When Tracy Morgan Jordan spoke those wise words on 30 Rock, was there a single human being who did not take him seriously? The guts, the glory, the pure aquatic rage that jumps out of our television screens and into our souls need not be limited to just one week.

I mean, come on. Just look at these people (and highly-evolved pets). Clearly, for them, the spirit of Shark Week lives on 24/7/365.

initiating the gallery...

So what are we, the adoring fans, supposed to do when our favorite stars decide to crush all our hopes and dreams? It’s a simple 5-step process that will have you either forgiving or forgetting your celeb BFF quicker than you can say “Tracy Morgan” (see what I did there?).

1. Remember, celebs are people, just like us- NOT gods. I know it’s hard to believe that someone with Kim Kardashian’s body, Prince Harry’s royal lineage (and ridiculously hot accent), or Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s “cutesey kid movie” resume could ever be anything besides immortal gods that we love to put on pedestals and worship. Unfortunately, they’re not. They’re normal people who pulled the right side of the wishbone. Instead of treating a celebrity scandal like it’s a sign of the Apocalypse, treat it like an old friend who got caught cheating on a test or something. You’ll get over it much easier, I promise.

2. Remind yourself of why you love your celeb so much. I don’t know about you, but I still tend to get a bit choked up when I re-watch Lindsay Lohan’s ‘The Parent Trap.” It’s normal and it’s okay to creepily dwell in the past when it comes to stars. I mean, their job is to make movies, albums and go to photoshoots, right? So if you’re having a hard time forgiving a celeb, re-familiarize yourself with the material they did before getting busted. Oh, but make sure to have a box of tissues close-by just in case the water works start up.

3. Go on, tell them how you feel. Celebrities are always trying to stay relevant, so there’s always a million different ways to contact them. Sure, they may never actually read their fan mail or their Twitter replies, but if you want a place to go on an angry rant against your favorite star, the outlets are there. Just be careful- stars like Rihanna, Demi Lovato, and Courtney Love tend to tweet back at the haters pretty often.

4. You do know there are literally thousands of celebrities, right? If you can’t forgive some random person you’ve never met before, chances are there’s a star somewhere in the world that’s almost a carbon copy of your ex-celeb-BFF. Love the “Oops, I Did it Again” Britney, but hate the bald lip-syncing one? Ditch Spears and check out Kylie Minogue or Robyn. Missing the days when Chris Brown used to be the cute guy with an amazing voice, but can’t get over how he hurt Rihanna? Forget about Chris and check out J. Holiday or Robin Thicke.

5. You should probably just quit celebrity gossip. Seriously, if you can’t get over some scandal or find some other star to obsess over, the world of celebrity gossip probably isn’t a healthy realm for you. I suggest canceling your subscription to Us Weekly, removing TMZ from your DVR, and blocking PerezHilton.com on your internet browser. You’ll thank me later.

What do you do when your favorite stars get caught up in some blown-out-of-proportion scandal? Are you one to forgive and forget or do you quit the star cold turkey? Let us know!

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Single. With chocolate.

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Alec Baldwin may be following in Steve Carrell’s footsteps once his contract expires in 2012. During an interview with CNN, Baldwin admits he is over show business and would love to have a more simple life.

“As much as I like acting, I know that I would love to have a different life, a private life. I think doing this now for a living has become really hard. It’s really hard,” Baldwin said.

“I would rather go do other things and have whatever amount of time I have left in my life, have more of a normal life… I want to find out if it’s possible. How close can I get,” Baldwin added.

Watch the interview (and cry) here.

Lindsay Lohan was dating Heath Ledger!?

Tracy Morgan is raunchy. And some people are surprised?

Scandal at Cornell! (And this is JUICY.)

Nicole Richie brings her style to Bebe.

Some women will do anything for a new pair of boobs…

Glee is a giant success! (Duh. It’s awesome.)

Morgan confessed to having the words “Stove Top” tattooed along the side of his wee wee.

Yes, “stove top,” as in the instant stuffing.

“I’m pretty well-endowed. A girl told me to get that because I stuffed her up like a turkey. She said, ‘You should call that Stove Top!’”

Hysterical (and slightly disturbing). I mean, think of the pain of getting a tat down there, the poor tattoo guy that has to do it. And just how many men are doing this!? Of course, it also got me thinking of what other funnies a man could ink downtown.

(Note: It is Friday. We are hungover and ready for the weekend. Please understand that as you read on. We just can’t help it.)

A ruler (assuming it’s something to be proud of)

Maybe a dragon to represent the one-eyed monster that it is?

A hot dog bun

If he’s a techy guy, maybe some RAM or a Hard drive.

A cookie dough package. Girls never could resist cookie dough.

A train with the words, “all aboard!”

“Use for front door only.”

“Homemade in the USA” (We are all about the American Pride these days.)

Some directions for use, maybe?

And, if he wants to get really serious, maybe incorporate the entire region and turn it into a Pinochio face. Except in this story, his “nose” grows for a good reason.

What others can you think of?

Condoleezza Rice wants us to thank President Bush.

Tracy Morgan and Oprah having a baby?

This is the most disturbing facial hair I’ve ever seen.

Pete Wentz has a white Christmas.

Christmas then and now.

Umbrellas aren’t just for rainy days anymore.

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Simon Cowell and Marie Osmond?

The City premieres tonight! Wahoooo!

Cutest family ever.

After Lohan got into a drunken strung out car crash just a little over a month ago a gram of cocaine was found in her glove compartment finally affirming what everyone already knew: Lindsay Lohan does drugs. How convenient that an alcohol monitoring bracelet can in fact only detect alcohol

go figure.

But on the plus side for Lindz, it has no way to trace cocaine binges, ecstasy filled weekends or some top of the line gangah. Although not drinking keeps a belligerent Lindsay off the long and winding Hollywood roads she has now been let loose on the club scene once again but this time she really is holding a red bull.

Now 21 the former child star can’t seem to rid herself of scandal and intrigue.

With hacked MySpaces, paparazzi brigades and whacked out parents Lindsay is our favorite bad girl that we never thought was good. Gone are the days of Britney proclaiming “Oops I did it again”, this is the dawning of the “I did it again, and what?” age which was ignited by a pack of Hollywood socialites self destructing all at once but look absolutely fabulous while going down. Jailed, pregnant, drug overdosed, rehabbed with cases pending, divorced with two babies and a shaved head. No it’s not this seasons Jerry Springer line up it’s how Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Mischa Barton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears spent their summer.

The sad part is that these ultra rich ultra powerful girls have no guidance or support, just a check book and limitless possibilities. When alcohol monitoring bracelets become a fashion statement is all hope lost? We hope not but in the meantime you can get your black monitoring anklet for free at a county courthouse near you.

– Theresa Bennett