Everybody’s trying out this “positive psychology” thing. Basically, positive psychology is the attempt to change self-defeating, negative thoughts, like, “I hate myself because my thighs touch and hers don’t” into more positive ones like, “My thighs might touch, but my calves sure do look hot in heels…and I bet she’s anorexic anyway.” Or whatever.

Well, somebody thinks we’re doin ‘ it all wrong.

According to Canadian researchers, “just thinking positive” can actually have the opposite effect. It can make people realize just how miserable they truly are.

The study started by highlighting old research that if people get feedback they believe is overly positive, they just feel like more sh*t than they did originally. Like when my boyf grabs at my tummy fat and a minute later tries to tell me that I have “such a nice stomach.” You better believe that as soon as that boy is out the door, I’m gorging my face with Peanut Butter Passion ice cream in shame.

The article in TIME, which reported this research, states that, “If you tell your dim friend he has the potential of an Einstein, you’re just underlying his faults.” And no matter how dumb that person is, he knows it, you jerk.

So, what do the Canadians suggest we do? Accept our shortcomings, obvi. Embrace that extra pudge! Celebrate your low IQ! Know your faults and live with them. Fighting off those negative feelings will lead to failure and make things worse. But knowing what you’re dealing with – and being realistic – will make you feel a whole lot better.

Um, so we should be HONEST with ourselves and others? Who woulda thunk?

But hey, I’ll take any excuse to be a cynic.

[Photo source: craigharper.com ]

So, what are vision boards?
Vision Boards put your thoughts on paper, and force you to sit down and really evaluate what you want for yourself in the future – be it tomorrow or 2 years from now. And they stop you from going down a path you don’t really want. Not to mention looking at those images every day is a constant reminder of your dreams and goals and makes you that much more motivated to work towards making them a reality.

You can make them big or small. Mini vision boards are great for smaller goals. I have a mini vision board in my kitchen, which reminds me of my goal to stay healthy whenever I’m reaching for the pizza takeout menus. And I have one over my desk, filled with images and words that remind me of my long term academic goals so I don’t stray when I should be studying.

And then there are the biggies – a vision board for your life, filled with what you want to achieve in many aspects of your future: school, career, love, dreams….anything.

How do you make a vision board?
The best part of Vision Boards is the fun you have putting it together. (Oh, and down the road when you fulfill all your life’s goals and dreams…) It’s like art class, only you don’t have that weird Miss Lippy teacher breathing down your neck. Just start saving up some magazines and wait for that perfect rainy Sunday afternoon to put your vision down on poster board. Here are some tips:

1. Start pulling out images, words and quotes from magazines as you’re looking through them and save them in a file for when you make your board. Could be your dream house, your favorite inspiring quote or a picture of someone you want to meet whose inspired you (hello, Jason Segel; you’ve inspired me to want to – um – date you).

2. Make a list of what you REALLY want. I mean sure, we’d all like 12 pairs of Chanel flats but is that really vision-board-worthy? Sit down and write out what you really want for yourself, your career, where you live, who you’re surrounded by, etc.

3. Buy some Coarkboard, a thick poster board, or a pretty frame to put it in. This will make it more apartment decor and less 7th grader collage. And it really would look awesome over your couch, bed, or desk.

4. Don’t be afraid to throw on dates that you want things to happen by! Sounds crazy but as the saying goes, “what you think about, you bring about”

5. I like the idea of a few “themed” vision board -  one for physical/mental health, one for career, one for love, one for random stuff you want (Chanel flats totally approps here!). Breaking the visions down will allow you to really focus in on one area that is particularly important to you.

6. Don’t let others who laugh at you for doing this bring you down. Because they will. But they are just judgemental or dumb or people who suck at life. People who will look at you in awe when your life is falling into place and they are still lost souls looking for some direction.

Not to say I’m a total self-help junkie now, but I am pretty shameless about the fact that I read – and believe in – the healing power of self-help books. (Okay, that sounded unnecessarily cheesy, but you catch my drift.)

So, even if you’ve never snuck a peak at the Self Help section in Barnes & Nobles (or are just too embarrassed to admit it),  here’s some of my faves & some others whose street cred is pretty great, as far as self-help books goes:

1. You Can Heal Your Life – Louise L. Hay. I just recently started reading this one myself and I’m in love. It’s intense and has caused quite a few life-changing epiphanies, and Hay will seriously stop at nothing to help you create your perfect life.

2. The Secret – Rhonda Byrne. The now uber-famous Law of Attraction is explained in this simple, visually appealing, tiny book. And when you don’t exactly have time to sit down & waft through an intense self-help workshop like you’d get from something like You Can Heal Your Life, The Secret will totally suffice. You can easily soak up a chapter between classes or use it as a study distraction. It’s more exciting than King Lear, I promise.

3. Succulent Wild Woman by SARK. Or anything by SARK, actually. Her books are super colorful, easy to read and inspiring. She’s been through it all and has the battle wounds to prove it, but has basically turned out absolutely wonderful, if you ask me.

4. Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert. Although personally I’m not so sure how I feel about a book with ‘Pray’ in the title, I’ve heard oodles of good things about this one. This book was basically a third appendage when my old roommate was chillin’ in our apartment between lectures.

5. The Red Book – Sera Beak. Recommended by one of my favorite bloggers, Miss Gala Darling over at iCiNG, this book is all about creating your own brand of spirituality.

6. He’s Just Not That Into You – Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Okay, this isn’t exactly a “self-help” book, per se, but it’s a pretty practical reminder for women out there that some men really actually do just suck (and there are NO excuses for them!).

7. Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself – Sabrina Ward Harrison. More of a journal than a self-help book, it’s filled with inspiring collages and scrawled messages from Harrison’s own mind alongside space to spill your own deep thoughts. Ch’yeah.

Know a good self help book you want to share with other CC readers? Talk about it in the comments.

I love books. Well, I should say I love books aren’t listed on a class syallabus. For every mood you’re in, there is a good book to go with it. And when you feel like procrastinating but have already read through every article on here, you can feel a bit more productive knowing you’re reading a book/a novel/even a cook book!

So here are 5 books that I thought were worth sharing with you. Share some of your faves at the bottom and spread that bookworm loooove.

1) Kaffir Boy. Mark Mathabane’s authobiography about growing up in South Africa during the Apartheid. This book is riveting, and, more importantly, eye opening. A total page turner. It’s sad, it’s motivational, it’s totally engrossing.

2) The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs. A chic-lit book with a bit more substance to the story. Not to mention it’s going to be a movie with Julia Roberts as the star, so you know you’ll want to read it before then. Another easy read worth loving.

3) Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same: The Life and Times of Some Chickens. Best Coffee Table book EVER. It’s snarky, it’s funny, it’s a must have. There is nothing like having a long, stressful day and flipping through this little picture book of attitude. LOVE.

4) You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Yes, it’s all about positive thinking. Yes, a lot of people think it’s a lot of mumbo jumbo, but this book has been around for years. And I think there is some definite merit in the benefits of positive thinking to help bring balance, good things, and good health, into your life. Even if you aren’t a firm believer in all the “What you think about you bring about,” it at least gives you some good tools to help turn negative situations into positive lessons.

5) The Pact by Jodi Picoult. This book is a bit older, but it’s one of those books you literally cannot put down. Jodi Picoult is such a great writer that she almost makes you want to give up going out tonight just to finish this chapter. Almost.

What are some of your all-time faves?

[Welcome to my Weekly Love List. A list, on all things I love. Because if I love them - well then obviously you may (and should) love them too. As the Backstreet Boys song says (and yes I am actually quoting them) “My Love is All I Have To Give.” So with that throwback, here are this week’s list-worthy things…]

1. Cover Girl Last Blash Mascara. Until this moment I have been shelling out prime dollars for department store mascara. But with one stroke of this bad boy I was hooked. Hooked and fluttering my eyelashes all night long!

2. Astrologyzone.com: Maybe I’m a sucker, but I am addicted to this site that gives you a detailed (we’re talking like 3 pages baby!) horoscope for the month. I had a chance to hear the astrologist who runs the site, Susan Miller , speak once and I was hooked. Yes I’m into things like The Secret and all that other new-age stuff, but even if you aren’t there is something just so fun about horoscopes. It’s like playing M.A.S.H. when you were a kid. (Although that was never fun if you ended up in the shack married to Steve Urkel).

3. Shutterfly photo books. You have thousands of pics on your computer, but now because of all this digital stuff no one prints their photos anymore! Shutterfly makes it easy to put your best pics on display by putting them in these cute little hardcover plastic books that YOU can design. A great gift idea; after all, who doesn’t love having pics of themselves in their Halloween costume doing a kegstand on their coffee table for all to see? Only everyone worth being friends with.

4. This video. because it never gets old and I never stop loving it.

5. Hautelook.com. Sample sales from your favorite designers – from Ella Moss to Elizabeth and James – and just about everyone in between with prices as much as 70% off! Heavenly and Love List worthy – that’s for sure.

What are you loving this week?

Three nights ago, as I’m spooning in bed with my ex-boyfriend/current fling (the lines are a little blurred), he, out of the blue, drops a line that no ex-girlfriend ever wants to hear spoken about herself: he called me crazy.

I was speechless. Everything had being going rather well all night: I looked super-hot, we were flirting like mad and we had just engaged in a no-fuss, delicious two-hour romp on his blow-up mattress, resulting in the big “O” for both parties.

And then he had to go and ruin our post-coital snuggle session with the dreaded “C” word.

Now, let me set the record straight. This is definitely not the first time a male in my life has called me crazy. Everyone from my dad and brother to my high school gym teacher has felt the need to express their opinion about my level of sanity.

I can’t deny that maybe, they were right to drop the C-bomb. Let’s just say that high school was rough for me. I was involved in a serious relationship, which led me to act like a serious fool. I yelled really loud, pushed really hard and generally caused extreme amounts of unnecessary stress for everyone involved in my life. But hey, I was sixteen, riding high off the fumes of sweet adolescent hormones, and I didn’t think – I just DID.

Of course, douchebag ex-boyfriend heard all the juicy details of my teenage drama during our first year of dating. I mean, if I had to endure all the pain and horror – it was only fair that I pass it onto him, right? (Note: I realize now this was a huge mistake and that some skeletons really are better kept in the closet – forever.) So, after I got upset about a girl attempting to kiss him in front of me after a little too much jungle juice, he decided it was time to break out the one insult he knew would cut straight to the heart.

Okay, back up and let’s examine this. I don’t have a Psych minor for nothing.

Recently, a fellow CC blogger discussed the legit-ness of the idea that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I’m here to tell you that cheating is not the only habit that can be broken, so is psychotic-obsessive-crazy girlfriend syndrome.

I was psycho/obsessive/crazy because I was one thing and one thing only (and it wasn’t crazy). It was insecure. I was blatantly, unabashedly wearing my insecurity on my sleeve, much like Brit or LiLo. I didn’t really know or understand that I was insecure, but all of my behavior stemmed from the little insecurity seed that had at some point sprouted in my impressionable brain.

So, many years (and cocktails, therapy sessions, The Secret-esque books,, and Positivity Blog entries) later, I find that a lot of my craziness has kind of…vanished. Poof. No more obsessively calling my boyfriend twenty times when he doesn’t answer. No more late-night drive by’s of his apartment to see if there is a girly-looking car in the driveway. No more incessant complaining and/or crying when a boy doesn’t respond to my every beck and call.

Nope. I, my friends, am cured. I am secure. I am confident. I am happy. I am whole. And most importantly, I am NOT f-ing crazy!

Some people (namely, the douchebag ex) will argue that craziness is something that doesn’t completely go away. And maybe, to an extent, this is true. I think we all have a certain amount of craziness in us. But, thankfully, L-O-V-E is probably the only thing that brings it out in most of us – and only if we let it.

But, for the most part, I don’t see myself engaging in crazy behaviors – at least to the level I did before – ever again. I have realized that if a stupid boy makes me feel crazy, or makes me feel that I need to act crazy, he is just not worth it. My sanity is much more important than some relationship that is (obviously) not even worth fighting for.

I encourage all of you to let go of all the ‘labels’, all the names you might have been called over the years – whether that be crazy, slutty, weird, prude, whatever – because in the end, we can all change. As humans, our personalities and our behaviors are not set in stone. Yes, it can be hard to change. But if you want something – you can have it. And remember, the labels other people give us mean absolutely nothing if we know in our hearts what we really are.

So, I let the douchebag ex call me crazy. I bit my tongue and pulled the covers slightly tighter around my body, letting him know that whatever other activities he had planned were officially cancelled…and let him whine and moan and complain. And, frankly, act a little crazy himself.

Funny how the tables can turn.

[photo from the talent pool company]

But, when it comes to Project Runway? Some may call it coincidence that last week I was ranting that Chris got kicked off only to be brought back this week.

I call it the Law of Attraction working its magic.

Either way, I am oh-so happy that this teddy-bear of a fashion designer wannabe was brought back on the show. Yes it’s tragic that Jack left due to his HIV, but I heart Chris and was nervous the only way I would see that smush of a guy again would be on Celebrity Fit Club.

And while his design was absolutely awful, dude had to stay up all night to finish it.

On another note, I would venture to say that last night was the first time in all seasons of PR that we got to see that in fact, Tim Gunn does have a bit of a personality. He even cracked a few dirty jokes (gasp!) proving to us common folk that no matter how hard he tries to emit the “I will NEVER use public restrooms- heaven forbid I put my pin-stripe suit through that kind of filth” attitude, he is just the same as the hoi polloi.

There weren’t many other surprises in last nights show. Ricky cried (shocker) and wore that awful hat again, Jillian still talked with less excitement than Debbie Downer even when she was claming to be elated/overjoyed/happier than she’s ever been and Elisa… yes, she is still weird.

Christian, my favorite flaming contestant with a fashion sense that reminds me a bit of Marc Jacobs (and therefore always wins my heart), won last nights challenge with an adorable twist on classic black.

And while his clothes (and his haircut) are chichi, something tells me his ego is going to get in the way his uber fabulousness.

Last nights challange was a new one for Project Runway. They took “regular” women who had all lost a significant amount of weight and had the desingers make new outfits out of their plus sized garments. It was a nice refreshing twist from the regular waifish figures (who this season all walk very awkward don’t you think?)

But I still say bring back the male models in their boxer briefs.