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Not even Carrie herself wants to go back!

Carrie Bradshaw is an icon. Her lifestyle is completely unattainable (you show me a columnist for a New York paper who has a closet full of Manolos, and I’ll shave my eyebrows). She’s the most fashionable woman in New York, and she’s not even real. Don’t tell me you have never looked at a wacky dress and thought, “That’s SO Carrie.”

She’s an aspiration. You know you’ll never have her closet or her men or her friends who always seem to always have time to grab lunch with her despite their real jobs. She’s pure fiction, but I still love her. And let me be clear, I know she’s self-centered. I know she only talks about herself when Miranda’s mom dies or when Charlotte learns that she can’t get pregnant, but her whole aura is still fabulous.

And now she’s going to be ruined.

The CW is as close to closing a deal to create The Carrie Diaries as Carrie was to marrying Aiden. The Carrie Diaries is Candace Bushnell’s prequel to Sex and the City and follows Carrie through her senior year of high school. Read More »

"I came as fast as I could...in my hooker boots!"

Alright GG minions, fill in the blank:

“Gossip Girl was depressing this week because ____.”

If you can’t think of anything at the top of your head, I’ve got it.  Gossip Girl was depressing this week because 80% of the episode took place in a hospital, 10% in rehab, and the final 10% in jail.  And all along I thought Thanksgiving was only about pies and tradition (and awkwardly avoiding drunk Uncle Steve), but what do I know?

Despite my previous attempt (and some damn good ideas, if I do say so myself), Gossip Girl producers did not hear my ‘let’s change Gossip Girl once and for all’ desperate call.  I had hope for them, I really did.  And now I’m left binge eating an entire bowl of popcorn and sitting in my family room more frustrated than I was when I sat down last week to get some GG and discovered there was no episode. Talk about a waste of perfectly good cookie dough…. Anyways, this was the most depressing, non-satisfying episode EVER.  I didn’t even get a chance to marvel at Serena’s amazing attire because she was wearing a green knit robe the entire episode. And with that hair she looked like a character out of ‘Where the Wild Things Are.’  While Lily is done being punished by Serena’s antics, I’m just about DONE wasting an hour of my Monday, only to find out Juliet lounges around her dirty loft in a mini-dress with a hole in the back and the dude playing her “brother” Ben is a terrible actor.

However,  I would like to take a moment to thank the Upper East Side heavens Dan is thriving in Movember.  Dude was smokin’ last night. His jaw bone was the only thing that kept me captive on my couch for the entire episode.

Since it was one of those typical disastrous Thanksgiving episodes Gossip Girl is infamous for, and the classic “family-time” one-liners were flying, I decided it would be only proper to take the time to reminisce and appreciate some of the more memorable and awesome quotes from last night’s episode.  That’s what the day after Thanksgiving is for after all, am I right? Talking smack about your relatives….

What?
Just my family?

Oh. Well, let’s do this anyway. Read More »

There are plenty of things I’ll miss about the summer. But the bad TV won’t be one of them. I don’t know about you ladies, but I don’t think I’d be able to survive another week of badly written summer dramas, or so-good-it’s-bad-but-it’s-really-really-bad reality TV. Thankfully, the television gods must have heard our prayers (and our curses when we saw Wipeout was on AGAIN) and have brought back all our favorite shows.

So set your DVRs and mentally prepare yourself for all the excitement (!!!), because here’s a list of what to watch, and when.

The Show You Won’t Admit You’re Watching: Vampire Diaries
Premieres: Thursday, September 9, 8:00 p.m. on The CW

Where We Left Off: Stefan, Damon, Elena, and Bonnie manage to save the town from angry vampires and walk away unscathed, just in time for Damon to show Elena his softer side, and sneak in a quick kiss too. The only problem? It wasn’t Elena. In what was easily one of the most shocking season finales, Katherine, Elena’s doppelganger, and the Salvatore brothers’ first love, returns to kill Uncle John Gilbert. While John lies in a pool of his own blood, Elena’s brother Jeremy attempts to turn himself into a vampire. Elsewhere, Caroline has been rushed to surgery after a potentially fatal car accident and Tyler attempts to figure out what made him crash the car in the first place. Catch a glimpse of the new season here.

Read More »

Amidst your old favorites, there are always some new faces. It’s true for the first day of classes and it’s true for the Fall television schedule. With so many new faces this season, though, it’s not easy to decide which shows deserve that coveted slot on your DVR and which ones aren’t even worth a line on your TV guide.

CollegeCandy is here to help you sort them out. We’ve picked five new shows you won’t want to miss this year. Get your popcorn (or cookie dough – we don’t judge) ready, because Fall TV starts NOW. Read More »

Before I get into the real meat of last night’s Gossip Girl episode, I have one thing to say:

WHO TELLS A 19-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT HER STEP-DAD IS CHEATING ON HER MOM WHO IS SICK WITH CANCER (or at least thinks she is) WHILE GRABBING HER COAT FROM THE COAT CHECK GUY???

OK, now that I got that off my chest, I’m feeling a little better. But really, what is wrong with (fictional) people? Was it so urgent, random beautiful woman from downstairs, that you couldn’t wait until you got home – to the building you both live in – to tell Lily yourself? And is it even true? Could it be that this woman is just head over heels for Rufus and wants him and his waffle iron for herself?  Between all his breakfast-making and conniving to keep the Doc out of Lily’s life, when would he have the time for some extra-marital nookie?

And, let’s not forget that Lily already sorta knew something was happening between these two before. But what that “something” was, we don’t know for sure. Remember Scarf-Gate 2009? That wool Burberry number was what evened the score earlier in the year when Rufus was all, “Why you lying to me, Lily?” and Lily was all, “Hey, I’m gonna leave this scarf on your table without saying anything so you know that I know and we can move on.”

But now stupid Serena (and her stupid gorgeous makeup and those stupid ridiculous earrings and that stupid, stupid insanely beautiful dress) is involved and we all know how that’s gonna go. (And if you don’t, here’s a rundwon: she’s going to get deep into the mess without really knowing the truth, she’s going to hurt a lot of people, probably break up the family, but then she’s going to apologize to everyone and it will all be OK. Oh, and then she’s going to have hot, steamy sex [potentially involving things found in the fridge] with Nate.)

Can’t wait to see how that all goes down. Pause. Not. Read More »

There are three things in life that I don’t buy:

1. Bumpits
2. Heels that are taller than 4 inches
3. Lily van der Woodsen’s stupid story about being sick and needing a doctor and the only one that she could find was her sexy, rich ex husband even though she lives in New York City, where some of the best doctors in the world reside.

Oh, and thongs. I don’t buy thongs either.

Let’s just reflect. Lily gets cancer, doesn’t tell her husband, runs into the arms of her ex-husband and stays in a hotel with him “getting treatment” for months at a time, all the while lying to her waffle-making house-husband back home. Then this miracle doctor follows them back to New York where he comes up with some convoluted story about how he was absent for 14 years and then couldn’t see Serena because he was dealing with doctor-patient confidentiality with her mother? Read More »

Anyone else hoping that it wouldn’t be Lily opening the door when Serena arrived in Florida last night? I mean, everyone but Rufus knew she was there – couldn’t Pops van der Woodsen just open up so we could finally get to see what sort of magical creature he is? He’s gotta be something fantastic, right? Some sort of Brad Pitt/Jake Gyllenhaal hybrid with just a hint of John Krasinski and a pinch of Joel McHale’s humor. Why else would these two women risk everything they’ve got (for Lily, a husband who knows his way around a waffle iron; for Serena, CHACE FREAKING CRAWFORD a boy who looks damn good in a pair of Topsiders) for this guy?

I just want to meet him already. Then I want to reach into the TV and smack him for somehow creating the two most self-centered, annoying women in New York. (And that’s saying a lot, considering The Real Housewives exist…) I am finding it harder and harder to like Serena this season (especially when she does that weird thing with her hair like she did for Dorota and Vanya’s wedding), and it is clear she’s inherited her worst qualities from her hard-to-please mother. Honestly, if Serena didn’t wear that ridiculously awesome necklace to the wedding last night, I’d have written her off completely.

Those van der Woodsen women need a big can of whoop ass, and I hope they open it soon.

But let’s stop talking about them for a moment and get to the real Cartier-wearing white elephant in the room: Blair and Chuck. I was dragged into their lives by my heartstrings the moment the show began and my heart hurt until the very end. (Although that could have something to do with the McDonald’s breakfast I had….) I’ve never had a guy trade me for a hotel (I think?), but I have woken up after a break up and had that moment when I realized that it wasn’t just a nightmare and that the pain was very real. And it is the worst. I immediately hurt for Blair (but don’t think I didn’t notice how perfect her hair looks when she’s moping….), but I also couldn’t help but hurt for Chuck. Read More »

I’d like to take this opportunity to give a big “welcome back!” to Gossip Girl’s former glory. Maybe it’s because last night’s episode was going up against the NCAA National Championship game, but those writers pulled out all the stops and it was good. No, it was really effing good. It had more ups and downs than the game and it even brought me to tears at one point. (Though, full disclosure, the ending of the game did too.)

Can we please just talk about Chuck and Blair? OMG it was intense. I swear when Blair confronted him when she got back from the hotel, I didn’t breathe for a full minute. I mean, I knew there would be scandal surrounding this potential tryst with creepy Uncle Jack, this is Gossip Girl after all, but I never in my wildest imaginations thought Chuck would be the one pulling all the strings. And maybe that’s why Chuck did it; he was sick of people not expecting something like that from him. Read More »

I was “the good kid” growing up. I did well in school, I had a job, I was in a youth group, on my high school’s yearbook staff, tutored underprivileged kids…. the list goes on. Towards the end of my Junior year I was sick of my role and wanted to change things up a bit – to try something totally new and totally not me. I wanted to be bad. So I went to my friend’s house, smoked a lot of pot, ate 2 bags of Doritos while watching a movie, came home 2 hours past my curfew…. and puked orange in my mom’s prized powder room while I swore never to touch a bong again.

And what happened? I confessed it all to my parents and they didn’t care. In fact, they were happy I’d gone out with friends and “let loose for the night.”

My point is that my parents are awesome it’s impossible to go from good kid to bad kid to good kid as frequently and quickly as one Ms. Jenny Humphrey. One day she’s a sweet girl from Brooklyn with a sewing machine and the next she’s dropping out of school and trying to make it as a fashion designer. Then she realizes the error of her ways and becomes the good girl again, but not for long, because soon she’s taking over as Queen Bee, stepping on anyone who gets in her way. Then she’s nice again. Then she’s dating a drug dealer, sewing pills onto bolero jackets and considering giving up her v-card…. and then she’s suddenly the good girl once again who, of course, can whip up a couture frock 2 hours before a fashion show, get her dream job, and recover from being heavily drugged just in time to come home and run into her dad.

Whew.

I know the ‘Gossip Girl’ writers are just trying to stir the pot, but can we give Jenny one personality and stick with it, please? I’m getting winded just trying to keep up. It’s like The United States of Tara up in here, or something. If they want some drama, break up boring Serena and Nate. Yes, they do have the hottest, steamiest, sexiest sex scenes on the show…..

…….

Wait. Sorry. My imagination got the best of me for a moment. Where was I?

Oh yes. Serena and Nate. So, they do have some hot sex scenes and they are a cute couple, but their relationship is more boring than Dan and Vanessa’s ramen dates. Maybe it’s time to take the focus off of Little J and ruin things for some other people on the show. We haven’t had much Nate drama since his dad went to jail and he was sleeping with some hot, old lady. Let’s turn the focus back on him. Preferably shirtless….

But enough about the kiddies, let’s talk real drama. As in Chuck’s mama drama. I mean, she is his mom, right? I don’t even know what to believe anymore, but I do know that I can’t believe any woman could ever love Jack Bass. Not only is he scheming and evil, but he has a goatee! And he always talks in that creepy “I’m trying to lure underage girls to my windowless van” sorta voice. A voice that apparently also works to turn mothers against their sons, pushing them out onto the mean streets of New York City. Or, er, the dirty dorms of NYU.

Does this mean Chuck Bass has nothing left (besides his infamous pinky ring)? Is he penniless? Is his creepy uncle lounging on his couch, in his hotel, wearing his three-piece suits/ascots, drinking his scotch? I’m cringing just thinking about it. I’ve grown to love (not just lust after) Chuck this season and it kills me to see him so down and out. Who is Chuck Bass without all that money?

Hopefully we won’t have to find out. It looks like Blair’s got a little trick up her sleeve (or skirt) to help her beloved regain his empire. I’m just praying her plan doesn’t backfire and push her and Chuck apart.

Actually, that would make for some really good GG dramz. OMG, I can’t wait for next week!