So on most weekends when all of you are out clubbing or hitting up the bar while hitting on hot guys, I’m curled up on my couch in my pajamas, watching the Olympics or reading a really dorky book and eating a cookie (or three).

It doesn’t bother me. In fact, I LOVE it.

Perhaps you’re intrigued by my reclusive lifestyle. Maybe you even want to take your own Introventure on an upcoming Saturday night, but you’re just not sure how to even begin. Well, you’re in luck! Look no further than this handy-dandy…

Introvert’s Guide to a Saturday Night in:

6 p.m. Put on pajamas. Why not? You’re not going out, and it just feels great to wear those soft, comfortable clothes.

6:15 p.m. Feel a little hungry. Decide to make one-serving eggplant parmesan.

6:30 p.m. Realize you are missing a key ingredient (the eggplant). Run to the store.

6:50 p.m. Ah, that’s better.

8 p.m. Oh, God. This is delicious. Who needs bad rap music and hot guys?

8:15 p.m. Do the dishes. Or don’t. It’s your night! You’re in control!

8:30 p.m. Decide to watch the Olympics.

8:45 p.m. Bob Costas is showing highlights of Michael Phelps for the millionth time, but it’s still not enough for you. You could watch those rippling abs for days…

9 p.m. Wipe drool off the couch.

9:15 p.m. Get bored with the Olympics. Pop in a DVD of The X-Files. The new movie reminded you of the great chemistry between Mulder and Scully and how you wish you were Scully during all the scenes when she kisses Mulder.

10 p.m. Wonder if the truth is really out there. If so, where?

10:05 p.m. Pick up David Sedaris’s new book, When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Read about how he bought a $400 cashmere sweater with intentional ripping and distressing in it. Wonder if that is ever excusable. Think about your own most expensive item of clothing and how it is a) worth so much less than $400 and b) sitting in your closet unworn while you are lying around in pajamas.

10:30 p.m. Start to get tired. Ponder that all the parties around town are just starting to heat up and that you are obviously a grandmother for wanting to go to sleep before midnight.

10:35 p.m. Time to eat some chocolate.

10:45 p.m. Think about brushing your teeth. Obviously, you have to do it, but could anyone really blame you for wanting to keep that chocolate taste in your mouth? How bad would it be to refrain from brushing your teeth for just one night, really? Totally permissible.

11 p.m. Suddenly a glaring light arrives from nowhere. Oh. It’s just the overhead light, and you’ve fallen asleep. Go to turn it off and get in bed.

1 a.m. Best friend drunk dials you, jarring you out of a dream that involved both Michael Phelps and Mulder at the same time. You curse her out and put away the phone. How can other people actually have social lives, anyway?!

[Photo courtesy of flickr.com.]

Dudes prefer a size 10

Really? He’s still alive? I could have sworn he was long gone. …Or maybe I was just wishing.

Cheap drugs in Mexico? Not anymore

Screetch to write a Tell All. Seriously.

Straight up weird: identical everything.

The Billionaires want you to STOP SMOKING

Jason’s baaacck!

…And so is Freddy (Which means both my toolshed and my dreams are no longer safe)

Dana Scully kicks ass

50 Cent don’t play, Taco Bell!

Oh man, Zac Efron…how is this helping the gay rumors?