To me, saying I’m insecure sounds a little harsh. It sounds a little wobbly and flaky. It sounds dishonest and awkward. Sometimes, it seems like I’m a little too big for it, kind of like Alice in Wonderland after she ate that piece of crack bread and grew her arms out of a cottage. But I’m willing to believe actually admitting an insecurity of any sort is the first step to fixing it. And I’m very willing to believe that I’m not the only one out there feeling a little bit…emotional and unsure.

Of course there are a lot of things I’m positive and confident about. In relationships, the future, my friends, where my life is going…I am confident and positive that I love to write. I am confident and positive that I am treating my body like a temple (aside from the occasional Sunday morning after a night out at the bars). I am confident and positive that the Lady Gaga’s song called ‘Hair’ makes me feel THIS close to climbing a mountain wearing an 80′s outfit.  I am confident and positive that I deeply love my family, friends, horses, Jesus and Minnesota. I am confident.

But sh*t, I’m insecure too. I never know what I want with relationships. Do I want to make out with this guy at the bar, sleep over at his house and wake up like Sex in the City Samantha and walk out feeling like a million dollars? Do I follow a strict pattern of going on countless dates, letting the guy buy the first meal, wait for a second date, begin intensely dating and wake up for an early special and do it every morning to Maroon 5? Do I have a type? Am I not good enough for him/anyone just because one guy didn’t call me back?

I’m insecure about friendships. It’s hard to keep track of everybody after college — and I’m always worried I’m going to lose my friends just because I can’t communicate with them on a daily basis anymore. Even though I know deep down inside that probably won’t happen — I always catch myself checking up on a friend just to make sure they don’t forget about me/fall of planet earth/move to Africa.

I’m insecure about the future. Will I make enough money to live a comfortable life? Above all–will I look back when I’m 80 and feel fulfilled up to the very brim of my life coffee pot. Hot and steamy, with the giant satisfaction that I lived an energetic and rich life? What if I chose A instead of B? Does that make me any less of an ideal me?

In the thick of it, my insecurities ride from trying to define myself, in a way that I think is beautiful and perfect. I’m always striving to define myself one certain way. And it’s making me insecure. I can’t quite decide where I want to go with…everything. I’m always asking myself:

“Am I OK with this?”

I recently heard something the other day that flickered a little light on the subject of insecurities. Since they sprout from properly defining yourself in retrospect to others, I think it would help to understand something; what beauty means to you. Understand that a beautiful person is a sincere person. In the form of sincerity, it is important for everyone to be themselves in all its realness. Whatever it means to be you, be it! If you’re funny and shy, be funny and shy in all of its honesty. If you are clumsy and emotional and mysterious, be all of that and don’t look back.

Insecurities are things we don’t know about ourselves, to a point where we may not understand where we are going with personal defining. But when we know who we are, and are sincere about who we are, everything will seem more clear. I’m not insecure about that.

But there’s one genre in particular that holds a special place in our hearts. That’s right, you guessed it, I’m talking about reality TV. Who needs actors and scripts when reality is just so damn entertaining all on its own? The people we watch, the situations they put themselves in, just can’t compete with figments of the imagination. And love ‘em or hate ‘em, reality shows have altered our lives and pop culture as we know it.

So, since it’s early on a Monday morning and there’s nothing on but the news (boring) and some Proactive infomercial (it’s too early for Avril Lavigne’s skin problems), let’s count down the top ten reality TV shows that changed our lives.

10. The Real Word. What? Do you think I have no sense of history? This is the longest running show on MTV. One of the longest running reality TV shows of all time. It set the standard for hot tubs and co-ed bathrooms and super dramatic fights that often involve throwing things. It’s a classic. It had to be here.

9. Iron Chef America. Or Top Chef. Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis. Or Throw down with Bobby Flay. Basically any show that makes me hungry… while also teaching me what an amuse-bouche is. Or how to reduce cooking wine. Or the beauty of scallops. Seriously, why do I know these things? Oh yeah, TV.

8.  John and Kate Plus Eight Well, this one is not so much the show itself, but more the fact that it brought us the whirlwind that is Kate Irene Gosselin, the woman who just wanted a normal life for her kids. That’s why she let TLC film her as she “mothered them.” It’s why her divorce was scattered across tabloids. And it’s why she appeared on Dancing with the Stars. (Side note: Have you seen that woman’s hair?)  

7. Sixteen and Pregnant. And people wonder why teenage girls are making pregnancy pacts (and why twenty-something girls are making runs to CVS at 10pm to ease their minds after an 8-hour TV marathon).

6. Keeping Up With the Kardashians. When this show first started, I was not a loyal viewer. Who wanted to watch a family pretending like they actually have a reason to be famous? What do they even do? Sex tapes. Celebrity boyfriends. Been there, done that. Then I accidentally on purpose turned on the TV while it was on. I think you know what happened next….well, after I spent 4 hours mastering the intensely smokey eye.

5. The Real Housewives. Orange County. Atlanta. New York. New Jersey. D.C. Or Beverly Hills. Everyone has their favorite. This show is just one of the many reasons to be glad you’re still a college girl.

4 Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County. This was the beginning of an era for MTV. The first of many “reality TV shows with the feel of a scripted drama.” This was LC’s big break. This was the show that gave us…

3. The Hills. Somehow I’ve managed to make it through life without ever seeing an episode. But even I understand the socio-cultural significance of this particular show. I mean Speidi alone was life altering. But the couple everyone (or at least I do) loves to hate was only the beginning. Drama. Deceit.  Juicy details. And then the last few seconds of the series finale. Enough said.

2. The Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad. This show has been on the air for eight years, providing viewers with almost a decade’s worth of pretty people breaking up, making out and freaking out. But let’s be honest, it never would have gotten the coveted number two spot if it hadn’t been for Brad Womack. He led us to DeAnna Pappas who led us to Jason Mesnick who led us to Jillian Harris who led us to Jake Pavelka who led us to Ali Fedotowsky. So much drama. So few brain cells. Add in a summer season of Bachelor Pad, and an upcoming repeat performance by Brad Womack, and this show just can’t be beat, well, except for…

1. The Jersey Shore. Come on. Did you really expect anything else here?  These people were the most popular Halloween costume of 2010.  They brought us t-shirt time, grenades, smushing and, of course, “CABS ARE HERE!” MTV gave them their own book. South Park dedicated an episode to them. They are pop culture.  As much as you might hate to admit it, Snooki, The Situation, Pauly D, JWoww and all the rest have wormed their way into the hearts’ of America, monumentally shaking the very foundations of our existence.

GTL ladies, GTL.

Which reality TV shows changed your life? Which one do you love? Love to hate? Or just plain old hate?

[Check out Jenn's other musings-in-the-form-of-a-list here.]

You see, I have a plan. I’m going to take my last two required college classes and then take on an internship for college credit so I don’t have to take a full course load can gain some real life experience without jumping into real life at full force.  But as I sit here and consider my potential schedule for next semester I start to realize, once again, just how final all of this is.

If everything goes according to plan (then again, nothing ever goes according to plan) I’ll only be in class two days per week next semester, six hours each day. Plus work, and the occasional club meeting/party/annual-event-I-swore-I’d never-attend-again-last-year. College life will still take up a decent chunk of my time, but not nearly as much time as it takes up right now. And it will be a complete turnaround from this semester, a semester that feels a whole lot like someone is playing a game of let’s see how long we can keep Jenn away from her bed before she collapses. So yeah, it will be different.

Less time on campus, means less time to be involved on campus. And as my college life gets closer to ending, my college life gets closer to ending. The school paper has already starting training editorial assistants to replace us, something I have a hard time grasping. We’re training people to replace us when I still feel like I need to be trained! And continuing with that theme, that campus job I had since I was a freshman? I’ve started training my replacement there as well.  And as I yammered on incessantly about the exact font size and label color that should be used on each folder, I started to realize exactly how not ready I am to hand over my color coded filing cabinet to someone else. (And, no, I don’t think it’s just because I’m a control freak, either.)

Adding to the already growing anxiety, my honors society has begun the process of inducting new members into our organization. (It’s a tiring process that involves booking rooms and ordering pins and making me want to pull my hair out of my head…) How is that possible? I feel like just yesterday, I was the one being inducted, and now I’m the one reminding everyone that they should be wearing business casual attire. Business casual attire? I own more jeans that any one person ever has the right to own. I have no business talking about business casual attire! (And don’t even get me started on how I’m going to have to wear it in 6 months….)

Every time I tutor someone in an introductory level class, every time I listen to a group of freshman discussing how long it’s been since they showered, (I kid you not!), every time I realize that guy I’ve been ogling has yet to turn 18, I am reminded once again that I’m closer to the end than I am to the beginning.

And just as I’m starting to come to terms with all of this craziness, I’m going to have to start letting some of it go -pull back from campus involvement, and step away from the color coded labels. For the first time in my college career I will (hopefully!) only be taking two courses. That means less time writing papers, less time pretending to write papers, and more time being a real person, or at least pretending to be real person.  But I think it’s a good thing that I won’t be on campus as much next semester. It will ease the transition process, pick and pull at the Band-aid instead of ripping it off all at once.

It will give those trainees a chance to take the lead, but I’ll still be close enough to remind them that we file things alphabetically by last name, not by first.

Click here to follow Jenn’s other ups and downs of senior year.

The super cool Real World house in the Dupont neighborhood of D.C.

I loathe checking my email.  I really do.  Because usually it just disappoints me by reminding me about my paper due the next day that I haven’t started or how my favorite band is playing the weekend that I happen to be going home.  So when I saw one with a subject line that read: “Cool opportunity in DC,” I eagerly opened it, only to realize that this was not a cool opportunity… this was an AMAZING, TOTALLY AWESOME, opportunity.

I was going to get to meet the Real World cast!

When word spread around GW that The Real World would be filming here, the student body went a little crazy. It’s all anyone could talk about. Where would they be living? Where would they be partying? How would we get an invite back to the swanky MTV pad?  I had been trying to spot these reality stars since September, but clearly my embarrassingly impressive stalking skills applied solely to Facebook, as I had no success tracking down any of the members.

But then I was offered the chance to meet and interview them! There was no way I’d be passing that up.

After two days of endless bragging and obnoxious excitement, it was time to go to the house.   Expecting to meet the stereotypical Real-Worlders – the “jock”, the “nice guy” the “party girl” the “bisexual”-  I stepped into the brownstone mansion in Dupont, and “seven strangers” eagerly greeted me. And I mean strangers. This cast was totally unlike any cast I’d ever seen in the 22 previous seasons of the show.

Perhaps influenced by their surroundings, the D.C. cast of The Real World was more real, involved and inspiring than ever before. Living in the heart of social and political change seemed to add an entirely new dimension to the housemates, and, for once, I think this 23^rd season of the Real World might be a little bit different than the others.  The idea that younger generations have become increasingly more involved and engaged in what’s happening in the country is clearly portrayed in these cast members as they’ve taken advantage of the endless opportunities the city offers, pursued their passions, worked for amazing organizations, achieved their goals and formed new perspectives on life and how to go about living it.

Allow me to introduce you to a few of the D.C. kids:

Josh:
By far my favorite of the bunch, Josh walked in sporting a black beater, tattoos coating his body and noticeable scars on his face.  But there was a whole lot more to him than his bad-boy appearance.  Josh blew me away with all of his ambitions, passion and excitement. I first asked him his thoughts on my “home” town. “DC is such a happening place, so driven for change,” Josh said.

D.C., it seems, is just like him. Between performing in his band, Funk Hop Rock, (a mix of Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Roots), working on making his vampire movie idea a reality, bartending, and hanging out with Spike from Top Chef to boost his cooking skills, Josh was constantly on the go.  He felt so privileged to be able to experience his Real World time in D.C. and wanted to take advantage of it as best he could.

Mike:

The biggest thing about Mike is his strong belief in taking advantage of everything that life has to offer.  When asked if he would consider appearing on Road Rules in the future, he said he has no concrete plan, so if offered the opportunity, then why not? “Fear Factor was my favorite show growing up.  I said to my mom, I’m going to be that guy eating a grasshopper.”

But there’s much more to this guy than his daredevil and spontaneous ways.  Mike also interns  for the Human Rights Campaign, the largest civil rights organization working to achieve lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality. He also works for Energy Action Coalition, a nonprofit organization that builds youth and student clean energy movement.

Emily:
Much like the cast members before her, Emily was full of energy and a desire to explore all of life’s offerings.  “I have life A.D.D.,” she explained, saying how she loves taking risks, and literally Googles new and adventurous things to do in DC.  When she’s not rock-climbing, glassblowing, jet skiing, writing poetry, planning benefit concerts, or mapping out trips to Uganda and Argentina, she is volunteering for African Action, an organization that works to change U.S. foreign policy to support African struggles for peace and development.

Her experience on the show has taught her that “its okay not to be figured out, life is about figuring yourself out, being figured out is so boring.”

Despite their different backgrounds, goals and passions, all of the Real World D.C. cast members exhibit one similarity, which Josh pretty much summed up:  “We’re not just people in our 20’s who like to party and have sex, we are trying to make a difference.”

After meeting the cast and being totally inspired by them I am extremely interested to actually watch the show. Will these cast members use their time in D.C. to actually motivate the viewers, or will MTV cut and splice them into flat, dramatic characters like every other season? Will they roam the city using their opportunities for good, or will they party all night and get into fights?

I’m hopeful this will be a new chapter in the Real World saga, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Real World, D.C. premieres December 30^th! Will you be watching?

So this is how the whole swine flu thing started.

Thank god we don’t live in Boston.

Will Chris Brown go free?

Hef wants Holly back. Obvi.

Looks like The Real World: Cancun isn’t happening…

So what’s the deal with April Fools day, anyway?

After GM, will bank CEOs be next to get the boot?

Add some bling to those sneaks.

What is your college cutting?

You don’t need a boyfriend to wear the boyfriend jean.

Amy Winehouse gets a makeover.

The Real World isn’t over yet…

Whitney and Jay back together?

Britney loves those backup dancers.

The jean jacket is back.

And even though last week the porn industry says sex in the United States is suffering due to its wavering economy, this week has proved them wrong. Sex is still a hot topic. Or better yet, virginity is. Is it all its cracked up to be? Ask this girl. Men may be questioning their skills in the sack, but we have offered them some solutions so spice up their methods. But if you are still having problems getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, maybe you should try starting in the kitchen to really get things going.

“Wanna see what happens when people stop being nice and start getting real”? Well if your answer is yes, then you may get your answer by tuning into MTVs 21st season of The Real World. (Yes, it’s been on for that long!)

Most people stopped watching Real World after the fork incident in Las Vegas. I don’t blame you. I, too, swore off the awful drama, but then I found myself with nothing to do and 100 reruns of the first episode showing on MTV. So I watched. And you should too. Since you may have missed the premier, here is a little cheat sheet to get you all caught up.

The Real World Brooklyn is the same crap as every other season, but with a few small changes:

Instead of 7 housemates this time, MTV has added another housemate in the mix, which should be interesting. In my opinion, it’s to improve the ratings and create more drama. I mean, the show has been around for so long that people have seemed to forget about it, so they needed do something new. Other changes to the show include an aftershow where ex-housemates from past seasons, as well of some of the cast members, will appear and answer questions about the current season. Oh, and instead of working together in a group project (which was always a total sh*tshow), the housemates will try to make their dreams come true on their own.

So who will be causing the drama?Here’s a short bio of the housemates.

Ryan is a 23 year old from Pennsylvania who was in the US Army and served a year in Iraq. He’s focused on making music with his guitar and writing a book.

Beya is 21 and dreams of being a professional hip-hop dancer. She will go to auditions in this season in hopes of getting her big break.

Chet is a 23 year old strict metrosexual Mormon from Salt Lake City, Utah, who loves to sew his own clothes and is saving himself for marriage. (Editor’s Note: gay and won’t admit it? Definitely.)

Devyn is a 20 year old beauty queen who counts Miss Missouri and Miss Teen America as some of her pageantry titles.

Scott is a personal trainer who recently appeared in Men’s Fitness Magazine.

JD is a 22 year old dolphin trainer (Um, NY may not be the best place for your break in dolphin training…) who was raised by his abusive father who did not support JD’s homosexuality.

Sarah, who is the tattooed lesbian turned straight 22 year old, was also abused when she was young.

Katelynn, the housemate who may cause the biggest stir, is the show’s first transgendered housemate. Desperate for ratings, MTV?

I’d like to make predictions as to what is coming this season in Brooklyn, but this is Real World. I mean, I never would have expected someone to get smacked for throwing a stuffed bear in the water in Seattle, but it happened. And it was awesome. What I can say is Real World Brooklyn is gonna be a trainwreck. And totally worth watching.

Even after 21 seasons.

He’s taking over the world

Live in NYC? Run! They’ve invaded

John Stewart for President!

Debate the legal drinking age? In college? Why not?

You actually can overdose on this…listen at your own risk

Find your perfect partner

Michael Phelps gets his dolla dolla on

…but JLo doesn’t get it

Can’t someone just put us out of our misery, by putting HIM out of his misery?

“Condom, Condom!” Someone’s calling

Nobody likes Madonna

But when I get home from a long day, I’m not looking for shark week. No sirree blog, I’m looking for some other organisms ripping each other apart and basking in the blood. That’s right: I’m looking forward to Reality TV. And, naturally, other crappy shows I can’t stop watching.

Look! Here’s a few!

(5) A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila

GOD this show blows! So why am I glued to the screen?

And why, when ****SPOILER ALERT******!!!!

Tila chose Kristy and Kristy rejected Tila, why, oh, why did I feel so deliciously vindicated–and then so bummed for Tila? Tila, you biznatch, you have a boyfriend and this is totally fake and everyone knows it! So put away your sweet, sweet alligator tears so I can stop feeling bad for you!!

Dammit.

(4) What Not To Wear

It’s the same every week! Literally! For years, the show has followed the same strict formula (ambush, commercial, 360 mirror/wardrobe trashing, commercial, shop alone pathetically, commercial, shop with Stacey and Clinton successfully, commercial, hair and makeup, commercial, show new look to Stacey and Clinton, commercial, show new look to family, and FIN). I mean, there is almost literally no variation. Once in a while, they do twins or something to mix it up–but still within the same mold. HOWEVER: I love this show. My boyfriend says Stacey and Clinton are the worst people he can imagine, but I want them to be my best friends. So. There you go.

(3) Flavor of Love

Flavor Flav, you sly dog. You made it through 3 seasons (3 seasons!!!!!!) until you finally said, frick it, I’m going to be with the latest mother of my latest child! Now that is ballsy.

Brava, Flav. Brava.

(2) The Simpsons

This used to be the best show on television, but, for the past bunch of years, it’s totally sucked. It’s a shell of its former self, with nerds writing it whose only goal is making themselves giggle.

To be fair, it’s been on almost as long as I’ve been alive. STILL! Stop sucking, Simpsons, and start being awesome again!!! I miss you! (And yet I still watch you every Sunday night and get great joy trashing you every Monday. So…yeah.)

(1) The Real World

The classic to kill all classics. I mean, this is a bad show. Right? But…but…it’s been on so long, in so many cities. And…and…I’ve seen them all. And…I–I love it. YOU WIN, REAL WORLD. Now throw me up some Puck and Bri and I can cry myself to sleep.

Other shows may come or go, Real World, but you’re always a woman to me.

Did I miss any?

[Image courtesy of mediaobsessed.com]