Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a problem that most girls would kill to have. My boyfriend of three years proposed to me.

The problem is, I don’t think I want to go through with it. I’m graduating college in June. He graduated last year and moved back home with his parents. Since then, he’s been working at the mall near where he grew up. It’s only an hour away from school so I still see him all the time, and he seems really happy.

But that’s the problem. He seems really happy just working at the mall. I want to have a whole career and I think I have a chance at getting a job at the firm where I’m interning. I thought the two of us had similar goals, but, since the summer, I’ve come to realize we don’t. He wants to just go to work and come home and hang out, but I want to have a real career and if I have to work late or weekends, I’m fine with that. He gets really sad if I ever stay late at my internship. He says jobs are so you can afford to live, but I see my job as more than that.

We started dating when I was a freshman, and while I like him a lot, I just don’t think he’s “the one.” I feel like we’re better as friends. I’ve known this for a while, but I really care about him a lot (he was my first for pretty much everything, and he’s a really good guy), but I didn’t want to hurt him so I guess I just kind of let it keep going. He’s a good person and I could see myself with him but I just don’t think I’d be happy. Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s what’s up. I need you to help me. I NEED you to tell me if I’m being crazy (probable) or right (….also probable *sad face*). So a mere 3 weeks ago, I decided to date one of my best friends. We’ve been close friends for 5 years, best friends for 2 of those years, and he’s liked me for 3. HOWEVER, we never dated because, despite caring about him more than anyone ever, I was never sexually attracted to him. But recently I said, “what the fudge?!” and agreed to date him, and on our first night out as bf/gf, I glanced over, we locked eyes, and WHAM. It hit me. I’ve been in love with this dude for 5 years. This was baaaaaad.

Fast-forward 3 weeks and here I am. Wondering if he likes me. I question every little thing he says, or should I say, DOESN’T say. We never talk anymore!! He always apologizes, saying he just doesn’t have anything interesting in his life (understandable. it’s the summer), but I’m afraid there’s something more going on. We sit there for five minutes without saying anything, and while it’s not awkward, it’s torture on my poor soul! He notices this and tries to make me feel better (he even wants us to do read together so we have something to talk about!), but then we’ll slip back into silence.

Not to say our whole relationship is silence. We’ll have little 20 minute spurts of relationship gold where we make jokes, laugh, delight in our amazing chemistry, we hold hands and he talks about how it’ll be when we’re married, but lo and behold: ANOTHER SILENCE AWAITS just around the river bend…….

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I met my friend freshman year when she was still dating her boyfriend from high school. We became friends and I watched their relationship fall apart dramatically over the course of the year he became overprotective and jealous and she flouted his concerns. She dated one of our guy friends (which also didn’t end well) and I think she hooked up with her ex again last summer. Fall of sophomore year came around and she lost her best girl friend over a fight about a guy. She ended up hooking up with that guy regularly until that ended as well. They’re still friends and the girl at least speaks to her now. I was her support through all of these guy problems and more, including one bad experience where a TA sent her a rude e-mail that made her extremely stressed and upset about an important professor’s opinion of her. (That becomes important.)

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I find myself between a rock and a hard place. My ex-boyfriend and I have turned friends with benefits. Me and my ex had dated for a year and a half, about half of the time we were at college in different towns. We started dating right after I came out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. In hindsight it was too soon for me to date again, but I was just glad to be moving on. We had a rocky month or two in our relationship with some dishonesty after we had been dating for four months. I had hooked up with one of my guy friends on my spring break trip after a long night of partying. I called my ex the next day and tried to explain to him what happened. I had never felt so guilty and ashamed about something. He was extremely hurt but we had a very strong connection and worked through it. We had an awesome summer together before we went off to college which made it extremely hard to cope with the fact I would only see him twice a month. I felt awesome when we were together and fell pretty hard for him.

During the fall semester, the same issue of trust and cheating arose again. Though I would think we talked things out, he could never quite let the topic go. Right after second semester started, things fell apart. My ex was struggling with some personal issues as well as his academics, the ongoing and recurring issue of dishonesty, and the distance took its toll. We broke up at the end of January of this year. But neither of us could let things go completely. We still talked and we saw each other once. It was so hard because despite all of the issues we had, we were so in love. And I know it doesn’t really make sense because if we were in love we shouldn’t have had our problems. But that was the frustrating part. We knew we shouldn’t have been dating at that point when we broke up but I still loved him.

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

After reading your column “Don’t Break up Your BFF’s Relationship” I felt I needed to write to you because it seems as if I am in a similar situation, except I am on the other side. My boyfriend and I have been dating (on and off) for about 2 and a half years. He is one year older than me and just finished his freshman year in college. This was a difficult year for our relationship being that he was in college and I was still in high school.  I have had serious doubts and suspicions about his close friendship with a girl he met this year at school ever since September when I read a flirty conversation between them on his phone. He no longer lets me go through his phone, but I know they still talk daily.

Prior to this year, I was never jealous of him or felt threatened by any girl he interacted with. I asked one of my friends who goes to college with him what the deal was and she said they haven’t hooked up but everyone thinks he has feelings for her. To add to my suspicion, he and this girl have multiple Facebook pictures of them alone, and when I asked him to untag himself from some of them because they look as if they are a couple, he got angry with me and told me I was acting crazy.

Both my boyfriend and this girl have summer homes at the beach and I know that they see each other often. Whenever I bring her up, it escalates into a fight because he thinks that I am trying to filter who he can and can’t hangout with. He tells me he only likes her as a friend and that I need to trust him. As much as I love him and want to trust him it is really hard because he is so shady when it comes to her. I’m really frustrated because this has been going on since the beginning of the year and I have no idea what the best way is to handle it. Please help me, I would really appreciate you advice.

Sincerely,

Other Side Read More »

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over four years. Problem was, my guy has two very different sides to him… when he was sober and when he was drunk. He was great when he was sober, and we really had a fun time together. But when he drank, he would be incredibly rude and pick fights with me that always blew out of proportion because I didn’t just quietly sit and take them. While I knew that something was extremely wrong, I kept working on him because he was out of control and I felt that there was no way a person could be this insane. I know what you’re thinking, BIG red flag. For some reason, I had strong feelings for this guy and his sober side always sucked me back in. Well each year he got better and better, and I got busier than ever balancing school and work. It got to the point where I was working early hours on the weekends, and he would spend one night with me entirely sober, and the next night he could go out drinking with his friends. We had a pretty solid routine worked out so that we could avoid this problem, I just couldn’t go out when he drank. Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been hanging out with this guy, Jake,  for the last year, we have gotten intimate, but he hasn’t asked me out.  His crazy ex-girlfriend, Alexis, has been “stalking” me on Facebook and sending me messages about him, which he says are not true.

Recently, I went to a party with Jake,  and Alexis was there.  I figured she’d come up to me (like she did at the last party, where she grabbed my head and told me that Jake was all mine if I wanted him), but she did not.  At the end of the night, I went to go say good bye to Jake and saw him and Alexis making out..I literally ran to the bathroom and started crying.  Jake tells me he likes/loves me all the time, but now he goes and runs off with Alexis.  I don’t understand it!

He knows I have feelings for him, but he keeps jerking me around and not asking me out or telling me that he wants to be with me.  We have, for about the past 5 months, not been with anyone else and were seeing each other exclusively.  At this party he and I were both drunk, but Alexis hadn’t drinken anything…I can see where he would maybe talk to other girls because he was drunk but I can’t justify this in my head why he would make out with her.

That night after the party, he said bye to me and I just shook my head at him (with tears in my eyes, I might add).  The next day he texted me saying thanks for coming and everything, and I never texted back.  It was like nothing had happened..like it was just another day.  I love Jake, I really do, and it hurts me to see him “cheating” on me.  I know he loves me too but I don’t know why he would want to go back to Alexis.  And if he does, why doesn’t he tell me this?

Another thing is that I am 22 and have never had a boyfriend before, just flings, and Jake knows this….he is my first love and  he just treated me like I was nothing that night.  Any advice???

Thanks so much,

–Heartbroken

Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I can’t believe I’m actually writing this but–I’m having an affair with my mom’s boyfriend.

I know. It’s terrible. But it’s complicated.

My mom was never much of a mom to me. Me and my sister lived with her and her husband growing up and she never really cared about us. She always did things with him and left us home alone. I’m older so I always took care of my sister but I was a kid too and I definitely made some mistakes. Me and my sister are really close but she moved out as soon ad she could drop out of high school.

I still live with my mom because I’m trying to go to school and make something of myself. My mom’s husband left like two years ago. Shes been dating this new guy for about a year.

I don’t know why I did it but I hooked up with her boyfriend two months ago after I had a fight with my mom. But we kept hooking up and now I think I’m falling in love with him. He always tells me he’d leave her for me. But I’m scared of hurting my mom. I’m also scared because when she finds out she’s definitely going to kick me out and I still have two years of college left.

What should I do?
Not Sure Read More »

Kvetchion? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He broke up with me because I was too “emotionally unsound”, but in reality I found out he cheated on me. He denied it, and for whatever reason I wanted to believe he was actually a good person and it was just a rumor. Though I still became kind of upset. And that is the reason there was any emotional craziness coming from me. By that point, I knew for a while that we should break up, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We hung out every once in a while (and slept together a few times…’cause I was an idiot). Anyways, that’s not the point.

Eight months later, I was hanging out with one of my friends, and the topic of my ex boyfriend came up. This friend of mine told me the truth (he found out because he was cheating on his girlfriend with one of the best friend’s of the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with). At this point I became FURIOUS. I have never been so angry at the world before. My feelings were, “I can’t believe there are people in the world that do things that will obviously cause other people so much pain.” Cheating was honestly the last thing I ever thought I would have to deal with (boy was I wrong). So I told him that I never wanted to see him again.

A month ago, I finally realized that in order to no longer be so angry I have to forgive him (which sucks, but as soon as I realized that I felt so much better). And then he randomly facebook messaged me. I replied, because I didn’t want to be rude. And we hung out, to talk, because I had a list of questions that I wanted answered (such as: Why did you cheat on me? Why with her? Did you ever actually love me? Etc.). But he STILL denied it. And that pissed me off again. Read More »