How ’bout some new boobs?

Yeah, you heard me right – a new rack could be your solution to the no-money blues. The Sun is reporting that breast augmentation is the latest trend among the jobless. Because spending $10,000 is a great idea when you don’t have an income. The idea is that any advantage on a job interview is a good one, especially when it involves first appearances.

That’s where I get a little lost though; why would a bigger chest signify a more qualified employee?  I understand ironing your shirt or shining your shoes, but implants? Really? Major invasive cosmetic surgery is really the route you want to go to give yourself that little something extra on an interview? Color me confused, because unless you are being interviewed to become the next Playboy centerfold, I really don’t think double Ds are going to help.

I mean, I knew the job market was competitive in these trying times, but I didn’t know it was wet-t-shirt-contest competitive. Does this mean that my college education is worthless and I should have just spent my tuition on a new rack?

I think I might be depressed all over again. But believe me, I won’t be heading to my local plastic surgeon. I think I’ll just add something flashy (glitter?) to my resume.

And eat some more chocolate.

Amy Winehouse is up to her usual snorting, shooting-up, smoking, swallowing antics, but this time there are others involved besides her and her junkie boyfriend.

A British couple has pleaded guilty to selling Amy (ample amounts?) of cocaine and ecstasy after releasing a video to The Sun newspaper of her smoking crack. Conveniently, when the police raided the couple’s home they were lucky enough to find a list of celebrities they supplied with drugs.

Unfortunately, the list hasn’t been made public so College Candy compiled our own list of the usual suspects. These celebs MAY (or may not) have been on the couple’s druggie list:

Lil’ Wayne – LW once said he was “so high I could eat a star.” We’re guessing he ordered one of everything …

Willy Nelson – A proud spokesperson of the mary jane…check out some other celebs who’ve been caught tokin’…

Whitney Houston – Crack is whack?! I don’t think she really believes that…

Bobby Brown- He’ll have whatever Whitney’s havin’…

Andy Dick- He is definitely huffing something…not quite sure what tho?

Matthew Perry – Could Chandler Bing use some vicoden??

Kate “I’ll have some coke” Moss – and no she doesn’t mean the fizzy beverage…

Lindsey Lohan- …she showed up with Kate

Any other celebs you think were found on this list?

Here are two more things I know to be true; just because one family member is talented, doesn’t mean everyone else in that family got the gene, and two sisters making out—no matter how good-looking they are, is majority creepy.

The UK magazine The Sun is reporting that in an attempt to get famous fast, Penelope Cruz’s brother, Eduardo Cruz (who will now be know as “Sketchy Cruz”), has put his two sisters in his new music video—making out.

In the video, Penelope and Monica play sexy sound-dub artists who are putting the finishing touches on a lesbian porn tape. Something about the porn, plus Sketchy Cruz’s typical pop music sound, gets these two so riled up that they can’t help acting out their sexual tension.

Now matter how hard I wish I was, I’m not making this up.

But wait! The story gets even weirder.

Turns out, Eduardo is so starved for fame, that he bypassed hiring unrelated actresses for his video and asked his celebrity siblings to carry out an idea he came up with.

One can only hope the whole “lesbians making out” light bulb happened before he asked his sisters to star, but in the land of crazy famous people, one can never be sure.

• Dorky kid on his 1,224 pound pumpkin: “You spend all your time with it,” he said. “No sports. You just come home and be with the pumpkin.” Ummm… (upi.com)

• Tomato juice causes delays at LaGuardia. Yes, tomato juice. People were pissed. (wcbstv.com)

• Puzzles are his only friends… (Yahoo!)

• Japan keeps up it’s bizarre/freaky game show reputation with “Human Tetris”! (COED Magazine)

Apparently, Linds spent so much money in such a short time that she can no longer afford her own place and is currently “lodging at a friend’s mansion”.

How can someone go through millions in only a few years? By pushing common sense away and replacing it with massive amounts of greed and idiocy.

According to The Sun, some of Lindsay’s pre-third rehab stint activities included “blowing a million dollars on just one hotel bill, thousands on cocaine and booze, $137,000 in rehab costs and thousands on legal fees after numerous drink-driving convictions.”

Back when she was famous for something other than ridiculous behavior, Lohan was the queen of the Chateau Marmont hotel, “spending $450,000 on a $1,200 a night suite, as well as another $500,000 having chauffeurs on 24-hour standby.”

She also loved her champagne, spending “$550 a pop” on “endless” bottles of Cristal.

Now, I’m all for having a good time, but if Miss Hasn’t-Made-A-Good-Movie-Since-2004 truly is broke, she completely deserves it.

It takes a total moron to blow through that kind of money that fast, and anyone who doesn’t have the foresight to invest or save on a fortune never should have had it in the first place.

Unless she really wants to go the M.C Hammer route, Blohan should consider crying her eyes out on Oprah. Either that, or start looking on Craigslist for a part time job.

• London will be thinking of nothing but sex for months! (The Guardian)

• According to the last link, this title is totally deserved. (The Sun)

• This is the best practical joke ever. Also, Springfield cops are really understanding. (rrstar.com)

• This little kid means business! (seattlepi.com)

• A list of gay superheroes…in Harper’s Magazine? Weird. (Harper’s)

It’s national orgasm week in England, and people are pretty excited about it (as you can imagine).So excited are they, that the rag mag, The Sun, has just published an article on how to ramp up that girlish libido.

We’re all pretty familiar with the difficulties of the female orgasm (apparently 12% of women in the UK haven’t had the big O even once. Not once!). It can sometimes be an illusive little thing, with many of us just giving up and pretending it happened or kidding ourselves that it’s nowhere to be found in our biological make-up.

The Sun—and National Orgasm Week—insists that we stop moaning from frustration and start doing things right.

Some of the tips in the sexy little article include:

• Having sex in positions that allow full eye contact the entire time, to increase intimacy and connection

• Hanging your head over the side of the bed to increase blood flow to the brain, which maximizes sensations

• Start engaging in CAT (Coitally Adjusted Technique, detailed in the article), a surefire way to have that spot hit just right every time

And to all you single girls, make sure you don’t sit this awesome week out just because you don’t have a partner. There’s more than one way to get a motor started…if you catch my metaphor.

Let’s bring Orgasm Week to the States, just like Posh and Becks (without the bad reality TV and annoying hype)!

Bagging.

The Sun recently ran an article about the newest sex craze to hit Britain since George Michael, and claims that “Bagging, or masking, is a fetish that’s being taken up by couples looking for daring ways to spice up their love life.” Before a pair starts to get it on, “one of [them] agrees to have their head covered”.

Now, we all know The Sun isn’t the most scholarly magazine to ever hit newsstands, but I have no doubt of this fetish’s validity. These days, we’re all about being turned on by anything and everything. Got an old pump with half the heel broken off? Someone will find that erotic. A pair of ripped up stockings? Half a peanut butter sandwich? People are getting off on those things all over the world. Right now. As you’re reading this. Seriously.

As for me, the idea of Bagging is a little too weird. Wouldn’t it be strange to have sex to the sounds of crinkling paper? Wouldn’t it be odd to stare at the same bag you carried your eggs home in while you’re going at it? Whatever happened to looking lovingly into a partner’s eyes?

Maybe I’m old fashioned. What do you think, lovelies?

Does Bagging sound appealing, or just plain freaky?