It’s October now, which means that there’s basically only one thing to talk about for the next 29 days: Halloween. (I had a conversation with a friend yesterday in which he revealed to me that he plans to dress up as a sexy Ghostbuster on the big night. That’s right—he.)

But All Hallow’s Eve isn’t just about costumes and candy—there’s been a lot of seriously scary stuff happening this week. And yes, technically it was the last week of September and only the first few days of October… but just go with my metaphor. Among the frightening things we’ve written about in the past seven days:

- Spencer and Heidi are buying a house together, probably so that they’ll have a place to raise a litter of devil-spawn with flesh-colored beards and fake boobs.

- Speaking of fake boobs, girls from “Rock of Love Bus” make $1,500 just for showing up at parties.

- The length of the school year might get extended. I’m shuddering just thinking about it.

- In my three-plus years of college, I’ve probably had every single one of these awful professors.

- The scary smart kids at Caltech and MIT, who might accidentally kill us all with a wacky prank gone wrong…

- … unless they all get Type Geek Diabetes first.

- Tufts outlawing having sex while your roommate’s in your room, which isn’t scary in itself but will lead to some seriously horrifying conversations between Tufts students and their parents.

- Guys who do nothing but eat chicken nuggets while watching football, playing poker, and quoting “Old School.”

- Going through the nail-biting experience of wondering if he, like, likes you likes you.

- Everything about this post, which makes me want to vomit in terror.

- And most frightening of all: you only have three more days to win a laptop from CC!

Dorm-room sex. It’s undeniably tricky. Besides the tiny twin beds that limit mobility and often result in dangerous topples from the top bunk, you always have to time your romps just right, waiting for your roommate to step out for an undetermined but hopefully lengthy amount of time.

But dorm-room sex is just as challenging for the non-practicing roommate. Allow me to paint you a word mural:

You’re trekking home to your room after an excruciating night in the library. Your bed is calling your name from across campus, and it’s taking all of your energy just to make it back. Just as you are opening the door and can practically feel your blanket’s sweet embrace wrapped around your body, the familiar moans and grunts of your roommate and her ape-like boyfriend ring like fire alarms in your ears. Sexiled again.

You have two choices: Make your presence known and hope they cease and desist or opt for headphones and heavy metal. Or you can face your fate and spend the night tossing and turning on the cardboard-like couch in the lounge.

Well, if you’re a student at Tufts University, the weight of this hefty decision has been taken off your shoulders once and for all. Under a new ResLife policy, students are not allowed to engage in sexual activity while their roommates are in the room. Read More »

Bad news for smokers in Boston. The Boston Public Health Commission has just banned the sale of tobacco products at colleges in the city.

Yes, colleges! Full of adults of legal age for purchasing tobacco.

Why? Well, to protect your health, the city claims. And to keep little kids from puffing down the cancer sticks. Anti-smoking advocates think this new ruling is just gravy: “Boston has taken another step that puts it in the forefront in the United States in protecting people against secondhand smoke.”

Personally, I think the ruling seems to be a little whack.

First of all, not selling cigarettes to 21-year-old college students will not prevent minors from getting their hands on them. And if second-hand-smoke is the issue here, how can the city stop the sale of all tobacco products? Sure, dipping isn’t sexy, but it also doesn’t harm me (unless you consider how visually offensive it is). Read More »

Life as Paris Hilton’s new BFF looks a lot like being mine. Except replace Belvedere vodka with Popov.

You can have your very own Anne Hathaway for only $12,000!

Best online shopping of 2008.

Britney pisses off PETA.

Tuft students get ready for their annual Naked Quad Run.

Barack Obama is no Keanu Reeves.

Reconnect with your body.

Our latest time wasting addiction.

D.C. dorms becoming major money maker.

Bring on the sparkles this holiday season.

Our economy is crumbling, and things just got worse for Bachelors degree-hopefuls, especially those in Massachusetts. Last year, the Massachusetts Educational Financing Authority secured over $500 million in educational loans. This year, they’ve announced that they will not be offering loans for the upcoming academic year.

None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. They didn’t cut their $500 million budget to, say, $250 million. They exed the loans altogether.

MEFA secures loans for 40,000 students who live in Massachusetts, or who attend school there. Unfortunately, this year, the financing authority could not secure the money. Executive director Tom Graff blames “disruptions in capital markets.” So, just like that, 40,000 students are sh*t out of luck.

MEFA is the first to make headlines, but any financing authority could also be treading on thin ice. Which means that students across the country could be forced to drop out of college, or sell their souls to finance a degree that can cost upwards of FORTY GRAND per year at top-notch schools like Carnegie Mellon, Tufts, NYU, and Notre Dame.

When I was in college, I played my cards right, and managed to get through my degree with almost no debt, and decided to pursue a Master’s, rather than join the work force right away. With our declining economy, I am currently paying dearly for that decision. Read More »

The perfect poolside addition to a summer afternoon

Coupon Clipping: not just for groceries anymore.

You mean it does more than make me lose my inhibitions, dinner and dignity?

If Gossip Girl gets canceled my life will be over.

Two more reasons to love Bret and Jemaine.

Do you think Lassie wore condoms?

Just grin and bear it, Tony.  …Or Poppa Joe will find a way to hunt you down.

5 Superhero movie scenes NOT coming to a theater near you.

Bootleg moonshine, courtesy of the Tufts class of 2012 (way to prioritize, guys!)

The most boring class I took in college was Statistics I.

It was boring and hard, which meant that no matter what I tried, I constantly fell asleep next to my computer and woke up completely lost.

If only I could have taken one of these classes compiled by Mental Floss Magazine, I’m sure my GPA would have looked much better. Instead of dozing off to the lulling sound of a professor droning on about ratios, I could have been studying muppets and watching Sesame Street.

All of these, at one time, actually existed.

The Horror Film in Context – Bowdoin – Watch people get their heads smashed in and then talk about why society likes to watch people get their heads smashed in.

Simpsons and Philosophy – Cal-Berkeley – How much does this popular show reflect society? Apparently enough to warrant a semester’s worth of lectures. Read More »