Anyone else feeling horribly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of TV on these days? It seems like only yesterday we were watching Crossroads on HBO because there was nothing. else. on. And now? Now our DVR is on overload and we have to cancel plans with our friends to fit it all in.

Case in point: tonight.

I was supposed to be hanging out with a boy I like, drinking the vodka I like and, hopefully, ending up in the position I like, but I had to cancel. Why? Because The Hills is back! I’m not missing out on an evening with the people I love to loathe for some guy.

He’ll be around tomorrow, but The Hills season premiere will only be on once.

Ok, so it will probably be on 1,000 more times this week, but I need to see it now. It’s bad enough I had to wait all summer watching reruns of Parental Control; I can’t wait another minute.

And in honor of the big return, I’ll be live-blogging the whole shebang, from Natasha Bedingfield to the scenes from next week. I’ll be covering the introduction of Kristin Cavallari, the return of now-married Speidi and those annoyingly long commercial breaks full of ads for Axe and the upcoming season of The Duel: 48.

So come back to this here website at 10 PM ET to watch with me. Who knows? Maybe if I’m feeling extra lively, I’ll stick around for the snoozefest known as The City. Maybe. I’m not sure even Olivia Palermo/Whitney’s wardrobe choices can motivate me to sit through that shiz for another season.

Okay girls, The Hills premiere is almost here! (September 29 at 10 pm, to be exact). I’m totally freaking out! I can barely contain my excitement. Yes, I know it is extremely embarrassing that I’m counting down the hours, but who’s with me?

Tomorrow night we can finally resume our  weekly ritual of guilty pleasures. For me it’ll be nachos, a glass of cheap wine and a drama packed half hour of catty girl fights in gorgeous outfits.

All the hype of Kristen replacing LC had me reminiscing of high school nights when I would crowd around the TV with my girlfriends to watch the Stephen-Colletti-tug-of-war on Laguna Beach. So, I sat down this weekend for a little revisit to the beginnings of this cash cow of a reality show that’s spitting out celebrities at an Octomom rate.

I’m not going to lie, taking this little trip down memory lane had me a bit melancholy, as I revisited the cast when they still used to consume solid food, had hair that didn’t scream bleach bottle, and sported an authentic California tan instead of layers of cakey makeup.

I’m a sucker for the drama of the new Hills season, but I’ll always miss the natural innocence of the girls that charmed us in the beginning.

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As far as I can tell, there are three main types of celebrities that the world fawns over.

Type 1:“The Talented Celebrity.”  Think models who have shown up on the cover of Italian Vogue, actors like Brad Pitt who have starred in everything from comedy to drama, and music moguls who come out with one hit after another (think Madonna).

Type 2: “The Train Wreck- Once Famous, Now in Rehab.”  These are people like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, who are no doubt talented, but can’t keep themselves away from the bars and the drugs long enough to earn coveted longevity in Hollywood.

Type 3: “Why the Hell are They Famous?” The people who People Magazine, US Weekly, and Perez Hilton constantly cover, we all read about, and none of us are exactly sure what this person has done to deserve press coverage (think Anna Nicole Smith).  Below is a list of the ten best examples of these non-celebrities – the ones that take over our headlines, but haven’t done much to merit this press coverage.  And if anyone can tell me why we actually care what these people are up to…well, be my guest. Read More »

Please let me take a moment to apologize for a lack of recap on last week’s season premier. I left DVRing up to my mother while I watched MSU get slaughtered in the NCAA championship…. And then came home to find out she doesn’t know how to DVR. (She then backed into my car in the driveway the next morning, which is why I am no longer coming home for Passover. Ruin my life once, shame on me. Ruin my life twice… well, you know the rest.)

The double feature was amazing (the boat party, the trip to Crystal Butte, Spencer throwin’ punches) and I am super grateful that MTV likes to show everything 42 times in a week.  Though I still do not forgive my mother.

Anyways, last night’s episode – while not quite as action packed as last week – was also pretty, pretty good. I always love an awkward interaction and boy did we get it when Stephanie applied for a job with People’s Revolution. Granted, I would be crapping my pants if I had to interview with Kelly Cutrone (her teeth are scarier than her ‘tude), but I would also make sure my resume was perfection before I walked through the door. I would also probably learn the difference between “professional attire” and doing my hair like a meth addict.

But that’s just me. Read More »

Britney Spears ad for Candies (or airbrushing?!)

Everyone hates Octomom.

Shiny hair in a can.

How to hack a vending machine.

Whitney Port hates her life. Good news; I hate it too.

Bibs are in?

1o popular TV catchphrases of the 90’s.

Topshop NY. Must. Get. To. New York.

Even more reason to hate Perez Hilton.

When it comes to relationships, which is better: passion or comfort?

Lady Gaga’s interesting autograph…

So what’s the deal with April Fools day, anyway?

After GM, will bank CEOs be next to get the boot?

Add some bling to those sneaks.

What is your college cutting?

You don’t need a boyfriend to wear the boyfriend jean.

Amy Winehouse gets a makeover.

The Real World isn’t over yet…

Whitney and Jay back together?

Britney loves those backup dancers.

The jean jacket is back.

OMG. I am afraid to admit this, but I actually yelped at the end of tonight’s episode of The City. I also may or may not have jumped out of my seat and given Whitney a “You go, girl!”

Ok, I definitely did. Our secret?

I know that most of this show is scripted and it’s all a bunch of crap, but the scene between Jay and Whitney really tugged at my heart. I can’t even tell you how many times a guy has treated me like utter crap and I’ve immediately turned around and rolled out the red carpet for him to do it again.

Not Whit, though. I don’t know if it was finding out that Olivia stole her London gig, the conversation with Lauren, or the sage advice from DVF herself (we’ll get back to that later), but Whitney was not about to let Jay run her life and her emotions.  Even if he performed the grand gesture of flying back to NY and calling her from the street corner. Looking hot. In a suit. Mmmm.

Whitney finally stood up for herself and took her NY life into her own hands. And for that, she gets a standing “You Go, Girl” from this girl. Read More »

It’s NCAA tournament time!

WTF is up with Lindsay Lohan?

Are Drew Barrymore and Mac Guy back together?

Beyonce is making us dumb.

Light jeans are officially here.

New female condom gets FDA approval.

ASU builds a faith-based dorm?

The most successful college dropouts.

I now hate Reese Witherspoon even more.

Your badunk may be good for your health.

DVF: The City vs. Real Life.

Is that…Channing Tatum?

Online education is just as good as the other stuff?

I’d like to start off with an apology for not recapping the world’s worst TV show The City last week. Not only did I not want to watch it, but I also found myself unable to turn away from the Bachelor finale and After The Final Rose ….even though I never watched one episode of that show all season!

Before I knew it, it was 11pm and I had missed not only The City, but my evening shower as well.

I don’t really know what I missed last week, but I have a feeling none of that matters, especially after watching the major dramz from tonight’s episode. Big things! And I’m not talking about Olivia’s mastery of the English language in her DVF meeting. She sure wowed those bigwigs with her creation of the word “multipletude,” and use of such key PR phrases as, “Has globally has relevance,” and “you can see a longevity towards it.”

Beautiful. I’ve never laughed harder. Or felt more uncomfortable. It was almost like watching Meet The

Parents, only with a lot more designer clothing.

As much as I enjoyed that 3 minute segment (of a 22 minute show), all the real drama in the episode revolved around Whitney and Jay.

Now, up until this point in the season I found myself believing and loving everything Jay said in that sexy Australian accent, but not tonight. I don’t care what syllable he puts the emphasis on, Jay is just another douchey guy toying with a nice girl’s heart. Read More »

The Nielson Company’s “Three Screen Report” is now saying that the average American is watching 151 hours of television a month, or about 5 hours a day. Couch potatoes everywhere are uniting around the remote to enjoy hours and hours of mindless, inexpensive fun. It’s so easy to get sucked in, so this increase is no surprise to me: just flick on the screen, flip through a couple channels and you are set for the night (or almost a third of your day, apparently).

But what boggles my mind is not the amount of TV we are watching, but the quality. Have you turned on your TV lately? Oh, wait – of course you have. For at least 5 hours a day. 90% of the stuff on there is mind numbing or trashy crap. Even I am embarassed by the dribble that’s currently clogging my DVR.

Knowing that people are spending more time watching any of these 10 horrid TV shows makes me nervous. With this stuff taking over our lives, our country is in for some (more) real problems. Read More »