Earlier today, while procrastinating on that whole “find a summer job” thing, I came across an article on Glamour.com entitled, “11 Things Men Want You to Do More Often—in Bed and Out.” At the top it says something about how men aren’t so different from women after all, because all they really want at the end of the day is to be pampered and loved!

So apparently (according to the article) your man wants you to remind him how hot he is, relinquish control of the remote, pick up the tabs and giving him frequent massages and blow jobs. What fun!

The list is honest and endearing, but there’s one major problem: most women don’t receive half of these courtesies in return. So now that Glamour’s gotten the convo started, here are some things I wish guys would do more often:

1. Leave us be while watching the Hills, Sex and the City, Keeping up with Kardashians etc.
No need for the mockery, gentlemen. How about we call a truce? We’ll leave you be with your fantasy football, FIFA and ESPN, you leave us be with Speidi (my, what a frightening thought).

2. Try complimenting something other than our cleavage
There’s more to us than our boobs, you know. Why not take notice when we dominate an exam or when you see how hard we’re working at reaching our fitness goals at the gym?

3. Go down there
Blow jobs are be like flowers for guys and the lost art of cunnilingus is like diamonds to us ladies. Show our nether regions a little love, will ya?

4. Lie to make our parents love you
Life is just so much easier without my father knowing how you really spend your free time…

5. Surprise us
Spontaneity somehow never gets old. But dinner, Netflix and making out in the corner of a frat party does.

6. Actually attempt to read/understand the directions in advance instead of always relying on that “manly wit” of yours.
When you complete a task without breaking something/hurting yourself, you will be rewarded.

7. Cook for us
There’s something about a man in apron that just always gets me going! And seeing how hard you worked, despite the outcome, is something we’ll always appreciate.

8. Make an effort with our friends
They can be your biggest advocate or adversary (both behind your back, of course) so please just try to show them why it is we love you so much.

9. Open a door or two, here and there
Because chivalry can be sexy as hell.

10. Accurately aim into the toilet instead of on the seat for a change
Must we really ask this?!

11. This one’s for you to decide
What do you wish guys would do more often? Sound off below!

This guy is the least of your germ problems.

Despite the fact that I ran around for weeks downing Airbourne and bathing myself in hand sanitizer, I couldn’t outrun the flu and it currently has me severely down and out (don’t worry I’m not about to sprout a curly tail over here, it’s just our regular old seasonal pal).

As I spent the weekend lying in bed, underneath a pile of tissues and cough drop wrappers, I attempted to retrace my steps. Where did I go wrong? The first thing that popped into my head was a toilet. I mean, aren’t public restrooms pretty much the dirtiest places we visit? But I am positive that I had maintained sturdy squats never losing balance and always flushing with my shoe…

So where could I have picked up this infections, atrocious and nastalicious flu?

Apparently, the possibilities are endless. Well, not totally endless. It turns out the toilet is the least likely culprit. The porcelain god may be dirty, but it is cleaner than a lot of things we encounter every day. The worst part? We don’t even realize the things that are swimming in bacteria. Gross bacteria. The kind that definitely caused whatever has taken over my poor little body.

Here’s a list of some of the culprits to watch out for. Be careful out there, people, or you may be joining me in my germ infested death bed come next weekend.

Purses. Researchers found hundreds of thousands of germs present on a woman’s purse, which included fecal bacteria, cold viruses and viruses that cause diarrhea. Pretty freakin’ gross. But I know none of us are going to throw out our gorgeous patent leather Kooba (or should I say Poo-ba) hobo, so if your bag has touched the ground (and who’s hasn’t) leave it there. Keep that beauty away from tables, desks or your bed so the germs stay as far away from you as possible.

Computer Keyboards. The gross truth is that you’d collect fewer bacteria if you rubbed your hands over a toilet seat than if you sat down and typed out an essay (one study found that the keyboard had 60 times more germs per square inch then a toilet in a public restroom). Bottom line: clean your keyboard! You can mix some dishwashing liquid on a damp towel and wipe the keyboard and screen down; you’d be amazed at how many of those little suckers you’d be killing off.

Towels. Since the majority of us live in dorms this couldn’t be more important. First off, NEVER put your towel down anywhere in a communal bathroom or let it sit in a heap on your bedroom floor. Regular old flu viruses are the least of your worries at this point; students have gotten staph infections that result in permanent scars and even death from having their wet towels laying around in a pile, or touching someone else’s and then reusing them. (Also, oils from your skin build up on towels creating bacteria that cause acne, so washing towels once a week is a must to keep our skin zit-free!)

Cell Phones. You know that device you have glued to your ear the entire day? It’s filthy (and I’m not talking about those naughty photos you’ve been sending around…). Bacteria that cause nasty annoyances like pimples and boils and life threatening illnesses like pneumonia and meningitis have all been found lurking on your Blackberry. Never lay your phone down on desks in class or tables in the caf, and disinfect it on a daily basis because our skin creates the most harmful bacteria. That’s right dropping our cells into a toilet would probably clean them off a little.

Lindsay Lohan. Or any other skanky starlet for that matter. Steer clear; you don’t need whatever they’re carrying lurking in your air space. This also applies to skanky starlet wannabe’s running around your campus swapping spit and bodily fluids with god knows who.

Grossed out? Me too. I’m going to go douse my entire life in Pine-Sol now.
I suggest you do the same.

But even I have to admit the downsides to the ever-so-popular one night stand:

1. The period of time (about an hour) between returning home and ripping each other’s clothes off that is usually filled with obligatory and totally random conversation. You know, so no one feels like this is all about the sex….which we all know it is.

2. The awkward goodbye in the morning filled with clothing searches, phone number exchanges, and a long walk past the roommates.

3. Morning after poos.

Don’t even pretend that you don’t have ‘em. You know; the after-effects of beer, more beer, pizza, and booze. They are ugly, dirty, and very, very smelly. And if the boy sticks around long enough, someone is going to have one. And someone else is going to know.

Which is why I am totally obsessed with this fabulous new invention. This little toilet-seat-sent-from-heaven is the perfect solution to morning after poo’s. Or any bomb you have to drop with a cute man around.

Basically, this little guy sucks up the poopy smell as it happens (if you know what I mean) and cleans it. When the air finally hits the atmosphere, it smells like potpourri. Ok, not actually potpourri, but at least not poo-pourri.

No one will ever know you just dropped of the kids, which should make that morning after a tad less awkward. Now, if only the toilet seat could tell you what this kid’s name is.