And they would be absolutely right.

The only thing better than a giant scoop of vanilla melting all over an oversized warm chocolate chip cookie that also happens to be smothered in whipped cream is…wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. There is truly only one thing better than that. And it is a mind-blowing orgasm.

Unfortunately (not for me, thank GOD), there are women out there who cannot make that statement. For some it is because they are on a diet and don’t know quite how good that cookie/ice cream thing can be. For others, which is SO much worse, it is because they have never had an orgasm.

NEVER.

Oh the horror!

Maybe it’s time they invest in The Slightest Touch. Only the best invention since the Nike Air Cole Haan pumps. This little guy (about the size of an iPod) gives women the ability to have an orgasm whenever they want, wherever they want. No need to take chances on a guy who can’t figure out how to do it anyway. No need to pay a massage therapist to do it for you! No, my friends, all you need is a bottle of Powerade and 30 minutes to get yourself to heaven.

The best part is: The Slightest Touch stimulates nerve endings to bring you to the brink of orgasm…without going anywhere near your hoo-ha! That means that you can even do it at the library! Studying for midterms never sounded so good.

I don’t know about you, but it looks like it’s time to make a Costco run and stock up on the Gatorade. Mama’s got a new late night snack and it doesn’t involve ice cream or cookies.