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My night began like most others: taking shots to the beat of some Lady Gaga song (gimme a break – it was last fall), followed by endless rounds of pong (and probably some trash talking about how I once made a behind-the-back shot). To say the least, my texting abilities slowly declined with each game, and soon my night went from “hey what’s good?” to “meet pu laterrrrrrr???”

Eventually, I was kicked off the pong table and headed out to meet up with my “friend,” Mark. We headed back to his room where his roommate (and one of my best friends), Jack, was apparently entertaining a girl. Mark informed me that we’d have to hang out for a bit before heading upstairs, so we sat outside and I relived my awesome beer pong shots while Mark rubbed my thigh. Soon enough, Jack came outside for his post-coital cigarette and started telling me about how he already prefaced my arrival by telling his girl about how great I am and how I’m his best friend how much I matter to him.

Amidst me rolling my eyes, the three of us walked into the room, where this girl was sitting in his bed, bright-eyed and bushy tailed (or should I say bushy hair-ed). We were all expecting her to leave, obviously, but instead she sat there and grilled me like Diane Sawyer.  It was all a blur, but I do recall her asking me approximately twenty thousand questions, from what my major is and where I lived on campus to what my social security number was.

She proceeded to talk so much and try to befriend me that I eventually just fell asleep sitting up on Mark’s bed, where he was already passed out next to me. All I could think about, even in my semi-conscious state, was how much she was ruining everyone’s night. I didn’t come over to befriend my best friend’s one-night-stand, I came over for my own selfish good time!

I was still angry when I woke up the next morning, fully clothed, so it was nice when Mark offered to drive me home. No sooner did we get ready to leave and get away from Jack’s trainwreck that she popped out of bed and asked for a ride, too. Being a good kid, Mark naturally agreed to drive the pain in the ass home. I started fuming, but found solace in the fact that we might get a few minutes of alone-time once we dropped her.

Now why in the world would I think that?

As I stepped out of Mark’s (hot) coupe to let her out of the back seat, she began a 5-minute speech insisting that she drive me home and to not make Mark go out of his way to drive me himself. Despite his insistance that it wasn’t a nuisance and my insistance that it was fine, she bugged us both to the point that I finally caved. Mark drove away and I followed her up the grimy stairs of her “bestie’s” apartment building to get her keys and shoes. But what could and should have been a 30-second errand turned into a 45 minute bitching session about how horrible my friend Jack is (Reminder: I was introduced as his best friend in the world) and how he’s so rude and inconsiderate and a liar and horrible.

Uh…what?!?!

I started frantically texting Mark about the most awkward situation of all time and he offered to come pick me up but I told him no, due to this girl’s constant promise to “leave in five.” When we FINALLY left and she dropped me off, she kept promising to keep in touch (why, I’ll never know). Thankfully, I didn’t hear from her again. That is until I walked into my favorite coffee shop to do some studying two months later and found her sitting at my table. I tried to sneak out but Crazy Eyes saw me, jumped up, hugged me and started chatting me up like we were long lost sisters (as opposed to two girls who happened to cross paths during a booty call)….

I interrupted her, told her I was late for class and booked it out of there. Then I called Jack and hold him that all future booty calls would have to be screened by me. It’s for his own good!

Celebrity gossip has taken over the world. We are inundated with the goings-on of Hollywood A-listers (and Z-listers) everywhere we turn, so it’s no surprise that many of us find ourselves deeply connected to those we only know from afar. We get involved in their personal business like it is our own and really feel like they are a part of our lives.

Hell, I know I’m not the only one who freaked upon finding out Miley and Joe had broken up. I was really pulling for those two!

We all know that celebs are people too and that they are bound to screw up at some point (that’s the stuff we love most, isn’t it?), but there are just some screw-ups are unforgivable. Situations and decisions that leave us asking, “How could they do this to me?! How could they turn on me!?” (Yeah, it’s a little sick, but I say blame it on the cultural climate.)

Here are a few celebs that have gone from loved to loathed, without any hope of return.

Mischa Barton

The OC was probably the biggest hit since Melrose Place, and it skyrocketed Mischa Barton to stardom. We loved her. We felt for her. And when she graced the covers of tabloids (pre druggie days, of course!) we drooled over her fresh face and knack for throwing together an effortlessly chic outfit. I had such high hopes for her when The OC unfortunately came to a close; I was certain I would see Marissa reincarnated as the star of the next hit sitcom within the next couple of months. But what came instead was a series of trainwrecks that took Mischa from the top of Hollywood to the top of my most hated list. It’s simply impossible to find an ounce of love for this girl anymore, between the DUI’s and drug induced dark under eye circles. I’ve lost any hope of her making a comeback. And any love for my innocent, lovely Marissa Cooper.

Chris Brown

“Run it” and “Kiss Kiss” used to be at the top of my getting-ready playlist – perfect to get the girls amped up for a night out as we applied our makeup and pre-gamed. And his smooth dance moves and baby face didn’t hurt either. But his music just isn’t the same anymore, what with the hint of domestic abuse that now runs through it. I know that pretty much everyone on the planet has documented his downfall, so this is a bit repetitive, but he simply cannot be left off the list of celebs who have fallen out of our good graces. When it comes down to it, I’m not totally devastated. I’m upset for Rihanna’s sake, but to be honest, I always had a hard time telling him and Ne-Yo apart anyway, so I’ll just trade “Wall to Wall” for “Closer” and we’ll call it even.

Tyra Banks

She’s gorgeous (although some would beg to differ now; swimsuit shot in the tabloids anyone?), not to mention she holds the title of being the first African American woman to be on the covers of GQ, Sports Illustrated and Victoria’s Secret. When she broke into acting she won my heart. I’ll never forget her flawless performance as Will Smith’s girlfriend on The Fresh Prince, and remember that movie where she played a Barbie come to life? Okay so she wasn’t an Oscar winner, but still, the woman was dominating. While America’s Next Top Model had it’s share of arrogant comments and almighty speeches, her downfall ultimately came when she tried to channel Oprah became a talk show host. I suppose it was a good thought, but the execution failed miserably. The production came off as a mix between Maury (Who’s my babay dadday?!) and Dr. Phil (because obviously Tyra is God and a licensed psychologist, putting her in a position to council all walks of life). Basically the show should be renamed “I Love Myself Way Too Much.” FAIL, Tyra!

Mel Gibson

An amazing actor, no denying that. He brought us “Braveheart,” “The Patriot,” and “Passion of the Christ.” And who wouldn’t include “What Women Want” in a movie night with the girls? His acting and directing career was so successful that it masked his unstable personal life for a good decade. But seriously, this guy is bat-sh*t crazy, and there’s no denying it. He’s cheating on his wife and getting girls pregnant, beating up photogs, driving drunk and walking around with one too many buttons undone. And if that doesn’t do it for you, he’s stumbling all over Hollywood giving rant after rant, many of which are directed at women (sugartits?!) and more than one which have been offensive to certain racial and religious groups (he’s not a fan of the Jews). Not even Lethal Weapon can save Mel from his spiraling downfall. I will miss his rugged-blue-eyed-dream-boy days, but now he just reminds me of those creepy over-the-hill men who give you sex eyes across the bar. Not cool, Mel. 

Jon Gosselin

I just swallowed back tears. I am ashamed to admit that I am one of the obsessively devoted Jon and Kate Plus 8 fans. I’ve seen every episode, I can distinguish all the children, and I’ve kept a frantic eye out for the family every time I visit the Outer Banks on vacation. So when I heard of this breakup, I was devastated. I’d always loved how good Jon was with the kids and really felt for him when he was constantly berated by Kate. And then they split and everything I’d ever known went right out the window. Mr. Good Dad was gone and replaced by an Ed-hardy-wearing, ear-pierced, motorcycle-riding, 20-year-old-macking douchebag.  Jon keeps blaming Kate for the paparazzi and the shameless self-promotion at their children’s expense, yet he is now attempting to leave their show in order to be on “The Divorced Dad’s Club”? Wow, Jon, that is low, even for your Ed-Hardy-clad ass. You officially are on the ballot for the Worst Dad/Husband/Human Being of The Year Award.

Do these celebs also have you shaking your head and tsk-tsk-ing (finger wag optional)? What other beloved celebrities have now made it impossible for you to show them some love?

We follow their daily mishaps online as if it were the nail-biting storyline of our favorite primetime soap. There is something so inherently beautiful about the celebrity trainwreck. You know you should, but you cannot look away.

So, in celebration of this morbid fascination, we thought we would give you the chance to choose your favorite celebrity’s next misfortune.

The following are 5 Top Tabloid Heavyweights. Click on a storyline to vote for the headline you would like to see happen next.

Britney Spears

Britney Spears’ next move?

Choose your own celebrity misfortune for Kate Moss, Ellen Degeneres, Paris Hilton and Heidi Montag after the jump.

Kate Moss

Kate Moss’ next move?

Ellen Degeneres

Ellen Degeneres’ next move?

Paris Hilton

Paris’ next move?

Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag’s next move?

I remember the day Britney and K-Fed filed for divorce.

I remember it being a shocking revelation that the two trainwrecks were parting, leaving two little mistakes in their wake.

I also remember placing bets on how long it would be before Kevin wouldn’t be able to come near Brit-Brit’s babies. I was so confident that it wouldn’t take a month, that I made a bet with my roommate at the time. K-Fed was a grungy, skeezy, pot-head dancer…there’s no way he could be a decent father! Right?

Well, my roommate won that bet, my friends, and I need to officially pay up starting today.

Britney Spears has lost custody of her kids. According to TMZ, “L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today, stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, “is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court.”"

It’s about time. Britney is a drug addict. Plain and simple.

She likes the attention. She likes the pictures. She wants us to see her looking like a heap of garbage. Call her masochistic but she wants this for herself. She’s “troubled” y’all and its completely disgusting.

If this is what drugs do to you, physically and mentally, I am counting my lucky stars I never got mixed up in them.

Hats off to Kevin Federline for coming off sane and grounded. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just can’t hate a man who can…I don’t know…handle himself?

Britney, your looks are gone. Your marriage is gone. Your kids are gone.

Time to f*cking grow up. You’re pathetic.

Did the judge make the right decision?

TMZ has posted a video of artist Ryan Crotty’s alarming “installation” which was based off of the life of everyone’s favorite trainwreck.

Basically a baby doll being force-fed a Pepsi with it’s hand shoved into a bag of Cheetos, Crotty’s art was paraded down the streets of Los Angeles and –thank God– it was all captured by TMZ.

I want to hate on this “artist” so badly, you guys. You have no idea. With his dated “trendy” neckerchief and stupid oversized glasses, he looks no different than any East Village hipster (what’s the LA equivalent? Anyone?).

You know he’s a Perez-reading, VH1-watching, beer guzzling (probably only Pabst, though) dude…except he’s a “creative”-type.

You know what I mean. He shops at H&M and answers to no one!

Ugh. Spare me. This is art? This is what inspires the masses? This is the best we can do?

Either way, can we all agree that with this mockery of art, Britney has officially jumped the shark? Okay, so she’s a bad mother. Kevin Federline is suing her. She’s a crack-pot with bad taste in…everything.

I get it. You get it. We all get it. Seeing her bloated face and hearing her “new singles” almost everyday is starting to just make me feel weird.

And sad.