What’s more comically traumatic than getting a rash “cut it all off” haircut that makes you look less sexy and fierce and more gender-ambiguous? Getting it against your will on national television, ANTM-style!
That’s right, it’s the episode of reality television that I look forward to most…the makeover episode of America’s Next Top Model!
“Like a butterfly, a true top model must be willing to undergo a total metamorphosis,” reads the TyraMail, sending the girls into a chorus of excited screams and giggles, which of course will soon turn into tears, sneers, and perhaps a nervous breakdown, if Tyra has her way!
Tyra shows the girls what to expect this time, with the help of digital imaging, and off they go! Read More »
America’s Next Top Model got batsh*t crazy last night, when the girls practiced runway walking while wearing straightjackets. Seriously.
Miss Jay explained that often in couture shows, you have to walk in constricting costumes. Which is a fine explanation and all if more than a handful of past ANTM contestants have ever walked on a runway after the show.
The green van takes the girls back to the house, where Bianca calls Saleisha “borderline plus-size,” which, you know, makes me the poster child for morbid obesity.
Bianca goes on to say that she’ll “bring bitches down,” and will stoop to cutting up clothes, but don’t let the red hair fool you! She’s a real model and she can be couture!
Uh, what? Someone needs anger management classes a bit more than runway training, methinks.
A couture runway show is up next, and I’m officially in love with Victoria. She has the most interesting face in the competition other than Janet. Saleisha wins the challenge and Bianca sneers and bitches and makes me loathe her more.
The bondage theme of the episode continues with a photo shoot involving ropes and couture. You know, just another day climbing a rock wall in a designer gown. My favorites were Heather and Victoria (sorry Janet!), but the whole thing just didn’t do much for me. Read More »
Don’t know which candidate you’re leaning towards for next year’s presidential elections?
Yeah, me either.
Despite the candidates push to get the attention of our generation, I still haven’t done as much homework as I need to on the candidates and their issues.
From getting on MySpace to being interviewed by Tyra Banks, these candidates are speaking to the ladies and gents of our technology savvy generation.
They (finally!) understand that the young people in this country have a voice, and that voice is going to speak loudly in ’08.
This quiz (I know, quizzes, UGH!) is a good precursor to all that candidate homework that is right around the corner. It asks how you feel about a few of the very important issues and tells you how you align with EACH of the presidential candidates. Read More »
Is it just me or is this cycle of America’s Next Model the best one yet? And by “best,” clearly I mean “most unrealistic, annoying, and completely addictive.”
Last night’s episode, the second of the cycle, “keeps our Earth good,” (thanks, Mila) with a green-friendly van for the girls. It takes the girls to their new house, where half of the models manage to fit into one bathtub.
Tyra continues Awareness Crusade 2007 with the photoshoot, an anti-smoking campaign, where Mila laughs at chemo and everyone points out Heather’s awkwardness even though she’s really not acting in any abnormal way.
In fact, she’s made the first intelligent comment of the episode, when she says that the bitch-fighting between Bianca and Lisa is giving her a headache.
Next up is a shopping spree at…Old Navy. Um. Budget cuts, Tyra?
The pick on Heather-athon continues, with Jenah’s comment that Heather doesn’t know what’s trendy. I didn’t realize that a symptom of Asperger’s is bad fashion sense, but hey, what do I know? Oh, and Ebony forgets to put on pants.
Then the girls come home, where the girls continue bashing on Heather, except for Victoria, who, in her own snooty way, is growing on me. Sure she kind of feels like she’s better and smarter than the other girls, but, well, I’d probably feel the same way. Read More »
A few weeks ago, I walked out into broad daylight wearing what I thought was an opaque dress. After getting a few strange glares, I made it to my friend’s place and looked in the mirror.
The dress was, in fact, see-through; there was my underwear, in clear view. Great.
To solve my transparent problem, my friend handed me a pair of black Spanx.
What was originally meant to simply cover up the bottom half of my body, I soon realized also made the dress look even better on my body! That’s because Spanx are super tight, super slimming biker-like type shorts that take you in at least a couple of dress sizes around the hips and thighs.
Which is why I’m not surprised to find out that all of these “perfectly tiny” celebs are using Spanx to appear….dun dun dunnnnnnnn….
Tyra’s an advocate (obvi)! Even this girl is wearing them! (Who the hell is she?)
EVERYONE in Hollywood is wearing them, even though they don’t want you to know! Well, guess what. Secret’s out.
“Assets” are an affordable brand you can find at Target.
These things work wonders for the body. They’re sleek, seamless and definitely pull in any unwanted lumps and bumps. The only real problem I can think of when wearing Spanx is – make sure you do NOT, and I repeat – do NOT engage in sexual activity while wearing them. Don’t forget you have them on whilst getting down and dirty. Read More »
Have you ever sat around in your sweats with some ice cream, happened to switch on America’s Next Top Model, and thought, you know, this show is the biggest fest of shit I’ve come across in a long time?
No? Maybe it’s just me.
It’s not that I want to hate on Tyra, my body just has this weird reaction whenever she stands up in front of the girls and acts like she’s Mother Teresa’s direct descendent.
And the show certainly doesn’t do anything to disperse the stereotype that models are bitchy, pretentious, and have a whole lotta issues with food. Season after season I’m amazed at how willing these girls are to throw each other under the train while stealing granola bars and lying about it.
Anyway, if you’ve ever wanted to know what the casting process is like for this skinny girl freak fest, just click here. Whoever she is, she’s tiny enough to get inside the inner sanctum and funny enough to report back on what they actually make you do at Camp Tyra (which sound seriously, seriously frightening).
…As for me, I’ll keep my ice cream and my size 6 jeans and skip over the umpteenth season in favor of a little televised wonder I like to call Wife Swap. I’ll take crazy, controlling families over fake drama any day.
Okay, for a while, Tyra Banks‘ schtick was cute. On Top Model, she was bold and she was out there, walking the runway of Fierce Supermodel World. She definitely taught those young, naive models-in-the-making how to work it out and she always knew how to bring out the drama and make me tune in, week after week, marathon after marathon. I was a Tyra fan at one point, because she had just enough of that different personality to catch my attention.
Then, she got her own talk show and decided it was time to push her “I’ll say and do anything for ratings” image. Now, she’s a complete nut bag, she’s all over the television no matter what time of day it is, no matter what channel you turn to, and it’s like – okay. You’re crazy, Tyra. You’re out of your mind. We get it. Now shut up.
They say three strikes and you’re out. Well, here are just three of Tyra’s many recent strikes that have sent her from fierce to f*cking crazy:
1. This clip of Tyra going bat-shit crazy for Vaseline. Hey, I like petroleum jelly just as much as the next girl – it’s great for make-up remover and whatever else your dirty minds can cook up. But do I love it as much as she does? Should anyone love it as much as she does? Ummm, no. Read More »
I work in a an office full of Top Model Enthusiasts, a.k.a, a rare breed totally obsessed with America’s Next Top Model, who have charts of the girls hanging on their wall at their desks, and who cross each girl out, week by week, and engage in a pow-wow every Thursday morning to discuss the episode in detail from the night before.
I myself have succumb to the show and have become a Top Model Enthusiast too.
Everything about the show is ridiculous, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The models’ house is ridiculous – pictures of Tyra plastered everywhere! The challenges are ridiculous – crime scene photo shoots (“you just don’t look dead enough this week, I’m sorry”). Top Model marathons each and every weekend, all weekend long, are ridiculous (and time-consuming). And Tyra herself – utterly ridiculous!
Last night, however, Tyra whispered her last, “Congratulations. You’re still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model,” and now, sadly, my Wednesday nights will be ANTM-free.
But the good news is, a new winner has been crowned. She’s a 20-year-old online college admissions adviser from Chicago. All hail Jaslene, America’s Next Top Model! Read More »
- As a challenge, the girls had to give themselves fake, one-word “model” names, like “Melrose” or “Giselle”. One of them picked the name “Wholahey,” pronouced “whoooolahaaayyy. So dumb, I LOVES IT. Even dumber? Wholahey WON the challenge!
- Sarah got the boot. She annoyed me from the start, always thinkin her s*&% d’int stank because she was a “professional photographer” and did a fashion show for “Chanel”. Which really means, she posts a lot of pictures on Myspace taken with her disposable camera, and did some cheesy runway show at the local mall in front of the Chanel store.
- There were celebrities at the same party attended by the models themselves! What are the chances?!? We got to watch them awkwardly mix and mingle with them. 50 Cent was so irritatated by Jael bein’ all up in his grill that he pushed her in the pool and she thought it was funny. Well, so did I.
- Ms. Nicole Ritchie herself got involved with some roommate drama when she asked Renee in “confidence” what she thought of the girls, and after Renee told Nicole that she hated Jael, Nicole went behind her back and told Jael exactly what Renee had said! Whew. Scandelous!
America’s Next Top Model
Don’t know which candidate you’re leaning towards for next year’s presidential elections?
Is it just me or is this cycle of 
A few weeks ago, I walked out into broad daylight wearing what I thought was an opaque dress. After getting a few strange glares, I made it to my friend’s place and looked in the mirror.
Have you ever sat around in your sweats with some ice cream, happened to switch on 
Okay, for a while, 
I work in a an office full of Top Model Enthusiasts, a.k.a, a rare breed totally obsessed with 
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