Mother Earth Says: No balloons!

As 2009 winds down and 2010 looms ahead, we all begin thinking about the important things in life.  I think most of us can agree that at the top of our list would be one of the most important things of all – throwing an epic NYE bash!

As always, I will be the one to 1) ruin your fun by saying that your party is killing the earth and 2) make it even better by replacing your old faves with your soon-to-be new ones.  Here are some of the most crucial aspects to throwing an eco-friendly, yet equally bitchin’ New Year’s shindig.

1) Choose eco-friendly champagnes.  This article on TreeHugger.com has a great list of organic sparkling wines at all price ranges.   If you’re like me and still too poor to afford a bottle of anything over $7.99 then you can still opt for the favorites as long as they’re grown and bottled as close to you as possible.  For example, if you’re a California girl, such as myself, you have the pleasure of sippin’ on BevMo’s finest.  That’s right, I’m talking about Cook’s and Andre.  You’re welcome.

2)  Use real champagne glasses. I know you are all classy ladies out there, so kick the red cup habit and get something real stylish.  If you can’t afford the cost and the injuries that result from broken glass, opt for acrylic or plastic champagne flutes.  Just be sure to recollect them at the end of the night so you can use them for your party next year (or next week).

3)  Skip the streamers and confetti. Seriously, who decorates their party with streamers past the age of 6 anyway?  If your party is not complete without the midnight confetti toss and next day incessant vacuuming, then be my guest.  But please, please, please don’t waste your money and our precious resources at an overpriced party goods store.  All you have to do is look in your recycle bin, dig out that old newspaper and start ripping it to shreds.

4)  Ditch the Fritos and get your a** in the kitchen! By whipping something up on your own, your food will be yummier, cheaper, and healthier for you than those nasty processed foods.  Plus, there’s really no way to know exactly how much the Earth died (tiny overstatement) just to get you your frozen spinach dip.  If you’re ready to get your hands dirty but you don’t know how, just follow the recipe of your favorite party foods and then substitute the ingredients for organic, fresher, and less processed alternatives.  Eat up!

5)  Spend your money on booze. And not on your NYE party dress.  Get real, you know you’re only going to wear it once anyways!  Be resourceful and utilize all your resources before heading to the mall.  Borrow clothes from your friends and match them with those shoes that you haven’t worn in a year.  (I promise, nobody will notice.)  If absolutely cannot live without a new party ‘fit, hit your local thrift and consignment stores today!  Not only will you spare the earth’s resources, but you also have a higher chance of buying a designer label that’s actually within your price range.

1. Reuse plastic bags.

Does this seem like a no-brainer? I hope not, because for the longest time it just didn’t occur to me. You can reuse plastic grocery bags to carry your lunch (or various other sundries). You can also reuse plastic Ziploc bags—unless I’ve filled them with raw meat, I just rinse the bags with soapy water, run clean water over them, and let them dry. Ta-da! Ready to be used again.

2. Shop thrift.

You guys probably do this anyway, but try doing it exclusively for a month, just to see what happens. For clothes, shoes, and accessories only, pick up everything you need or want at thrift stores, secondhand shops, or consignment stores. You’d be amazed at some of the great stuff you can find. Last month I picked up a brand-new French Connection dress at a thrift shop for six bucks, no joke.

3. Look at the big picture.

Yes, the giant bottle of olive oil is $17, and the little one is only $6. But if you use olive oil every day, and you know you’re going to eventually use up every drop of that giant bottle, then it’s worth it (and actually a better value) to buy the big one. This applies to all sorts of other areas, too: phone cards, cell phone plans, comfortable shoes, etc.

4. Walk, bike, or take public transit.

If you’ve got wheels of the auto variety, you’re probably in the preliminary stages of heart failure right now due to the current gas prices. Instead of sucking it up and paying them, why not rebel? Walk or bike to work, and take the bus or carpool if you need to go to the grocery store, or out with friends. It’s good for the environment and your wallet.

5. Do an energy assessment.

Cut down on the heat, air-conditioning, water, or electricity bills you pay by figuring out how you can use less of each resource. Try a fan instead of an air-conditioner. Fill up the sink once to wash dishes instead of letting the water run constantly. Unplug appliances when you’re not using them, and watch a little less TV every week. Before long, you’ll find some extra bucks in your pocket that you’ve saved on bills.

[Image courtesy of finetune.org .]

Then I found out the dress was black crushed velvet, and from a Vintage store called “Wasteland” on Melrose Avenue in LA. Then I found out the cost of the dress was proclaimed by Jolie herself, and that she wore it with crystal-studded, satin peep-toe Christian Louboutin for Loris Azzaro shoes. And then I just got annoyed. Jolie is shit, not the shit.

Every single day we hear about celebrities being ‘just like us’ with pictures featuring Justin Timberlake picking up his dry cleaning or Jennifer Aniston in line at Starbucks. I don’t think this irritates anyone more than me. Celebs are not like us. When I walk out of my house today I won’t be bombarded with swarms of paparazzi, I wasn’t invited to the Grammy’s, I can’t afford Gucci or Armani, and I’m not dating Jake Gyllenhaal (yet.), so don’t tell me that Jessica Simpson and I could be buddies.

If Jolie wants America to think she’s just like any other little lady on the street (Yes, I just said little lady), then there are a few things she might want to change. For one, Angelin-duhhh, black crushed velvet is not a summer fabric. Any average Joe knows that it is strictly winter garb. She might have gotten it from Wasteland but was she waste-d when she decided to wear it in the middle of June? (Gosh, I’m too clever.) Also, if you’re going to wear a twenty-six dollar dress and try and sell yourself off as a Frugal Frannie, then you might not want to pair it with $600 shoes. Just a thought.

And Brad? Well you’re going to have to give him up if you want to convince us that you’re the girl next door, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man that beautiful in person, let alone dated him. Oh and P.S. Eat something. Normal people do that too.

Really, I’ve always admired Angelina’s humanitarianism and worldly adopted child collection, but what’s with the flaunty mcflaunt? We get it Jolie, but my bag’s from Wal-Mart. Twelve bucks! And I’m about to wack you with it.