Lesson #43 – Sometimes A Friend Isn’t Worth Keeping

Maybe I’m just one of the lucky ones, but my high school years never once made me wonder when my life had become an episode of The Hills. The peak of drama during my high school years included deciding whether to play it safe and straighten my hair or to take a chance on my unpredictable waves on yearbook picture day. When college rolled around, the drama remained relatively low as I clung to a small inner-circle of good friends and the few boyfriends I had through the years. I can’t help but feel lucky with my less-than-turbulent recent years, but since it appears that single life and drama can sometimes go hand in hand, so here are my tips on how to deal.

We’ve all heard the classic rule that “no man is worth losing a friendship over,” and while I whole-heartedly agree when it comes to close friends, I can’t say that I agree in all instances. As girls, we all have that one friend who, for whatever reason, seems to only want to know about your dating life. Every time you grab lunch with her, the topic of conversation is always centered around what guys you’re currently dating or what guys you want to date, and every time you try to steer the conversation away from dating, she immediately brings it right back. It’s almost as if she doesn’t really care about you, because has no interest in anything you do, just the guys you date.

Though I’m sure many are bound to disagree, I consider this an exception to the “no man is worth it” rule. If the extent of your relationship with a girlfriend is based on discussing guys, then it’s not a surprise if you lose her friendship over a guy because it seems as though that’s the only realm you two have ever shared with one another. Clearly I wouldn’t advocate this for most friendships you have, but instead just for those few girls in your life who have never seemed to care much about your life outside of the time you spend discussing guys with her.

It’s also worth disclosing that if you do sever ties with a girlfriend over a guy, then you should realize that blame is an equal opportunity employer. For whatever reason, girl drama tends to place all of the blame on the girl and yet the guy, who is just as deserving (if not, more) goes unscathed. Just because you lose a friendship over a guy, doesn’t always mean you don’t lose the guy too. And if you end up making the judgment call that a guy is worth the mess he was partially to blame for, then out of respect for the girlfriend you lost and for yourself, let your guy know what he did isn’t going to fly again.

Lastly, and most importantly, remember that just because you sever ties with a girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to do it without class. You don’t need to make it your business to make this girl’s life a living hell simply because she wronged you and you really don’t need to destroy her life to rebuild your own. If you’re going to drop a friend, then drop her and don’t come back to it if you don’t have anything nice to say. Girl drama is cyclical if you deciding severing ties is the best decision for you then do your part to break the cycle by actually breaking it, and moving on with your life.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 42 rules of the Single Girl Society

Here’s something you probably never thought you’d see.

PopEater has spotted Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, and Danielle Staub filming together in Los Angeles. What were they filming? No one knows. Apparently details about this production are “being kept under wraps.”

But that doesn’t mean we can’t make a few guesses, does it? Come on, let’s think. What do these “stars” all have in common? They’re reality TV cast offs. They’re hated. They’re really, really desperate to be famous. And well, that’s about it. Unless Jake Pavelka is secretly a woman. (Which actually wouldn’t be all that surprising with all the crying he did on The Bachelor…)

So let’s see… is this a support group for the most hated group in America? A new show for wannabe reality stars? A who’s the biggest biatch star showdown? Or are they going the whole From Justin to Kelly route and making a movie now that the reality TV well has dried up? Can’t you just see Jake as the leading man caught between a blonde and a brunette? Oh, wait…yes, you probably can since that’s exactly what he was doing on The Bachelor. But here’s the more important question…how does Spencer feel about Heidi potentially playing the role of Jake’s love interest?

Sigh. So many options. So many quip comments. I just don’t know which to choose. I’m just going to have to leave it up to you ladies. Give me your best guesses in the comments below. And click here to see the full story.

When you think about it (and maybe after 3 cups of coffee, two red bulls and a bowl of cocoa puffs you’d draw this connection too) Hollywood is kind of like a continuation of high school. All the pretty girls get to hang out together and the weird girls get thrown out of the slumber party just because they brought their stuffed elephant named Sammie. Oh and the whole gossip, secrets, lies, and rumors stuff thrives in Hollywood, just like it did in the high school halls.

Hollywood is full of secrets…and publicists who get paid the big bucks to slowly leak those secrets to US weekly, OK, and Lifestyle. But sometimes, we find a celebrity, who for some reason doesn’t want the public to know about a deep dark secret. Then one day they wake up and decide they want to share their secret with the world, preferably on the cover of People, but they’re willing to accept any major tabloid. But most of the time, it seems that these big shocking secrets aren’t all that shocking. In fact they probably would’ve been better off leaking them before every other blogger on the internet posted something about it.

Need some proof that celebrity’s have no real secrets?  Just click on anyone below to start believing.

But there’s one genre in particular that holds a special place in our hearts. That’s right, you guessed it, I’m talking about reality TV. Who needs actors and scripts when reality is just so damn entertaining all on its own? The people we watch, the situations they put themselves in, just can’t compete with figments of the imagination. And love ‘em or hate ‘em, reality shows have altered our lives and pop culture as we know it.

So, since it’s early on a Monday morning and there’s nothing on but the news (boring) and some Proactive infomercial (it’s too early for Avril Lavigne’s skin problems), let’s count down the top ten reality TV shows that changed our lives.

10. The Real Word. What? Do you think I have no sense of history? This is the longest running show on MTV. One of the longest running reality TV shows of all time. It set the standard for hot tubs and co-ed bathrooms and super dramatic fights that often involve throwing things. It’s a classic. It had to be here.

9. Iron Chef America. Or Top Chef. Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis. Or Throw down with Bobby Flay. Basically any show that makes me hungry… while also teaching me what an amuse-bouche is. Or how to reduce cooking wine. Or the beauty of scallops. Seriously, why do I know these things? Oh yeah, TV.

8.  John and Kate Plus Eight Well, this one is not so much the show itself, but more the fact that it brought us the whirlwind that is Kate Irene Gosselin, the woman who just wanted a normal life for her kids. That’s why she let TLC film her as she “mothered them.” It’s why her divorce was scattered across tabloids. And it’s why she appeared on Dancing with the Stars. (Side note: Have you seen that woman’s hair?)  

7. Sixteen and Pregnant. And people wonder why teenage girls are making pregnancy pacts (and why twenty-something girls are making runs to CVS at 10pm to ease their minds after an 8-hour TV marathon).

6. Keeping Up With the Kardashians. When this show first started, I was not a loyal viewer. Who wanted to watch a family pretending like they actually have a reason to be famous? What do they even do? Sex tapes. Celebrity boyfriends. Been there, done that. Then I accidentally on purpose turned on the TV while it was on. I think you know what happened next….well, after I spent 4 hours mastering the intensely smokey eye.

5. The Real Housewives. Orange County. Atlanta. New York. New Jersey. D.C. Or Beverly Hills. Everyone has their favorite. This show is just one of the many reasons to be glad you’re still a college girl.

4 Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. This was the beginning of an era for MTV. The first of many “reality TV shows with the feel of a scripted drama.” This was LC’s big break. This was the show that gave us…

3. The Hills. Somehow I’ve managed to make it through life without ever seeing an episode. But even I understand the socio-cultural significance of this particular show. I mean Speidi alone was life altering. But the couple everyone (or at least I do) loves to hate was only the beginning. Drama. Deceit.  Juicy details. And then the last few seconds of the series finale. Enough said.

2. The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad. This show has been on the air for eight years, providing viewers with almost a decade’s worth of pretty people breaking up, making out and freaking out. But let’s be honest, it never would have gotten the coveted number two spot if it hadn’t been for Brad Womack. He led us to DeAnna Pappas who led us to Jason Mesnick who led us to Jillian Harris who led us to Jake Pavelka who led us to Ali Fedotowsky. So much drama. So few brain cells. Add in a summer season of Bachelor Pad, and an upcoming repeat performance by Brad Womack, and this show just can’t be beat, well, except for…

1. The Jersey Shore. Come on. Did you really expect anything else here?  These people were the most popular Halloween costume of 2010.  They brought us t-shirt time, grenades, smushing and, of course, “CABS ARE HERE!” MTV gave them their own book. South Park dedicated an episode to them. They are pop culture.  As much as you might hate to admit it, Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D, JWoww and all the rest have wormed their way into the hearts’ of America, monumentally shaking the very foundations of our existence.

GTL ladies, GTL.

Which reality TV shows changed your life? Which one do you love? Love to hate? Or just plain old hate?

[Check out Jenn's other musings-in-the-form-of-a-list here.]

What. A. Week. Am I right? There’s been so much going on over in HWood that it seems like it’s been months since Lindsay gave the ol’ “F You” to the judge. But that was just last week! We weren’t too sure what was going to happen after that bizness, but we had a very good feeling that Michael Lohan would do anything to keep himself his daughter in the headlines. I swear, we must be psychic!

But that wasn’t the only thing going on in the city of failed marriages and and rehab clinics angels. Mel Gibson is getting more psychotic by the minute, the Dream ruined his relationship with the beautiful Christina Milian, Sean Kingston faced sexual assault charges…

Just another day in Tinsel Town.

The big-ness.

1. John Stamos (oh Uncle Jesse!) won his extortion case against a couple who was trying to get $680,000 from him so they wouldn’t release some incriminating photos. Photos of him doing coke and being in compromising positions (!!). Well, those photos didn’t exist (phew). The woman, Allison Coss, now 24, also claimed they had an intimate relationship and she got pregnant. Whatevs, biatch; don’t mess with Uncle J. Congrats, John – we look forward to seeing you on Glee!!

2. Looks like Lindsay Lohan (that’s a lot of L’s!) will be spending some time in the Pickford Lots rehab facility. Michael Lohan has been trying to reverse Lindsay’s sentence in hopes that post-rehab, the judge will review Lindsay’s case again and not send her to the clink. But, LiLo and her now ex-lawyer have to go before the judge again and get the switch approved. Who knows what could happen next? I just hope she gets put somewhere far away and gets better. For real this time.

3. Soccer stud Landon Donovan was rumored to have a love child with some woman from the UK. Well it turns out, it’s not true! Thank goodness because he and his wife Bianca Kajlich are working things out after they supposedly broke up last year. Being the good, responsible man that he is, Landon did say to Sports Illustrated, “I was informed of the possibility during the World Cup, and if I need to take responsibility, then I will provide the appropriate support. This is a private matter and I will refrain from further comment at this time.” Good for you, Landon!

4. In Oksana vs. Mel, things keep getting worse. The two were in court today in the battle for custody of their 8-month-old daughter, Lucia. The court has the tapes of Crazy Mel threatening Oksana and will be used as evidence in the case. There is also a domestic violence case being investigated after reports that Mel punched Oksana in the face, bruising her and chipping her front teeth. Team Oksana. Duh.

5. Cheryl Tweedy has been suffering from malaria, but is now out of the hospital and back home! She’s “dating” Derek Hough (Julianne Hough’s bro) and contracted the disease while on vacation. The poor thing was in pretty serious condition for a while, but we’re glad to hear she’s doing well.

The small-ness.

1. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston got engaged. Congrats? I didn’t see that one coming – especially after Levi’s anti-Palin speaking tour – but there are rumors of a reality show in the mix, so now it all makes sense.

2. The Hills has finally ended! And people are freaking out about the fake Hollywood ending. Was it all a sham?! Yes, let’s move on.

3. Tom Cruise is trying to get his career back doing Mission: Impossible IV. Um…why is this necessary?

4. Tim Allen signed on to be Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story 4 if Pixar does it! Yay!!! Don’t lie, you know after Toy Story 3 that you want another!

5. Old Spice hottie Isaiah Mustafah has a bunch of sexy video messages to celebs. You’re welcome.

Instead of glitzy night club scenes with boring conversations, Downtown Girls actually shows the lives and friendships of Nikki, a boutique owner, Gurj, an Atlantic Records digital marketer, Klo, a bride-to-be, Victoria, an aspiring lawyer, and last but not least, Shallon, a Glamour.com blogger.

In a world of plastic reality show Barbie dolls (i.e: Heidi Montag), seeing young women working, living on their own, and trying to figure out their 20-something lives was refreshing. With each girl offering her unique individual style and perspective, it was impressive seeing MTV tackle real people, doing real everyday things for once.

Although Downtown Girls chronicles a group of friends, Shallon Lester steals the show with her outspoken and funny personality. With a larger-than-life persona that makes Shallon seem like everyone’s best friend, her energy is contagious. Who wouldn’t want to be her friend?

With one co-written book under her belt, Hot Mess, and a collection of memoirs chronicling her dating life coming out in 2011 called Exes and Ohs, expect to hear more from Shallon. So, consider this an inside look beyond the MTV cameras…

Five Questions We Ask Everyone:

1. What’s your favorite college memory /most trouble you’ve ever gotten into?
Riding a bull freshman year of college. I went to Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, which is way out in the country. Everyone takes rodeo—yes, it’s an actual class—and you learn how to rope and ride and brand. Our final was to ride a bull, and I went last because I was a coward. I’ve done a lot of risky and scary things in my life, but I’ve never been more frightened than when my instructor was tying my hand to the saddle and riling up the steer with a cattle prod. The chute opened and I lasted 2.7 seconds before it bucked me off and kicked me in midair, like a volleyball spike. I still have a lump on my lower back from it. Wicked.

2. What are five things you cannot live without?
Hockey, lip gloss, Tim McGraw’s greatest hits album, my mom, my Google alert on “Zac Efron shirtless.”

3. What is your motto/advice you live by?
If you trust your dreams more than you doubt them, you will get everything that you want. You don’t always have to know how you’re going to achieve it, you just have to believe that it will. It’s like Christmas morning; you don’t know the schematics of how Santa got into your house, but you knew he would.

4. What is your favorite song to belt out at the bar/car/karoke?
“Baby Got Back” by Sir-Mix-Alot. If you saw me in boy shorts you’d know why.

5. Ten years from now you will be …
Married to an NHL player, overseeing the movie adaptation of my latest novel, and explaining to my friends why being voted “Sexiest Woman Alive” by Playboy five years in a row isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Signing autographs is exhausting, you know.

Five Questions specifically for Shallon:

1. What is most essential to a good friendship?
Loyalty. My life is pretty weird, so I can’t have a friend who will jump ship the moment I do something offbeat. Because “strange” is pretty much my only setting.

2. You seem so confident in who you are. Was there a defining moment that made you say “You know what, I truly accept myself for who I am.” If so, what was it?
When I started writing the sex and dating column for my college newspaper at Cal Poly, girls would come up to me and say “OMG that happened to me too! I thought I was alone!”  I realized that all of my experiences were pretty relatable, so why pretend to be someone I’m not?

3. After watching yourself on Downtown Girls, did any moments make you cringe or uncomfortable to see on camera?
Oh Jesus I looked so fat. I’m actually quite irresistible in person. And it’s never high on your list of goals to be caught crying over your ex on national television, but eh, at least my mascara didn’t run. The boy was a different story.

4. What was your worst break-up experience and how did you get through it?
About three years ago I fell deeply in love with a boy and was 100% sure that he was The One, and I knew he felt the same way. And he did…about someone else. A stripper, actually. He left me for her and I spiraled into a severe depression for seven months. I can’t tell you how many pro athletes I had to bone to pull myself out of it. But I finally did, and at the end of it, I’m wiser and stronger…and all he has is a scorching case of Chlamydia.

5. If you could go back and tell your 20-year-old self one piece of advice to hold onto for the future, what would it be?
At 20, I was so concerned about what people thought of me—boys, my sorority sisters, family—that I never asked “What do I think of myself?” When your goal is pleasing yourself first and foremost, having fun and attracting the right kind of people is inevitable.

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The Girls of The Hills: Then and… holy sh*t is that the same person?

Move over, Patti. There's a new matchmaker in town.

We all know that relationships don’t last long in Hollywood.  Could it be because celebrities are completely blind to their perfect matches?  You can’t let things like addictions and insane exes get in your way of true love, guys!

Here at College Candy, we’ve scoured the internet, read through all the tabloids, and racked our brains for the most perfect star-studded couples.  Using a highly-scientific method, we’ve taken various criteria into account – hot-mess status, history of violence, etc.- and calculated the most compatible romantic matches.  Take a look at who’s no longer on the market!

Spencer Pratt and Kelly Bensimon

Between The Hills and Real Housewives of New York, these two bring the crazy coast to coast.  Am I the only one wondering why King Spencer hasn’t found his queen in Kelly?  Imagine the insane conversations!  They would just babble on and on and talk over one another until next thing you knew, healing crystals were flying across the room and they fell to the floor having passionate, angry sex.

Lindsay Lohan and Lil Wayne

One word: LiloWayne.  Great celebrity nickname or greatest celebrity nickname?  Just picture it- their eyes meet across the jail cafeteria, sparks fly (or perhaps that was a stray bullet), and before you know it they’re running from the law hand in hand.  Post-incarceration they’ll shun conformity, opting instead to continue in their boozy, drug-addled ways.  It’s a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, what romance!

Kate Gosselin and Jake Pavelka

I can see this either going really, really well or oh-so horribly wrong.  They’re both control freaks, that we know.  But they’re also fame whores who claim to value family and respect and love above all else. Thanksgivings would be off the charts- kids running everywhere dismantling the house, Vienna sobbing over the phone, Jon busting in with three underage girlfriends.  Kate and Jake can go hide in the pantry, binge eating animal crackers and fake cursing.  Gosh darn gee wiz!

Denise Richards and Scott Disick

Uh, he’s gotta be a better dad than Charlie Sheen, right?  Denise and Scott can commiserate on how they barely made it out of abusive relationships- physically with Charlie, emotionally with Mama Kardashian.  And I say barely because I believe Scott was briefly forced into employment for a period of time…thankfully that didn’t stick.  Now they can bask in the flash of the cameras while they gallivant down Rodeo Drive spending their settlement money.

John Stamos and Miley Cyrus

He likes the youngins, she has no concept of what is or isn’t appropriate behavior for a seventeen year-old.  Sure, Uncle Jesse is old enough to be Hannah Montana’s father.  Think it’ll matter to anyone?  If the feds question the legality of this match-up, her parents will say, “She’s just being Miley!”

Chelsea Handler and Big Black

But only if they can adopt the chain smoking Indonesian baby.

Johnny Weir and Tim Gunn

Ohmigod, can you just imagine the outfits!  Johnny needs someone to detox him from glitter and Tim would do well to let loose a bit.  Once they worked their magic on one another, it would be a hysterical, fashion-forward pairing.  And the wedding, don’t even get me started on all the possibilities.  Heidi as best man!  That strict German skating coach as officiant!  I need to sit down for this…

OMG. Oh. My. God.

What a freaking series finale that was!

I apologize if this recap is less than stellar, but I could barely get out of bed this morning after laying awake for most of the night trying to figure out what was real on the past 6 seasons of The Hills and what was shot at a soundstage in Los Angeles.

Anyone else see that one coming? I know I didn’t. I spent the entire episode scribbling notes about the forced endings for all of the characters, Brody’s horrible attempt at tears at Kristin’s goodbye party, and questioning the whole “Kristin is moving to Europe” plotline when we all know she’s still trolling L.A. in a bikini and heels.

But then, BAM, Kristin’s Town Car pulls away and we watch as the backdrop behind sad Brody gets pulled away to reveal a set and a crew. I screamed – like actually screamed – then paused my DVR to digest what just happened.

I gotta say, MTV is f**king brilliant. For the past 6 seasons of The Hills people have questioned if the show was real or fake. Just when we thought it was 100% scripted, they would bring in someone’s parents or document one of the cast member’s relationships that we knew was real from reading the tabloids. So we’d keep watching and following and referring to these people’s lives as if they were real.

MTV blurred the lines between real and fake and now that the show is over, no one really knows which was which.

Even more, had this show been shot in any other way – had we known with 100% certainty that it was a scripted drama like others on TV – no one would have ever watched.  Would you watch Gossip Girl if the only drama was someone dating someone’s ex? Or if all Blair and Serena did was go shopping and nibble on salad at restaurants? No, because that gets boring. We watch shows like that because we want to escape into the insane lives of others, to experience things we’d never experience in real life. But when we think we’re following the lives of some “regular” twenty-somethings, we get hooked on the “normal” drama and want to find out what happens next.

And that made The Hills the biggest show in MTV’s lineup.
Simply brilliant.

But the ending wasn’t the only thing worth mentioning on last night’s series finale. The episode was the perfect culmination of all 6 years of this show (including a lot of “then” and “now” photos – remember when Heidi looked NORMAL!?). It had stupid drama (Kristin’s chat with Brody by the pool), bottle service at a bar, and one amazing quote that is embodies the characters as a whole:

“You’re, like, the manliest guy I’ve ever dated, but at the same time, you’re, like, the sweetest guy… Yeah, ‘cuz you just, like, ride a dirt bike, but then, like, you’re just, like, a care bear.”

Thank you, Stephanie Pratt.

But now it’s all over. No more Audrina and Justin Bobby. No more Kristin and Brody. No more Stephanie and Lo and Frankie and that weird kid with the Hipster ‘stache. No more private planes, impromptu trips to exotic locations or me bitching about how there is no way on earth this show could be real because these people don’t have jobs. It’s the end of all of these people’s careers an era and, DAMN, did they go out with a bang.

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