He texted me every once in a while, and sometimes we would chat on Facebook; you know the drill. I saw him again at the bank; he offered to proofread my paper, invited me to a party, yadda, yadda, yadda. (Insert obnoxious movie montage of cute bonding scenes here.) We even kept in touch over winter break.

It wasn’t a head-over-heels situation, but the boy was nice enough. I enjoyed talking to him, I looked forward to seeing him when I got back to school, and it was just nice to have a guy pursuing me. Every girl loves that.

But then, as soon as I got back to school, he just disappeared. Like completely. He stopped texting me and chatting online with me. I never even ran into him on campus anymore. No matter how hard I suddenly started to try.

And then I began obsessing. I’d log onto Facebook 20 times a day (as opposed to my usual 10) and check to see if he’d been on. Or added new photos. Or had some new girl writing on his wall. I’d keep my cell phone on uber loud and jump across the room when it blared, feeling my heart sink when it was just a text from my mom. I even went back to that same coffee shop in the library on the same day of the week when we met, hoping he might be there. And he was not.

Saying these things out loud (or typing them for the world to see) is embarrassing, because I am generally a (somewhat) rational person. But I just got too caught up in the whole situation to pull back and look at it rationally. If I had, maybe I would have noticed that I didn’t really like this kid. What I liked was being pursued and now that it was no longer happening, it stung.

It is one of the more confusing aspects of being a single girl; the moment that a guy starts being unavailable, we find ourselves convinced that he is our soul mate and become frantic to talk to him again. We confuse our feelings, letting our pride get in the way. We want so badly to be liked that we muddle our desire to be pursued and loved, and the desire to be with that person. Soon we’re planning a wedding to a kid who won’t even Facebook chat us when we’re both online. The same kid that we weren’t totally into just a few weeks before.

Eventually we stop. Some of us get so worked up, have a mini breakdown, call him 17 times and give up. Others, like myself, wake up one day (after walking past his dorm to see if he’s home and putting on makeup to go to the library to “study”) and realize that we had gotten so caught up in wondering if he liked us that we had forgotten to ask the most important question of all: Do we like him?

Because our opinion matters too! Dating is a two-way street and we can’t forget that our feelings count. We can’t let our pride get the best of us and dictate our actions. In order to lead a happier (and saner) single girl life, we have to stop, evaluate, and separate our feelings for him from our feelings for our shattered ego.

Easier said than done, right?

So he got my number and told me he would call.
He waited 3 days.
Annoying, but expected.

I was at work when TFB (Tall Funny Boy) called. And being the world’s worst phone person that I am, I didn’t call him back right away. Work got crazy and before I knew it two days had passed and I still had not called the boy back. Rude? A bit. But also a total honest mistake. I made a mental note to call him that night and carried on with my day.

But here’s the kicker: as I was leaving work, I noticed a missed call on my phone and a voicemail message in my inbox.

“Hey it’s ****. Just calling again to see what’s up. Give me a call when you get a chance.”

And then, before I even had the chance to park my car and head back into my house, he called me AGAIN.

I know, I know – I should’ve been overjoyed. I can’t count on all my fingers, toes and every other extremity how many times a guy has told me he’d call and then didn’t. Which my friends reminded me as I shared my annoyance with them.

“He must just like you.” (Well, duh.)
“He is just interested – he’s pursuing you, that is so flattering.”
“Can you pass the Oreos?… Thanks….Oh yeah. He’s totally diggin’ you.”
“Haven’t you read that book He’s Just Not That Into You? Clearly this guy is, so what’s the problem?”

And so it went. And even though I was in a perpetual eye-roll for the duration of that conversation, it did get me thinking. Maybe I should be flattered. Maybe I’m just not used to being pursued and this actually is a good thing. Maybe I should get over the creepy factor (I know he wasn’t stalking me, but it was a little much) and call him back.

But then other thoughts flooded my mind. Namely, the fact that this situation is just totally unfair.

If I had gone out with this guy and if I been the one to call him twice in a row without hearing back, do you think his friends would be passing him the bag of Oreos and saying, “that is so flattering?”

HELL NO. Even if you replaced “bag of Oreos” with “cans of Natty Light.” Unless his guy friends like to dance around in tutus and tiaras. And even then, his friends and said guy would still think I was bat sh*t crazy with major issues. Words that would probably come up in that convo: neurotic, clingy, crazy bitch, RUN. RUN NOW.

So why is it that I’m supposed to start swooning over how much this guy must like me and want to take me out when, if the tables were turned, the guy would probably never return my calls, unfriend me from Facebook and enter witness protection? Just because I’m a girl I’m supposed to go along with it? I’m not allowed to be turned off, too?

It’s double standards like these that irk me to my very core and sometimes make me hate being a girl. Why does it seem like guys get handed all the control in the relationship and we’re just sorta along for the ride? Why do we consistently give them a free pass to do the things we’ve been taught are major do nots? Do we set our standards too low, or are guys setting them way too high?

I just need to know: am I the only one feeling this way, or is this yet another dating double standard we just have to deal with?

Don't run away from me. I'll get you!

I just went on a date with a guy who blathered on about himself (which is only okay when I do it!), and referred to women as, and I kid you not, “dumb bitches.” Since said date last Friday, he has not called me.

And I really, really hope he does.

Look, I like to consider myself an intelligent, rational person. But what I will never get is why a person becomes 10 billion more times appealing to me when they don’t want me. The day after our date, I was actually dreading the dude calling me…I didn’t want to spend a second evening with the most egotistical person since Tucker Max (who he, by the way, actually quoted. Good role model!). But as each day went by and no call came…I suddenly found myself only focusing on his good qualities. He was smart. He was cute. He was funny (maybe he was joking when he said women were dumb bitches…). Why was his unavailability suddenly turning him from nightmare to dreamboat?

I will admit it. It’s because I, like so many women, I am utterly addicted to the chase. While bitching and moaning that I wish guys would be more honest and just tell me what they want (and stop sleeping with my roommate when I’m at home for the weekend), I’m freaking encouraging their crappy behavior. Because it’s exciting, and I don’t know what to expect next. Because if they’re so elusive, it must be worth it… I mean, if they can afford to be so picky, they must give magic orgasms or secretly be the most intelligent person on the planet!

[Picture me yelling the next paragraph, both at you AND myself. I would write it in all caps for full effect, but I don't want to remind any of us of our mothers.]

Guess what. Just because they reject you doesn’t mean they are suddenly more “worth it.” What it means is either a.) they are an indecisive douchebag who will string you along until he finally figures out how to meet his own selfish needs, or b.) they just don’t like you. Most women like to automatically assume option A, and if it helps your sanity to believe he is just a douchebag, then go for it, trash talk away!

But, even though it hurts a bit more…option B is okay too. Part of the reason I fixate on people who reject me is because I hate failure (I cried when I got a B in high school French). If someone rejects me, I suddenly feel the need to prove myself to them…and I’m guessing a lot of women have the same mindset: we may want them, but we want them to want us. But all the “chase” means is that you are spending a heck of a lot of energy trying to catch up to someone who left you in the dust miles ago. And with all the game playing and the jumping through hoops, when are you supposed to actually enjoy the relationship?

So if us women can really claim that we want nice guys, we can’t be focusing all our efforts on the dudes sending mixed signals or no signals at all. Because there are guys out there who will call you three days after a date instead of leaving you in some weird sort of two week limbo.

Don’t make him chase you while you’re chasing someone else…I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it.