Is Lady Gaga gonna pull a Heidi Montag?

Beautiful fashion that’s good for Mother Earth.

What happened to Bret Michaels?

WTF is Martha Stewart doin’ in a frat house?

Britney Spears is on nipple watch.

Another bar fight for Snooks?

United: students against hooking up.

More babies for Isla and Sasha!

1 in 10 women don’t like what their boyfriends look like.

Cute bikinis for the semi-modest.

We’re guessing Lindsay Lohan’s credit score isn’t stellar.

Alyssa Milano vs. The Jersey Shore?

MTV has been by my side ever since Justin Timberlake was breaking it down with N*sync on Total Request Live. Yes, it seems crazy now, but MTV used to actually have shows dedicated to music (TRL being a personal favorite). And just recently, like a very public break-up on Facebook, MTV has made it official and removed “Music Television” from their new logo, and replaced it with… Snooki?

Yup, Snooks is now the face (and ginormous Guidette boobs) of MTV. And the world is in a tizzy.

Ever since MTV unveiled the new logo, sans any sign of music, the media has been abuzz. People are shocked and dismayed by the change, dumbfounded by the fact that there is no more music at Music Television. But why? Read More »

I look good after a little GTL. Now I just need to find me a gorilla.

It’s Friday. My brain stopped working 3 days ago. In lieu of doing actual work I’ve spent the past 2 hours catching up on TFLN, stalking photos of people I do not know on Facebook and trying to figure out what will be going in my flask tonight.

And then I found this. The best thing I’ve seen online since When I Had Braces:

Jerzify Yourself.

It’s exactly what it sounds like. Put your picture in, click a few buttons and find out what you’d look like if you were born into Snooki’s fam. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my time on this cold Friday afternoon. And based on my outcome, Angelina (remember her?) was wrong; I’m the hottest Guidette around.

Tonight is the season finale of the Jersey Shore.

Let’s all take a moment of silence.

In preparation for this tragic ending I am beginning to practice the coping skills I learned from my therapist to use when dealing with a break-up.  Because this is a break-up. A really painful one.

You see my relationship with The Jersey Shore began like any other meaningful relationship.  I saw a preview and was interested.  I didn’t know exactly what it would offer me, but it seemed attractive enough for me to find out.  I committed to the first episode and was anxious to see how things would go, just like any first date.  By the end…I was hooked.

I am the first to admit my own psychosis…I became a stage five clinger.  I stalked The Jersey Shore by watching YouTube clips, looking for trailers, anything I could.  Our relationship blossomed as I became more and more intrigued with each character and I felt as if I actually lived in the house and could call the Duck Phone my own.  I found myself referring to the characters and constantly contributing my input to their lives.  “Did you SEE that girl The Situation brought home? Even he could do better than that!”

Read More »

Cha CHING

I promised myself I would not fall head over heels for fist pumping and barber shop outings, but as quickly as you can say “duck phone” I was couldn’t stop watching Pauly D burn coal in a gas grill.  Thus opening the doors for a new guilty pleasure to enter my life, formally known as the Jersey Shore.  I’m as confused as you are. If you asked me a month ago if I would be constructing my Guido name on Facebook, I would have told you to go smush yourself.

I’m not the only one smitten for Jersey Shore.  America has fallen in love with the guidettes and Guidos so deeply that 2.1 million people tuned in for the second episode.   Tanning package well spent, Snooki.  Vinny also just (drunkenly, I’m sure) leaked that the show will be coming back for another season of sweatbands and fist pumping in Seaside Heights, and the original cast members won’t be going anywhere. Except to battle it out on the dance floor, that is. And when they do, they’ll be making bank.

As in $30,000! Read More »