You already know how I feel about Tarte cosmetics and if you don’t I’ll tell you: I’m obsessed. Their products are high quality and eco-friendly; what more can you ask for?

Well, Tarte has teamed up with Commando underwear to get you covered (from top to [your] bottom) for the upcoming holiday season. They’re giving away up to $750 worth of goodness and all you have to do is enter. And with products like theirs, that is definitely something to be thankful for this season.

Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Lashes mascara is hands down the best mascara I’ve ever tried. Ever. And I’ve tried all of them. Every time a magazine boasted about their favorite mascara, I’d buy it. But they were all the same. I just figured mascara was mascara and started buying whatever was cheapest at Target. But Tarte taught me that there is a difference and not all mascaras are created equal. I honestly don’t know how they do it, but my eyes have never looked better or brighter. Seriously. It’s a miracle product.

Oh, and as long as we’re talking about the best products ever, let me just tell you about The Eraser, a legendary concealer. Not only does this stuff cover up the major black circles under my eyes (tested and approved on a particularly hungover morning), but it has a brush built in so you don’t have to run your greasy fingers across your freshly washed face. Gah! I just love it. Read More »

America has more name brands than Law and Order reruns and while you may want to go unload your entire check at GAP or Abercrombie, you don’t want to buy something that you thought was cute and unique and later have buyer’s remorse when you see something identical for less.

I’m not encouraging you to start buying knock off Jimmy Choos from Payless and wanna-be BCBG dresses at Walmart (although, just throwing it out there, you may find some very GOOD knock offs). All I’m saying is you should know that EVERY store is competing with another store and when you shop competitively, you save money. Money that you can use to stimulate the economy…or your wardrobe.

So I thought I’d help you sift through the proverbial mall and figure out which stores are best for your budget. Each week I’ll be comparing apples to apples (or undies to undies) to give you the real deal and arm you with the knowledge you need to make the wisest wardrobe choices. Ready. Set. SHOP. Read More »

Dearest Sloptart,

As much as I would love to silently judge your drunken mistakes, I can’t help but  laugh it off, talk about you to my friends and hope that I just caught you after you had a horrible week (which is slightly understandable, right?) However, in most cases, I caught you in your element, flashing the party your new bedazzled thong while sloppily trying to climb up on the beer pong table to dance.  Ohh, here we go…

There are a few ways that you can tell you’re “that mess” the entire party is talking about (but you can’t hear because you’re busy screaming the lyrics of “If You Seek Amy”). Read More »

So I’m single. And not only am I single – I am a single lady who is not looking for someone to put a ring on it anytime soon. If my grandma reads that she will probably have a heart attack, but I stand by my word (although I do promise to come visit her at the hospital).

You see, I am not your typical girl who is always on the man-hunt. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, or enjoy flirting at the bar and the like – it’s just that there are things I L.O.V.E about being a single lady. Things that I’m not so keen on giving up. Things I want to enjoy for as long as possible now before I get married to some dude who thinks a fun weeknight involves South Park and Dutch Oven-ing me.

So here is this weeks Love List: Why all my single ladies love being single.

1) My legs keep me a lot warmer in the winter than my taken friends. I live in Chicago and it is COLD. Actually cold doesn’t even describe it – it’s like an arctic tundra (do those words even go together?). And being single makes that not-s0-bad. How? I love that I don’t have to shave my legs in the winter if I don’t want to. Is it a little embarrassing in yoga when my teacher happens to see that my ankle hair could be braided and beaded like I just spent a week in Jamaica? Sure, but at least my legs keep me warmer than those soft Jergened up legs of yours. Read More »

Remember when jeans came in Low, Super Low, Extra Low, and Dangerously Low? Yeah. Those could all be summed up into one rise: Show-Your-Crack Low.

Yeah, those were the days. You would sit in class and have no choice but to stare at the ass-crack of the girl in front of you. If you were lucky, she was wearing bikini style underwear. Otherwise, it was nothing but crack.

Well, people got sick of it – especially designers. In order to combat the crack, style makers decided to take jeans higher. Much higher. Enter the high waisted jean; it is very retro, very chic and very in right now.

While I love the lack of gratuitous crack in my life, I am not sure how I feel about the high waisted pant. Yes, Fergie looks great in a pair of high-waisted skinnies, but can all women really pull of this look?

What are your thoughts?

High Waisted Pants: Love em or Hate em?

Do you ever stare at yourself in the mirror and think, “damn, I wish I could lift my ass up but not add any padding, plus it would be nice to slim my thighs at the same time and tuck my tummy and basically lock my body into suffocating spandex“? Well, if you’ve ever thought these odd things: someone has heard you.

Bubbles Bodywear has come up with “The Double-O Push-Up Thong,” which is basically a bra for your butt. It’s supposed to tone and shape your ass while slimming your thighs and holding in your stomach — all the while shoving itself up your butt crack.

The best thing about The Double-O is that it costs $64!! Nothing makes a girl smile like spending loads of money on an item of clothing that no one will see (and those who do will have so. many. questions.) and which will also be needlessly uncomfortable. Seems like Bubbles Bodywear totally understands the need for women to strap themselves in to point of asphyxiation.

Dear Mr. Thong Inventor,

I would like to preface this letter by saying that your work has made a large yet incredibly skimpy contribution to my adolescent years. And while I do believe in the nobleness of your cause, I am rather puzzled by the method to the madness of such an invention. As I hold up the tiny piece of fabric that is my underwear, several questions come to mind, such as:

• Which came first: The thong, or “The Thong Song”?

The first time I heard the thong song, I was 11-years-old. Try explaining to a sixth grader, still under-clad with flower-print Hanes grannie panties, the concept of a thong. Watching a leprechaun of a man do cartwheels on the beach doesn’t really do that good of a job of explaining the exact science behind the thong. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought he was singing about summertime footwear up until 2001, when I realized I needed to wear this contraption to be socially acceptable.

• Where the devil did you get this genius idea?

Was it a public service project? Did you see one too many VPLs (Visible Panty Lines, for you not-in-the-knows) and proclaim “I’ve had it! I’m inventing buttless underwear!” To you, Mr. Thong Inventor, going commando just wasn’t an option. Now that point I can understand, as I probably have not washed my jeans since the opening night of “Sex and the City.” And who really likes walking around with that “I’m wearing the pant equivalent of dirty underwear” feeling all day? Yeah, neither do I. So really, Mr. T.I, you were the answer to my laundry-lazy, VPL-phobic prayers.

• How the hell did you get it to catch on?

No seriously. It takes pure skill to get a woman to try on a permanent wedgie, let alone make it a long lasting trend in the sexy lingerie industry. Think about it: it’s a tiny scrap of cotton, satin, silk, or pearls (hey, I dunno what kinda stuff you’re into…) that is designed to chill between your butt cheeks all day. But women still go crazy for them! They even tease other women that don’t wear their underwear up their ass. Read More »

Society has been telling us for years that the sexiest thing to sport under just about anything is a thong. But what do guys really think? What do they really want to see when they shimmy that girl out of her newest pair of skinnies? Or, do they even really care? I mean…they got our pants off. Isn’t that enough?

He Said:

Guys don’t really know much about women’s underwear past “This type gives me a boner, that type doesn’t.” When you’re in high school (or from Long Island), thongs are the best thing this side of Steak and a Blow Job Day–mainly because the tops of thongs usually pop up above girls’ pants, drawing our eyes and attention directly to the butt part of the body, flooding our imaginations with arrest-worthy thoughts.

Still, some (adult) dudes will tell you they like the thong best–on certain girls. But nowadays, it’s all about the boy-shorts. These fantastic bottoms create a magical under-ass area that does wonders for a man’s mood–if you’re depressed, just ask your girl to throw on a pair, you’ll see what I mean. They look good on girls of all shapes and sizes, are nice to touch when we’re fooling around, and are perfect attire for the WiiFit. Ladies, if you only have one type of underwear (which you don’t), make it boy-shorts–we’ll never complain. Read More »

Limited Brands, a Columbus Ohio-based company that owns Victoria Secret, has announced that their immensely popular lingerie store is going to come out with a line of logoed sweat pants, tank tops and panties for 33 colleges, including UCLA, Harvard and University of Michigan.

Apparently this idea isn’t going over too well at Ohio State, whose Buckeye logo we won’t see slapped on the ass of any Victoria Secret product any time soon. It probably wouldn’t have been such a big had not the company been based in the same city that houses OSU, or if OSU rival Michigan wouldn’t get the Vicky Secret treatment.

So why is Ohio State going to be deprived of that rarest and proudest of honors? Well, because the CEO of Limited Brands, Leslie Wexner (who is a guy) is on the board of Trustees at OSU and feared a conflict of interest. In fact, last Spring OSU president E. Gordon Gee, (whose initials, I have to point out, spell EGG) stepped down from the board at Limited Brands for similar conflict of interest issues.

It all sort of sounds dirty and incestuous to me, made more so by the fact that some old dude is the head of Victoria Secret. In my mind, Victoria looked a lot like Dynasty-era Joan Collins. Read More »

The point of a thong is the minimal coverage. Clearly not the best disguise.

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3G iPhone announced pissing off the millions who bought the first one. Especially me, damn it.

Oil prices and unemployment rise, but, still, George W. says it’s all OK. So, it must be!

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You can’t put it off any longer. How to buy a bathing suit (without the tears).