Now, before certain readers out there go all NARC on my ass, let me say that I make it a point to stay away from hard drugs. No coke, no herion…nothing that’s genetically altered to speed me towards an early death. I like to stick to the hippie stuff; weed, shrooms, hashish…you know, things that come from nature. And I’m very careful about who I purchase this stuff from. Those of us that partake in these sorts of relaxation techniques should always be careful about that sort of thing. People are a**holes.

Right, so public service announcement over. What I’m really writing about is this article I recently read on Salon.com about Salvia, a hallucinogenic substance that’s illegal in about 10 states and is probably going to be made illegal in a bunch more very soon. According to the author of the article (and a few friends of mine), Salvia is super potent — but only for 5 to 10 minutes. Apparently, you will trip off your ass and see the weirdest sh*t in the world (including Aztec Gods…or at least that’s what the writer saw), but it’ll all be over in minutes.

Lots of people want Salvia banned because, well, I mean…it can basically be classified as a drug, and if weed is going to be criminalized, allowing Salvia to be bought over the internet kind of makes the whole keep pot illegal argument look stupid.

Based on the descriptions in the Salon article, and descriptions from my friends (“I was sitting inside the sun, dude. Like, literally inside the sun. It was all round and hot. Like SO hot. And crazy BRIGHT!! How did I not go BLIND?!“), I’m not really eager to jump on the Salvia bandwagon. It sounds a little too intense for my taste. I smoke to relax, not travel to the 5th dimension, and any trip that people recommend having a “sober buddy around” for is not a trip I really want to be taking.

Have any of you ever had experiences with Salvia? Do you think it should be illegal?

I’m not really into drugs and don’t know a whole lot about tripping. However, you mention the words flavor-tripping, and my ears might perk up a little. I am, after all, very into food and cooking, and while I’ve had many meals that make me feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven, I’ve never actually tripped off my food. Is that even possible?

Apparently, there is a berry that will make Tabasco sauce taste like glazed doughnuts and vinegar like apple juice. It’s a West African berry called the miracle fruit and The New York Times reported on a rooftop party last week that featured this little berry. Once you pop it in your mouth, everything you eat will taste sweeter and a bit more delicious.

According to a scientist who has studied the fruit, “The cause of the reaction is a protein called miraculin, which binds with the taste buds and acts as a sweetness inducer when it comes in contact with acids.” So, you’re telling me all I need to do is eat a berry and all those healthy and bland foods will start to taste good to me? I can eat salads and vegetables all day long and make myself believe I’m eating desserts non-stop? I say bring it on. I am so ready to start tripping.

Each berry costs about $2, which could get quite expensive; otherwise bartenders would be using them a lot more. According to one NYC bartender, “It will make all wine taste like Manischewitz.” OK, so it’s not perfect. Also, one taster said it did nothing to the taste of brussel sprouts. Darn it. But still. It makes grapefruit “taste like candy” and makes goat cheese taste like cheesecake.

Reason # 4,593 why food is better than drugs.

The smell of tequila across the table from me at the restaurant is still engraved into my olfactory memory this morning. Tequila was one of my first liquor loves.

Of course when I was under age and drinking whatever was free to me, I hadn’t the slightest clue of what I actually PREFERRED to drink. However, when I moved to NYC and started to call the shots–literally–tequila was my choice drink.

But just as the rumor has it…tequila can often times lead to trouble. And after finding myself neck deep in a puke-filled toilet’s worth of trouble over and over again with tequila…I finally stopped drinking the stuff.

But last night, it’s stench made me shiver. After all these consecutive days of not drinking…what would have been a more appropriate drink to break my cycle than that instigating drink of the devil; that paradoxical beverage of poison and paradise…?

I stopped myself and munched on my spring rolls. Deep fried anything should, in my opinion, replace alcohol in a diet. (Side note: Can you deep fry a jello shot?)

Yet again, last night, after my evening festivities (and yes, I have adopted a new definition for the word “festive” this week), I made the sober decision to take the train home. As I slipped on the concrete and literally ate sh*t as I tried to cross the road to enter the subway, I laughed at myself as I slid my metrocard through the turnstile. I knew that there was no way in Hell that guy behind me who witnessed the ridiculousness would believe that I was sober. I almost wanted to approach him…

“Hey, um, ha, I just wanted to tell you that when I fell out there before…you know…out there on the street in front of the taxi…um….it wasn’t because I was drunk…“

He would, invariably, interrupt me with laughter as I would force myself to continue with the unnecessary elaboration…

“...really…it was only because I just got these new boots and they have absolutely NO right being sold in NYC because you just can’t walk in them…not because they’re uncomfortable, but because they are slippery….no traction...”

He would walk away from me and I would sit on the train to Astoria, laughing at how pathetic I am.

I didn’t have that conversation, needless to say, but as I could still smell the tequila when the N train surfaced from the tunnels of Manhattan…I did…in fact…audibly laugh at how pathetic I am.

I really can’t wait to drink again.

When you think of models, a mental image of composed, sophisticated women may come to mind. These women are wearing flawless outfits, have every strand on their head in perfect order and shine in their immaculate make-up.

Their physical “perfection” and high status in society makes them seem like some breed of ideal robotic woman.

Thanks to our friends at Best Week Ever, our attention has been turned to FashionTelevision.com which has come out with a series of model slip-ups to ensure us that models are real people too. Due to the hazardous conditions on the runway, this video shows models tripping, falling, and straight up flying down the runway.

The video highlights some of the possible hazards involved in parading down the catwalk. One of these dangers is the catwalk itself. The video shows a variety of catwalks that appear to be thin, slippery, and downright terrifying. One slip-up and a model’s butt will be on the lap of someone in the front row. The video also discusses the unsafe footwear models are forced to work in. Heels peak at unreasonable heights, with little support for the girls to balance on. I’m honestly surprised that more ankles aren’t snapped during fashion shows.

Jay Alexander, model coach from America’s Next Top Model, suggests that models don’t shake their hips while walking. He insists that a model must assess the situation on the runway and “do what’s best” for her.

The video shows the various reactions that models have to their spills. Some stare straight ahead and make no facial indication that anything out of the ordinary has occurred. Many opt to smile and others cover their face with their hands and hustle backstage as fast as they can.

This video should encourage even the most avid model-hater’s heart to go out to these girls just a little bit.

Perhaps being paid to walk in those tiny, tight outfits isn’t so easy after all.