There are two types of drinkers: The kind that can handle their liquor, and the kind that can’t. The kind of drunk who is the life of the party, and the kind the party wants to punch in the face.

What kind of person are you?

Annoying drunk people…

Feel the need to scream, “Omigod! I’m soooo drunk!” It’s not an Olympic sport. You don’t get a medal if you blow a .20 at the end of the night.

Feel the need to deny their drunkenness. They fall into walls and slur “I’m totally fine!” before they reach for a bottle of Bud Lite/Jager/Windex/anything, to prove that they can handle even more.

Avoid being an annoying drunk by going with the flow and hanging out. No need to announce your current level of intoxication, or how sober you think you are.

Annoying drunk people…

Need to be the center of attention by screaming, dancing on tables, and giving other partygoers a general headache. “We’re going streaking!” is only funny when it’s Will Ferrell.

Can’t help but be the center of attention by getting over-emotional and crying. Extra annoying points when they lock themselves in bathrooms and demand consolation from their best friend for hours, thereby ruining the non-annoying best friend’s night.

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PARTY FOUL!

Don’t act like you haven’t heard it before.  According to Urban Dictionary, it’s “something socially unacceptable done in a social gathering.” For those of us who have been in the presence of a party foul or may have accidentally committed one ourselves, we know that they’re much more than that.

Thanks to digital cameras, your unfortunate lack of judgment will probably be plastered all over the Internet before you even have the chance to pull your head out of the toilet the next morning.  But no matter how bad things get for you, just thank your lucky stars that you’ve never committed any of these…

You haven’t, right?

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[Meet Margaret, a freshman at Yale. We've been checking in with her every week to see what she's doing, who she's meeting, and what new college surprises she's tackling (or freaking out about) as she embarks on the journey we call college. Or as I like to call it, the best thing since dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter cups.]

So I’m 3 weeks into my bright college years, and in between realizing that I have Spanish homework to do at 1 in the morning and figuring out how trash piles up so quickly when clearly I took out the garbage like, a day ago, there are plenty of Solo cups and pregaming parties to keep my thoughts occupied.

In the past year, I passed through the rookie stage of drinking. You know, getting over the fact that drinking isn’t such a big deal after all (I know some may beg to differ, which I totally respect, but step off for a sec, darlings) and then advancing into classic teen movie, drink up mode. It was like I was Cady Heron (a la Mean Girls) being de-innocentized, except minus The Plastics. There were chill house parties, high-ish quality alcohol bought by nice older siblings, and then classic senior year, I-don’t-give-a-f**k debauchery. Getting to a stage of happy drunk was part of the whirlwind of senior year and really, part of the fun. But I was good about it – no blacking out and never even vomiting.

So coming to college, I was under the impression that it would be the same, but something about drinking here just doesn’t feel settling to me. The glowy halo of happiness that surrounded drinking just totally disappeared.

I know, totally weird, right? Because, like, obviously drinking is much simpler here. There aren’t quite as many repercussions when you get caught, alcohol is pretty much readily available, and the number of boys who you would willingly drunkenly hook-up with has gone through the freakin’ roof. Read More »

According to University of North Carolina professor Kevin Caneiro, there’s a new disease lurking on college campuses nationwide. Dubbed  “Laptop-itis,” it is the result of excessive use of laptops and cell phones with symptoms ranging from worsened posture to pain in the backs, necks, and wrists of students everywhere.

Caneiro’s concern regarding this ailment is understandable – we don’t need an entire generation of hunchbacks, after all – but in the grand scheme of things, Laptop-itis is the least of our problems. Really, there are plenty of larger issues we college students should be worrying about. Like Athlete’s Foot from the showers. Or Mono from all those frat party makeouts.

Or any of these:

Laundr-phobia:  Often striking halfway through the semester, students present with an unhealthy, all-consuming fear of the laundry room (usually stemming from an uncertainty of how to use the machines).  Symptoms include a lack of underwear, crusty stains and a less than desirable smell of mildew permeating from their overflowing hamper.  In extreme cases, Laundr-phobia’s effects can be disastrous (and foul), often leading to ridicule and friend loss.  While there is no known cure, temporary reprieve is available during long weekends at home with mom. Read More »

Tis the season for reflection, and I am reflecting on my past year and groaning. There were highs, and there were lows, and there were things that should never happen again for the sake of my dignity and overall well-being. The 2009 version of me was a lesser version of the forthcoming 2010 edition; I just know it. 2010 will be the year of Brittany, 2.0!

So this New Year’s Eve, I am resolving to put an end to all of those things that kept me down and out. And, quite frankly, I think there are few things we should all resolve to leave in ’09. Let’s all make (and keep) these resolutions together:

Facebook:
FB, you are the bane of my existence. What girl in their right mind ever thought it was a good idea to habitually post status updates that were simply begging for attention? Or listing off her exact whereabouts 24/7 so those creepy Facebook surfers could follow her around? FB is just another avenue for people to have a public pity party, to incite revenge via pictures making out with strange dudes, to stalk exes and so on. Say it with me: this year, I resolve to take a step back from the computer and live life not on Facebook’s terms. Or on my ex boyfriend’s Newsfeed.

Men:
In 2010, we should all resolve to not let a guy dictate our mood. Yes, men have the ability to make us the happiest we’ve ever been, but they can also make us curl up in the fetal position and cry for one week straight. One bad breakup has the power to put me in a state of hibernation until family and friends recognize me as a full-fledged hermit with cookie dough in my hair, and I know I’m not the only one. This year, I refuse to let whatever is happening in my love life affect the rest of my life. Because if the world revolved around a single man, we’d all be in big trouble.

Health:
This year, we will not insist our jeans fit us when our extra “baggage” spills over the top. Acceptance is the first step towards recovery from the unsightly muffin top and that deep red ring around our belly button that comes with it. Holding on to our delusions of still being a size 4, even after we binge-ate holiday food for over a month, is not healthy. Rather than walking around in ill-fitting clothes, let’s resolve to hit the gym instead.

Opportunity:
Let’s all resolve to embrace opportunities in all forms. Whether it’s a date with a guy you don’t know that well or simply trying something you’ve never done before (jeggings, anyone?), let’s make 2010 the year where nothing is off limits. I think I will take a page out of Yes Man’s book (OK, movie) and make myself more available to opportunity and adventure. Because, well, why not?

Alcohol:
Let’s spend 2010 not acting like a drunken Lindsay Lohan impersonator…. ever (again). Nobody likes that girl. That girl is always the one acting inappropriate in front of guys. She’s the one bitching out her friends for no good reason. She’s the one who comes home and eats the entire contents of the fridge… while she waits for her delivery. And unless you take pleasure in one-night stands, a beer gut, nip slips and vomit chunks in one’s hair, nothing good ever happens for this girl. I love my vodka, but I love my pride a whole lot more.

At least in 2010, I do.

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list…or that list, because I don’t really do groceries (there is a reason why they deliver pizza) and to-do lists are totally not my scene (if such a scene even exists) and, unfortunately, I haven’t added to that list in quite awhile.

No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever or which apps rock my world.

This week I’m focusing on the “click click flash” that consumes your weekend. You go out, someone inevitably breaks out the camera (every 4 minutes) and you start posing like you’re ready for the cover of Nylon. Great idea, but these pictures are going to end up on Facebook for the world to see the next day when you’re sober. Oof. And with today’s technology, you might be even caught in real time.

Who’s guilty?
Actually, who isn’t? Read More »

Every week I make a list. Not a grocery list or a to-do list, because I don’t really do groceries (Pad Thai take out, helloooo) and to-do lists are totally not my scene, if such a scene even exists. No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever.

This week, as a partner to The Ten Types of Guys at the Party, I’ve decided to include the female version. All in good fun, ladies! Who am I missing?

10. The Diva.
This girl is at the party, but she is DEFINITELY not trying to party. Pouting with her manicured fingers and heavily lined eyes glued to her cell, Diva will only speak to her tight-knit group of friends dressed in very similar outfits. She will not partake in any of the drinking games, she will not hook up with any guys and she will roll her eyes at those who do. Then she will leave an hour later to go off somewhere “cooler,” “more mature,” and just worthy of her time. 

9. The “Innocent” one
Dressed conservatively and drinking a microbrew or weak cocktail, this doll-faced darling looks like she’d rather be holed up in the library than at this very party. Wrong. She goes from “virgin” to skank in 3.5 drinks and will hook up with your boyfriend and cry about it later. Beware of the victim-playing. This girl is faker than her “leather” shoes and has run through more guys than Paris Hilton. Read More »

Nothing says summertime like copious sunburns, drinking outside and picnics. You could be “that girl” and bring coleslaw, hot dog buns or worse…the dreaded bag of chips, to your next backyard bash, or you could wow the hell out of your friends and bring the best damn fruit salad they’ve ever had.

Now don’t get ahead of yourself. Fruit salad is not for the faint of heart. It can be time-consuming and expensive if you don’t plan it out just right. Here are a few tips for making this healthy, fun summer treat.

1. Use fresh fruit. This should go without saying but I’m saying it anyway. Frozen fruit is for smoothies, margaritas and ice packs..not salad.

2. Search for bargains. To make a good salad you could be buying 8-10 types of fresh fruit. The price tag can get pretty high if you don’t shop around. Try to buy at least half of your fruit on sale. This isn’t tough to do in the summer with so much fresh stuff in season. Because you’ll be cutting and chopping you can also take “scratch and dent” fruit (the stuff with small bruises). Read More »