And, what if I told you it involved no pills, shots, or weird, granola-hippie “herbal” treatments?

Well ladies, it’s certainly a possibilty…and while it sounds like a dream come true for those of us held prisoner by Tic-Tac-sized pills, I’m not entirely convinced that I can get down while free and clear of all worry. What is this magical device?

Meet the Lady Comp, the one thing on Earth you’ll have to trust more than God. That is, if you dont want mini-me’s running all over the place. It works by recording your temperature upon waking up in the morning, and from the readings, will detect whether or not you are ovulating. Green = go. Red = YOU’LL GET PREGNANT!! DON’T DO IT!!

It sounds incredible. No more bloating, loss of sex drive (which defeats the purpose of BC), acne, and the other millions of side effects birth control usually boasts. But isn’t this esentially the Rhythm Method?

I mean, there is science to back up the claims that you’re internal body temperature rises when you’re ovulating, but I can just hear the voice of the school nurse, my doctor…and yes, my mother telling me I’m crazy for even considering this all-natural, all-faith option.

But like most things that are natural and free of body-harming chemicals, it’s not available in the U.S.. Damn.

Looks like I’ll have to play it (really) safe until Lady Comp goes mainstream.