so much out of you??

While I will always be dependent on my phone, sometimes I wonder if dating wasn’t a bit simpler and less confusing in the old days. Not that I have much time to ponder such things; I’m too busy wondering if the boy who “liked” my Facebook likes me too.

While I will never deny that my cell phone has allowed me the opportunity to amuse myself during a boring class, I understand that there is a time and a place for texting.  Please learn when it is appropriate to have a relationship solely with your keyboard.  In case you need some help, I have given some strict guidelines below.  Adhere to them or you will end up friendless. For real.

During a Broadway show: Whoever says that the little light from a cell phone in a darkened theater is not distracting to other people around them is LYING. Broadway tickets cost over $100, and it is never okay to distract an audience from someone’s beautiful voice with your clicky texting sounds. Furthermore, in small theaters the actors can see you texting. You can’t get much ruder than that.

During a movie: While significantly less expensive than most live theater, the continuous “click click click” sound and the cell phone light make me want to take my $12 Diet Coke and dump it all over you.

As an excuse not to call: While a couple of text messages are always appreciated, they do not replace a conversation. If you have a story to tell, don’t text it; pick up the phone and call.  It’s not that loving texts and cute stories are not appreciated, but it shows a lot more effort and care to have a ten minute phone conversation than to exchange 30 texts and have everyone around cringe at the endless vibrations.

Repeatedly during dinner: Maybe it is just that my mother forbade me from text messaging during the first two years of my cell phone’s existence, but I don’t think that when you are sitting down to a meal you should be staring down at your lap at your phone.  Are family dinners no longer sacred?

When you are with other people:  This is even truer when it is just you and one or two friends hanging out and you can’t just disappear in a corner for a little while. The best thing to do is to shoot of one text saying “With friends, ttyl,” so that your electronic friend knows you are not ignoring them but doesn’t suddenly expect you to sit there texting the whole night.

People always tell me that it’s rude to not answering text messages, but if something is really important, then it should be spoken, not communicated in a way that requires emoticons.  Please adhere to these rules so that we can all live in a world where face-to-face communication in still valued.

Thank you.

"So....maybe we could go out sometime?"

Sometimes I like to think I’m David Letterman, only with better teeth and less wrinkles. So, every week I write a top ten list of things that are super duper relevant and important. Like staying sober…and those celebs we love to hate.

This week, I’m breakin’ it down for the boys out there. Myself, and many CollegeCandies are not big fans of He’s Just Not That Into You. I do think the book has some valid points, but it’s way too over the top. So I’ve decided to write a rebuttal and tackle the ten signs that She’s Just Not That Into You.

Guys, take note!

10. She stops texting back.
No, my phone isn’t off. It’s never off. I mean, how else would I get Facebook updates 24/7? Not to mention my solitaire addiction. Unless you’re with a girl who doesn’t have a texting plan, she got your text message. If a girl likes you she will answer your text message, guaranteed. She also spent a good twenty minutes thinking up her forty character response.

If she’s just not that into you? You’ll get no response or “lol yeah” for an answer. For the record? “Lol yeah” is the kiss of death, homeboy. Please don’t text three times back to back. It’s desperate. No, I don’t want to hang out with you, and NO I don’t really have a boyfriend – I just said that because I didn’t want to tell you the harsh truth: you’re a straight up creeper and you’re in my address book as “Weirdo Scumbag.” Get the hint.

9. She avoids physical contact at all costs.
PDA is gross. Hand holding can be stupid. If we are rejecting even kisses on the cheek or flinch when your leg brushes against us? Yeah, it’s hairy and kinda gross, but there’s something more: you’re in the “friend zone.” 

8. She’s. Not. Amused.
If we like you, no matter how stupid and corny your jokes are, we’ll laugh. Oh yeah, we will. Even if we just giggle and say, “that’s cheesy,” girls will still make a point to smile, even at the corniest of jokes.
EXAMPLE:
Boy-toy: How do you keep a rhinocerous from charging?
Girl: I don’t know, how?
Boy-toy: You take away his credit card!
Girl (over-enthusiastically): HAHAHA omigod you have such a good sense of humor!
Boy-toy (thinking): I know, right? Ugh I am the MAN! That joke is effin’ hilarious!

7. She talks about other cute boys, crushes and dates in front of you.
No brainer. Enjoy hearing, “No, he’s just my good friend.”

6. You don’t know if her family/friends like you.

Here are some tip-offs:

- She hasn’t introduced you to her circle of friends or family.
- She hasn’t brought you home.
- She doesn’t talk about you to her mom.
- She doesn’t talk about you to anyone.
- Even her beloved pekingese puppy (who she tells everything to) hasn’t heard your name.

She’s just not that into you. Neither is her fluffy pooch.

5. She doesn’t freak out about things.
You’re going out with another girl. Go ahead! You think her best friend’s hot? She asks if you want her number. You didn’t call her back because you thought you were playing “hard to get”? She doesn’t even mention it. Didn’t remember her birthday? Big deal, it’s just a birthday. You blew her off last minute for a formal? Awesome, because you were the fifth person she asked and that hottie in Chem 101 just became available. You’re a last resort, sorry!

4. She talks openly about bodily functions.
She doesn’t try and cover up the nasty noises that come out of her after eating too many two dollar tacos. She challenges you to burping contests. You’re more familiar with her digestive tract than your own. Gross. She’s not that into you….but she should be into some Pepto-bismol.

3. She’s got a boyfriend/fiancée/husband/ex that she’s sleeping with.
She’s attached. Odds are high that she won’t dump Mr. Whoever for you. She might even be lying about a boyfriend to get rid of you. Not that I’ve used that line before… or like… this morning. Oops.

2. She’s really busy with school/work/feeding her goldfish.
If a girl likes you, she will always make the time for you, every damn day. There is not one single chica on this planet who can’t carve out a measly five minutes of her day to contact you in some shape or form. You deserve better, don’t be last on her “to-do list” right under “re-organize all the Tupperware in my apt.”

1. She doesn’t Facebook you back.
Might sound stupid, but this is HUGE. With the way technology is today, Facebook is as available to everyone as text messaging. Not to mention, girls LOVE Facebook. If she can take the time to become a fan of Brody Jenner, she can take the time to write on your wall, message you back or poke you in a timely manner. And if she hearts you, she will want everyone on FB to know.

As July creeps closer in my archaic paper day planner (no, I don’t have a Blackberry, okay!?), I am getting ever more excited for one glorious event: The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.  Nothing beats watching a ripped hottie (Japanese hottie, no less) scarfing dogs like he’s on death row.  I, unfortunately, can only handle a maximum of three hot dogs (and that was on a bet…which I lost) and have no six pack.

Apparently, there is another awesome summer competition that I might actually have a chance at: the National Texting Championships.  Tasks include texting while blindfolded (uh, sleep/drunk texting basically – done deal) and texting while maneuvering through a moving obstacle course (texting while walking – done deal).  The most awesome part about this competition is the winner gets a free phone AND $50,000!  If only I had known about this before!

I wonder how many other random contests there are out there…?  Because I may not be the best at eating hot dogs or texting, but I am good at some things.  I’m good at watching hours and hours of TV online without taking a break for basic human necessities (food? bah. bathroom? whatevs.) and combining weird things for meals (mashed potatoes and french toast for lunch, anyone?).  I’m also quite good at Googling terms that provide the grossest of gross images (it’s a gift).

Now, all I have to do is wait for the day when someone decides to make a competition for these activites and reward me (a bedpan? Cookbook? Therapy?) for being so awesome.

[Photo courtesy of The Daily Mail]