I had a lot of nightmares as a kid. Thanks to these nightmares and various frightening films I’ve developed a hilarious set of OCD habits such as opening and closing closet doors before sleeping and checking behind the shower curtain before I saddle up to the toilet (you laugh but one day someone is gonna be in there and then who’s the dumb one!)

My imagination is easily inspired. For a while I couldn’t even watch a commercial for a horror movie because I knew those 30 seconds were enough to create an entire world of horrific fantasy that I’d be trapped inside for the rest of the evening. The one thing more unnerving then horror characters and sharks (I don’t swim in the ocean, at all, ever) is muppets.

Not all muppets, Kermit is fine, Fozzy, whatever. I’m talking about those LSD muppets that creators slip in films and TV shows, mixed with other cute, lovable creatures. They lure you in with Grover and then BAM, some abomination walks onto the screen that’s burned into your mind forever. Some horribly disfigured, warbly voiced monstrosity that may as well be drenched in blood, because thats how you’ll remember them, regardless.

Here’s five of the worst perpetrators.

5) Sesame Street’s Big Bad Wolf

He first appeared in a mock ‘News Report’ that Kermit was doing about the story of the 3 Little Pigs, but eventually was cast in a full time role in my brain as the monster that lived in the crawlspace behind our dryer. His nose and mouth are almost crocodilian in length, making him a hybrid death machine that can not only eat you whole, but smell (and enjoy) your fear.

4) Sesame Street’s Yip Yip Aliens

Who the f*ck invented these? I’ve seen like 3/4th’s of every science fiction movie ever and I’ve never observed a more frightening rendition of creatures from another planet. They have no body, and their circular mouths are contorted into a look of excruciating pain. The sound they omit — ‘Yip Yip‘ — over and over gives them an almost zombie-like demeanor. Incapable of love or communication, their race knows only war.

3) Skeksis from ‘The Dark Crystal’

Bird reptiles that appear to have some type of bizarre bone disease and turn infantile when they die/age. As someone who grew up around wild turkeys, the thought of gangs of intelligent, upright walking, violent minded birds hit very close to home.

2) The Rockbiter from ‘The Never-ending Story’

Could you have designed a more horribly disfigured face? My cousins would loop this scene and force me to watch it as a form of torture.

1) The Fiery Gang from ‘The Labyrinth’

A gang of forest dwelling, possible serial rapist apes who sing about ‘showing you a good time’ while removing their limbs and creating a gallery of horrifyingly twisted body shapes. Then they try to rip your head off, in an effort to make you more like them. Awesome, just awesome.

[Got any childhood fears induced by muppets? We want to know]

I’m not sure how and when I first saw it, but I distinctly remember walking by the VHS whenever my mom would bring me to the movie store, trying to figure out if the person on the box was a man or a woman. Just looking at the cover gave me a strange feeling, but once I was actually exposed to the film, it’s weirdness was too much for my young mind—and made me cry. Why was this man—who wore make-up—trying to get this obviously much younger girl to marry him? Why were those furry red guys taking off their heads?! And how could I be sure those goblins wouldn’t appear in MY room after the movie ended??!

The 80’s was full of many things; horrendous fashion choices, yuppies, economical excess, but the only thing I truly remember from that era were kiddie films that scared the living shit out of me. Here’s a list of some of those movies. Let me know if you’re currently talking about them in therapy as well.

• Moonwalker – this isn’t really a movie as much as it is a Michael Jackson fest (which some people would think is scary enough), but there’s this movie-like part where he’s being chased by some bad men and trying to save some kids at the same time. I don’t know. It made me feel strange. Really strange.

• The Dark Crystal – Jim Henson must have been doing more than just weed to come up with this story. To this day I have a hard time watching clips on YouTube. It’s just so dark and creepy and full of weird looking muppet monsters (some of whom die. Hello. I’m 7 years old. I’m not ready to deal with my mortality.)…I mean, how are you supposed to react when even the good guys look that things that could live in your closet?

• Stephen King’s IT – Right. Like I even have to explain why this movie is horrifying. Let’s all say it together, shall we? Killer Clown.

• Return to Oz – Subtract Judy Garland and add some creeptastic things called “Wheelies”, and you’ve got this movie. I also vaguely remember a scene where Dorothy is getting shock treatments because everyone thinks her Oz adventures are crazy talk. The producers obviously wanted kids to know the only thing that waits for them, should they go over the rainbow, is a nice brain numbing electric current.

• The Secret of Nimh – Mice, rats, killer tractors, mud that suffocates, blood, animal experimentation…real age appropriate stuff, here, MGM

• The Neverending Story – After this movie, my nightmares were no longer relegated to simple monsters and ghosts. Oh no. I was dreaming about an Existential end to the world. The Nothing routinely came after me…along with that freaky, red-eyed wolf.

• Cherie Lifesaver – Huh? This isn’t a movie I recognize! you say. You’re right. It’s not a movie. What is it? Oh, just the episode of Punky Brewster where Cherie gets STUCK IN THE REFRIGERATOR! I know you remember it. We all do. Watch a little piece of it, if you dare.

Have I missed any? Share away. I want to know what else I can blame these nagging night terrors on.