Anyone else forget that it was Monday yesterday? I spent my day BBQing with friends (or eating whatever they BBQed while I sat on the couch watching tv) only to come home, turn on my TV and realize I was halfway through The Hills. I was devastated (“SPENCER IS SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE TONIGHT!!”), but then I realized that MTV was showing the episode 12 more times over the course of the evening.

When I finally did get to watch it, though, I was a little disappointed. I’ve said this before, but I know this show isn’t really real. I think anyone with half a brain and access to Us Weekly would know that. But I hate when MTV is careless with their editing, making it completely impossible for viewers to suspend their common sense and believe that this all might be real.

Case in point: Heidi gets engaged one night and asks Steph (presumably the next day) to invite Lauren. At the same time, Audrina and Lo have already received actual invitations. One might say, “Well, Lauren, that could have been shot months later.” Well, other people, I call bullsh*t, because then they pan back to Heidi and Lauren both talking to Steph about losing her job like it was only yesterday. I don’t know much about weddings (beyond the fact that I probably won’t have one until I’m 40), but I do know that it takes months to plan one and invitations do not just come out the next day.

But whatever. That’s not the point of this post. Read More »

Upon meeting Heidi’s dad on last night’s episode of The Hills, I expected a little more from MTV. For instance, I expected a scene out of some sort of Western movie where Mr. Montag walks through swinging saloon doors, gives Spencer a look and then does some fancy moves with the gun in his holster as a tumbleweed blows by.

Instead I got some BS brunch at a Hollywood eatery where Spencer tripped over his words as he attempted to impress the Cowboy. Words that Heidi’s dad most definitely did not understand. So, Cowboy Montag, if you are reading this right now, I’d like to take this opportunity to translate that mumbo jumbo that came out of Pretty Boy Pratt’s mouth so maybe you can stop this wedding before it happens. Oh wait…. Well, at least you’ll know what he was talking about. Read More »

Ok, now correct me if I’m wrong, but Brody did come out of his hotel room in Hawaii and tell all the boys that he cheated on Jayde, right? (And what the hell kind of stripper name is Jayde, really?!) Does Brody consider sitting up all night talking about his GF with another girl cheating or was he just trying to impress his friends by telling them that he cheated?

Because this week we learn that he didn’t hook up with Audrina at all and they just slept – yes, slept – in the same bed. Being an adult woman, I do consider that inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but I wouldn’t call that cheating. And if it were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t get my trashy, Playmate entourage to stick their fake press-on nails in that poor girl’s face.

It’s not that big a deal. And my friends don’t wear fake nails. Read More »

Even though I know full and well that The Hills is all a crock of reality sh*t, I still spend a good chunk of each episode pulling out the proof. For example, if the show were real, then there would be no way Lauren would get to take time off from her internship last minute to jet-set to Hawaii.  And if the show were real, that Bible in Spencer’s hand would have been real….and would have burned at his touch.

Because there is no way the devil can hold the word of God in his hands and walk away unscathed, right?

All that aside, though, I have never been as entertained by this show as I was when watching Speidi hold bible study in their den of sin with Heidi’s ex boyfriend and his current tranny girlfriend. I know, I know; those two Crested Butte kids are good people and I shouldn’t hate, but when that girl walked into dinner, I really thought she was a man. In an old man’s Hawaiian shirt. Read More »

Please let me take a moment to apologize for a lack of recap on last week’s season premier. I left DVRing up to my mother while I watched MSU get slaughtered in the NCAA championship…. And then came home to find out she doesn’t know how to DVR. (She then backed into my car in the driveway the next morning, which is why I am no longer coming home for Passover. Ruin my life once, shame on me. Ruin my life twice… well, you know the rest.)

The double feature was amazing (the boat party, the trip to Crystal Butte, Spencer throwin’ punches) and I am super grateful that MTV likes to show everything 42 times in a week.  Though I still do not forgive my mother.

Anyways, last night’s episode – while not quite as action packed as last week – was also pretty, pretty good. I always love an awkward interaction and boy did we get it when Stephanie applied for a job with People’s Revolution. Granted, I would be crapping my pants if I had to interview with Kelly Cutrone (her teeth are scarier than her ‘tude), but I would also make sure my resume was perfection before I walked through the door. I would also probably learn the difference between “professional attire” and doing my hair like a meth addict.

But that’s just me. Read More »