Dear Celebrities who Haven’t Released a Sex Tape,

Thank you very much for not doing that. I know some of you have probably made one or several sex tapes with your husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends and wives, and I respect the fact that you have chosen not to release these tapes and make money off of them. Maybe you want to keep your private live private, or maybe you don’t want people saying you’re “that actress with a sex tape.” Whatever the reason, you will always be able to say your movies are available on Netflix instead of in a porn store.

If you’re a celeb that isn’t as famous as you used to be, and you have a sex tape you haven’t released, I (and the rest of the world) respect and admire that decision. Taking a look a popular culture, you’ll find that many not famous/somewhat famous people became REALLY famous after releasing a sex tape. One of them has a WHOLE FAMILY that’s famous just because the middle sister chose to film and sell a sex tape with someone whose name rhymes with Ray J.

And now I would like to thank one certain celeb who was famous for about two seconds, and isn’t famous at all anymore. People have uncovered a sex tape or two of hers, and she is trying hard to make sure they aren’t released. You should thank this lady too. 

Love,

Jessica

Jessica Zaleski is a senior at the University of Florida, and she has never made a sex tape. 

Where else but America could we devote our lives to whatever career we want, eat whatever we want (and as much as we want), while subjecting ourselves to whatever guilty pleasures we want — and spoof the government that makes it all possible at the same time?

Compared with the rest of the world, Americans tend to live privileged lives. You know the spiel: it’s all possible thanks to the incredibly brave people who serve in the armed forces. But how often do we really stop and give them that thanks?

Well, it’s time. So today, Veterans Day, here are a few ways we ladies can show our appreciation for those who’ve helped preserve our uniquely American way of life.

Say Thank-You, Literally
College girls are gutsy. Put some of your verve to good use. Approach a family member, or – even better – a complete stranger on the street (veterans often sport their pride with commemorative T-shirts and ball caps, especially around the holiday). All you have to say is something like, “Thank you for your service,” or “I’m glad you’re alive.” This tiny exchange may seem awkward to you, but you will touch a veteran’s heart beyond belief with your consideration. Veterans often go years without hearing these simple words of gratitude.

Read More »

Dearest Sloptart,

As much as I would love to silently judge your drunken mistakes, I can’t help but  laugh it off, talk about you to my friends and hope that I just caught you after you had a horrible week (which is slightly understandable, right?) However, in most cases, I caught you in your element, flashing the party your new bedazzled thong while sloppily trying to climb up on the beer pong table to dance.  Ohh, here we go…

There are a few ways that you can tell you’re “that mess” the entire party is talking about (but you can’t hear because you’re busy screaming the lyrics of “If You Seek Amy”). Read More »

I spent twenty five minutes in the greeting card aisle of CVS last night. I literally picked up and restocked every single card in the entire store before leaving in a frustrated huff with a card that was far from appropriate for the situation at hand.

It is not that the folks over at CVS don’t have a wide enough selection of cards – they have like 10,000! – it is just that there are some occasions that just don’t quite fit into the limited card categories that exist. Sometimes people may want to buy a card for something a little more specific than a generic birthday/thanks/anniversary/holiday/sympathy/etc/ card.

You know; like when you want to thank your guy for respecting you. Or a good friend for being there when you need her most. Or for a situation when you just can’t seem to find the right words. Read More »