Why must all child stars grow up and disappoint us like this? Please, take me back to the good old days.

So I never really knew how to felt about Megan Fox…especially after she made her debut in Michael Bay’s blockbuster hit, “Transformers.” I initially hated her cause she was smackin’ her pillowy lips on my hot (dream) bf Shia LaBeouf. Throughout the movie she basically was eye candy for all the men while all the ladies just rolled our eyes until Shia came on-screen.

But the more I’ve read her interviews, where she really, really speaks her mind and basically doesn’t give a care about anything or anyone in the world, I think I am starting to appreciate her brash honesty, which is refreshing to read in comparison to all the blonde, bimbo-ish Hollywood mannequins that we currently have in the industry.

Ever since it was announced that she was dropped as Shia’s love interest (shocker! I know) from the third Transformers movie, so many people have been wondering whether she was fired (because she called Michael Bay a Nazi during one of her interviews, nice one Fox) or she chose to step down because apparently, Bay really does act like a Nazi on movie sets.

Whichever story is true, we will never know (Hollywood is sneaky like that), but it’s already been announced that Bay has already found Fox’s replacement, Victoria’s Secret model Rosie-Huntington Whitely, whom he worked with while shooting an ad for the lingerie company. Even though I absolutely loved and adored the past two Transformers movies (I know, I’m a nerd like that and plus…another reason for me to be reunited with Shia), I have finally realized that the reason why Michael Bay is still in bizness is because he casts really gorgeous girls whom none of us can ever attain to and plays with cool explosions. Somehow that makes a blockbuster movie, shame.

It’s sad really, that Hollywood and Tinseltown has come down to this. I’m pretty sure Bay wanted Fox to scram after she whined and sounded off to the media about how much she hated working with him. I mean, I would be pretty angry too if I were a director that made someone super, super famous and that person just ended up bashing on me. But whatever the case is, it’s now been established that Michael Bay only casts really pretty girls so he can belittle them on set.

Hollywood is so elite.

Shizz went down this week: Biebs has a tat, Miley is still a bird, and George Lopez cheated on his wife (the same wife who GAVE HIM HER KIDNEY) with some hookers. You know, just another week.  Anyway, while it pains me that I know so much about the lives of these people, I’m happy to report the deets for all of you. I really am a martyr. You’re welcome.

Golden Nuggets of Information

1. Lindsay Lohan has a warrant out for her arrest with a bail set for $100,000! Lindsay was supposed to appear in court this week, but instead she went to Cannes to promote her new film Deep Throat, which hasn’t even been approved yet. When it was time for her to fly home, her passport was “stolen” but the police have no record of her reporting it stolen! Lindsay sent out an email asking friends for a private jet to get her back to L.A. so she wouldn’t miss her court date, but there was no such luck. (She shoulda called Doug Reinhardt, right?) So when she gets back to the States, she’ll be in the slammer. So….that’s 1 Lohan in jail, 3 to go?

2. Bret Michaels is back in the hospital! Boo, this is bad news! Bret was experiencing numbness in the left side of his body, and doctors found a hole in his heart. The condition is treatable, but he needs to take it easy. Bret is trying to get back to his career and wants to appear on the finale of Celebrity Apprentice, however especially after his recent brain hemorrhage, homeboy needs to rest. Get on that Rock of Love bus better soon, Bret!

3. Matt Lauer and his wife, Annette, are not getting divorced despite last week’s reports that Matt was cheating. He says he did not move out, and Annette also denied the allegations. I hoped this story wasn’t true from the beginning, so I’m glad these two are trying to move past the tabloid headlines.

4. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are expecting! This is so great for them, especially after the loss of their son, Jett, last year. And the couples’ two dogs were just killed this week in a freak accident at an airport in Maine. They need some good energy in their life right now, so yay!

5. Megan Fox won’t be in Transformers 3. She claims she walked, but reps for the movie are saying she was fired. Who’s telling the truth? My bet’s on Michael Bay. They want Shia to have another love interest (pick me!) in the film, which is code for you shouldn’t say that your director was like Hitler.

Bronze Pebbles of Info

1. Jesse James is whining as he goes to court for a conflict with a clothing company. He’s asking that they leave out any evidence relating to his sex life, Sandra Bullock, etc. Dude, those things reflect your character. Get over it.

2. Amanda “Minge” Seyfried and Dominic Cooper are reportedly on a break, and he was seen partying with Lindsay Lohan in Cannes. Get back together, I beg you. But first, Dominic, get an STD test. Who knows what Lindsay’s carrying around these days?

3. Scarlett Johansson’s mom, Melanie Sloan, adopted a baby girl named Fenan from Ethiopia! How cute is that?

4. James Franco is returning to General Hospital. Hooray! I don’t know if he can’t get other work, but I will watch anything that he’s on.

5. Weekly Hotness: Jennifer Aniston looks AH-MAY-ZING in a new Smart Water ad. Brad Pitt, go kick yourself now.

But then you watch her on a late-night talk show or read an interview with her in a magazine, and you wonder how any guy can find her sexy. Not only is it unbecoming for a young woman to say the things she says, but her comments are also unprofessional for any actor to say while promoting a film. No self-respecting professional in their right mind would mention their poor hygiene habits on national television!

And yet, men everywhere are enamored with her. Either they are able to look past her idiotic remarks, or they embrace them. If the latter is the case with Megan Fox, then we women have a problem.

That this type of woman – who comes across as a crude simpleton and takes on movie roles nearly pornographically portraying her body – is the ultimate male ideal, should trouble all women. Intentionally or not, the global obsession with her sends a message to women that perfection means impossible beauty and a serious lack of social graces, if not a lack of intelligence.

It’s true that women often objectify male celebrities in a similar way, but we seldom see such pandemonium over one actor/actress, especially one who has only had two major movie roles in her career thus far. And this commotion has to mean something, since all the tabloids and blogs can’t seem to stop writing about Fox.

What it means for women is that we have another damaging prototype to contend with. She may not be setting us back sixty years quite yet, but she certainly isn’t helping women achieve the level of respect in the media and in society that they deserve. Men can claim she’s just a harmless fantasy, but even fantasies can be very telling of what people truly think.

What do you think? Is Megan Fox trouble for women, or just a male fantasy?

I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

I’m a fan of movies.  Netflix is my homie and I try to go to the movie theater every week.  Every movie is like a 2-hour escape from reality.  Every movie is also 2-hours that you have to spend with the actors and actresses who are trying to convince you that the movie set they’re running around on is actually another planet instead of a back lot in L.A.  Sometimes, those actors and actresses get a little annoying…and sometimes they get a lot annoying.

Today we’re going to look at two pretty annoying actresses – Megan Fox and Kristen Stewart.  Which one makes the title “actress” more of an irony than a career?  Which one is more ridiculously over-hyped? We shall let the list decide.

Career
Megan Fox is enjoying a successful career of acting and posing for provocative photos.  Unfortunately for her acting career, she seems to be much more successful at posing semi-nude for just about any camera that flashes nearby.  Oh well, at least we have such gems as Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen to fall back on.

Kristen Stewart is young, but has already been thrown into some pretty serious roles…most of which have already been forgotten (sorry, but I was way distracted by Adam Brody to even notice little ‘ole Kristen in In The Land Of Women).  Maybe if she sparkled like her vampire boyfriend I’d actually pay attention to her while she murmurs her lines.

Point: Megan Fox. Kristen is younger and not quite as skanky as Megan Fox, so there is a chance that she’ll pull some sweet movies in the near future.  That is, if she can speak above a whisper.

Cultishness
Megan Fox has fans like you would not believe.  Most are of the geeky, slightly chubby, and introverted class, but she has a nice proportion of Maxim-reading fraternity brothers avidly following her career as well.  She’s gotten to the point where even her thumbs are famous on their own (toe thumbbssss).

Kristen Stewart shares some of the same fan base with Megan Fox, but she definitely has the pre-teen, vampire-loving market cornered.  Every boy who secretly wishes he was a vampire also secretly wishes he had Kristen Stewart by his side, constantly touching her hair and mumbling something unintelligible.

Point: Kristen Stewart. Sorry, but Megan Fox is ranked way higher on Google Trends (and in every guy’s spank bank).

Pre-Teen Cred
Megan Fox fights robots.  Rad!

Kristen Stewart dates vampires.  Hot!

Point: Kristen Stewart. Yeah, every pre-teen girl (okay, and pretty much every other girl) loves Twilight.  But the reason they love it are those hottie sparkling vampire dudes, not sweet, unassuming Bella.  Megan Fox is hot AND she gets down with the autobots.  Win.

Love Life
Megan Fox isn’t dating anyone at the moment (I think), but she’s romantically interested in just about everyone, women included.  All those Comic Con geeks might actually have a chance after all…

Kristen Stewart is dating (pretty quietly, too, I might add) the cute little dork from her movie, Speak.  Sorry, aspiring vampires.  Guess you’re going to have to find your own Bella.

Point: Megan Fox. She needs to calm herself and just pick a sexual orientation already.

Press Coverage
Megan Fox is all over the internet (and high school lockers).  We’re talking mass coverage here.  So much so that if I see one more blog post about any part of Megan Fox’s anatomy, I will seriously consider turning my computer off for a full three hours.

Kristen Stewart is, surprisingly, well covered in the media.  Apparently, the gossip hounds love Twilight, too (or their children do…).  Otherwise, I can’t come up with an explanation for the countless hours of coverage on her love life, her hair, etc.  Really? I mean…how interesting can her hair possibly be?

Point: Megan Fox. Seriously, we get it.  She’s hot.  Enough already.

Celebretard Prize Goes To: Megan Fox. Girl, you were in Transformers and some crappy Lindsey Lohan movie.  Why don’t you put down the bottle of sunless tanner and try reading a script that doesn’t cater to lonely men and geeky teenagers?

Although I am in sad lack of it, patience is a virtue that is greatly rewarded.  If you have patience with wine, it improves.  If you wait a bit with cheese, it tastes amazing (just not too long – that could get dangerous).  Even if you are patient with people, they usually get better. Well, some people. Not my ex-boyfriend.

The last is especially true with some child celebrities.   Sure, most child stars end up passed out in a gutter surrounded by VHS tapes of their glory days, but some – especially some pretty choice boy toys – turn out just right. Let’s take a look at some of our favorite young hotties who grew up, aged like a fine bottle of Boones Farm, and suddenly got super hot.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Yeah, I watched Third Rock From the Sun and was therefore super excited to see JGL starring in that am-AZING classic, 10 Things I Hate About You.  What a cutie, right?  Well, Joey totes grew up and I love him way more than my Skechers (…’cause I don’t have a Prada backpack).

Bow Wow (formerly Lil’ Bow Wow)

To a pre-teen white girl from the Midwest, Lil’ Bow Wow was as hood as it got.  My friends and I used to throw on his CD and pretend we were cooler than we actually were.  Fast forward a decade or so and we’re still doing that…but with iTunes.  And Lil’ Bow Wow has ditched the Lil and replaced it with some serious hotnessss.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo was the adorable kid next door (or homeless boy without a family) when he entered our lives via Growing Pains. We didn’t think he could get any hotter than his Titanic days, but it looks like someone just keeps getting better. And better. And better. Leo’s age has done wonders for him – he’s more brooding and handsome than ever. We can only imagine how smokin’ he’ll be when he hits the big 4-0.

Dante Basco

Almost the entire reason for watching Hook a thousand times over was for Rufio in his tights and cropped tank (it was Never Never Land, okay?!?).  Thank goodness Dante left the Land of Lost Boys and joined the World of the SMOKIN’ Hot Men. Seriously, who saw that coming?

Shia LeBeouf

Shia put the “geek” in “totally geeky” back in his Even Stevens days, but he was a master of the physical comedy, so I watched anyway.  Luckily, he grew into that face of his and now he’s playing the lead role in my Transformers-themed sexual fantasies. He is total hotness and has proved that it’s 100% possible to come out of an (long ass) awkward phase.

1)    Happy Birthday, Donald Duck!

He debuted in the cartoon “The Little Wise Hen” on June 9th 1934, so it’s this beloved Disney character’s birthday month! Celebrate Donald Fauntleroy Duck’s birthday by playing Duck, Duck, Donald Duck (goose), rewatch some old Disney classics under a Wearable Towel (touted the “summertime Snuggie”), or sip on a Duck Cocktail.  Or just laugh at the resemblance to Miley Cyrus.

2)    MK&A’s Birthday

Not a b-day for a duck without pants this time, but for tiny twins, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. The only reason I mention them is because they’ve partnered with one of my favorite shoe designers, Steve Madden, to launch a new shoe line under their “Elizabeth and James” label. The shoes aren’t bad-looking, although a bit pricey ($200-$500), and some are strangely made from ostrich and pony hair (but we expect strange from the Olsen twins, of course).

3)    Father’s Day

Mark your calendars for June 21st when we honor our fathers and everything they’ve done for us. Get dad some floss that tastes like bacon, coffee, or waffles, or download the Hulu desktop application for him. If you’re nice enough, maybe he’ll buy you a kitten. Wings included.

4)    Wimbledon

No, not the movie. I mean the actual tennis tournament! Set on the pristine lawns of the All England Club in London, the oldest grand slam begins June 22 and lasts all the way through July 5. Plenty of time for some Roger Federer/Rafael Nadal/Andy Roddick/hot tennis guy action. Oh, and speaking of sports, don’t forget to tune in to the NBA playoffs final! I love me some Lebron.

5)    Summer Movie Flicks

When it’s too hot outside to play tennis, why don’t you grab an Icee and head to the movies for the beginnings of the summer movie reels. For all you Office fans out there, John Krasinski will be starring in the contemporary comedy, Away We Go. Will Ferrell is in the remake of Land of the Lost, and Mariah Carey shows us her theatrical side in Tennessee. With Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, The Proposal is definitely on my list to watch, as well as Year One, with funnymen Jack Black and Michael Cera. The biggest box office hit will surely be Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, because with Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, you can’t go wrong.

Hugh Jackman, X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Role: Logan, a.k.a. Wolverine
Why He’s Hot: Not only does he wear a tight-fitting wife beater throughout the film, accentuating his muscular physique and tough Wolverine persona, but he gets nekkid, too!

Chris Pine, Star Trek


Role: Captain James T. Kirk
Why He’s Hot: Do I even need to answer that question?! The man with the gorgeous baby blues plays a young Captain Kirk, a reckless and devilishly handsome miscreant who eventually comes into his own as the captain of the USS Enterprise. Oh, yeah – and he gets nekkid!

Christian Bale, Terminator Salvation and Public Enemies


Roles: John Connor (Terminator) and Melvin Purvis (Public Enemies)
Why He’s Hot: We lucky ladies get a twofer this summer! Bale stars as the good guy (relatively speaking) in both films, first as the leader of the human resistance against the machines in post-apocalyptic 2018, and later as a top FBI agent on the hunt for notorious criminals. He may be heaven-sent either way, but he’s going to burn up the screens this summer!

Johnny Depp, Public Enemies


Role: John Dillinger
Why He’s Hot: As we saw in Sweeney Todd two years ago, Depp has no problem playing the bad guy and looking sexy while doing it. As the Depression-era bank robber, he can hold us up any time he wants!

Shia LaBeouf, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Role: Sam Witwicky
Why He’s Hot: He won our hearts as the dorky yet loveable Sam in the first Transformers movie. After two long years of waiting, a second dose of Shia is the only prescription to cure our craving for more.

Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince


Roles: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy
Why They’re Hot: We watched these boys grow into men over the past eight years, and now we can say that they are certified H-O-T (without looking like dirty old ladies). As the heroic Harry, his endearing friend Ron, and their adversary Draco, this trio will surely cause fans to swelter in theaters worldwide.

Brad Pitt, Inglorious Basterds


Role: Lt. Aldo Raine
Why He’s Hot: Not much is sexy about Jewish-American soldiers brutalizing and scalping Nazis during WWII, but Brad Pitt can take the role of a commander and make you wish he were your superior.

Bring on the summer blockbusters!

But Octomom loves Angie…figures.

9/11 widow and activist dies in Buffalo crash.

PETA has a protest in honor of Valentine’s Day..

I. Love. Shoes.

New “Transformers” trailer…I can’t wait!

Hair craze: wrap around braids!

I love Leighton Meester…a.k.a Blair Waldorf.

Layered looks are all the rage!

Is Miley a racist? These boys ponder it…

A cougar Barbie? WHAT?!

1. Horror Movie Overload

As a horror movie fanatic, this is my favorite time of the cable television year. On any given day of the week, you’ll find yourself choosing between installments of Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street. Scour the TV Guide, and you’ll probably also find lesser-known thrillers like The People Under the Stairs, or a wide selection of Steven King novel-turned-creepy-classics.

This is also the time of year for new horror flicks to hit the cinemas. I’m tempted to shell out $10 for Saw V, which hits theaters October 24. I also have to admit I’m tempted to check out The Haunting of Molly Hartley, which comes out on Halloween, and not just because of Chace Crawford.

2. The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Special

Can you believe that this year’s Simpsons Halloween Special will be number 19?!? Though we have to wait until November 2 to see ToH XIX, you can bet the other 18 episodes will be running in syndication every weeknight for the next couple of weeks. This year’s episode will supposedly feature spoofs of Transformers and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (another Halloween treat that deserves an honorable mention on this list). The opening credits are also rumored to have strong political ties, but I’d rather not spoil the surprise. If the blood and gore of horror flicks gross you out, you can still appreciate the hilarious parodies that The Simpsons bring us every year.

3. Haunted Houses and Haunted Hayrides

Any small town is bound to have an annual haunted fundraiser of sorts, where local girl scouts, boy scouts, and drama clubs volunteer to act as zombies, witches, and ghouls for your entertainment. Sure, they’re usually cheesy, and are more likely to make you chuckle rather than scream, but it’s the holiday spirit that makes it fun.

If you live near an amusement park, you can also enjoy such festivities as Bush Gardens’ Howl-O-Scream and Six Flags’ Fright Fest, which sends dozens of professional actors out in costume to try to scare the bejesus out of you while you wait in line for an adrenaline-pumping roller coaster.

4. Guys in Full-Out Jack Sparrow Costumes

If you go to a big enough Halloween party, you’re bound to find some dude that shelled out the dough for the full Jack Sparrow digs. I’m talking the hat, the wig, the jacket, the pants, the boots. True, this guy is probably a comic book geek who put too much time, money, and effort into something he can only wear one night. True, he might have just as big of a boner for Johnny Depp as I do. But the fact of the matter is, that Jack Sparrow guy is going to grab my attention, and spark some of my deep-seeded fantasies. And if I get drunk enough, I might wake up in the morning and see the real man behind the mascara.

5. Test Tube Shots

Not only are the campus bars going to be packed with costume-wearing, binge-drinking partiers, but they’re probably going to have some killer drink specials. Some popular gimmicks include shots in test tubes (which a lot of bars serve on the regular, but which are more fun to buy from a shotgirl dressed as a slutty mad scientist), fish bowls with fake body parts floating in them, and pretty much any shot that’s blood-red or slime-green (note that these shots will obviously reappear at Christmas time, but have a totally different effect). Halloween is also a great excuse to do shots of Tarantula tequila, which, in my opinion, trumps Mike and Ike and Snickers any day.