Before I go into the boring details of the past week in Ashley Hebert’s life, let me start off with this: Bentley came back to re-dump Ashley on a canary yellow couch. And let me tell you, it is worth watching again, and again and again. Especially the part when Ashley says, “So this is our period. Be a man and admit that it’s a period. Put it there.” …yes they referred to their, wait for it, “relationship” in punctuations.

Other than that exciting 20 minute reality t.v. break up, the rest of the hour and 40 minute show was just one dull date after another. Well, with the exception of Constantine and Ben F. dressing up in red robes chanting “idiot” in Chinese  while losing in a dragon boat race.  Other important details you ask? Lucas and JP both got one-on-one dates, apparently JP’s name is Jordan Paul (what?!), Mickey left (literally peaced out before the rose ceremony) and Ash sent Blake home. I’m not going to lie to you, I was kind of excited to see the awkward dentist go home after he cornered Ashley during the cocktail party and attacked her for falling for Bentley. (Yes, I know I do that every week…but I’m not trying to date her.)

Leading me to the real meat of this episode:  Oh wow, you’re in a short dress and crying again…or 10 reasons to not date Ashley.

Cries…all the time: In basically every episode she has cried. These aren’t tears of joy, these are sobs with a word between each huff of breath she can manage to squeak out. Look, I realize being on a reality t.v. show is stressful, and having people pay for you to travel around the world is complicated…but come on! Suck it up for at least ONE episode!

Lacks balls:  Why do the guys have to decide whether they stay or leave? Pretty sure that’s your job Ash. I mean you do have the roses and a brain to decide if someone is stringing you along and messing with your head. Oh wait a second…

She’s not Emily…just kidding (that was for you Bentley)

Dangerous Dater: ( i.e. potentially getting a concussion and not getting any love for it) Dating Ashley is a dangerous sport emotionally, but as this season is showing it’s also a risk physically. Who chooses boxing as a date activity? Not to mention a boxing match where you have to beat another guy..not even Ashley!

Still hung up on Bentley: She claims she is over him…but still can not stop talking about him, crying over him, thinking about him. DUDE, you knew him for two weeks.

Bangs of Sadness: Girlfriend needs to get rid of those things ASAP!

Compares relationships to different punctuations: 30 minutes of my life was wasted listening to her and Bentley debate over whether their relationship was an ellipses or a period. Or they could’ve just realized that they weren’t ever in a relationship to begin with. Oh Ash, I really think you just need a hug.

Selfish (her words not mine):  She said it herself during the rose ceremony. The she was selfish for telling the guys all about her mad mad love for Bentley.

Needy: “Come close to me, Hug me, Love me”…blah blah blah

She talks to her dog in a voice the rivals the annoyingness of the Nanny and Gilbert Godfrey combined : ’nuff said.

Next stop the hidden jewel of Asia, Taiwan.  What we’re looking forward to:  Giant lanterns, slow Taiwan dancing, and no more Bentley!

So Ladies (and Gentleman) what did you think? Did Bentley and Ashley’s punctuation make you want to pull out your hair? Do you think Ames’ is an awkwardly loud kisser too?  And just how stinkin’ cute is JP?!

Continuing with the theme of whining about Bentley’s departure, and by that I mean new beginnings, Ashley and her crew flew to Chiang Mai . I’m not sure if it was the heat, the punches to the head or random Thai men jumping in the water, but this was by far one of the most awkward episodes.

Also, ABC promised me that I would get some good ol’ Bentley drams going down…they lied. They lied big time..instead they left us with a “dot dot dot” and a week to think about what will happen. Will the men all leave Ashley? Will Ashley be shown the footage? Will Bentley’s hair look okay when he makes Ashley cry again? …so many gosh darn questions!

Let’s get down to business now, shall we?

Best Awkward Moments:

-Ashley saying Rawr.

-The entire time Ben F. and Ashley were sitting in front of the temple. Half seeming like they wanted to kiss and half seem like they both had major stomach pains.

-Ben F. wanting to be a sugar daddy, and Ashley wanting to be a sugar baby. (I’m not sure of the specific terminology here, but I think you get the point).

-Ames introducing himself to the little boxing Thai guy “Me Ames, me no fight” or something like that.

-Mickey exclaiming, “He got his bell rung,” when talking about Ames. (…So Mickey wants to ring Ames’ bell?)

-”Who has two thumbs and is going to win the rose on this one,” long pause “this guy” -William (Pretty sure everyone watching just hung their head for the poor guy.)

-Ashley’s walk. This episode it seemed that she had to rush to the bathroom every time she stepped on to set.

-Lucas teaching Ashley how to golf. Honestly it just shouldn’t be done in heels and a short dress.

-William talking enthusiastically about how he is a man-boy, while Ashley looks like she is constipated/about to hit him in the head just to get him to shut up.

-Ben C. playing the piano while William lies on a couch looking like he would rather drink rat poison then be there.

Other notable mentions: 

-On the two-on-one date, William told Ashley that Ben C. wanted to leave so he could go try online dating. Because online dating is clearly the next best thing to being in Thailand on a reality TV show. Just sayin’. But then, it got better…because Ben C. denied it and Ashley still sent him home. How did he leave you ask? He was put on a raft by two men and floated away into the night with them…never to be seen or heard from again. (Okay, well maybe that last part is made up.)

-Ashley throwing a rose into the fire (similar to mask man throwing his mask in the fire…maybe they would’ve been a perfect match) and then going on to say, “If I don’t get closure with Bentley, I might end up alone.” Really? You’re going to let that douchelord destroy your only shot at real love? (…because The Bachelorette is obviously Ashley’s only shot at finding real love.)

-On a sad note, my favorite ball of wax got a mild concussion. After having a bloody nose, blood-shot eyes and a dazed look on his face, Ames was rushed to the Thai hospital. Did Ash go with him? No. Did he get the group date rose? No. Waxey suffered a head injury for you and you can’t even give him a rose magnet?

Elimination:

Nick, Ben C. and William leave. (Hey Nick, if you’re still free, I’m still lookin’… )

Next Stop:

Hong Kong. Ashley gets to confront Bentley, and the guys get mad because it’s a douche move on her part.

I guess it’s all just one big “dot dot dot.”

What did you think of Ames’ wax bell getting rung? How did William go from being so freakin’ cute to so effing annoying? Who else was so excited to see JP “the little Jew from Long Island” win that boxing match!? Leave your thought below. Until next time, ladies…

This week our gang of misfit toys journey to Thailand. If free vacations aren’t enough incentive to sign up for this show I don’t know what is. This week’s theme seemed to be “Starting Over” …although girlfriend had a rough time forgetting about Bentley’s charade last week. Every time the camera was on Ash (in the fake confessional footage) she was stressing about how she doesn’t want to put her all into it again if someone is just going to pull a Bentley, she then goes on to mention his name about 100 more times during the next two hours.  It’s a little sad to watch my favorite little dentist struggle again, at least she isn’t whining to the guys asking if they like her…oh wait.

So Ash wasn’t the only one starting over this week, Thailand proved to be a fresh start for all:

1. During Constantine’s one on one he explains to Ashley that this is the new him. Basically he’s had commitment issues in the past so clearly  being on a reality t.v. show is the fresh start that anyone with commitment issues hopes for. Regardless, their date was cute and showed they could both have fun just going with the flow.

2. Ames apparently was going to go home on his one on one date with Ash, until she realized he was more than a reheated ball of wax and actually (surprise) has a lot in common with her. And I hate to say it, but after seeing him in action he’s kind of moving up in the ranks. So technically his one on one day was a total fresh start with Ashley.

3. The orphans in Baan San Fan orphanage, which houses some of the children who lost their parents in the 2004 tsunami, got a fresh start this week thanks to Ash’s group date guys. On their group date this week, they redid the orphanage supplying new mattresses, toys, bikes and provided a fresh start for some amazing kids. Not going to lie it pulled at my icy heart-strings a bit.

4. Since our favorite Masked Man was forced out last week the gang had to start over and find someone new to pick on. And that someone is Ryan P. For good reason too, with ABC’s selective editing we see just how annoying one person can be on t.v. PLUS wanna be Schuester stole Ashley just as she was about to give out the rose on the group date, you would think he would have something important to say right? Nope, just that he enjoys talking with her, joke was on him though because our lady gave the rose to Ben F.

5. West went home, so it truly was a fresh start/new beginning. After being with those fellas for a month boyfriend gets to go back to his empty house having some new reality t.v. dating experience under his belt.

And just a little movie magic:

During the group date JP and Ash snuck away giving him the perfect chance for a romantic kiss on the beach in the rain…you can’t write this stuff! He also, passively, expressed to the little lady that he was a little concerned about his standing. But Ash reassured him that their magical kisses weren’t going anywhere. On a side note, it seems like JP is the new Ashley…aka Whiny and always needing reassurance.

Deadly protests and rioting over these increasing costs are occurring throughout Africa and Asia.

In Haiti, where 80% of the population survives on less than $2 a day, mass demonstrations turned deadly. Rioting in Les Cayes killed 4 and wounded at least 20. A few days later Haitians attempted to storm the presidential palace in Port-au- Prince shouting “We are hungry!”

In Egypt, where over 33% of the population live on around $2 a day, police took over a textiles plant to prevent a widespread strike over rising food costs. The military has been enlisted to bake bread to curb the growing anger.

In Morocco, 60 demonstrators allegedly died during riots in January.

In normally peaceful Senegal, riot police resorted to tear gas, violence, and intimidation to quell demonstrations last month.

In Thailand, supermarkets closely regulate the amount of rice each shopper may purchase.

The growing violence and desperation prompted UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon to call upon the international community “to take urgent and concerted action in order to avoid the larger political and security implications of this growing crisis.”

The UN World Food Programme (WFP) projects that it needs an additional $755 million to continue its existing operations.

President Bush responded by releasing $200 million in emergency aid from the Bill Emerson Humanitarian Trust to help those nations in crisis.

At the same time, French President Sarkozy pledged to double France’s contribution to food aid.

The World Bank has said that it will double it’s agricultural lending within Africa—from $400 million to $800 million.

Time is running out—especially for small children.

The New York Times recounts a heart-wrenching spectacle in Haiti, where Placide Simone, a 29-year-old mother of five stopped a passing stranger in her desperation to save her starving children. Motioning to them she said, “Take one. You pick. Just feed them.”

Worldwide, five million children under five die each year as a result of malnutrition. The current food crisis can only increase that number.

You can help!

Click to Give on the hunger site—they send 100% ad money generated through users’ “clicks” to charity food programs. Turn your aimless browsing time into ‘clicks to give’.

Support the UN’s World Food Program—the “frontline agency in the fight against global hunger”

Volunteer with Doctors Without Borders—a group dedicated to saving lives in poverty-stricken regions.

Ironically, this torch relay was supposed to be the largest in Olympic history—a showcase of international cooperation and sport. Instead, it has become a testament to international outrage over China’s human rights abuses, especially over Tibet.

March 31: A huge carefully scripted ceremony at Beijing’s Tiananmen Square sent the torch off across the globe

April 3: In Istanbul, Turkey, the Uighur expat community staged demonstrations against Chinese persecution of their “brother” expats in Xinjiang. In February 2007, for example, an Uigur activist named Ismail Semed, was executed on the shaky grounds of attempting to “split the motherland” and possessing explosives.

April 6: Massive clashes occurred between Free Tibet protesters and police during the London relay. Thirty-seven protesters were arrested including a man who tried to snatch the torch away from one of the runners. Another tried to put out the torch with a fire extinguisher.

April 7: In Paris, massive protests forced organizers to cancel the final third of the relay—transporting the flame by bus to the end point. Activists succeeded in hanging Tibetan flags and black banners from the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame.

April 9: In San Francisco, thousands of protesters—both Chinese Americans supporting the games and human rights activists–surrounded the torch. Fearing violence, officials cut the planned route in half and changed it—meaning that at several points runners were waiving to near-empty streets.

The Buenos Aires, Argentina relay on April 11th and in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania on April 13th were comparatively peaceful and well managed.

April 16: In Islamabad, Pakistan, the relay was moved from the streets to a local stadium open solely to officials and invited guests.

April 18: In India, officials sealed off the huge city of New Delhi hours before the relay and arrested 276 protesters in an effort to protect the event. Heavy security surrounded the runners turning the traditionally celebratory event into a fairly dismal occasion.

April 19: The relay route was comparatively quite in Bangkok, Thailand thanks to the official warning that Tibetan exiles who disrupted the proceedings would be deported.

On Monday, April 21, the torch will travel through Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and then Jakarta, Indonesia on April 22. The torch will then travel through Canberra, Australia on April 24th where anxious officials have been mapping out security precautions since the first signs of unrest in Europe. They have erected steel fences along the 12.4-mile relay route.

On May 4th the Everest part of the relay will commence with the relay going up the Nepal side and down the north face into Tibet. Nepalese soldiers have been given permission to use any force necessary—including firing shots– to prevent protesters from stopping the relay.

Stay tuned for further updates.

If you live in Thailand and feel a little embarrassed about buying condoms, just take out a home loan.

Kasikorn Bank recently launched a “condoms for confidence” campaign at around 60 branches in Thailand, hoping free prophylactics will help raise awareness of HIV/AIDS in the “generally conservative” country.

An unidentified bank spokesman explained the thinking behind “condoms for confidence” was the revival of a government awareness campaign that has “fizzled out”, leaving many Thai teenagers in the dark about sexual awareness.

Even though reported cases of HIV have dropped drastically in Thailand since the early 90′s, the health ministry is worried that a lack of education and a general embarrassment over buying condoms has increased the number of teenage patients.

“A Health Ministry-commissioned survey last year showed 48 percent of 5,712 male high school students used condoms” and “about 43 percent of 7,712 female high school students said their sex partners used condoms.”

It’s admirable that a bank has decided to teach its country’s youth about Sex Ed, but if we’re worried about embarrassment factors here, reaching into a bowl and grabbing a few condoms while your checks are being cashed isn’t the most covert thing a person can do.

I can’t even take those Hershey’s Kisses they leave out without feeling weird.