Since I go to school in New York City, I walk about five blocks on the city streets to get to class every morning. And let me tell you, it’s dangerous out there. No, not because of muggings. Because of all the people who text and walk! Recently, the New York Times ran an article along with a funny short film about the dangers of texting and walking. Oops, guilty as charged. Their solution? Stand out of the way with your back to the wall if you need to send a text. This is a great start, but there are a few more things you should remember when texting… Read More »

It’s the same story with all of us. You meet a great guy, he seems perfect and then WHAM, he does something that makes your skin crawl. And while some turn offs are universal (negativity, bad in bed, the dude straight-up smells), some hold more weight than others. Below is my personal (and lengthy) list of turn offs.

Stank breath– I wouldn’t make out with a shoe….sooo…yea, go brush your teeth. And Floss.

Chomping– This is a personal turnoff of mine! I can’t handle when people chomp their food, that’s an instant deal breaker.

“Texas…Fight!” – In the midst of getting it on, an old flame once sat up and yelled, “TEXAS!” …So I sat up and said, “…Fight?” I get that you love UT but really? Interrupting the mood to chant TEXAS FIGHT is a definite no-no.

Dick Slap– Hey, I’m right there with every other girl who loves Jason Segal! But unless you’re starring in a Mila Kunis movie, please spare me the sight of your junk swinging back and forth, making slapping noises against your thighs.

Too big- I want to enjoy sex…not feel like you’re piercing my insides.

Too small– Wait, I said I want to enjoy sex, right? Read More »

Dear Obnoxious Phone Users of the World:

While I will never deny that my cell phone has allowed me the opportunity to amuse myself during a boring class, I understand that there is a time and a place for texting.  Please learn when it is appropriate to have a relationship solely with your keyboard.  In case you need some help, I have given some strict guidelines below.  Adhere to them or you will end up friendless. For real.

During a Broadway show: Whoever says that the little light from a cell phone in a darkened theater is not distracting to other people around them is LYING. Broadway tickets cost over $100, and it is never okay to distract an audience from someone’s beautiful voice with your clicky texting sounds. Furthermore, in small theaters the actors can see you texting. You can’t get much ruder than that.

During a movie: While significantly less expensive than most live theater, the continuous “click click click” sound and the cell phone light make me want to take my $12 Diet Coke and dump it all over you.

As an excuse not to call: While a couple of text messages are always appreciated, they do not replace a conversation. If you have a story to tell, don’t text it; pick up the phone and call.  It’s not that loving texts and cute stories are not appreciated, but it shows a lot more effort and care to have a ten minute phone conversation than to exchange 30 texts and have everyone around cringe at the endless vibrations. Read More »

One of my esteemed colleagues wrote a great piece on texting etiquette. I recently wrote a biting piece about Papa Joe. This piece is about etiquette, too. After reading my Papa Joe piece (hopefully they read it in its entirety), a commentator, named ‘Haha,’ quipped, “you’re just a jealous peon,” to which I replied (in two posts) “nope, Haha, sure ain’t . . . I’m glad [the Simpsons are] rich. That’s great for them. But their father is a tool. Oh, one other thing . . . I LOVE the word peon. It’s great fun, conjures up great images . . . thanks!”

First, I do love the word peon. It’s nasty. It’s blunt. It’s cutting. People don’t use the word peon a lot, so I liked the reminder that the word peon exists. Reminds me of my old father (he’s a judge). He calls people peons and ninnies all the time – those words are funny, and I always chuckle when he coughs them up. BUT I digress (you’re probably getting used to that).

Now some of my fellow bloggers might wonder why I waste my time responding to remarks, whether good or bad, and why I’m even bothering to write this piece. Well, first off, I wish to thank Haha for inspiring me to do so. Because I’ve spent a lot of time (yes, it’s true) thinking about internet etiquette, how people are quick to insult (yes, I’m just as guilty, stirrin’ up crap, criticizing Mr. Simpson, etc.), name-calling, and even verbally terrorizing others on web posts. Read More »