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Bobbi Kristina lands an acting gig with Tyler Perry

What to watch this weekend!

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It’s not every day that Tyler Perry—actor, producer, director and Hollywood’s highest-paid man according to Forbes—takes time out of his incredibly busy schedule to write a lengthy letter. Yet earlier this week, Perry penned an open letter to the 11-year-old boy who was sexually abused by Penn State football coach, Jerry Sandusky, declaring him not a victim, but a hero. And if you’re a female reading this right now, you really should read this letter.

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Nothing causes me more anxiety and ill feelings than watching Kelly Bensimon talk on the Real Housewives of New York. Seriously, it makes my stomach churn more than watching those addicts stick needles in their arms on Intervention (barf). The woman is infuriating and I think my neighbor (who hears me screaming through the wall) would agree that I’d be better off without her.

Same goes for Tyra Banks (who does she think she is?!), Ke$ha, Olivia Palermo, Katherine Hiegl and the entire cast of Jersey Couture (no, I don’t know why I keep on watching it). These people shouldn’t be allowed to speak, let alone speak on camera. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if we never had to hear from them again. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?

So let’s all start a wish list of the celebrities we want to pack up and ship off to an island far, far away. A land filled with dangerous animals, poisonous fruits and zero Internet access or cell phone service.

Who are you giving your first ticket to?

Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: Spencer from The Hills. No one deserves it more.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I would send Tyler Perry away. The world has enough fat-lady-who’s-really-a-skinny-black-man comedies, and he’s making the same crappy non-funny movies over and over and over again. And if he has one more sitcom start up on TBS, I’ll scream.

Charlsie – Hollins Univeristy: I’d like to send Real Housewife of NJ Danielle Staub to an island where she can’t hide in Bentleys from the snakes!

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Ready for Spring Break? Yes, I am even talking to the 50% of you college students who are staying home this year. And why not? You don’t have to be off in Mexico doing really stupid things to have a good time. You’ve all been working hard and everyone deserves a little down time to let loose with a good book or an even better playlist.

Just because there is a little recession doesn’t mean you can’t have fun too. Or get a tan (and some D). Or, if nothing else, see a really bad movie.

If you are leaving town, don’t forget the essentials to take, the things you absolutely should not take, and the souvenirs you must bring home. And make sure to bring along the beach bag. God forbid you should be stuck on a tropical beach without your Blackberry, Us Weekly, and extra swimsuit.

Oh, and be sure to brush up on everything you need to know about Spring Break survival. Like the fact that everything that happens on Spring Break makes it way back to campus…with tons of exaggeration. Including STIs.

Don’t make the same mistakes we did in the past and be prepared. With a hot body and a cute dress.

I’ve never seen a Tyler Perry movie. I say this at the outset so I don’t get any “shut up, I bet you haven’t even seen a Madea movie” comments. No, I haven’t, and I probably never will. I guess I am an uninformed hater, but I simply cannot stomach the idea of contributing my hard-earned money to this franchise, even in the name of research and/or irony. Never. Here are the reasons this endless parade of mediocrity needs to end.

1. It’s Making Us Dumber!

A personal pet peeve, but the title character is called Madea. Don’t confuse her with Medea, tragic heroine of Greek drama. I am generally against things that make us dumber, and the thought that tweens today will grow up with THIS as their first impression of Me(a?)dea makes me vomit a little. I hear that Madea is maybe a common name for your grandmother in the South, but still. Is our children learning, people?

2 It’s a Crap Factory! Seriously. A Machine That Cranks Out Crap.

There have been 8 of these movies since 2002. That math alone doesn’t really indicate a quality product so much as an assembly line. The title progression smacks of a children’s book series, along the lines of The Berenstein Bears, Sweet Valley Twins/High, etc. With “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” the franchise was born, to be followed up with “Madea’s Family Reunion,” ”Meet the Browns,” and some other ones I can’t be bothered to look up. Next up, ‘Tyler Perry’s Madea and Too Much Birthday!” and “Madea and No Boys Allowed!” No, no, the latest release, currently in theaters and beating the JONAS BROTHERS MOVIE IN TICKET SALES is ‘Madea Goes to Jail’, and I hear ‘Madea’s Class Reunion’ is in the pipeline. You know why those book series have such simplistic and obvious titles? Because they are FOR CHILDREN, who fall in love with an easy to understand character, and for their parents who want to know exactly what it’s about before they open their wallets. Read More »

Out in Hollywood, there is a talented cross-dressing writer named Tyler Perry. Unfortunately, he is still pissed off. He has written and produced countless plays, musicals, films and TV shows – all targeting the African-American community. Tyler has created over $500M in revenues from his productions, and we can only assume he has banked a lot from that.

He bought a $5M mansion just outside of Atlanta. Yet, he is still pissed off. Tyler’s current movie “Why Did I Get Married?” ranked 2nd in Box Office revenues taking in $12.1M – yep, still pissed off. Why you ask? Because Perry’s series on TBS, “House of Payne,” is tanking.

I think 30 people are watching it, and that includes the cast, crew and family. So TBS did what any network would do – they said “Mr. Perry, your show sucks. Get it together of beat it!” Sadly, that was the wrong thing to say to the wrong person.

As if scripted from a bad network drama, the upcoming publicity battle is going to be epic.

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