Give me your wardrobe and go away, Kardashians!

Every time I turn on the television, pick up a magazine or check my Twitter and favorite gossip websites, there are certain celebrities that just won’t go away. They’re always doing something idiotic or annoying and they make sure we all know about it. These particular celebs have taken over 2009 and I’m not about to let them ruin 2010 for me.

Here are the top 10 celebrities I could do without in 2010:

1. Lindsay Lohan – We all get it. You have daddy issues. He won’t support you. And by you I mean your addiction to prescription drugs, cocaine and spray-on tans. You’ve drained this girl’s pity dry after your 100^th failed attempt at rehab. Get clean or be gone, you orange oompa loompa.

2. The Gosselins – I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to those adorable kids. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Maddie and Cara act more mature than you have this past year. And I don’t care how many times you change your hairstyle, Kate, I’m over you.

3. Kanye West – I’ve loathed you for years, Mr. West. Remember this humble quote: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice.”  You certainly were the loudest voice at the VMA’s this year, sir. And you will go down in history as an arrogant, SOB. Oopsies.

4. Taylor Swift – As much as I could do without Kanye, I could also take a break from you, lovely Taylor. You really racked up the awards this year. Good for you, but I think you’re a bit overrated.

5. Spencer Pratt – You call yourself a villain, but I just think you’re lame. I laughed when I watched Stephen Baldwin baptize you in the jungle river on “I’m a Celebrity. Get Me Out of Here!” Your holy makeover didn’t seem to take, did it? You deserve a swift punch to the face.  Or the nads. Or both.

6. Katherine Heigl – I love the girl to death, but she just has nothing nice to say! All she does is whine, whine, whine about the parts and roles she is so generously given and I can’t take it anymore. You’re pissing everyone off Katherine, and as sad as I (and a majority of the male gender) will be to see you go, you may have dug your own grave for 2010.

7. The Kardashians, all of em’ – I still don’t know why you’re all famous. I think they can make a show about my life and have it be more meaningful. I don’t care that you’re taking on Miami. I’m taking on things of my own, so I’d kindly appreciate it if you would stop terrorizing my television!

8. Dr. Phil – I have no reason for this. You just irk me. Good riddance.

9. Perez Hilton – I didn’t want you around in ’07, ’08, or ’09. I think everyone can handle 2010 without your Microsoft Painted penises and Lady-Gaga-ass-kissing ways.

10. Ashlee Simpson – I really thought we’d be done with you in 2006 when a stadium full of football fans booed you off the stage. But no; somehow you’re still around. Sure, it’s with a completely new face and a monthly rotation of hair color, but it’s still you. And you still have no talent. Take that guyliner-wearing hubby of yours and go. away.

Whenever we need to make a difficult decision, we make a list.

“Gym or TV?”
“Jeans or dress?”
“Save money or buy a new iPhone?”

So when we are constantly faced with the awful decision of which fame whore couple is more fame whorey, we make a list. No, this isn’t Sophie’s choice, but it’s our choice and it’s hard.

Moving on.

This week’s showdown is between two “celebrity” couples that spend their days on the cover of every tabloid on earth. Which couple should have kept the cameras out of their lives? Do we really have to choose?!

Reality Show:

Spencer & Heidi: Speidi’s love for one another (and the limelight) blossomed into the barf-atrocious state it is in today on The Hills. Their daily lives – spent shopping, staring at each other, and making out – are “documented” as they navigate life in L.A.  And if a not-so-reality show on MTV isn’t low enough for this fame whorey couple, they are now about to star in I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here on NBC. Because silicon and Botox fit in really well in the middle of the jungle.

Jon & Kate: Jon and Kate were two normal parents with 8 kids before TLC tapped them for their mega-hit, Jon and Kate Plus 8. The show chronicles the life of two very busy parents as they raise their adorable litter and deal with major life milestones: walking, talking, first day of school, etc.

Point: Speidi. Not only is The Hills a total waste of 22 minutes of sleeping time on Monday nights, but they don’t have 8 adorable little Asian/American nuggets running around.

Makeover:

Spencer & Heidi: It’s no secret that Heidi’s had a little (or a ton of) work done. The girl’s body has a silicon to real body parts ratio of 4:1. Lips: fake. Nose: fake. Boobs: faaaaake. Oh, and let us not forget the platinum hair extensions and press-on nails. Fake, fake, fake.

Jon and Kate: It is no secret to any Jon and Kate fan that Ms. Gosselin has gone through a few changes over the years. While she was once a Middle America mom with zero fashion sense and a lot of extra tummy skin, Kate has turned into a lean, mean, fashion machine. First a tummy tuck and a few highlights, now a backwards mullet and a closet full of the latest fashions.

Point: Speidi. At least Kate’s makeover was an improvement…

Tabloids

Spencer & Heidi: Do we even need to go there? These two spend their lives calling the paps, then hamming it up when they arrive. It wouldn’t be a normal week if there weren’t some cheesy photo of these two kissing in the pages.

Jon & Kate: The Gosselins have been on 9 tabloid covers in the past two weeks. And for a couple who wants to remain private, they sure seem to be open to sitting down for interviews with anyone who will listen. Then bitch when the media talks about ‘em.

Point: Jon and Kate. Though we all pray for a week where Spencer and Heidi aren’t making out in our favorite glossy mag, they don’t pretend to hate the media attention. In fact, they make it quite clear just how much they love it.

Ex-Friends

Spencer & Heidi: Spencer and Heidi lost a lot of friends as they moved to their little island of love. First LC, then Brody Jenner, these two are now all by their lonesome (except for that weird dude with the mustache that Spence hangs out with).

Jon & Kate: We’re sure Jon and Kate made lots of friends once they got their own show, but none of that matters when Aunt Jody turns on ya. Not only was she a huge help to Jon and Kate when they needed a little babysitting help, but she’s family! And now she’s family who’s selling her Jon and Kate secrets to the media.

Point: Jon and Kate. No one is really missing out when LC isn’t in their life, but family? Now that’s bad.

Loooove

Spencer & Heidi: Heidi and Spencer love each other so much they got engaged twice (ok, once was with some fake-ass ring, but it’s the thought that counts, right?)  and married twice (ok, so one time didn’t count, but it did in their hearts!). This duo can’t keep their hands off of each other, especially when cameras are around.

Jon & Kate: They totally love each other. They even went to Hawaii to renew their vows and prove their love and dedication to the children. And Kate is always showing how much she hearts Jon by slapping him around, yelling at him and cutting him off whenever he attempts to talk. Now that’s love!

Point: Speidi. Love eac hother in private, people. We don’t wanna see it.

And the Celebretard Couple of the Week Is: Speidi! Though who didn’t see that one coming? Here’s hoping that jungle eats them alive…