Of all things corrupting the youth of America, the very worst is Cosmopolitan magazine. Sure, it’s the best-selling lifestyle bible of the female demographic, but now that the publication is putting actresses like Dakota Fanning and Selena Gomez on the cover, the printed pamphlet for blended orgasms and all-star blowjobs seems to be catering to a new generation of sexually active females—you know, middle school girls around twelve or thirteen years old, right?

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Dear Boyfriend,

While you were at your frat’s campfire Friday night—I know, triple kegger! How could you not check it out? Life’s too short, bro!—I stayed in and watched “Camp Rock,” Disney Channel’s newest original movie starring The Jonas Brothers.

Let me tell you something; these “bros” are like three Prince Charmings, and you’re still just a frog—a frog with crappy hair gel and a dorm room that constantly smells like Jose Cuervo and dirty underwear.

After the movie, I got to thinking: the JoBros would collectively make a much better boyfriend than you. So without further adieu…

Here are the top 20 reasons why I’d rather date the Jonas Brothers: Read More »

Every day someone muses about how fast kids are growing up in today’s society; how sexually charged their lives are, how full of mixed messages.

“Kids don’t get to be kids anymore!” is what everyone seems to be saying, “They’re becoming inexperienced adults!“

I don’t usually buy all our hyper-sexualized tween hysteria (I’m pretty sure most of this stuff has been going on for decades—just without YouTube), but after coming across this story, I can’t help but wonder what the hell is going on.

According to sources, a 6-year-old boy was recently caught running a ‘sex club’ out of his elementary school in Melbourne, Australia.

The boy has recently been placed in counseling for allegedly urging another 6-year-old to “perform a sex act” and “expos[ing] himself in front of other students.”

It’s hard to tell if parents and school officials are blowing an innocent act of kindergarten rebellion out of proportion (as we are want to do these days), or if our culture has really and truly gone off the deep end in terms of sexual exposure. Read More »

I’m one of the three people in the world who hated High School Musical.

I thought the writing was terrible, the songs were worse, and the acting was mind-numbingly bad. Granted, it was written for kids, and I guess it was fine for someone just wheening themselves off Sesame Street and the Disney Channel, but when it comes to the over-16 crowd who worship the movie, I just don’t understand.

Another thing I don’t understand is the magical pull of Zac Efron.

I mean, he kind of looks like he’s made of wax. A 12-year-old wax figurine. I know he’s almost 20, but he sure doesn’t look it, and if it wasn’t all over the place that he was dating what’s-her-name, I’d bet $100 dollars his ass was gay.

So why is he so famous? I think it’s the same reason Sanjaya and Clay Aiken (two boys who should just give up and step out of the closet) were /are so popular. Tween girls love guys who look harmless, sweet, and perfectly groomed. Read More »