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We’ve all killed a few hours (*cough*Calculus*cough*) imagining that amazing guy that would somehow walk into our lives – you know, the one with the suave of George Clooney, the charm of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the abs of Ryan Kwanten (hello, Jason Stackhouse!) – and magically turn all those microwave-ramen-days into a romantic comedy dream. Turns out though, most of us actually believe he exists.

OK, maybe not quite as awesome as we dreamed, but still, according to a new, poll two-thirds of us believe that our soul mate is out there and that we’ll find him some day.

On the one hand, I totally get that. Assuming that you didn’t spend your formative years as part of a remote tribe in the depths of the Amazon (and probably even if you did), you were probably raised on movies, TV shows and books filled with epic love stories. And if all of those quirky girls can find THE guy who will love them and make life a fairy tale, why shouldn’t someone nice and normal (mumbles) like me be able to do it too. Sure, we realize it’s not going to play out exactly like the movies, but it’s not really the big kiss-in-the-rain-to-the-tune-of-a-Top-4o-love-song scenes that matter, it’s the love. Moreover, those stories always make it seem like the girl who “settles” – who picks a nice, smart, handsome guy who loves her but isn’t “the one” – is making a huge mistake and ruining her happiness forever. No, we’re not all four years-old, we know that all of those tales aren’t real life, but they do on a subconscious level, form our ideas about what love should be.

But then there’s that pesky little reality problem we all have to live with. See, it turns out that people who believe in the soulmate thing and apply that to their relationships are 150% more likely to get divorced. Ouch! The problem is, in a world with roughly 6.5 billion people, even if we all really do have a soul mate, the odds of finding that person would be crazy small (I’d do the math, but like I said before, I had other abs on my mind during those classes). It also inherently means that most people who get married are probably married to someone who’s not “the one” – and by that virtue, are taking up someone else’s “one” – and that those marriages are somehow less meaningful. The soul mate seems like a romantic idea, but when you put it into perspective, it’s actually just heart-crushingly depressing.

What say ye, ladies? (Why did that go all medieval? I have no idea) Do you believe that someday your prince will come? Or is that rom-com stuff all a little blown out of proportion? Duke it out!

Got a question? Email Tuffy Luv at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered right.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I dated this guy who I thought was it for 2 years, but I ultimately ended it because he moved away and our relationship became strained and our communications broke down. We planned on seeing where things would go when he came back, but before that happened, we got into a big fight about past things that I thought were non-issues.

We stopped talking for almost a year, but then right before the summer started I began thinking about him more and more. and then ran into him while at his neighbor’s place. We texted each other that day and said that we’re both over all the issues that started the fight. It has been a week since then, and I can’t stop thinking about him. It has caused me to have a lack of sleep, and a lot of stress.

What should I do?

Thanks,
Julie

Dear Julie,

I hate to say it, but I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy.

Why do I hate to say it, and why do I think it’s worth the chance? Why, by gum, I’ll tell you, Julie, I’ll tell you right now.

Why I hate to say it: Well, usually when you break up with someone, there’s a reason. Unfortunately, cruel human nature makes us forget and–sigh–romanticize the hell out of past relationships. But 9 times out of 10, when you give it another go, you remember very quickly why it didn’t work out in the first place.

Why I think it might be worth taking a chance on this guy: Well, for one thing, you once thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with him. If you really mean it, that’s a major thing to say. Something about him seemed really right to you, and there’s something to be considered in that. And then, of course, there’s the fact that you’re both over these issues. Plus he’s back in town, right? Why not give it another chance?

In short, Jules, you can’t stop thinking about the guy and the issues you two once had have now dissolved. What’s the harm in seeing if there are still sparks? Call the guy up and get started on the rest of your life. I genuinely hope it works out.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you?

Abiola (Miss Picky) – The self-proclaimed Princess whose standards are so high that she critiques guys based on a 10 point scale. Props to her for being an independant diva, but will she learn to give guys a chance or continue to write them off before even learning their last name?

Arian (Miss Party Girl) – A former stripper and hardcore partier who dates by a “two week” rule, this chica is dealing with some daddy issues. Claiming that all men are unfaithful, she protects herself by immediately airing her dirty laundry in hopes that a guy will stay with her despite her flaws. Her penchant for TMI and overly-sexual nature keeps decent guys at arms length.

Jacklyn (Miss Wedding Obsessed) – This 23 year old, small-town, wannabe bride is terrified that her “clock is ticking” and hopes to be married by 25. Having already chosen her wedding dress, centerpieces, invitations and photographer, this commitment-minded Southern Belle scares guys off like Jennifer Aniston!

Jessa (Miss Too Much Too Soon) – This insecure textaholic smothers guys with her obsessive nature. Taking pics of them in their sleep, over-analyzing every word and stalking their Facebooks have the men running for the hills. Will she take Steve’s advice and finally learn how to enjoy the moment?

Jody (Miss Lone Ranger) – This 30 year old has found total success in the workplace, but has no one at home to share it with. Too much focus on work and no play has left this hard worker alone and lonely. Although a wonderful role model for goal-oriented girls, can she stop obsessing about work and make time for a real relationship?

Natasha (Miss Fixing The Wrong Guys) – Suffering from the Nurse Curse, she is attracted to men with issues and hopes to be the one girl who can change him for the better. Being too nice and caring, she allows these hot messes to walk all over her.

Stasha (Miss Ball Buster) – This former Playmate’s alpha female attitude and constant bragging intimidates every single guy she meets. Her harsh, critical and upfront demeanor are her way of putting up walls to keep out “losers.” Can this self-proclaimed “sheep in wolves clothing” let down her guard and let in her match?

Taylor (Miss Gold Digger) – A get-what-I-want Daddy’s girl, this unapologetic bitch won’t settle for anything less than “the finer things in life.” Claiming that guys are intimidated by her looks and the attention she gets, she lets her shallow standards do the talking.

Can you relate to any of these ladies? If not, congratulations, but some of us may still be wondering why we’re single. Though these girls do have great things to offer, their issues are stopping them just short of finding true love. Let’s watch as they break down their walls, correct their mistakes and let Steve use an electrocution device to zap away their bad habits. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride…

(Show airs Sundays at 10PM, so watch and come back Monday morning for a recap!)

Why is our purity worth an incalculable amount when people used to sell their souls on Ebay for twenty bucks? (I swear it’s true, Ebay started prohibiting it a few years ago).

Many of my close friends are virgins, but they all have varying reasons for their decision. My friend Jenny, for instance, decided not to have sex until she graduated high school. She wanted to wait out of respect for her parents, in addition to various religious reasons. Once she got to college, however, she found that those reasons weren’t as important to her as they once were.

To many college-aged virgins, it’s not as much about being a virgin as it is to lose it to somebody that they actually care about. Sex in college, for the most part, is pretty casual. If you need any proof just go to a frat party and look around for ten minutes. Most of us would admit though, that we probably wouldn’t engage in one night stand-esque behavior if we hadn’t already been there, done that. Understandably, most girls that haven’t lost their virginity want to experience their first time with somebody they can trust. Not necessarily somebody they’re in love with, but somebody who will respect them and still act civilly to them after the deed is done.

So what is a girl to do if she’s a virgin but wants to have sex? I have friends that just decided to bite the bullet and go for it with a friendly stranger. Some regret it, some don’t; it all depends on their stance on the issue at the time. On the other hand, I know many girls that are waiting it out – not necessarily for marriage or for “the one” but just for a good guy they feel comfortable with. And hey, if you’re saving it for a later point in your life, more power to ya.

So what’s your stance on the issue? Is “getting it over with” something you’d consider (or done)? Did you lose your virginity to someone you loved?

Hit me up, yo.

Once upon a time, I cared a whole lot about my number of sexual partners. I remember hearing a girl in high school tell me she had slept with 5 people, 5 whole people, and I remember thinking, ‘WHOA!!! What a slut! I’m never going to have sex with that many people! Ever!” But, you see, that was when I was religious and very into the idea of marriage…and the idea of waiting for the ‘right one’.

So, I waited for the right one. Two years later, after we’d finally had sex, I knew he wasn’t really the one for me. It was like pushing the Go button on our sexual relationship facilitated him finally showing me who he really was. I maintained some faith and made another guy who was ‘the one’ wait. He broke up with me the day after I finally slept with him; four months into our relationship.

I started to really doubt there was a ‘ONE’ for me. But I still really wanted sex. I longed for it. I didn’t want to be tangled up in emotions anymore. I didn’t want to be a part of the pursuit of my perfect match anymore. I didn’t want to be in love. I didn’t want any of THAT anymore. I just wanted to still have sex. You know why? Cause I thought sex felt really good.

But I felt a certain dissonance about the whole thing, too. I was already at 2 (my number) and I was scared that one day, if I met someone who knocked me off my feet, that they’d think less of me if my number was 10 or 20 or, god forbid, 50. But then I realized something…

All of the people I would sleep with would be people who I wanted to sleep with. Simple as that. If I ever found the ‘right’ person for me one day, he would have no problem accepting my past, my choices, and the events that helped me develop in time. I realized that as long as I did exactly what I wanted to do and always respected myself, that no ‘right’ man for me down the road would ever hold that against me.

I don’t understand why more girls can’t adopt this mentality. Why does a NUMBER mean so much to so many people?

(Photo from: teamsugar.com)

5. Money: Sure, it’s what makes the world go ’round and as young people, we often have money woes, but it’s a touchy subject that is best to avoid early on. Money can be a point of contention even in the strongest of relationships, so it’s a good idea to keep it out of the picture (aside from the whole payment of the date issue) in the beginning of things.

4. Your Current Drama: Whether it’s a crazy roommate situation, family turmoil, a health problem or as mentioned above, money issues, that’s the last thing a guy wants to hear about when he’s just trying to figure out if he wants to take you out for date number two. While it’s easy to want to vent about what’s stressing us out, save the drama for yo momma or your best friend, or anyone else who knows you well enough to understand your frustrations and help you through them, dumping it on some poor unsuspecting guy will have him dumping you.

3. Super Serious Issues: Your parents are getting a divorce, you just lost a loved one, your best friend got engaged and it has you feeling like you’ll never find “the one”; all very important issues that affect us personally, and like number 4, things that play a very important role in our lives and who we are, but too much to reveal too soon. Eventually, if the date leads to more dates and at some point, a relationship, you’ll have plenty of time to talk to him about these things and count him as someone to lean on, but for now, go cry on someone else’s shoulder.

2. The Ghosts of Your Past: We all have skeletons in our closet, without our pasts we wouldn’t be our present selves, but on a first date he doesn’t need to know all about your ex-boyfriends, your childhood traumas (unless it’s a hilarious story of how traumatized you were when your parents wouldn’t let you go to the Backstreet Boys concert), how many people you’ve slept with or any of your other deep, dark secrets. There’ll come a time when you can reveal all of those things you believe make you, you, just wait until he’s your boyfriend first.

1. The “M” Word: Yes, for the most part, when we’re dating in our 20′s and early 30′s, the goal is to eventually find a mate, someone to marry and start a family with. We’re all aware of that, and trust me, guys are too, so there is really no point in bringing up the white picket fence, dream house, and 3.5 kids you fantasize about having some day. This is the quickest way to get a guy to throw on the Nikes and run as fast as possible.

Overall, it’s all about keeping things light and fun…you want him to know how absolutely fabulous you are, so be yourself, he just doesn’t have to know every gritty little detail about you from day one. Eventually, when Mr. Right comes along, and he gets the chance to know all of that, he’ll love every bit of it.