This just in: Brody Jenner will be coming out of reality TV semi-retirement and starring in his own MTV series, Bromance. When I first read this news I assumed Jenner dumped his post-Lauren GF and was joining the ranks of Flava Flav, The Bachelor(s) and Tila Tequila in looking for love on TV. (Get it? Brody+Romance=Bromance? Brilliant, really.) Then I realized that I must be getting old/un-cool, because it seems that bromance is totes a word!

For real… it is in the Urban Dictionary!

Bromance: Describes the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males.

Brody’s obvious bromantic partner has to be Frankie; those two are inseparable. But, there is talk on the street that Brody’s partner in crime may actually be…wait for it…SPENCER PRATT. I know, I thought they broke up, too, but apparently Spencer has been calling Brody non-stop for awhile now (perhaps because he knew Bromance was in the works and he, I don’t know, needs a job of some sort?).

I am bothered by this for many reasons: Read More »

Last time: pig vagina and nausea.

This episode: 12 people remain. Everyone makes it sound like the competition is really serious but they’ve been there for like 4 days so I don’t believe them. Tila leaves a bowl of questions out for everyone to answer. Shockingly, all of the questions are sex related. Until the MTV writers throw in a question about gay marriage and Chad is against it and “a child deserves a father.” Oof, shut up. You’re losing your sexy, Chad.

Challenge for the day: who can ride it better? Ugh, scary. Backyard Bi-nanza. Quit it already with these competition names. So they are riding mechanical bulls. The teams are mixed up because the girls keep beating the guys. Apparently Sirbrina rides mechanical bulls for a living because she works at a bar and I need to rethink my career choices. Read More »

The show starts with Tila camera-faking that she is scared and excited that 15 guys and 15 girls are moving into her MTV house and I need to know how much she gets paid for this.

Why do they all sleep in one bed? I would kill myself with all of the random breathing and feet and gross.

Brittany doesn’t want “a male genital” in her face in the morning. I’m guessing that she thinks that testicles don’t come in pairs. Chad brought a blow up doll with him like the cool person that he is and there’s a bar in the room. That’s what was missing.

Tila re-emerges and how many outfits per episode will she go through?

Oh, God, there is a casino set up in the house because she wants someone with nerves of steel. Can you ask them to do something that could potentially injure them or actually demonstrate that they can be cool under pressure? I don’t think that drinking and gambling are much of a stretch for this bunch.

Tila pulls one of the Jersey girls out for one on one time and Kyle is creepy and following them. Well, they find it creepy. Come stalk me, Kyle. Read More »

I did not watch season one and I was very proud of myself until I decided that I needed to fill the void that ROL and Bret were leaving in my heart and TV time.

Oh, Tila, maybe this time it will work for you.

So Tila is newly single and 15 guys and 15 girls arrive to compete for the affections of the MySpace ho. Tila comes out in gold booty shorts saying that it didn’t work out with Bobby and that she’s still bi. And by bi, she means a liar.

She wastes no time and starts with a boys vs. girls cage dance off in order to win Tila time. She encourages them to remove clothing and of course a girl removes her top and Nick, the elder care specialist, drops his drawers. I’m not amused by the shot glasses blocking out body parts; it’s not clever.

The girls win and do they recycle MTV houses? I only saw one episode, but it looks like they covered Domenico’s faux marble with blue and pink carpets.

I like that we know everyone’s occupations. Will they keep their jobs after this? There are way too many people from New York and New Jersey on this show. Read More »

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are engaged. I’ve been forced to accept this as truth and move on with my life. And while I’m not particularly fond of either party’s “work,” they fascinate me as a couple. Months after posting this video mocking pregnancy rumors, there are now legit whispers flying around that the King and Queen of crappy, pre-pubescent pop-rock do in fact have a baby on board…right next to their 12-pack of Redbull and group pile of skinny jeans. But if this is true, I’ve got some questions.

First, what kind of reality show train wreck do you think Papa Joe is going to concoct for the next nine months? “Pimp My Placenta” hasn’t been taken by fetus-look-a-like Tila Tequila, right? Because Ashlee and Pete can totes write the theme song and not include any vowels or integrity like they always never do.

I also worry about Ashlee’s vajayjay. Normally I’d feel weird thinking about her fun parts, but this is a pressing human rights issue. Not only does a pregnancy imply that her nana has already been violated by his—gulp—”fallout boy,” but it also needs to prepare itself for the spikiest baby hair of all time to pass through. Seriously. Can you imagine pooping out a porcupine? Yeah, it wouldn’t feel too awesome, would it? Read More »

DANI CAMPBELL from MTV’s new bisexual dating game and hit show A Shot at Love: With Tila Tequila can be spotted signing autographs and smiling for her lady (and even male) fans at all-woman nightclubs all over the country. The show was based on a B-List celebrity’s quest to figure out her own sexuality, and of course, MTV felt as though this life decision would be idea for thousands of strangers in front of their TV set. To each her own, I suppose, but the show did leave many viewers and fans questioning the sincerity behind the final outcome of show: Tila picked a boy over the perfect girl.

Granted, how much sincerity can really go into reality dating shows, but, the genuineness of one contestant was never questioned: Dani. Her lovable, real, and sweet personality immediately became a viewer favorite all over the country.

The rising just-turned-30 reality star is from Fort Lauderdale. With tomboy looks she thinks of herself as not feminine and not butch, but a little of both: futch. She loves her job as a firefighter but knows how to relax with a movie, a book, camping, playing paintball and softball. A firefighter and paramedic, saving other people’s lives is a big part of her own.

Dani fans are not only devoted, they are starting to take action for their beloved idol. Her fan base is growing and according to an online poll, close to 90% of viewers want to see Dani have her own dating show as a spin-off to Shot of Love. Read More »

Ugh. I read the most annoying thing while I was watching Lost on DVD the other Saturday evening and refreshing my email (I like to multi-task).

And that is that the stupid writer’s strike might go on for stupid four more months.

What to think about that strike? It’s tough. And the insides of me are dueling like one of those famous New York black and white cookies. Mmmm. I really could go for one of those right now.

There are two sides of me vis a vis the writer’s strike. Side one is in sympathy with the Writer’s Guild. This is the side that moved to New York City eight months ago expecting to “make it.” This is the one who self-righteously stays home Friday nights to perfect her “art” and ends up watching Bring It On Again on ABC Family. Read More »

MTV wants you to be informed in 2008.

The network has recruited 51 youths to report on the 2008 presidential election using blogs, videos, and animation. Sounds…innovative?

The vehicle for these reports will be Think.mtv.com, which is MTV’s political and issue based website geared toward viewers with an interest in social action.

According to the Associated Press, “The participants in the program will be equipped with laptop computers, cell phones and video cameras and tasked with finding political stories that will particularly resonate with young people. Participants in the “Street Team ’08″ project have profiles on Think.MTV.com. MTV recruited one member from every state as well as Washington D.C.”

This is good news! Mostly. As long as MTV goes the Gideon Yago route and not the Vanessa Minnillo route when it comes to who they’ve recruited to report election news in the coming year. If this political milestone becomes overshadowed by the fact that the chick reporting from Mississippi is smoking hot, then well, I’d rather watch The Real World. Read More »

The ever reliable Page Six is reporting that MTV’s own rampant bi-sexual is not as fickle as the public is led to believe.

So, Tila Tequila isn’t bi? You mean, her entire existence is a total sham? There’s no way the most popular girl on MySpace would ever try to sell herself further for essentially doing nothing! No! It can’t be! Tila is a completely legitimate woman/pop singer/MySpace celebrity, right?

Sure she is! She’s as classy as a queen. Need proof? Check out the evidence: Read More »

Jessica Simpson, Lauren Conrad, Justin Timberlake, Jes Whats-her-name from Rock of Love, Tila Tequila. What do all these people have in common besides pretty faces? Clothing lines of course!

It seems that every star and pseudo-star is coming out with more stuff for us to buy. You know you want to smell like Britney Spears (booze and cigarettes?) and of course we all need some Lauren Conrad boots. You can even buy Jessica Simpson hair extensions.

Every single celeb has something to sell, and we need to stop them. Immediately. Half the ladies from Rock of Love seem to be announcing clothing line launches. Mia and Jes have ties in Chii Clothing Culture which consists of cheesy t-shirts and hoodies. Nothing very interesting, but certainly helping extend their fifteen minutes of fame.

Jessica Simpson’s clothing line “Sweet Kisses” is exactly what is sounds like. Whore clothes for nice girls. Please don’t let your daughters leave the house wearing this stuff. Unless you are Joe Simpson, then you may use your daughter for your financial gain as much as you please.

Lauren Conrad’s line consists of what I like to refer to as “the bag dress,” and cheaply made scarves and shawls. These things aren’t exactly bargains, although maybe in Lauren Conrad’s world they are. You can also buy 45 dollar leggings. I wonder how long LC had to study in design school to create black leggings. Ugh, my contempt grows. Read More »