“I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” is a controversial memoir by Tucker Max. If you read this website as religiously as I do, you know all about our feelings on this guy. If you are a newcomer and or live under a rock somewhere and have never heard of Max, here is his life:

Average guy.
Started a website.
Sleeps with women.
Posts his stories about the horrible things he does to said women.
Published this book and then turned it into a movie.
Guys laugh. Girls laugh.

Now, let me just say this as my disclaimer: I DO NOT AGREE WITH TUCKER MAX. I don’t think that any of the things that he does to women are right and, if they happened to me, I’m sure I would have some psychological damage. However, I have a hard time believing the truth in all of his stories (as 10% of a biography or memoir can be embellished). If you’ve read the book, you know the ridiculous things I’m talking about. And, yes, assuming that his stories are somehow exaggerated does make me feel a bit less guilty while laughing at them.

But, my point…

This book got me thinking (something I’m sure wasn’t on Max’s list of goals when writing it). In these stories Tucker does not force a woman to do any of the things they do; he simply suggests it. Obviously, some of these acts only happen because the women are beyond smashed, but really, I think Tucker inadvertently brings up a great point: why do we let men make fools of us?

The women Tucker writes about are so completely and utterly desperate that they will do WHATEVER he says. Example: After sleeping with an overweight girl, Tucker forces her to jump out of his apartment window. Yes, horrific. Beyond horrific. But THAT WOMAN AGREED. What would have happened if she had simply said, No? Probably nothing. She would have walked out the front door, Tucker’s roommates may have teased him, and I know for sure that story wouldn’t have made it into “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”

Oh yeah – and this woman may still have a shred of dignity.

Because woman after woman has let Tucker get away with this stuff, he tries it on all of them. I’m sure there are some girls out there who have stood up and said no to this guy. But we don’t know about those women because their stories are never told. If all women that Tucker encountered said no, then he would have no career. He makes money off of women who have some crazy self-esteem issues so when a guy like Max comes around who shows ANY interest in them and he says “Jump!” they respond, “Out of that window?”

While Max’s book was meant to entertain (and entertain it did!), there is something to learn here. Stick up for yourself! Don’t put up with an abusive man (yes, verbal abuse and humiliation are still abuse). If a man tries to pull a Tucker Max, tell him where to shove it instead. You teach people how to teach you; respect yourself, know your self-worth and I promise you, you will end up with a partner who treats you like a princess.

So, I would like to thank Tucker Max for “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” and for teaching us all a lesson about respecting ourselves. Hell, it may even be worth picking up a copy and arming yourself against the kind of scummy guys in this world. But, just know that all men are not jerks and a good one will NEVER be ashamed of you.

Or humiliate you for a few bucks and a movie deal.

But after I have seen writers on CollegeCandy post in a Tucker Max-esque fashion and get bashed for it, I have been turned me off to the idea of writing my own book altogether.  And the comments on CollegeCandy’s recent post on Tucker Max only added fuel to the flame, as readers uncharacteristically turned the other cheek to his antics. The writer’s opinion was that Max and his antics are misogynistic and simply not funny. But the majority of the comments on the post begged to differ.

“I read every single story on the Tucker Max website about 4 years ago…and they were hilarious to me. And I’m a girl with self-respect who would never want to be someone featured in a story like that, but I don’t feel bad for those women. It was their decision to sleep with him and he happened to get some great stories out of it. I understand that a lot of people don’t appreciate smut humor..but obviously a lot of people do (including A LOT of girls considering that at least half his fan base consists of them).”

“He’s funny because he’s ridiculous. Though you can’t believe all he writes because I’m pretty sure some stories are made up/exaggerated, no one actually lives that kind of life.”

“fat girls ARE NOT real people”

It’s funny that people are so quick to praise Max for his shenanigans, but when other writers on CollegeCandy write similar stories from their own life experiences, comments such as “wow, you’re mother must be proud” litter the cornucopia of holier-than-thou responses. I, myself, have written articles anonymously for CollegeCandy because I know the comments I will receive will be derogatory, no matter how well written, ridiculous and humorous the story may be.

So for people to be so supportive of Max and his quest to document his sexual plight and yet bash other writers for exactly the same content on CollegeCandy is one of the hypocrisies of life that I will despise until my dying day.

If Tucker Max can write about the time a girl vomited on his dick while his buddy videotaped it from inside a closet and we can all laugh and pat him on the back, then why don’t we all ease up a bit when it comes to comical and usually sarcastic posts written on CollegeCandy. My mom may not be proud of me, but that’s not for you to judge.

Now, four years later, Max has a bestselling book (based on his website), another collection of stories set to be released soon, and a movie that comes out today. Max has been touring with I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell to college campuses all over the country since August, where, according to him, the film’s reception has been fantastic. He’s even been able to talk a girl into making an x-ray video of her giving him a blowjob during the tour. And judging by how much money The Hangover made this summer—over $270 million—it seems likely that the same idiot frat boys who’ve been attending Max’s premieres could make IHTSBIH a hit as well.

But why, exactly, are people enamored with this guy? Putting aside the way that Max has been called out for lying about his stories on several occasions, and the way that, despite his protests to the contrary, Max is obviously and venomously misogynistic (right, a guy who thinks “fat girls aren’t real people” doesn’t hate women), the fact remains that Tucker Max is. not. funny. Sure, his name is funny—it sounds like something Mattel would call a slightly wimpy action figure—but the stories themselves are nothing special. Unfortunately for Tucker Max, being convinced of your own originality and talent—and frequently referring to yourself in the third person—doesn’t automatically transform you into a comic genius.  The women (and men) who have been protesting Max during his tour have their hearts in the right place, but instead of calling him out for being a sexist prick, they should be objecting to how lame he is.

Most of the reviews of IHTSBIH give me hope for the future: Time Out New York calls it “painfully unfunny,” and the A.V. club thinks it’s “frankly boring.” The climax of the movie apparently involves Tucker “dashing naked through a hotel lobby with a case of explosive diarrhea from a can of beer laced with a laxative by a vengeful woman.” Um… hilarious?

Okay, the New York Times writing about explosive diarrhea is kind of funny.

Maybe, as those reviews indicate, the movie will finally convince people that Max doesn’t actually have much to offer. I’ll understand if this thing makes a ton of money, but if its box office returns are mediocre, I might get a small twinge of satisfaction. Then again, maybe I should just ignore all news relating to Tucker Max and spend my time watching things that are actually funny—like The Office, 30 Rock, and America’s Next Top Model—instead.

Wait, Top Model isn’t supposed to be funny?

Welcome to the world, Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery!

Aubrey O’Day’s giving a little Peepshow.

Zac Efron’s face is traumatizing.

A guide for hiring women…from 1943.

Is that Rihanna? Are those pants? What is going on?

Confessions from a Tucker Max one night stand.

It’s the end of an era for Billy Ray.

Seriously, we could do better on Jeopardy.

Tucker Max’s movie is happening.

Kate Gosselin: talk show princess.

Take note: vagina massages are not a real thing.

Paula Abdul strikes back at Ellen.

I never wanna do karaoke with Rihanna.

And if you’ve always wanted to give props to your school on CC, now’s your chance! Shoot us an email explaining what’s awesome and unique about your school (or what stinks about Rival U) at rivalrundown@collegecandy.com!

This week, we focus on one of the most intense rivalries in all of sports. Only eight miles (and immeasurable animosity) separate the campuses of UNC-Chapel Hill and Duke University. Both are excellent schools with terrific athletic traditions. Between two seemingly similar schools, who will win the Battle of the Blues?

1. Mascot Matchup

UNC- The Tar Heels take their nickname from a reported exchange between Civil War soldiers about Carolina’s fidelity to the Confederate cause.
Duke- The Blue Devils got their name from an homage to French soldiers during WWI, Les Diables Bleus.

Three credits to: Duke. Though both nicknames have military origins, the Confederates eventually lost and the French were among the Great War’s victors. Way to pick a winner, Duke.

2. Terrific Traditions

UNC- Drinking from the Old Well on the first day of class for luck, as well as a popular bumper sticker proclaiming “God must be a Tar Heel since he made the sky Carolina Blue!”
Duke- Cameron Crazies–as Duke basketball aficionados are known–love setting up tents in front of their stadium awaiting tickets to games, sometimes days in advance. The infamous Coach K is reported to sometimes buy pizza for the thousands of loyal fans as they wait.

Three Credits to: Duke- free pizza and regular slumber parties? Count me in!

3. Famous Fixtures in Pop Culture

UNC- President Obama famously selected the Tar Heels for victory in his 2009 March Madness bracket. “Don’t embarrass me in front of the nation,” he told them. They didn’t.
Duke- The Blue Devils garnered a lot of press for their infamous rape scandal involving several lacrosse players. While the players were eventually exonerated, the case threw the issues of college hazing, sexual abuse, and handling the rights of the accused into the national spotlight.

Three credits to:  UNC- if it’s good enough for Obama, it’s good enough for me.

4. Ass-kicking Alumni

UNC– Mia Hamm, Michael Jordan, Tyler Hainsbrough
Duke- Kara DioGuardi, Tucker Max, Grant Hill

Three credits to: UNC- hard to compete with Michael Jordan, one of the most recognizable celebrities in the entire world. The dude’s got his own sneaker, a campaign with Gatorade, and he was in a movie with the entire Looney Tunes cast. Beat that,  Kara.

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

UNC- Only 34% were admitted for its class of 2012.
Duke- accepted 18.8% of its applicants for the same class.

Three credits to: Duke– with a clear victory in admissions selectivity, it looks like more young’ns wanna be Blue Devils these days.

And the diploma goes to: Duke! Though Carolina leads the athletics series (as of last season), those from Durham score more all-around points.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this rather controversial creature, Tucker Max is the author of the book “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” a series of unfortunately true stories about Tucker Max’s “adventures” of how he likes to “disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.” Wow, seems like the type of guy you are just dying to bring home to your parents, huh?

As if reading about the crude, offensive, vomit-inducing stories isn’t enough, you can soon experience a visual effect. Yes, that is correct. Tucker Max’s movie based on his best-selling novel will open in theaters this fall. I think it’s safe to say that this movie can’t possibly reenact the majority of Tucker’s experiences, because even an NC-17 rating wouldn’t cut it. But you never know these days.

With a book that was on New York Time’s bestselling list for three years in a row, and a movie out soon, clearly this dude has got a lotta funs. In fact, he’s becoming someone that guys look up to. Guys now have this notion that if you drink yourself to oblivion and get with every girl in sight (no matter what they look like and regardless of whether they are too drunk to function) then you’re “the man.” It’s like Tucker is the male Carrie Bradshaw… with a beyond vulgar twist. He’s inspiring guys from coast to coast to act like an ass and to do so without remorse.

I think it’s safe to say that Tucker Max is officially ruining men. And if we thought we were safe (because most guys don’t read books anyway) this movie is only going to make it worse.

Ladies, we’re all screwed (no pun intended).

My procrastination however, is actually quite productive in its own way.

I don’t simply lounge around on the couch and troll Facebook to see what my best friend from elementary school is up to these days. I mean of course I do that too, but you’d be surprised at how effective your time-wasting can actually be, aside from effectively lowering your GPA. Check out these sites next time you’re procrastinating, which will likely be within in the next 24 hours:

Watch TV on alluc.org

This site has years of procrastination in store for you, from anime cartoons to movies to guilty-pleasure TV shows from simpler days. “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place,” anyone?

Get Life Advice at tomatonation.com

This gal Sara “Sars” Bunting is a humor writer and totally addictive. You’ll find all sorts of essays on her site, but it’s her advice column that has me refreshing her page an alarming number of times a day. Best of all? Her advice archives are separated into categories, so no matter what your current life drama, you’ll find some sound advice or at least some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in your all-consuming hatred for your roommate’s cat and why won’t it stop peeing on the couch?!

Start an Argument at tuckermax.com

You’ve probably already heard of Tucker Max, playboy and internet celebrity, and perhaps have read about his varied and often sickening sexual adventures. Now check out his message board for always-entertaining discussion topics, like “Tell us what you did after a break-up that you think might be helpful to the people on this board who are destined to fuck up their relationships.”

Study Fashion at stylediary.net

All those MySpace photo albums full of your self-shot oddly angled emo poses will finally be of good use! Pose in front of a full-length mirror and upload pictures of your favorite outfits, or look at others’ fashion diaries for some style inspiration. Or to feel fat and frumpy. You choose.

Tucker Max is the author of his—fittingly narcissistic—self-titled website, where he has published over 80 very detailed stories about his ridiculous sex soirées. This guy is a true work of art. He published this disclaimer:

“If you are a reasonably intelligent female, it should be obvious that you don’t want to date me. I am shallow, narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insufferably arrogant. I have no desire to commit to anything beyond a cell phone contract. At any given time, I am fucking multiple women, and will not give up that sexual freedom for a partner.”

He writes the most grotesque (but addictively entertaining) stories about banging midgets, trying anal sex and dating (and getting sued by) Miss Vermont. Oh yea, there was also that story about a girl who tattooed “I fucked Tucker Max” on her vajayjay three hours after meeting him.

He is brutally honest about his offensive intentions, and still, girls make insane efforts to hook up with him. What’s the appeal?

I can’t say for sure. But I’d guess it has something to do with his I-don’t-give-a-f@#k attitude, accompanied by his blogosphere celebrity status.

I’ll admit, after a few days of reading TuckerMax—once my initial disgust subsided—I began to find him attractive. He’s an extremely witty writer who gets more famous each day, which has something to do with the attractiveness-factor. But, really, the fact that he nonchalantly gets more ass than any guy I know—and doesn’t even try—is a turn-on.

So, yea, I would totally hook up with Tucker Max. However, the night would not end with a tattoo…

Would you hook up with Tucker Max?

Are you kidding me? Ever hear of something called self-respect?

Absolutely, I want a story written about me!