This is for all you incoming freshman and those who’ve gone through the 4 year war/odyssey/party/blur that was their college experience. It’s a time for trying new experiences and, of course, meeting new people. Now, every school’s different, with varying numbers of students on campus, geographic locations and demographic make-ups. BUT, I’m a firm believer that there are types that we all have to put up/study/rub elbows/sleep/deal with. Here’s a list of 14 types of guys that you’ll quite possibly meet in class/pledging/around the dorms/out at the local dives. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been hanging out with a guy for a little over three months. We were inseparable almost from the start. When we weren’t at each others’ apartments, we were texting so a day never went by without us communicating in some way. HOWEVER, we were not dating because he “doesn’t date.” We never agreed to be exclusive and only promised to be forthcoming if things got physical with another person (it never did). Every once in a while he would make a comment about how hurt he was by his last long-term relationship and that he wasn’t interested in pursing something like that again. I know that this should have been a huge warning sign but I got caught up in how easy it was just being with him. Also, to make it clear, most of the time he seemed to be really invested in what we had together which always seemed to be a little more than casual sex.

This changed about two weeks ago. Suddenly, it seemed like I was a burden to him. I would come over and he would be standoffish and silent. I was worried that I was crowding him so I’d offer to go home but he always said that it was my choice if I wanted to stay or leave. I almost always stayed because I enjoy being around him and he would eventually unwind and act normally. Read More »

High school, that little local bubble of a world (unless you’re in an out of state school for one reason or another). A lot of couples are practically tied to the hip when graduation comes and then there’s the decision that has to be made: “Do I take the relationship to college with me?”

The answer to this question is no…I think? Usually? It depends, right? I mean if you’re…but on the hand if you’re…Damn you, game of life! How dare you be so on the fence?

There are some key questions to confront (separately and together) when deciding whether to “take a break” from each other to explore the college frontier. For instance, is he going to the same college as you? If the answer is yes, then, well, that makes things…yeah. On the other hand, if you’re going to be on different continents and there’s no possibility of seeing each other for months on end then, well, yeah! You see? Circumstances!

There are a million and a half variables to consider. How long have you been together? Have you dropped the L bomb yet? How far apart will you be? Are you only together because the dating pool at your high school was less ripe than after each year at Sunnydale High (you know, cause all the monsters and vampires would kill off so many students that there must have only been a few options…yeah…GILES!).

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Dear Dude,

I have been friends with this guy for almost a year now. We met on a dating site when I was living in another state. I was moving to the state he lived in a few months, and his profile caught my attention and we started talking. We become instantly connected. We talked constantly, every day, texting during the day and phone calls every evening that lasted for hours. This went on for about 3 months, until I finally moved. When I moved to his state, I still was 4 hours away from where he lived. Two days after arriving, I drove up there to meet him in person finally. We really really hit it off. I ended up staying up there for two weeks. We had so much fun together and connected and clicked on every level. We did have sex, and great sex too. I didn’t know what we were until he said one day, “Well, this long distance relationship is going to be tough, but I think we’ll make it work.” I took that to mean that he viewed us as in a relationship.

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We’ve all been burned after giving someone our number. He promises he’ll call. There’s no reason he won’t! I mean, things went really well, right? You had a great time together, tons in common, talked for hours, (or did other things for 5 to 20 minute spurts), and there’s just no way he isn’t into you…But he hasn’t picked up the damn phone! Why? Why not? What the heck’s going on? Well, here’s 11 possibilities for the radio silence that that’s driving you bonkers.

1.    He’s waiting for you to call

Did he also give you his number? Then maybe he’s waiting to see if you take the initiative. Of course, this scenario works only if neither has committed to be the first caller. But if such is the case then he could very well be playing it cool and waiting to see what you’ll do. Some guys just aren’t able to make the overture…or they’re wusses…or they’re not sure how interested they are so they’re waiting to see if you’ll pursue things. Don’t hate the player, hate the game (I really do a lot of the time).

2.    He lost your number

Sh*t happens. Fell out of his pocket, got ruined in a rain storm, accidentally lit his wallet on fire, his phone broke, and there are about 30,000 other scenarios where you’re number went up in smoke. Might be due to irresponsible habits or just crappy luck. When you put the burden on someone else, you sacrifice a lot of control of the situation. And that’s when life licks its chops at all the mischief to be caused.

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They’re crying. They’re scared. Something’s happened. They lit their dorm room on fire heating up a glue gun, their father’s had a heart attack, one of their roo mates is going psycho on them 24/7, or someone has passed on and the funeral’s tomorrow. Would you go? What do you do? What can you do? What should you do?

Not everyone’s Joe Cool in a crisis. We don’t always feel equipped to counsel or to intervene. But we feel like we need to do something because this is our friend and he/she is in need.

Why do we help? Because it’s the decent thing to do. Because we hope someone would help us in his/her position. Because that’s what it means to be a friend. Hell, that’s what it means to coexist in a community and make no fu*king mistake that whether it’s college, an office, or just good old Manhattan, you’re part of a community.

The first way you can be of aid is to listen. What a lot of people in crisis need first and foremost is an ear. Being listened to accomplishes a number of productive and helpful things: you give them an outlet to express their concern/pain/worry, you validate their pain, and it’s an opportunity for them to talk through their problem.

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Dear Dude,

So I was recently visiting my best guy friend who has an internship an hour away from where I go to school/live. I was introduced to one of his friends on my first night and ended up staying at his place after a night out. My guy friend gave me major grief but he approved, and his friend got my number to hang out later. The next night when we went out again I ended up back at his place for the second night in a row. He was really nice, funny, and we had a lot in common. He was nicer than a lot of other college guys I’ve dealt with. The next day he walked me to the subway stop, asked if I would be back and I said maybe. He kept texting me through out the day I left and stuff. So now I’m home, I really liked him thought he was cute and funny. I would really like to see him again but I don’t know how to go about it. Please help I can’t get him off my mind and could use some great man advice.

sincerely,

City Summer Queen

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The time’s come. You lean in for that first kiss. You’ve known each other for years/months/weeks/days/hours. There’s this connection between you, he understands you, every moment together is stress free and sexual tension filled! Just as your lips are about to reach his…he turns the other cheek…which is the equivalent of taking a shat in your hat then offering it to you for wear. WHY? What happened? Did you grow another head? Was there not enough Dewars? Is he self-conscious about the fact he uses more tongue than Gene Simmons? Then it comes, “I think we should just keep it as friends.” *fire the boxing glove gun to his groin*

Don’t blame yourself…necessarily. Look, you don’t know until you try. I mean, there was no way to predict he didn’t want to take it further, right?

If he introduces you to his buddy that just got out of a long-term relationship…he probably just wants to be friends. Read More »

Dear Dude,

Today I was in two situations where I was talking to cool, good looking guys, which SHOULD be a dream come true. The problem is, next thing I knew, I was ending the conversation and leaving. It left me wondering…why?! I mean they were both unrealistic situations where nothing was going to be able to happen with these guys, but I don’t see why I couldn’t have enjoyed it a little longer.

This fall I’ll be a freshman in college and I’m scared my habit of being “a runner” from guys (which I have honed after many prior experiences that were WAY more legit than these two) will continue. Is there ANY way this quality of mine could seem more endearing and less strange to guys there? I usually don’t play games but I almost feel like I either have to give up on guys or embrace the running and use it as a tool. (Wow, now I feel like I AM a tool.) What’s wrong with me?! (And is this ok?)

Sincerely,

The Runner.

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Some are small. Some are big. Some are white. Some not so bright. We all have to get through the days/weeks/months/years somehow. A lie can be used for self-protection or self-delusion. All’s depending on the severity. However, there are certain universal themes to the lies we tell ourselves. Let’s see if you can figure out what some of the are. Like most things, they’re not as difficult to find as Waldo.

1. “Size doesn’t matter”

It matters. We get it. Girth more than length. But it’s tough to perform if you don’t…”believe in yourself.” So, yeah, we try to pump up so we can pump with purpose. It ain’t easy bein’ teeny-weeny. Overcompensation galore, thanks for complex, Napoleon.

2. “I’m not going bald”

I know a lot of 27 year-olds with sunburn on their scalps who refuse to pick up a bottle of Rogaine when they should be buying stock in the f*cking company. Baldness is a basic security threat to all men everywhere. There’s a sense of failure, public failure at that. I mean, if we can’t hold onto our hair, how can we hold on to a relationship? (Yes, that’s completely unrelated and illogical but so is the fear of looking like Lex Luthor) The shaved head has given the balding a footing in gaining acceptance in a shelter of denial (“I’m not bald, I just shave”). But still there’s a stigma that girls and employers equate bald with bad. Read More »