In a world where former strippers get their own TV show (thank you, Girls Next Door), 16-year-old girls are dancing on polls in front of a live audience (I’m looking at you, Miley), and middle-schoolers are rocking thongs, seeing a pole-dancing stripper doll for children comes as no surprise.

I’m just curious as to what’s under that (rather modest) dress… What? Is that gross?

So. Tempted. To. Give. Wedgie.

By now, we’re all familiar with the fashion atrocities committed by the male population.  No, sweaty dude, that mesh tank top does not look good on you.  Or anyone, really.  But women are not free from errors – actually, considering our traditional involvement with fashion, we make rather more mistakes.

In fact, that is the entire reason I read People magazine – the photo spreads that come out after major awards shows are priceless.  I mean, these celebrities have stylists!  How can these awful things happen??

Luckily, when I make a fashion faux pas, it usually goes undocumented.  However, it doesn’t always go unnoticed (thank goodness for my friends…the ones who truly care about me will tell me if I’m looking like a blind hooker as I’m walking out the door).  In the spirit of keeping our fellow ladies informed and aware (or end the unprovoked assault on our eyes as we walk down the street), we’ve made a list of the top five fashion faux pas’.

If you or any of your friends have done/are doing any of these…just stop.  Seek help.

Read More »

Peppered throughout magazines and blog sites are optimistic articles about delicious summer activities and fashion trends to anticipate and enjoy.  However, there is one thing about summer that is so heinous and disgusting that I feel I must warn the masses before it destroys them: flip-flops, fashion’s Anti-Christ.

I can hear the gasps and verbal WTF’s already.  I know, I know, flip-flops are practically the poster children for summer fun.  Calm yourselves, I have reasons.

1).  They Make Any Outfit 1/4 As Cute: No matter how much effort you put into your ensemble this morning or how much you paid for that sundress, if you add flip-flops to the equation it will look instantly less cute.  Much less cute.  So much so that it defeats the purpose of even trying to make a cute outfit and you should have just worn sweats.

2).  Your Feet Will Get Dirty: Want to know why outfits are less cute with flip flops? Perhaps it’s because dirty feet are not cute. On anyone. And dirty feet are inevitable when flip flops are involved. Your toes will turn brown, your heels will turn black and your calves will be covered in whatever crap that flop is flipping up. Seriously, no one wants to see your cracked and crusted feet stomping around in fluorescent rubber contraptions.

3).  They Make Your Legs Look Fat: For some reason, colored slabs of rubber are not the most slimming choice for summer fashion.  Optical illusion? Perhaps…At any rate, you spent all winter in the smelly gym to look like this, so don’t waste it on flip-flops! Read More »

I recently ran into an article in Cosmo in which a guy listed 10 things he wished girls knew about guys.  Funny, sure, but not quite on target about everything. Anyway, it got me thinking about some things that I think guys need to know about us.

1.  We don’t like it when you fart.  Especially if you do it in bed, or while we’re eating.  Gross, not funny… and you’re wasting your time thinking that we’ll ever “learn to love them.”

2.  Don’t make fun of us when we’re with our friends.  Funny in small doses, annoying when you do it constantly.  Keep doing it and you’ll pretty much guarantee yourself no “goodies” for awhile.

3.  We know you’re hot, that’s one of the reasons we’re dating you.  But that doesn’t mean you have to act like you know how hot you are by constantly walking around shirtless, flexing your muscles, etc. Confidence is hot – cockiness is not. Read More »

Dear Mr. Thong Inventor,

I would like to preface this letter by saying that your work has made a large yet incredibly skimpy contribution to my adolescent years. And while I do believe in the nobleness of your cause, I am rather puzzled by the method to the madness of such an invention. As I hold up the tiny piece of fabric that is my underwear, several questions come to mind, such as:

• Which came first: The thong, or “The Thong Song”?

The first time I heard the thong song, I was 11-years-old. Try explaining to a sixth grader, still under-clad with flower-print Hanes grannie panties, the concept of a thong. Watching a leprechaun of a man do cartwheels on the beach doesn’t really do that good of a job of explaining the exact science behind the thong. In fact, I’m pretty sure I thought he was singing about summertime footwear up until 2001, when I realized I needed to wear this contraption to be socially acceptable.

• Where the devil did you get this genius idea?

Was it a public service project? Did you see one too many VPLs (Visible Panty Lines, for you not-in-the-knows) and proclaim “I’ve had it! I’m inventing buttless underwear!” To you, Mr. Thong Inventor, going commando just wasn’t an option. Now that point I can understand, as I probably have not washed my jeans since the opening night of “Sex and the City.” And who really likes walking around with that “I’m wearing the pant equivalent of dirty underwear” feeling all day? Yeah, neither do I. So really, Mr. T.I, you were the answer to my laundry-lazy, VPL-phobic prayers.

• How the hell did you get it to catch on?

No seriously. It takes pure skill to get a woman to try on a permanent wedgie, let alone make it a long lasting trend in the sexy lingerie industry. Think about it: it’s a tiny scrap of cotton, satin, silk, or pearls (hey, I dunno what kinda stuff you’re into…) that is designed to chill between your butt cheeks all day. But women still go crazy for them! They even tease other women that don’t wear their underwear up their ass. Read More »

T.G.I.F.

Remember when that meant a night of Full House and Family Matters? Now it just means a night of heavy drinking followed by a day of serious sleeping. And I still love it just as much.

This week was a long one. We lost Estelle Getty. Our boyfriend, Christian Bale, was arrested for yelling at his mother. And we found out that all the not-so-hard work we are putting into college isn’t worth crap anymore. Awesome.

But even though another week has passed, crazy girls are still around, we are still too picky when it comes to picking boys, and freaky guys are still all about peeing on us in bed. WTF?

Maybe we should stick to being single? It is far too hard to find a tall guy anyway. And getting into a relationship only means adding another ex to the list…who you will never be able to avoid thanks to our generation’s problem with oversharing.

Ugh. I need a shot.

At least boys are starting to appreciate more comfortable undies. I’ll keep that thought close to my heart as I enjoy yet another awesome summer weekend.

I have done sloppy second with a stripper. On stage. No, not on purpose.

I am not easily intimidated by guys. While I wouldn’t say that I have them completely figured out, I am confident with myself and with them to the point that I can talk to nearly any type of guy in any situation. Except for one.

Male strippers.

I had no idea that I was actually afraid of them until the night of the sloppy second – which was at Lucky Cheng’s. My friends and I had planned a night of bad food (seriously, I heard that the food there sucks) and a fabulous “dragdoll” wait staff. But instead of fabulousity, we learned that 1) they do not serve dinner on Fridays and 2) we would instead be watching a male review.

One of my friends and I wanted to leave but we were out voted and I panicked as we were led behind the curtain into a smallish room filled with sweat, humidity and about 75 women, half of whom were screaming at the mostly naked guys as though they were having the most fun ever.

Those guys not only smell your fear – they seem to be drawn to it. They loved our collective panic (at least mine and my friend’s) so much that they put our group on stage for the remainder of the show. This was all before I had adequate time to even get a little buzzed to help me deal with the situation. Read More »

Remember the old days when boys and a select group of ladies would buy over-sized jeans and then belt them up far below their waists? There was nothing like watching a boy waddle down the hall, trying with all his might to hold those damn pants up. Or the shot of his unattractive boxer shorts as he bent down to tie his loosely laced sneaker.

Ah. The good old days.

Just like the days of the Mix Tape and the VCR, baggy jeans and the sagging that came with them are over. Maybe people realized that sagging/exposing your undergarments was about as flattering as those girls with their thongs hanging out, or maybe people decided to reduce their Carbon Footprints by minimizing the amount of denim they wasted, but sometime in the last few years baggy jeans left the scene and super tight jeans made their debut.

Thank you, Pete Wentz.

Now everyone – from the super trendy to the super skater-y – is sporting the skinny jean. And I don’t need to explain to you that sagging skinny jeans is pretty much impossible. Not that I ever understood the purpose of sagging, anyway. But some people did…and thought it was necessary to bring it back, despite the obvious logistical complications. Read More »

It’s a common known fact that celebrities like Britney Spears go “commando,” aka deciding they are not really in the underwear mood for the day. Yet, somehow, they still manage to forget and flash their va-jay-jays at the paparazzi. Intelligence is not their strongest characteristic.

For some reason, I thought this trend was merely among the rich and famous. Boy, was I wrong. During a recent get together with friends, I found out that many girls I know opt to never wear underwear, even with clothing like jeans.

“It’s a very freeing feeling,” said one girl.

“Yeah, my doctor told me not to wear underwear because of the risk for bacteria and infections,” said another friend.

Really? My immediate thought was, what kind of sham doctor do you go to?

Maybe I am just being a prude and have become too attached to that extra layer of cloth between my private parts and the world. But really, no underwear, EVER?

Once I looked into it, my friends may not be so crazy after all. First of all, there are tons of reasons to be careful when wearing a thong because of the problems it can cause your nether-regions. Read More »

I went commando to my high school prom.

This wasn’t an attempt for post-prom easy access. And I wasn’t trying to be sexy for my date.

It just so happened that I couldn’t find a single thong or no-show panty that didn’t expose a visible panty line in my dress. Under certain material, even seamless panties won’t do the trick.

So what’s a girl to do?

Fortunately, some European designer loathes panty lines just as much as I do and has remedied this chronic problem. I introduce to you… the C-string! Read More »