Did you know that there is a Wikipedia entry for “celebrity sex tapes”? Well, there is. There are actually so many celeb sex tapes that there is an entry on Wikipedia explaining what a celeb sex tape is and the strange ways that sex tapes have made people more famous. And while stars like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian managed to use their sex tapes to extend their 15 minutes of fame, there are countless B, C and D-list celebs whose amateur videos earned nothing more than a “WTF?!” Here are 18 celebs who have not-so-secret sex tapes.

[Lead image via Dariush M./Shutterstock]

And they’re all under $100!

Let’s blame everything on these idiots.

How do you know you’re in love?

Holy sh*t! People hate Tila Tequila!

Who will Ronnie smush in the slammer?!

Jessica Simpson doesn’t know how to play hard to get…

Every morning, I gather with the fabulous CollegeCandy interns to peruse the interwebs and see what’s happenin’. (This is, of course, after I make them walk 50 blocks and get me an extra hot, no whip, with soy, half-caf latte and make them pour some Bailey’s into it…. just because.) We hop from site to site, looking for the perfect story to share with you, our dear readers. Then we whip up something witty, smart and Pulitzer-worthy and bring it to you.

But sometimes things change. Sometimes I have the girls fan me and feed me grapes. And sometimes I make them manage my JDate profile to find me a boyfriend because I’m too busy to find one myself. And sometimes we come across a photo like the one above and we really can’t think of anything to write because our eyes are bleeding and our brains are melting and we just DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS. And then we IM.

Is her stylist on ecstasy?

Who’s the biggest ass of 2009?

What do you need to know about spring shoes?

Jay Leno’s goin’ home….to 11:30 pm.

Got a pimple? Don’t pop it!

So this is how Tila Tequila mourns.

Cuz they do. A lot.

Bow Wow is a classy guy.

Tyra Banks was a mean boss? Shocking.

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What’s the deal with Tila Tequila?

10 iPhone apps we ladies could all use.

The Great: No Tyra in 2009!

As we all get the last couple of additions to our perfect New Year’s Eve outfits and figure out what resolutions we are going to attempt to keep next year, we are all looking forward to starting 2010 (so) fresh (and so clean, clean). It’s a new year and a new decade filled with endless possibilities!

Will we manage to pass every class this year?
Will we find another guilty pleasure show to add to our long list of Housewives episodes clogging our DVR?
What will be the first celebrity scandal of the new year?
Will we finally fit into those skinny jeans from high school?
Can anyone really be douchier than Jon Gosselin and Tiger Woods?

While much of what 2010 has in store for us is a big fat mystery, there are some things that we just can’t wait for! And, of course, quite a few things we’d rather do without. Get ready for the future, ladies:

The good: Jean Paul Gaultier and Zac Posen are bringing high fashion trends to us for cheap as a part of Target’s Designer Collaboration Series!
The bad: Stylists around the world are toting animal ear headbands (bunny ears, Mickey Mouse ears, teddy bear ears, cat ears…I wish I was kidding) as the next hot trend.

The good: Tyra Banks is ending her reign as the craziest bitch on daytime TV “talk show.”
The bad: Real World is back on and looks incredibly boring. (I want hookups and messy drunken fights involving kitchen utensils, not political rallies and a girl who runs all the time because her mom calls her fat.)

The good: The Lady GaGa Tour is finally coming to a town near you!
The bad: Kanye won’t be there to entertain us with some show stopping shenanigans. In fact, Kanye probably won’t be entertaining us anywhere with any more shenanigans in this post-Taylorgate world.

The good: The Apple Tablet computer has a rumored release date of February. Which means life is about to get a whole lot more awesome come 02/10.
The bad: Handheld gaming is the focus of many tech companies, meaning you may never see your boyfriend again, but you will see the back of some annoying 12-year-old’s head as he walks oh so slowly in front of you while he plays his stupid game.

The good: Amy Adams is having a baby with her fiancé Darren Legallo. And you know we can all use another well-dressed, good looking Hollywood offspring to stalk online. After all, Suri is getting old. Literally.
The bad: Tila Tequila will be giving birth to her brother’s baby. This not only means that Tila Tequila will be shooting out a baby, but that the baby is obviously going to carry the genes of an incredibly challenged person. I mean, really, how slow do you have to be to think it’s a good idea to cook a baby in Tila’s oven.

What else are you guys excited for? What’s got you hiding under your covers dreading the new year?

Carrie Underwood is getting hitched.

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7 ways to make small talk super awk.

What’s up with Kanye and Rihanna?

Get the perfect waves for those upcoming holiday parties.

Someone trusts Tila Tequila to carry their baby!?

Because that relationship is gonna last….

Perez Hilton is a bitch.

Woot! Casual sex is a-ok!

Who tries to take Uncle Jesse down!?

Ugh, Kate Gosselin is coming back.

And you, my friend, are a douche bag.

Type 1:“The Talented Celebrity.”  Think models who have shown up on the cover of Italian Vogue, actors like Brad Pitt who have starred in everything from comedy to drama, and music moguls who come out with one hit after another (think Madonna).

Type 2: “The Train Wreck- Once Famous, Now in Rehab.”  These are people like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse, who are no doubt talented, but can’t keep themselves away from the bars and the drugs long enough to earn coveted longevity in Hollywood.

Type 3: “Why the Hell are They Famous?” The people who People Magazine, US Weekly, and Perez Hilton constantly cover, we all read about, and none of us are exactly sure what this person has done to deserve press coverage (think Anna Nicole Smith).  Below is a list of the ten best examples of these non-celebrities – the ones that take over our headlines, but haven’t done much to merit this press coverage.  And if anyone can tell me why we actually care what these people are up to…well, be my guest.

1. Kim Kardashian- While she is no doubt stunning, her fame stems from the fact that her rich father served as OJ Simpson’s lawyer during his criminal trial…and then she had sex with Ray J.  Her lone film, Disaster Flick, came out in 2008, and was rated the second worst film ever created at the Internet Movie Database. Sure, she’s been on Dancing With the Stars and her own reality show since then, but I must ask: why was this one ever on our radar!?

2. Heidi and Spencer Pratt- While The Hills enjoys high ratings, two young adults arguing for a 30-minute episode about their relationship, their parents, and how they should get married is not enough to give anyone celebrity status.  If America wants to watch two people argue, then MTV should come to my house and film my mom begging me to do dumb chores.  Being rich and argumentative is not enough to warrant fame.

3. Octomom – Her birth of octuplets this past year caused a national scandal when people became concerned about child neglect and proper monetary support (and the fact that she looks like Angelina…). Getting six embryos implanted in you when you already have six kids definitely does not make you a celebrity…slightly crazy, but not a celebrity.

4. Nicole Richie – Best known for her stint on The Simple Life with fellow socialite Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie’s presence in celebrity tabloids is mostly in candid photos of her and daughter Harlow, or musician husband Joel Madden of Good Charlotte.  She has yet to sing or act in anything of true merit other than being herself on a reality show and is truly a celebrity’s wife, not a celebrity herself.

5. Tila Tequila -  Tila got famous for having a lot of friends on MySpace. Don’t get me wrong, popularity is cool, but since when do we celebrate the trashy people who actually use MySpace?

6. Kevin Federline – Known mostly for his disastrous short-lived marriage to Britney Spears, Federline’s attempts to make it in “the industry” resulted in his 2006 record being one of the worst-received in music history and making him appear as an Eminem wannabe.  His short stint on One Tree Hill as an aggressive musician did little to advance his acting career, and his appearances on wrestling programming did even less to advance his image.  So, while Britney Spears seems to have come out of her funk with hits like “Circus” and “Womanizer,” Federline is now famous for changing diapers and babysitting Sean and Jayden.

7. Paris Hilton – Just another blonde socialite who formed a fashion line and had one hit song (“Stars are Blind”).  Being born rich does not make you a celebrity.  Becoming rich due to talent does.

8. Melissa Rycroft – Seriously, I’ve been dumped by plenty of guys. Where is my offer to be on the cover of a magazine?

9. Whitney Port – Starring in her very own spin-off of The Hills, Whitney Port was nicknamed “the new Carrie Bradshaw.”  Um. No. Freaking. Way. And if being on a reality show weren’t bad enough, spinning off the show that gave fame to squabbling California teenagers merits even less respect in my mind. She is no Carrie. Don’t even joke.

10. Suri Cruise - This girl gets more covers than paid actors. Just because she was born.  Why do we as consumers care what a two–year-old is wearing?

Hi sweetie. Long time no see. I take that back. I saw you last Friday. Same place, same hazy look in your eyes, different black dress that falls down to expose your bra. This one doesn’t have vomit on it… yet! Congratulations.

As much as going out and drinking in college is an integral part of your experience, I don’t think you serenading a fraternity with “Like a Virgin” into your half-empty Smirnoff handle (your makeshift microphone) while balancing on a coffee table is necessarily the right way to spend your Tuesday night.

You were very stylish at the beginning of the night. Your dress hung perfectly, eyelashes were curled, hair was straightened, heels were spotless and your jewelry matched. However, after those three, four or five shots of Patron? That sexy little dress you picked up at the Saks sale is riding up and showing off your embarrassing leopard print boy shorts. The mascara you so diligently applied is now running down your face after your tearful breakdown about how much you “love everyone sooooo much” and “like, can’t wait to have you all as my bridesmaids.” You seem to have more hair in your face than in your ponytail and one of your high heels is nowhere to be found. Check yourself, honey.

Is that pimply beast of a guy you’re making out with in front of everyone your boyfriend? Hope not, because you just made out with his best friend four minutes ago when you assaulted him against the beer pong table. Yes, beer pong winner is impressive, but it’s not like he just saved a child from a fire. Speaking of, can we talk about your beer pong game? It’s called beer pong for a reason. Not “mass amounts of vodka and a splash of cranberry” pong. When you’ve reached that point where hard liquor in the beer pong cups seems like a good idea, you’ve gone too far.

No, no one wants to split a supreme pizza with you, go to the strip club “just for fun,” drunk dial the Dean’s office or add a rule in any drinking game that involves getting naked. Drunk girl, it’s the middle of the week and don’t you have a final tomorrow? And stop yelling at the poor guy who made your drink – there is plenty of vodka in there and not his fault that you just can’t TASTE it anymore.

I love you, drunk girl. Because, sometimes, I am you. But even when I’m not, I still adore you because I have a great time making fun of you and drawing penises all over you when you pass out on the floor of some random living room amidst a Tila Tequila marathon.

XOXO,
Melanie

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie