America’s Next Top Model got batsh*t crazy last night, when the girls practiced runway walking while wearing straightjackets. Seriously.

Miss Jay explained that often in couture shows, you have to walk in constricting costumes. Which is a fine explanation and all if more than a handful of past ANTM contestants have ever walked on a runway after the show.

The green van takes the girls back to the house, where Bianca calls Saleisha “borderline plus-size,” which, you know, makes me the poster child for morbid obesity.

Bianca goes on to say that she’ll “bring bitches down,” and will stoop to cutting up clothes, but don’t let the red hair fool you! She’s a real model and she can be couture!

Uh, what? Someone needs anger management classes a bit more than runway training, methinks.

A couture runway show is up next, and I’m officially in love with Victoria. She has the most interesting face in the competition other than Janet. Saleisha wins the challenge and Bianca sneers and bitches and makes me loathe her more.

The bondage theme of the episode continues with a photo shoot involving ropes and couture. You know, just another day climbing a rock wall in a designer gown. My favorites were Heather and Victoria (sorry Janet!), but the whole thing just didn’t do much for me. Read More »

Is it just me or is this cycle of America’s Next Model the best one yet? And by “best,” clearly I mean “most unrealistic, annoying, and completely addictive.”

Last night’s episode, the second of the cycle, “keeps our Earth good,” (thanks, Mila) with a green-friendly van for the girls. It takes the girls to their new house, where half of the models manage to fit into one bathtub.

Tyra continues Awareness Crusade 2007 with the photoshoot, an anti-smoking campaign, where Mila laughs at chemo and everyone points out Heather’s awkwardness even though she’s really not acting in any abnormal way.

In fact, she’s made the first intelligent comment of the episode, when she says that the bitch-fighting between Bianca and Lisa is giving her a headache.

Next up is a shopping spree at…Old Navy. Um. Budget cuts, Tyra?

The pick on Heather-athon continues, with Jenah’s comment that Heather doesn’t know what’s trendy. I didn’t realize that a symptom of Asperger’s is bad fashion sense, but hey, what do I know? Oh, and Ebony forgets to put on pants.

Then the girls come home, where the girls continue bashing on Heather, except for Victoria, who, in her own snooty way, is growing on me. Sure she kind of feels like she’s better and smarter than the other girls, but, well, I’d probably feel the same way. Read More »

Guess what? You are still in the running to become America’s Next Top Model!

Ok, well maybe you’re not, but 33 tall and thin girls were last night on Cycle 9’s first episode of America’s Next Top Model.

Every Thursday, I’ll be recapping the latest episode for you guys, so we can all laugh, cry, and feel fat together. Read More »

Have you ever sat around in your sweats with some ice cream, happened to switch on America’s Next Top Model, and thought, you know, this show is the biggest fest of shit I’ve come across in a long time?

No? Maybe it’s just me.

It’s not that I want to hate on Tyra, my body just has this weird reaction whenever she stands up in front of the girls and acts like she’s Mother Teresa’s direct descendent.

And the show certainly doesn’t do anything to disperse the stereotype that models are bitchy, pretentious, and have a whole lotta issues with food. Season after season I’m amazed at how willing these girls are to throw each other under the train while stealing granola bars and lying about it.

Anyway, if you’ve ever wanted to know what the casting process is like for this skinny girl freak fest, just click here. Whoever she is, she’s tiny enough to get inside the inner sanctum and funny enough to report back on what they actually make you do at Camp Tyra (which sound seriously, seriously frightening).

…As for me, I’ll keep my ice cream and my size 6 jeans and skip over the umpteenth season in favor of a little televised wonder I like to call Wife Swap. I’ll take crazy, controlling families over fake drama any day.

Is Tyra a saint…or just totally crazy?