When’s the last time you got paid millions of dollars to do your job? Oh, you just make minimum wage? Weird because these celebs make tons of money for the movies they make, and they are pretty undeserving of it, according to Forbes. These overpaid celebs probably take their millions and throw it down at Fred Segal the second they get their paychecks, whereas I save for months to buy a mediocre dress from Express.

If these overpaid actors and actresses had these jobs, maybe they would learn the value of a dollar and get paid what they actually should be paid.

initiating the gallery...

My college has some great professors (and needless to say, some horrible ones), but ever since the UK College of Humanities decided to hire 7 new celebrity professors, I couldn’t help but think about what celebrities my school could hire to teach some out-of-the-ordinary (and really unnecessary) classes.

initiating the gallery...

Okay, so none of them are doctors, scholars, or philosophers, but they’re all making more money than any of us right now, am I right? Would you take any of these classes?

Okay, so I don’t know if you ladies have heard the news, but apparently Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are actually dating, which really just makes my skin crawl. I mean the girl is legitimately half his age. It’s weird and it’s creepy. And since I am forever grateful that Scarlett let go of Ryan Reynolds so we could some day find each other and be together, I felt it my duty to at least point that out.

But in the process, their creepy crawly relationship got me thinking about all of the other creepy celebrity couples I’ve encountered over the years. And, well, there were actually quite a few of them. Ugh, my stomach is churning.

We are all aware of Tom Cruise’s involvement with the Church of Scientology. We are also all aware of how weird that is. I bet you’re not aware of just how weird it really is.

For those of you who are not Scientology experts, here’s a quick rundown of what they believe:

1) You’re an immortal being. Like vampires. Just not as cool.

2) In order to be a part of this church, you have to make bank. Because it costs mucho dinero to be ‘religiously connected.’

3) While you’re also an immortal being, you’ve also been reincarnated several times now. Plus, your past souls or lives have lived on other planets. Like Mars.

Now that you’re well acquainted with this lovely religion, here’s the even weirder stuff: Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology are both under federal investigation for human trafficking and other scandalous happenings. For those of you who don’t watch Law and Order SVU marathons, human trafficking is SELLING HUMANS. (Read all the dirty deets about that shady bizness right here.) Though both Cruise and the Church of Scientology deny claims of mental, physical, and financial abuse, it kind of makes a girl rethink her Tom Cruise crush. Remember how cute he used to be in Risky Business?

When did that boy become a rich, reincarnated immortal alien??

This week, the Golden Globes happened along with a lot of other fun stuff! Celebs got pissed, celebs got engaged, celebs broke up, and some celebs even had secret babies! All in all, a well-rounded week, I’d say.

Back To The Semester Parties

1. You’ll probably never see Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes again. Despite the fact that he did a hilarious job of hosting the Golden Globes, which would have been utterly dull without him, Ricky Gervais’s jokes are being slammed by the majority of Hollywood. Why? I guess because he made fun of both Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp within the first five minutes (I guess Hollywood royalty isn’t used to being picked on…), he trashed the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press, and according to some people, he just went ‘too far’ with the jokes he made about Robert Downey Jr., Bruce Willis, and Tom Cruise. There were tons of rumors that he was asked to never return – but apparently, Ricky has made that decision on his own. Can we pull the stick out of Hollywood’s Botox-injected butt, please?

2. Halle Berry is having baby daddy drama. She’s going into a custody battle with her ex, Gabriel Aubry, over their daughter Nahla. He wants to be officially declared the father, and wants joint custody of his daughter. Can’t really blame the guy, can you? Their break-up seemed pretty friendly, but let’s see what happens when the court gets involved.

3. Anne Hathaway had a great week – not only has it been announced that she’ll be making an appearance on Glee, but she was also cast as Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. I guess we’ll find out if Anne has the vocal ability to hold her own on Glee, and the body to pull off that catsuit. All that and the fact that she gets to host the Oscars with James Franco AND got to make out with Jake Gyllenhaal for a movie makes me kind of hate her… and want her life.

4. Kanye West is PISSED. Earlier this week, the rapper made a little joke on his Twitter about Britney Spears: “I’mma let you be #1, but me and Jay-Z single is one of the best songs of all time!” Britney’s manager replied with, “Thanks for letting us be #1. Much appreciated.” The whole thing was obviously a joke, with Kanye kind of making fun of himself. But the media blew the entire thing out of proportion (WHAT? I know, that never happens), and Kanye was not very happy about it. He wrote a little blog about it, saying “This sh*t takes the air out of my lungs sometimes from blogs to news reports… enough already!!” Amen, Kanye. AMEN.

5.  Nicole Kidman had a secret baby. Kind of. She and Keith Urban welcomed a daughter born through a surrogate mother. No one knew it was happening, so it was pretty random. Too bad this didn’t happen last week, when everyone in Hollywood decided to get pregnant.

Back To The Semester Studying

1. Regis Philbin is retiring. He’s leaving his long-standing post as the host of Live! With Regis and Kelly. Everyone is already wondering who will replace him… but no one seems to be too surprised. That dude is OLD.

2. The Coachella 2011 lineup was announced. If you live in California or near this area, just know that I am extremely jealous of you. Set to perform are Kanye West, Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, Lauryn Hill, Interpol, Neon Trees, Jimmy Eat World, Duran Duran, and soooo many more. Tickets are almost $300 for the 3-day concert, but it’s also an amazing celeb-and-music filled event that everyone should experience. Like I said… jealous, from cold New York.

3. Jake Gyllenhaal was spotted with Camilla Belle, and the dating rumors immediately flooded the Internet. It WAS kind of a weird coincidence that right after he breaks up with Taylor Swift, he was spotted with her reported ‘enemy’. Oh man, I can’t wait to hear this song.

4. Don’t worry, ladies and guys – Pauly D is still single, as is January Jones. January Jones and her boyfriend, SNL star Jason Sudekis, broke up this week. Honestly, I had no idea they were dating (shameful for me to admit as a gossip blogger), but that sucks because she’s beautiful and he’s funny. And if you were hoping to run into Pauly D at a club and make out with him, you still can. He denied that he’s dating both Chloe Sevigny and Brittany Gastineau.

5. Two more Hollywood engagements: Jodie Sweetin, former Full House star, got engaged. Aw, Stephanie Tanner! But I can’t say I’m happy for these other two – Jesse James and Kat Von D. Ew. You deserve each other. (Sandra, you’re so much better).

Would anyone actually watch a Paris Hilton show?

Guess Tom Cruise is insecure about his height

Romantic proposal gone wrong

Fashion Challenge: wear a hat

Our favorite Modern Family couple finally kisses

10 scary realities of today’s job market. wah. wah.

How to deal with your pestering mom

Top Shop beauty collection for 2010

Same goes for Tyra Banks (who does she think she is?!), Ke$ha, Olivia Palermo, Katherine Hiegl and the entire cast of Jersey Couture (no, I don’t know why I keep on watching it). These people shouldn’t be allowed to speak, let alone speak on camera. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if we never had to hear from them again. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?

So let’s all start a wish list of the celebrities we want to pack up and ship off to an island far, far away. A land filled with dangerous animals, poisonous fruits and zero Internet access or cell phone service.

Who are you giving your first ticket to?

Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: Spencer from The Hills. No one deserves it more.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I would send Tyler Perry away. The world has enough fat-lady-who’s-really-a-skinny-black-man comedies, and he’s making the same crappy non-funny movies over and over and over again. And if he has one more sitcom start up on TBS, I’ll scream.

Charlsie – Hollins Univeristy: I’d like to send Real Housewife of NJ Danielle Staub to an island where she can’t hide in Bentleys from the snakes!

Melissa – University of Maryland: Miley Cyrus. I think she should take her scantily clad, birdlike self to the Island from “Lost” and stay there. We’ll see who “Can’t Be Tamed” when she encounters the polar bears and smoke monster there.

Katherine – University of Delaware: I would have to say I’d send Mel Gibson far, far away. The way he’s treated Oksana is completely disgusting and I could put up with a thousand Spencer Pratts before I’d be okay with Mel Gibson.

Norah – Drake University: Spencer Pratt. He went off the deep end this season in The Hills, and I think we’ve all had enough of his mystical healing stones and overly fluffy hair.

Lauren H -The New School: Megan Fox – can we please just make it stop already!

Melanie – Northeastern: Charlie Sheen. Seriously, he repulses me and the fact that he is one of the highest paid television stars (on the worst sitcom) is awful.

Sara C- Fordham: Absolutely the Kardashians (do they count as one unit?). Not only are they dumb as posts, their show is always boring and they’re only famous because their late father was OJ’s lawyer (not really a great claim to fame, eh?). Yeah, Kim is hot, but there are plenty of other hot celebs and hot non-celebs, so that argument doesn’t sway me. Adios, amigas.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Ann Coulter. Though I’d really like to be there when she gets mauled by a bear.

Nina – Michigan State University: Mel Gibson! The aforementioned island would work, or he could just go to hell as long as I don’t have to hear his stupidity anymore.

Brithny – Duke: Mama Grizzly herself, because Sarah Palin should never, ever, be allowed to even attempt running for president. I’d run to Canada.

Sammie – Fordham: Kelly Bensimon.  Bitch be crazy.

Leah – Ryerson University: Taylor Swift, so I never have to hear another “OMG I can’t believe I won another award I don’t deserve” ever again.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: Kristen “I like the taste of my lip” Stewart. If I never had to see her act or pout while wearing Gucci and standing beside Taylor Lautner…I would be fine with that.

Cristina – Michigan State: It would have to be Spencer Pratt. I really don’t think I even need to describe why.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: Spencer Pratt.  I can deal with Heidi’s fake boobs and Lindsay Lohan’s insanity, but that flesh-colored beard I cannot handle.

Mechelle – Florida State: Perez Hilton. You can’t be a style maven AND wear that get-up to the VMAs.

Meg – University of Delaware: I’d send Miley Cyrus. She drives me insane, has no talent and sounds like she has a retainer in when she sings. I’m hoping that if she never came along maybe Justin Beiber wouldn’t have either and we’ve have some real music to still listen to.

Rachael – University of Miami: Oh, god, only one? Well, since I’m sure most people will say Mel Gibson (for obvious reasons, though, as a Jew, I’m personally offended by his continued ability to speak in public), I’ll go with the less common Tom Cruise. Between his attitudes toward the mentally ill, what he did to Katie Holmes, and his crappy excuse for acting, I think we’d be better off without him.

The MTV Movie Awards have come and gone and it was quite a show. From the Les Grossman opening to Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell hanging from the ceiling (“My testicles are numb….”) to the awkwardness-as-they-tried-to-be-funny-without-actually-admitting-to-being-together when Kristen and Rob won Best Kiss, there was a whole lot going on. And who can forget Betty White’s tribute to Sandra Bullock? Or Ken Jeong channeling Lady Gaga in his leopard leotard?

Or how about the 3 times someone said “f**k” and the sensors missed it?

All in all, it was a great show, but like any award show, what really mattered at the end of the night was what everyone was wearing. And like any MTV event, there was a whole lot of good and a whole lotta OMG, WTF is that!?

The Best of the Best:

The key to rockin’ out on the MTV Movie Awards red carpet is too look cool and classy, and these ladies did it right. Jessica Biel looked ladylike, toned and fresh, and that skirt was not only super fly, but look at those legs! Scarlett Johansson’s green contrasted perfectly with her pale skin and the dress hugged her in all the right places. Not that it’s hard when you look like her. And Whitney Port‘s mini was sexy, fun and young, just like the gorgeous gal workin’ it down the carpet.

WTF, yo?

While everyone is allowed to have more fun with their MTV Award fashion than, say, the Oscars, some attendees took things a bit too far. I have no words for Katy Perry. She looks like a slutty smurf. I know she was trying to look good for her “California Gurls” performance but, seriously Katy, we do not dress like that in California. And WTF is that ’70s jumpsuit, Lindsay Lohan? I get that you are trying to hide the SCRAM bracelet, but there’s got to be a better way than a glittery, wide-legged unitard. And I don’t know who you are, Chelsea Korka, but suspenders do not make that trashtastic little ensemble red-carpet appropriate. Even J-Woww looked classier than you and, well, that’s saying a lot.

Drool

While most of the red carpet attention is on the ladies, you can’t talk about an award show red carpet and not talk about the delicious man candy. And it was extra sweet last night. I didn’t think it was possible for Paul Rudd to get any sexier, but throw a suit and some scruff on the guy and, sigh, I’m sold. Zac Efron, on the other hand, finally shaved that trash ‘stache, put on some sexy tight jeans and made me want to do evil things to Vanessa Hudgens swoon. And Mark Salling? Be still, my mohawked heart.

What did you think of the MTV Movie Awards? Who were your favorites of the night?

Here are just a few things I’m looking forward to.

Two words: Tom Cruise.
He’s been making airwaves with his cameos as the potty-mouth, take-no-prisoners executive producer Les Grossman (who first showed up from the superbly funny movie Tropic Thunder). I only hope he’ll come up on stage with his big hands, jump on a couch, gyrate across the stage (in his undies?) and then continue to bitch everyone in the audience out. Classic Tom and classic Les.

The adorable, self-deprecating host, Aziz Ansari.
The MTV Movie Awards usually has pretty good taste with their choices of hosts who are normally pretty funny and likeable. But seriously, who doesn’t love funny men and even more so, funny Indian men. Yah, Aziz isn’t your typical Hollywood hunk, but he’s super endearing. I want him. Yum.

The prolific return of Sandra Bullock.
If ya’ll haven’t picked up my love and respect for Ms. Sandy, I don’t know where you’ve been (or what you’ve got stored up in that place where your heart is supposed to be). She’s going to make her first debut appearance ever since her cheating, lying scum of a husband, Jesse James, cheated on her with multiple women. It’s saying a lot about Sandy by her showing up to the MTV Movie Awards. She’ll be accepting MTV’S Generation Award, which is similar to the Academy’s Lifetime Achievement Award. Ten bucks she gets a standing ovation.

The Twilight Hunks. Yes I really, truly hate Twilight. But I’m not opposed to the men. Robert Pattinson is way too whiny and pale for my taste but Taylor? I would turn shewolf for him. He’s legal now right?

The Other Hunks.
Bradley Cooper, Jason Segel, the boys from The Hurt Locker…. So. many. delicacies.

The Golden Girl.
Betty White. She better show up, or I’ll be upset.

The Best Kiss Award.
Remember when The Notebook won and Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams totally made out for like 5 mins on stage. That was hot. I’m hoping for a repeat between Zoe Saldaña and Sam Worthington….only not blue or freakishly tall like they were in “Avatar.”

The fashion, DUH.
Let’s be honest, no one (read: me) would tune in for the pre-show, the actual show and the post-show if it weren’t for the fashion. Everyone knows that the MTV awards always draw the fiercest, trendiest and sometimes wackiest looks, and I can’t wait to see what the stars pull out. Will there be some Lil’ Kim nipple tassels? A Johnny Depp flannel-around-the-waist moment? And what the hell is J-Woww gonna be wearing?

Well, I guess it’s only a few short hours until we find out!

I’ve got my popcorn …er… who am I kidding? I”ll  be snacking on some cookie dough with a spoon. Don’t judge! It’s good and it’s the only thing worthy of tonight’s big show. And it’s ready to go. Bring on the award show!

Finally, we’ve made it through a week without a cheating scandal! Hollywood’s finest has managed to keep it in their pants for a whole seven days. Good job, celebutards!

Crucial Information

1. Bret Michaels suffered a brain hemorrhage this week, landing him in the ICU in a Phoenix hospital. Doctors think the cause may be from his diabetes. He is doing a lot better and is now speaking, which is a big improvement. His team is hoping he’ll be well enough to resume his tour at the end of May. Get well soon, we need another season of Rock of Love!

2. Sandra Bullock is a mom! I can’t believe she kept this secret under wraps for so long. Sandra and Jesse have been in the adoption process for four years and brought the 3 1/2 month old baby home before the Oscars. Since the news of Jesse’s infidelity broke, Sandra has confirmed she has filed for divorce and is adopting as a single parent. Good for her! It’s nice to see her getting back on her feet.

3. It’s the Biebonic plague! Justin Bieber has caused massive insanity in Australia and New Zealand this week. Bieber Fever hit and about ten girls fainted and a few went to the hospital. I love me some Biebs, but this is out of control. Someone even pushed his mom!

4. Jenna Jameson’s boyfriend, Tito Ortiz, was arrested for domestic violence earlier this week. Jameson reportedly had visible injuries and claimed he threw her into a bathtub, but she’s been having trouble keeping her stories straight. Ortiz said she has a painkiller addiction, but Jameson passed a drug test a few days ago. Yesterday, Jenna Jameson withdrew the allegations claiming the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

5. Lindsay Lohan continues to be a hot mess. This week she Tweeted up a storm after her fame whoring father, Michael Lohan, busted into her apartment with the cops. He proceeded to start a Twitter war with her and accused her of being HIV positive! This family needs to go to Dr. Drew therapy and get their shizz together.

Less Crucial Stuffs

1. Chelsea Handler is the latest victim of a sex tape scandal, but the comedian revealed it’s part of her stand-up reel. Whether that story is true or just a very clever cover-up, that woman can do no wrong in my book.

2. Gleeks get ready! The Glee tour dates have been released. It’s not a big tour, but if you’re in those areas, definitely check it out. And invite me!

3. Steve Carrell has sadly confirmed that the next season of The Office will be his last. Let’s hope they end the show completely, because as much as I love me some Jim, there’s no show without that man.

4. Katie Holmes will be playing Jacqueline Kennedy in the History channel’s series, The Kennedys. The Internet world doesn’t seem to think she’ll be able to handle the job, but at least she’ll be able to leave Tom Cruise’s watch for a few weeks.

5. Iron Man 2 comes out this weekend, so check out hottie Scarlett Johansson.