Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves. Read More »

Ah, junior year. I remember it like it was yesterday. Actually, the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed over the last four years has impaired my memory quite significantly. But I do remember that things were simpler. My friends were only a neighborhood away, my parents paid for everything (besides the bottles of Jose Cuervo I could literally chug from!), and I didn’t have to worry about landlords, electric bills or term papers.

I was working a job, getting straight A’s and somehow managed to go clubbing every.single.weekend. without my parents finding out.

When it came to music, I pretty much only listened to whatever was on the radio when I was driving around with my friends. And Bright Eyes. I always listened to Bright Eyes. And, because of my addiction to the night life – even though I couldn’t even legally drink yet – I fell in love with the Hot 100 charts on Billboard.com. I would peruse the latest additions and then download them with Napster.

Lucky for me, Billboard keeps all their Hot 100 charts online. So, I was actually able to look back and view the top songs from five years ago (wow, that seems like a really big number) when I was a wee 17 year old.

Junior year – of high school and college – has probably proved to be the most exciting. You’re finally comfortable where you are, and adult-like things like graduation are but a miniature blip on your radar. (You’re mostly worried about what you’re gonna wear to that killer house party you are going to go to this weekend). Perfection.

Anyway, let’s take a trip down memory lane to my original junior year here. Good times.

I’m sure you’ve seen the previews for the new movie “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” which comes out tonight. It’s based on a great teen fiction book by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. The book chronicles the adventures of two teenagers, Nick and Norah, who meet by chance in a club and spend a crazy night together in New York City. All the events of the evening revolve around music, hence the title. Duh.

Since music is what links Nick and Norah, so much so that she even refers to him as her “musical soulmate,” the film has to have a wicked soundtrack. Read More »

These days, the radio is a serious disappointment. I long for the days when the number one hit was Mariah Carey singing Vision Of Love (I’m sorry but that sh*t was QUALITY). When I listen to say…something like, “This Is Why I’m Hot”, I find myself feeling so incredibly–unhot. Instead, I feel ashamed for listening to junk. Listening to most of the todays Top 40 tunes is like eating a Big Mac.

So, I’m going to bring you MY version of the good stuff, old school style, spanning several decades. Holla!

1. She’s Got A Way and Piano Man- Billy Joel

Ok, if you really want to go there….just buy a Greatest Hits album, so worth it.

2. Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves- Cher

Yeah, Cher. And no, I’m not a gay man.

3. I Have Nothing- Whitney Houston

Whitney would MURDER any of those American Idol b*tches. Read More »