[Tomorrow, Friday, April 30th, is National Honesty Day. We're all about telling the truth around here (often to a fault), but as one writer argues, sometimes honesty may not be the best policy.]

Whoever said that “honesty is the best policy” has obviously never been in a relationship, nor had a best friend on their period. Sometimes a girl’s best friend is a white lie. Trust me, I know from experience. Not only have I had a petition signed against me (yeah, really), but I’ve also gotten into many fights that could have been avoided by not being brutally honest.

I’m not saying that in every situation we need to lie. In fact, lies can lead to the end of many relationships. There are, however, times when honesty probably isn’t a good idea. Don’t know what I mean? Here are some situations when it’s best to just bite your tongue:

Probably not the best idea: “Sorry, mom; I look like crap because I’m hungover as hell and that dude that stayed over kept kicking me all night, dammit!”
Instead: “I had a late night.”

Probably not the best idea: “Not to be mean, but you are in desperate need of some Listerine. Seriously, what died in your mouth?”
Instead: “Want some gum? There are gonna be cute guys and we don’t want to smell like onion rings.”

Probably not the best idea: “Seriously? Shut up! All I asked you was how you are, not your life story. I don’t really care, I was just trying to make small talk.”
Instead: “Oh, well I’m running late for a study group….”

Probably not the best idea: “Honestly, your laugh is like nails on a chalkboard and I’d rather swap spit with a Golden Retriever than let your slobbery mouth near mine again.”
Instead: “Yeah, you’re a great guy, but things just aren’t working out. ”

Probably not the best idea: “Nice muffin top.”
Instead: “I’m not sure I love the way those jeans look on your butt. We can do better.”

Probably not the best idea: “You look slutty in that dress.”
Instead: “I like the other dress more.”

Probably not the best idea: “ARE YOU KIDDING? He’s clearly not interested in you so just move on already.”
Instead: “There are lots of guys here, what about that cute guy from your Physics lab?”

Probably not the best idea: “You’re the laziest mo-fo I’ve ever met.”
Instead: “Could you take out the trash today? Thanks!”

Probably not the best idea: “STOP STALKING THEM ON FACEBOOK! It’s creepy!”
Instead: Actually, no, that one’s OK. Someone needs to intervene.

In the long run, honesty generally is the best way to go. Lying will get you no where, as people will eventually discover the truth. I am not saying that we need to lie; I am just saying that sometimes being completely and totally honest isn’t appropriate. Sometimes you need to tell the truth in a much nicer way. When your boyfriend’s mother asks you how dinner was the first time he takes you home, tell her it was great. When your friend just got a horrible hair cut and comes to you teary eyed and depressed, do her make up and make her feel good about herself.

Honesty is about packaging. Know how to be honest, and use your discretion when deciding if it is appropriate.

Miss Manners says: Nope. It’s better and more respectable if you’re upfront with the guy rather than lead him on out of pity/kindness.  And, let’s be honest, you don’t want to have to screen your calls for the next 6 months out of fear that he’s not moving on….

Try one of these tactics to deliver the news instead:

Lie. Ahhh… The cornerstone of all etiquette: the white lie. Apologize and tell him that you have a boyfriend or tell him you dropped your brand new Blackberry down the toilet (true story). Yes, of course lying is bad and oft looked down on, but sometimes a white lie is more forgiving than the truth – as long as you don’t get too crazy with your story (“I have a penis”) and nobody gets harmed in the process.
Be wary of: Betting caught in your lie. Trust me, it’s pretty humiliating and you could end up with the “bitch” label. And news of a bitch spreads fast.

Politely excuse yourself… and run to the nearest restroom/exit. Say, “I’m sorry but I have to go,” with an air of finality so he gets the hint.
Be wary of: Him NOT getting the hint and waiting outside the bathroom door for you. Creepy? Yes. Possible? Definitely.

Try the truth (nicely). My preferred method, of course, as long as it’s delivered with tact. You don’t have to be mean about it. An apologetic, “You’re just not my type” will get your point across and you won’t have to worry about it/him haunting you in the future.
Be wary of: Hurting him – although, to be honest, any method of rejection will probably bruise his ego. And while you never want to be a mean heart-stomping bitch, it’s time to do what’s best for you and not worry about the weird creeper in the process.

So in conclusion, rejection is a dirty business, but in some cases it just has to be done. Don’t ever feel like you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with because etiquette deems it so. If you don’t want to give that turd your number, don’t.

Anyway, I’m dying to hear about your rejection stories/tips. Leave a comment and tell me all about it!

I cheated on my last boyfriend.

No, it wasn’t a long, torrid love affair. It wasn’t kinky sex with a Jeremy Piven lookalike. In fact, there was no sex involved. All I did was make out with a co-worker. But still, cheating is cheating, so tonsil hockey still counts in my book. It also counted in my boyfriend’s book. And it counted in his sister’s book…and she was the one who witnessed the fiasco.

It was innocent enough; I didn’t intend to cheat. I wasn’t emotionally attached to my co-worker. We just got blackout drunk at a bar and swapped saliva for about half an hour.

The next morning, I woke up feeling like I’d done something wrong. Yup, I had. My boyfriend’s sister asked me if I remembered making out with “Frank.” Immediately, my heart sank. I got dizzy. I wanted to throw up. My mind started racing a mile a minute, as is standard anxiety-attack protocol. Why would I do something like that with Frank, a guy I had absolutely no interest in, when I was happy and in love with her brother?

A lot of people will disagree with me for saying this, but cheating can be hard on the cheater. I was ashamed of myself, I cried, and I regretted doing so many shots the night before. What’s a cheater to do when they’ve crossed the line with someone else?

1. Ask yourself if it meant anything. Did you cheat because you like the other guy? Do you want a relationship with him? Did you cheat because you aren’t happy with your current boyfriend? I think in my case, deep down, I was scared, because I was in the most serious relationship I’d ever been in. Things were moving fast, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be shackled down and on the fast track to Housewifesville. I think that’s why I dabbled with a guy who meant nothing to me. But that’s my own conclusion. If you’ve cheated on any level (and there are some people out there who believe in emotional cheating as well), you need to get to the root of your own behavior before you can move on and deal with it with your man.

2. Weigh the options: To tell, or not to tell. I pretty much had to tell my boyfriend, because I am the dumbass who decided to cuckold her man in front of his sister. She probably would have told him if I hadn’t done it myself. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t have told, because my conscience gets to me if I snap at a telemarketer, and I probably would have been guilt-ridden for the remaining duration of my relationship if I’d kept it quiet. On the other hand, to what degree does “What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him” apply? Like I said, I wasn’t into my cheating-partner AT ALL. It never happened again, and Frank and I never talked about our random makeout sesh. So even though it meant nothing to Frank and me, it meant a lot of pain for my boyfriend. That said, you have to seriously consider all of the consequences and do what you think is most fair to your man. I’m not saying “Don’t tell him, and avoid being dumped,” because sorry, cheater, you brought this on yourself. But I do believe that there may be some instances where your man might be better off not knowing. That part’s up to you.

3. Talk to him. If you do decide to come clean, the “Hey, sweetie, I collected a DNA sample from another dude” talk isn’t going to be pretty. Telling the truth might be the moral way to go, but you have to realize that when you tell him you cheated, you are putting the ball completely in his court. From here, it’s really his decision as to whether you two work things out, or whether he kicks your ass to the curb. He might need some time to think about things, or you may have to have several discussions to work it out. You have to be patient with your guy– after all, you made the decision to cheat in the first place, so you’ll have to reap what you sew.

4. Prepare for the future. If you have the talk and decide to work things out, you have to commit to NOT cheating again, ever. If your guy can forgive you once, that’s great, but don’t test him a second time. Also, even if he does forgive you, it might be difficult (or even impossible) to get back to the way things were before. He might have difficulty trusting you, and, if he knows the guy you cheated with, he probably won’t want you hanging out with that guy again.

While it’s normal to have a few bumps in the road as you try to work things out, don’t let your guy guilt-trip you forever. Remember, you were honest enough to come clean and work things out, but you don’t deserve to have your mistake hanging over your head for the rest of your life. If you can work things out as mature adults, good for you. If you can’t, and he leaves you, it might suck for a while, but in the end, it was probably meant to be. Another guy will come along… and hopefully you will have learned your lesson and be more faithful the next time around.

It seems like every hour either Madonna or Guy are coming out with a vicious and, oftentimes, scarring statement about the other.

Guy Ritchie, obviously hurt by his ex wife’s indescretions with A-Rod, has said that Madonna looks like a “granny on stage,” and that having sex with her was like, “hugging a piece of gristle.”

Madonna fired back by calling him “emotionally retarded,” and claiming Guy was “just after my money.”

Just another typical case of post breakup he said/she said.

It doesn’t matter if you are a celebrity or just a college girl scorned by her cheating boyfriend, breakups always cause the gloves to come off and the truth to come out. Especially the most embarassing and hurtful truths. Anyone who knows me knows all about my ex’s issues (“Yeah, cuz sex for 1.5 minutes is GREAT!”), and after my BFF’s particularly painful breakup, the entire campus knows about her ex’s farting issues during sex. Ew.

Anyways, breakups cause pain and pain causes people to resort to just about anything to make themselves feel better. Like talking sh*t. Which Guy and Madonna have mastered.

So I want to know: what are some of the crazier things that have come out after your big breakups? Leave your responses in the comments section below; we wanna know all the juicy deets.

Q

A: I’m sure many people would tell you that “honesty is the best policy,” and I agree…most of the time.

But hearing “I’ve been faking it” is tough to hear–and I should know, because I told an ex-boyfriend just that in a fit of post-breakup rage (I know). Sure, saying it out of anger is different than saying it because you’re ready to be honest about your needs and satisfaction–but if you’re planning on staying with him and working on your sexual relationship, I think there are better ways to work on that relationship than dealing him a low blow to the ego like that.

If you can get things on the right track without hurting him, why not do that?

Think about it, if he told you he’s been faking it for the past year (yes, guys can fake it!), would you be able to brush it off and jump in the saddle (so to speak) to start fresh? If it were me, I’d have a hell of a hard time feeling up for another roll in the hay.

But all is not lost. First thing’s first: stop faking. Not next week, not when it starts getting better, but now. Tonight. He won’t start doing the things that push your buttons if he thinks you’re into things you really could do without.

But there’s good news. If you’re truly thrilled with his performance 25% of the time, that means he’s doing something right. It’s time to be encouraging–very encouraging–when he does something you like. No need to scream like a porn star, but make sure (in your own way) that his moves don’t go unnoticed. Even if you’re on the quiet side in bed, an extra “mmm” or even a direct “I like that” will be noticed and noted by him.

While you’re consistently encouraging the good moves, you should also be subtly discouraging the not-so-good ones. Does he need to go faster, slower, a little to the left? No need for a Powerpoint presentation. Say it like an order in the heat of the moment while you’re in bed, and he’ll be happy to oblige.

What if the problem is more of the “he’s waaaay off” variety? Remember all the good stuff he was doing? Ask for more of that when he’s veering off course–a “do that thing I like” should do the trick. Feeling tongue-tied? Just grab his hand and put it where you want it.

What it comes down to is that this guy wants to please you, and you want to be pleased—so whichever way you say it, whether you use my suggestions or tell him upfront that you’ve been faking, the point is to just say it. You deserve to feel satisfied more than just once in a while–and the both of you will be happier once that happens.

Got a question for Pillow Talk? Email pillow.talk.cc@gmail.com and we’ll tackle your question next! Or join our CollegeCandy Facebook group and post your question there!

Photo courtesy of caylawonderful via Flickr.

Lots of times, when you’re in a new class in college, you can feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, and hesitant to speak up and give your two cents.

Unfortunately, slinking into the last row doesn’t always work; lots of classes base a part of your grade on participation, so speaking up is necessary. But, everyone gets those butterflies – the fear of being wrong or of giving the wrong impression is scarring and, for lots of people, a risk not worth taking.

I had a Psychology class my freshman year of over 550 people. Seriously, seriously scary. I never said a word. Sat there with my nose in the books and kept quiet until one day when the professor polled the entire class. Simple enough, right? Well, when I shot my hand up, face down of course, I noticed the room got extremely quiet. I looked up and realized that, out of 550 people, I was the only person who had raised a hand. So the professor asked me to stand up and explain why. It was then or never, so I got up, legs a little wobbly, and grew the courage to speak up.

What happened was pretty cool; no one laughed at me, no one made fun of me…everyone listened, smiled and, when I was done, went on with their business.

So, for all of you scared to talk in class, remember these points:

Everyone is in the same boat as you: Whether a freshman or a senior, the class you’re in is new for (almost) everyone.

There’s no wrong answer: While, technically, something you say could be academically incorrect, it’s never wrong to voice what you believe is the truth and/or your opinion

Teachers will admire you: Your professor will take note of your courage and keep it in mind when grade times come up!

You’ll contribute: By contributing to a conversation, you’ve embedded the conversation topic within your mind. So, when it comes time to study about that poem you were studying in English class, you’ll remember talking about it with your classmates!

Practice: If you are still a little worried about getting up in front of everyone, practice. When you’re in your room late at night, practice what you’d say about a specific topic so you’ll be prepared when the time is right to say something!

And, if it ever gets realllly tough, just picture everyone (including that cute boy you’ve been eyeing) naked!

Be Confident!

(Photo courtesy of spacegrant.nau.edu)

But I know you guys have seen the recent Truth commercials. Sure, they’re still sort of living up to their name. Still, it seems like they’re more interesting in getting the shocked “WTF?” reaction out of people instead of educating them.

Most people in my family don’t smoke. I happen to be allergic to cigarette smoke, and I have asthma, so taking a puff for me would kind of be like committing suicide. One of my aunts smoked until the day she died about seven or eight years ago. My other aunt stopped smoking shortly after. I have a bunch of friends who smoke, though. And no matter how much lecturing they get, I know that most of them are not going to stop smoking. Hell, I remember asking a friend of mine at school if he thought he would ever quit smoking. He laughed. Then coughed.

Yes, smoking sucks. Yes, over time, it screws up pretty much every system in your body. Thanks to the effort of organizations like Truth (and all the ones that came before it), we all know that. Where I’m from – good ol’ NY – the average in 1998 was about seven cartons a day. In 2003, it was around 3, and I’m sure it’s dropped to about 2.5 or something like that by now. Truth and organizations like it must be doing something right. Right?

I’d like to make a bit of a hypothesis. I get the distinct feeling that yes, even though tobacco sales have dropped dramatically since it’s gotten more expensive to smoke and even harder to find places to smoke, there are still those last stubborn few. There are people who are NEVER going to stop smoking. Maybe their kids will see the effect it had on their parents and decide never to pick up the habit or drop it if they’ve already got it. But I think we’ve hit the point where we’re not going to influence the thoughts of anymore smokers or prevent it, and especially not through stuff like Truth.

What’s really going to be the boot that squishes the tobacco industry is when smoking stops being economical and just starts being useless. When you’ll have to order your cigarettes online cuz they won’t sell them in stores anymore.

But, really, all Truth is doing at this point is putting out silly commercials that make you think more about how you wish the commerical break was over than about how much smoking sucks.

Oh, and make songs that get stuck in my head that are SO inappropriate to sing in public.

Don’t get me wrong, I care. I am informed. But I’m easily distracted by less abstract issues, like what kind of conditioner to buy, or whether my cubicle mate meant to rub my shoulder like that. And after eight years with this current buffoon in office, it’s easy to become disillusioned and look the other way.

Sad, right? Abstract is the last thing the political system should be. But face it, American politicians act more like self – interested, fame – starved celebrities than advocates for the progression of mankind. Paris Hilton for president, anyone? With the Terminator holding down California, it’s not such a far – out prospect.

That’s why I’m grateful for Michael Moore, with his nosy, annoying, righteous knee – jerk liberal fastidiousness. I’m not one to base my vote on a film, but “Fahrenheit 911,” “Bowling for Columbine” and “Roger and Me” were jarring works of cinema. Despite how many “inaccuracies” people claimed they contained, their messages rang true and clear: America’s got problems.

So I wasted no time sticking it to the government last night and got to watch half of a pirated version of Moore’s forthcoming film, “Sicko.” “Sicko” examines America’s less – than – ideal private health care system and the political goons that fuel it (namely, a one Hillary Clinton). With the ’08 election gaining momentum so early, this film couldn’t come at a better time. Every day someone new is entering the presidential race, but there’s no clear frontrunner. “Sicko” is gonna make it even harder for the current talking heads to prove themselves against Moore’s whistleblowing.

I’ll tell you this much: before watching the first half of “Sicko,” my apathetic vote was leaning in quiet submission towards Hillary, so I could think about other things until 2008. But now I’m not so sure. I’m more confused than anything — I guess this means I’m really starting to care.

Apparently, the bosses at Miramax were furious over the internet leakage of the movie and they’ve been trying to extract all remnants of it from the Net, but my sources tell me it’s still available on piratebay.net.