It’s September 2nd, which means we must tuck our bikinis back in their drawers, slather ourselves in aloe vera, and hang our heads low as we mourn the coming end of summer. This also means that school is starting again, and for incoming college freshmen this brings a whole new kind of dread.

Sure, you’re excited to meet new people, take classes you chose out of your course catalog, and maybe even explore a new city. But there are things to worry about. A lot of them. Maybe it’s that you’re living away from home for the first time, or living across the country. There are more things you need to be prepared for than just athlete’s foot in the communal showers (plastic sandals will take care of that).

As someone who survived four years and two colleges and managed to graduate with all four of my limbs and at least a bit of dignity, I feel I should imbue on you, humble reader, ten important lessons and tips to help you enjoy college safely and happily, from picking classes to surviving alcohol poisoning.

1. Make orientation week count. I skipped a lot of the activities scheduled for orientation week and later came to regret it. I didn’t want to wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston, but what I didn’t realize is that a lot of people did wake up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston and, in doing so, met all those other people who got up at 9 AM to go on a tour of Boston. You’re not going to meet people if you hole up in your room, so go out as often as you can.

2. Taste-test classes. So you didn’t get into that History of Watching TV class you really wanted to take, go to the first class or two anyway. You’ll be amazed at how many people drop out of the class and a space for you may become available. The same goes for a class with a bad teacher. If sucky prof is teaching a general ed class you have to take, visit the same class taught by a different teacher. In my experience, a great teacher can make any class interesting and enjoyable. Read More »

Yeah, you heard right: Bitches is crazy.

Every girl has a story about some other girl who stabbed her in the back and then made her feel like crap about it. I mean, unfortunately, it’s a fact of life. Women are mean to each other.

Now, obviously, this is messed up. Aren’t men mean enough? Why do we have to make each other miserable too? But the fact is, we do.

So how to deal with such underhandedness? Cry? Scream? Pee in her soup?

Nope! Take the high road and follow these easy tips for counteracting cattiness. Because, seriously? She’s SO not worth it.

Don’t Cry

This is usually the first instinct. In that stinging moment when you discover her betrayal, tears almost always seem inevitable.

But fight those motherf*ckers!! Tears make her happy and make you look upset. And that’s what you don’t want. Think about something really funny and bite the inside of your cheek. Do NOT let her see you cry. Read More »

Bet you didn’t know that:

• Spraying your oven with water will make your bread crisp and brown. Getting a nice crust on homemade bread is tricky, but steam is the key. Fill a clean spray bottle with water, then lightly spray the bottom and sides of the oven right after you pop in the bread. You can also create steam by warming up a pan in the oven and then dumping a little bit of cold water in the pan as you start to bake the bread.

• You can make better rice by rinsing it. Most types of rice contain excess starch, so if you think ahead a little bit, you can get far better-tasting rice. Soak the amount of rice you’re using in clean, cold water for 20 minutes before cooking it. When it’s done soaking, drain it and rinse it thoroughly a few times. The result: a less sticky, nicer-tasting batch of rice.

• Stainless steel will get rid of garlicky fingers. If you’ve been chopping and chopping cloves of garlic and your fingers have the scent to prove it, rub them for a minute on the side of a stainless steel knife or the bend of a stainless steel faucet. Use some muscle! Then lather up with soap and wash your hands normally. When you’re finished, that garlic smell should be almost totally gone.

[Image courtesy of 4hisglory.wordpress.com]

So I just got back from three very long days of vacationing with my folks.

I mean, VERY long.

Here’s the thing: it totally sucked. I mean, I love spending time with my parents. I do. We get along very well. But three days of touristing in some random little rural town without any break from my parents EVER just isn’t my idea of a good time.

So here are a few tips that I wish I knew before I went. Good luck, you poor brave souls.

(1) Insist on having at least a little say in the location.

Okay, we went to this town in upstate NY (5 hours from their house, 3 from my apartment) for seemingly no reason. When I was informed, I did not question. Foolishly, I said instead, “Whatever you guys want.” Fatal mistake. You see, my mother decided that we just HAD to go see this giant kaleidoscope. Yes, that’s right: apparently, the basis of this trip was a giant kaleidoscope.

Anyway, we finally get to the stupid thing and they take one look at it and my dad says, “I’m not paying 10 bucks a person for this!”, my mom says, “I can’t lean on this thing for 7 minutes!”, and next thing I know we’re back at the motel trying to figure out what to do for the next three days. Read More »

I have been watching my weight for as long as I can remember and am always on the lookout for new products and ideas that will make eating healthy a little bit easier. I love perusing the recipes on foodnetwork.com, learning about fun new products on hungrygirl.com and reading new food research anywhere I can. My years of research have taught me how to maintain a healthy lifestyle every day.

Not that I had a choice. When I was still in school, living a healthy lifestyle was impossible. From the drinking, to the partying, to the daily late night pizza runs; my body was begging for something green. And growing larger and more icky every day. I can’t even believe I made it out alive…and that my blood didn’t turn into some sort of vodka marinara sauce.

But that’s beside the point.

Today I was playing around on Yahoo and saw the headline: “Healthy Dining: Eating Healthy on the Go.” I immediately clicked it. Eating out is one of the hardest things for me; I never know what is going into my food and how to stop myself before downing a giant family-sized portion. I was so excited to read some real tips that would help me make better choices at restaurants.

And then I read it. Read More »

I was an English major during undergrad, and people often have the misconception that English majors enjoy writing papers. I enjoyed writing papers about as much as I enjoyed the stench of a pungent dorm lounge the day after a particularly disgusting kegger.

I did manage to ace out on most of those papers, though, and thus I am offering this sage list of do NOTs to others in the world of paper peril:

* Do NOT stay up all night writing a paper.

I know, I know, sometimes it just has to be done. But believe it or not, your brain will have time to energize and recharge and think of better ideas if you write your paper over a period long enough to allow for Sex in the City-watching, meal-munching, and beauty sleep.

* Do NOT write your paper via AIM or your cell’s text-message screen.

Yes, you should absolutely take breaks to spend time with your friends and get away from your paper. But texting away while you are actually writing will only lead your prof to knock a few points off your paper because it contains “OMG HAWT++!” somewhere in the middle. Read More »

For the fourth weekend in a row, you’re settling in on your couch at exactly 7:03pm with your man and your Chinese take-out, mindlessly channel-surfing.You’ll pass out on his shoulder in the middle of the second Friends re-run you watch, waking up to his snoring at 2:15am, Lo Mein container still in your hands. You’re officially in a relationship rut.

You’ve passed the point of finding it completely precious that you can just “do nothing” together, and the way he breathes is beginning to get on your nerves.

Before you blame him, try changing up your relationship routine and get the spark back with these ideas:

Plan date nights

Both of you got yourselves into this rut, which means both of you need to make an effort to get yourselves out. Open up your calendars and each pick a weekend you’re both free. Read More »

Everybody likes sex.

Unless it’s sex you’re not involved in, coming from the bed on the other side of the room. At 3 A.M. When you’ve got a test in 5 hours.

One of the most annoying (and sometimes, horrifying) aspects of going to college is the roommate not-so-silence sex fest. It happens to almost everyone; you don’t know your roommate that well, she brings someone back to the room, you pretend you’re asleep, and the newly formed partnership proceeds to take full advantage of the condoms from the bathroom condom basket.

For a first time sex-fest listener, it can be a scarring occurrence. You want to speak up, but you also don’t, you want desperately to fall asleep, but it’s impossible due to the loud noises coming from across the room.

Here are some tips to keep you from waking up in the middle of the night in horror.

#1 Start Talking Early – You’re in college now. You’re mature. You know what sex is. Once you find out a little bit about the person you’re sharing a room with, asking them about their “sleeping arrangements” is no big deal. Subtly try to find out if they enjoy having someone else in their bed at all times, or if they prefer to snuggle up to a teddy bear at night. Offering up what you’re comfortable with before they do (“You know, I’m totally fine with hook-ups in this room. Just let me know when you might be swinging by and I’ll give you some privacy”) allows you to clear the air and show your new roomie that you’re open and easy to talk to. Read More »

Since no one will want to admit this, I’ll take one for the team and come out with it. I may have, on occasion, perused a dating self-help book. If you’ve ever found yourself “accidentally” wandering into the relationship section of your local Borders, chances are you’ve found yourself picking up one of two kinds of dating self-help books: the “how to find Mr.Right/trick him into staying with you” genre, or, perhaps even a few months after you picked up the first book, the “how to get over him” guidebook.

Some of us, however, have a different problem—one that not too many dating books address. How to chase a guy away for good. Lucky for those of us dating losers, Elle advice columnist E. Jean Carroll devotes a chapter to this dilemma in her book, Mr. Right, Right Now!

You can read the list of 79 tips on iVillage. Most are funny, but some have me a little worried and confused. Like these:

Rarely wear high heels to bed.

Um, are there women out there who regularly wear heels to bed that are ruining it for the rest of us? Can I substitute flats?

Make him watch the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

The Notebook is OK though, right? (Kidding!…Except not.) Read More »