For what seems like forever, I have told everyone from friends, random people at parties, teachers, and family members that upon graduating undergrad, I would head off to graduate school to a M.A. or Ph.D. program in English literature. In fact, during my first year of college while my classmates were mostly concerned with figuring out their major requirements, I obsessed over taking the right classes designed for graduate school track students, finding the right internships, and doing everything the right way towards getting to graduate school – ruling everything out that did not fit in the perfect English grad school box I put myself in.

As you can imagine, it’s a rather rude awakening when everything doesn’t fall into place like you planned for it to.  Looking back, the moment I realized that my plans were not something I really 100% wanted to do anymore was during a conference meeting with my thesis advisor. She asked me why I wanted to attend graduate school. I was silent. I had no answer. I sputtered off some generic – the “I’d like to advance my studies in literature” excuse. But it felt so fake, so fabricated, and hearing myself say it bothered me. I didn’t like the way it rolled off the tip of my tongue. I didn’t like the way it made me feel about where I wanted to go in my future.

There is a huge problem when you don’t really have an answer as to why you are doing something major like applying to graduate programs, and this started the downward spiral of my graduate school plans. Another red flag was my honors thesis project. Like many seniors, I was completing a sixty-page thesis project (I was working in the area of girls’ fiction in children’s literature). I picked the topic myself, but not even a month or two into the project, I hated it. I wanted nothing to do with what I was writing and saying and researching. There I was working on something very similar to what I would be doing in graduate school, completely unhappy. Not good, right?

Although that little voice in the back of my head (you know the one that tells you to go to class even though you don’t want to, the one that tells you to order just one more drink at the bar, and the one that tells you to run away from that creepy guy in the frat basement corner as fast as you can) was telling me over and over again that graduate school wasn’t for me. I didn’t listen. There were so many times that voice was shouting at me, but I just ignored it because it was out of bounds from my “future plans.”

Looking back, I just want to yell at myself and say “How could I not have listened?” I mean – Hello Charlsie, wake up! None of the schools I was looking at actually interested me. None of the subjects I wrote about as projected graduate study topics even remotely fascinated me in a level that I’d want to dedicate years of studying towards. Nothing I heard about graduate school from professors and friends in graduate school amused me (in fact, most people that went off to graduate school in English have told me how unhappy they are or have quit in the middle of their degrees). Even the GRE exam, which I had to take for grad school admissions, meant nothing to me – it was just a pain in my side. Again, how could I not have listened?

It took me almost a full academic school year to listen, and I didn’t start to grasp that until after all my applications were paid for and sent out (talk about an expensive disaster!). Although I can solidly say that my love for all things English is undying, I can also say that my heart, body, and brain are just not into it like someone should be if they want to go off to graduate school. I felt like I would be selling myself out.  Luckily for me though, coming to terms with life not going as planned was a blessing, because it saved me from something I didn’t want to really do.

They say hindsight is 20/20 but luckily, I’m not making the same mistakes as before. For the first time, it feels like I’m actually genuinely focused on something that I want to do – rather than what I thought I should be doing. I’m one of those very structured people that has to plan everything from A to Z, so to learn this lesson that I can’t control my own future when it’s not something that is meant to be – especially when it’s something I don’t want to invest myself in – has been definitely worth learning.

If I continued with my plan to continue on in English, I feel like I would have ended up hating it. Now, I have not only left myself room to grow and explore all things in the world of writing and literature on my own terms instead of academia, I can stand on my own towards bigger and better choices such as law school – something in which I feel like I will have tons of room to grow!

Even though getting into law school is going to be a bitch, and the LSAT process is going to be one of the toughest things to tackle in my life, it feels so good to actually say “I want to do this and that’s why I am.” And it’s for the right reasons. Instead of what felt like signing my life away to something I was wishy-washy about, I feel invigorated that I can work through this next part of my life to get to what I genuinely want.

Although this kind of all feels like some overwhelming John Mayer song lesson to me, it’s been one of the best lessons I could learn in my life, and I feel lucky to carry it with me through my post-grad journey. Who knew that plans not working out could be one of the best things to happen to me?

Certainly not me, but then again – I wouldn’t be writing this if I did.

That being said, although I love, love, LOVE Victoria’s Secret, there is one section of their stores that makes me want to barf:

Victoria’s Secret Pink.

The sub-division of VS is supposedly geared towards high schoolers and undergrads, but is usually found on awkward middle school girls, typically in the form of bejewled hoodies and capri-length sweat pants with PINK written across the butt.

Something about the brand is just inherently annoying and cheesy to me. The bright colors, unsophisticated graphics, and heavy labeling might have something to do with it. Don’t get me wrong, some of their undies and tops (sans logo) are pretty cute, but I have NO desire to wear a “most popular” t-shirt bra emblazoned with the VS PINK crest in rainbow colors. I’ve been wearing a bra for close to 10 years now – the novelty has worn off. Additionally, I doubt my boyfriend would be impressed (or tuned on!) if I busted out a yellow polka dotted scoopneck come Friday night.

With the juvenile designs one might expect some juvenile pricing to fit junior-high budgets, but Pink doesn’t even offer that. Instead, their bras hover around the $35-$40 range, and their apparel is even more pricy. $90 for a rhinestone encrusted zip up ? Really? Online, Pink even offers logo-covered bedding that oh-so-conveniently fits twin extra-long dorm beds should you wish to showcase your love of the line in your room at college. I’m not kidding. And don’t even get me started on their “Collegiate Collection.”

Did I mention that Pink not only sells underwear, flip flops, tote bags, lounge wear, and bedding, but also skirts and jeans now?  Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t ever see myself trading in my Sevens, or even my A&Fs, for a pair of Pink skinnies. It’s just not gonna happen.

What do you think? VS Pink: Hate it or love it?

Everyone knows that women mature faster than men. That said, as you wade your way through the college dating scene, you might find yourself growing tired of the undergrads on your floor, and that Sociology grad assistant might start looking mighty fine. Undergrads, grad students…on campus, the possibilities are endless! Here are some of the pros and cons of hooking up with guys gearing up for a Bachelors, and dudes who are striving for a Masters or PhD.

The Maturity Level

Grad students might be attractive if the undergrad who’s crushing on you still hasn’t quite grasped the concept of doing his own laundry. Grad students have been there, done that. At twenty-three and older, they’ve grown up a lot. They probably won’t be engaging in syrup-chugging contests when they have a research project on the horizon.

Still, what about yourself? If you’re trying to make the most of your own undergraduate career, your grad student beau might not be as excited as you are the first time your new fake ID works at the bar and you chug 50-cent Natty Ices for four hours straight.

Point: Grad Student.

The Course Load

Your undergrad guy is taking Racquetball to fulfill his gen eds. Your grad student has thirty hours of lab work scheduled this week and is going to have to bail on the reservations you made for your one-month anniversary dinner. The undergrad is more likely to blow off studying for midterms when a kegger rolls around, but the grad student will be much more weary of jeopardizing his scholarly reputation.

Point: Undergrad.

His Peers

Undergrad Boy hangs out with the kids on his floor. His connections range from his frat brothers to the other kids taking Racquetball for an easy credit to the random kids from Orientation he just happened to click with. The Grad student most likely got the socializing out of his system during his own college career, and hasn’t met many people outside of his own department since embarking on his post-grad journey. That said, if you are chasing an English grad student, expect his social gatherings to involve in-depth discussions of Milton and Blake, and expect the Molecular Biology PhD candidate to have… well… other friends who actually care about Molecular Biology.

Point: Undergrad.

The Taboos

You aren’t going to run into any taboos if you date an undergrad. That is, unless he’s “that guy” who gets so rip-roaring drunk on Friday night that he pees on you in his sleep (come on, everyone knows at least one girl who’s been whizzed on by her drunk mate). However, if your grad student partner is actually a grad assistant, you’ve got a whole new round of issues to deal with. If he’s your current grad assistant, you’re going to have to keep things under wraps, and if his job has nothing to do with you, you still run the risk of him TA’ing for your friend’s class, among other random scenarios.

Still, having a secret affair can be steamy, and if he’s willing to jeopardize his academic career to be with you, it might prove that his intentions are serious. If you are both adult about where each other is coming from, you have the basis of a meaningful relationship. Especially if it means you can wake up dry in the morning.

Point: Grad Student.

The Life Experience

A grad student might be able to give you advice as you ride the ups and downs of the undergraduate rollercoaster. If your grad student guy is in the same field as you, he might also make a good study buddy. On the other hand, the grad student might be too busy writing research papers to be your personal tutor, and an undergraduate boyfriend will ride the undergrad rollercoaster with you, and the two of you can figure out how to win at the game of Life together.

Point: Undergrad.

There are pros and cons to dating any guy, whether he’s older, younger, working on a BA, an MA, a PhD, or a liquor license. Ultimately, a list of pros and cons shouldn’t determine what kind of guy you are looking to pursue. If you have only dated undergrads, just beware that dating a grad student will be an entirely different experience. It might work out well for you, or it might send you running back to the BA-candidate pond, never to look back.

Anyone have any specific tales of trysts with undergrads or grad students?

I admit to not putting 100% into my academic efforts in college, but that was because I didn’t need to. I was writing papers with a buzz on and taking finals hungover, and still made Dean’s List. I knew that grad school would be different though, and I fully intended on being a legitimate scholar.

If you are considering grad school, you are probably doing very well in school. By senior year, you’re probably breaking the curves and tutoring your friends. You probably stand out in class for having thoughtful ideas and a firm grasp of the subject matter. Newsflash: Everyone in Grad School has gotten used to being a star scholar.

Often, PhD students and MA students will be mixed into classes together. I went from taking Shakespeare classes with business majors who didn’t know the definition of “iambic pentameter” to listening to a PhD debate over which folio edition was most likely the Bard’s original manuscript. WTF? My thoughts exactly.

Because college often mixes students of all different academic backgrounds, there’s a lot of information that slips through the cracks, even in a university setting. There were certain things that other MA students took for granted that I’d never been taught. A lot of research methods that PhD students had been using for years were completely alien to me. Even more embarrassing (for an English major, especially): I’d never written an abstract. Of course, writing an abstract was one of my first assignments in grad school.

I spent longer writing my first two-page abstract (a response to a critical article by one of the most renowned Shakespeare scholars in academia) than I did writing a ten-page research paper in college. Imagine my disdain when I received a “check minus” and a “Please Revise” comment on the damn thing. My professors in undergrad had always complimented my writing style, but my graduate professor tore apart my abstract. Comments like “wordy,” “colloquial,” and “strive for active verbs” littered the piece that I’d struggled with for hours.

As I continued through the semester, I continued to be disappointed with myself time and again. I ended up rewriting almost every abstract I wrote for my graduate Shakespeare class, and even my revisions usually didn’t get a higher mark than a “check.” Once a straight “A” student, I got a “C” on an easy response activity because I had two grammatical errors that involved a comma and a semi-colon. I had research paper proposals torn to shreds, and I was told to completely redo entire assignments for various reasons.

Of course, by the end of my grad school career, I was working with the same professor who had given me my first “check minus.” As my thesis advisor, she constantly reassured me that my writing style had become more polished, and the rest of my committee also complimented my word choice and tone. In the end, I stuck it out, and I improved, but it was never easy to handle harsh criticism and see my work take such a beating.

I’m not going to tell you that I finished grad school without a considerable amount of tears, rage, and near-nervous breakdowns. Still, I completed the degree and expanded my knowledge of English literature. Looking back, I think I may have been too sensitive to the negative feedback I received time and again, but that just goes to show that grad school isn’t for everyone. If you are planning on moving on, I suggest you grow a thick skin and check your ego at the door.

Case in point: In college, I majored in English, and I was one class shy of earning a film minor. My final semester of college, no film classes that would fulfill my final requirement were offered, and even though I had taken film classes that weren’t part of the minor’s plan of study, they wouldn’t give me the “Film Studies Minor” title unless I took a class that wasn’t freakin’ available. I still get riled up about that, as you can see.

Anyway, I was seeking a Masters degree in English, though I really enjoyed Film Studies as well. Now, when you apply for a grad school program, you might have to choose a field within the realm of your chosen subject. For example, many English programs divide their grad students into Rhet/Comp or Lit majors; my friend is currently getting a PhD in Psychology, but her specialization is Early Childhood Development. So while you may earn a degree in a broad major like Politics, Journalism, or Philosophy, you may have to narrow it down to a specific topic when you apply to grad schools.

That being said, I discovered that North Carolina State had three “tracks” for its English grad students to choose from: Composition and Rhetoric (boring), Literature (why not?), and Film (What?? Film?!? Score!). I hastily applied for the film track, and eagerly awaited acceptance to NC State. I surpassed all of the school’s entry requirements, such as GPA and GRE Scores, and I sent two awesome writing samples, which were essays I wrote that analyzed some classic films.

NC State was my first choice school at the time, hands down. So imagine my surprise when I got REJECTED. I was shocked. I was so surprised, in fact, that I mustered up the balls to write to an admissions rep and ask why they didn’t want me. Where had I gone wrong? Applying for a film track.

I mentioned that many English programs ask students to choose between Rhet/Comp, Literature, or some other derivative of English language. It’s basically a matter of checking a box, so I’d assumed the same was true of the film track. Because I hadn’t thoroughly researched the program at NC State, I hadn’t realized that the film track is incredibly competitive. While I would have been a prime candidate for the literature track, I was trying to compete with kids who had majored in film studies, students who had written, directed, and produced actual films while I was writing about camera angles in Hitchcock flicks.

Reapplying for the Lit track was out, so I blew my chance at studying at my number one grad school, simply because I didn’t know what I was doing when I tried to choose a program. Then, when I finally began my career as an English graduate student, I quickly realized that even the literature track wasn’t right for me. I had loved the variety of English classes available to me in undergrad, and surpassed my minimum credit requirements by signing up for elective classes like “Literature Goes to Hell,” “Fiction into Film,” “Contemporary Irish Literature,” and “African American Children’s Lit.”

My grad school program, however, followed a strict plan of study, and while I thoroughly enjoyed “Modern American Drama,” I absolutely hated reading a 1600-page epistolary novel in my 18th Century British Lit class. Furthermore, I had decided to get a Masters degree with zero intentions of going on to a PhD, and English is the kind of major that people usually study because they want to end up a professor or because they want to do research in the field. That being said, the required “Practicum in Teaching Composition” and “Art of the Bibliography” classes weren’t exactly fulfilling to my interests.

As I said last week, it’s vital that you spend the time to research the schools and programs you are applying for. Look at a sample plan of study. If you want to get a Masters degree in History, but have no intention of studying anything prior to 1965, you might be disappointed. It’s also in your best interest to actually understand how competitive a program is, so you don’t waste $50 applying to a program that you are grossly unqualified for.

Last week, I warned you that the grad school application process is quite a time consuming effort. Well guess what folks? You’re going to need to put ample time into choosing your prospective grad schools too! Sure, this might seem a bit obvious, but this columnist doesn’t always think things through.

For me, grad school was a roll of the dice, and six possible schools came up for me: Georgetown, Rutgers, Ohio State, North Carolina State, San Francisco State, and the school I eventually chose, hereafter refered to as X University.I chose these schools on a whim. Georgetown was my “reach,” and the closest I could get to Ivy League while maintaining a glimmer of hope for acceptance. Rutgers was relatively close to my hometown (by close I mean a 5 hour drive); Ohio State is a party school notorious for it’s tailgating parties (I swear, that’s why I applied- don’t judge); North Carolina State was an hour from my only other friend attending grad school; and San Francisco just seemed like a cool city to live in, as did the location of X University.

Rule number one in choosing grad school? Don’t be superficial when planning your future!

Take your time to research graduate programs across the country. If you want to focus on a particular location, check out as many schools in that region as you can. Take notes. Google the faculty. Check out some of the courses being offered, and find out what the plan of study entails. Many grad schools have student ambassadors that you can email to get a current students’ point of view on the program. Seriously, folks, exhaust the freaking websites. Scour them like you scour Perez Hilton.

In college, you have a lot of room to change your mind. Changed your major? No biggie. Transfer student? Piece of cake. On the five- or six-year plan? Join the club. Masters programs, on the other hand, are only two years long. Stretching out the plan of study can raise flags when you are applying for jobs or PhD programs, and not only is transferring schools relatively rare, you’re likely to lose the credits you’ve already earned. Having transferred schools and changed majors in undergrad, I can appreciate the trial-and-error aspect of college. In graduate school however, you’re in it for the long haul.

In the end, my final decision was between Georgetown and X University. Georgetown= awesome school. X University= tuition waiver. I reasoned that completing a M.A. in itself would be an accomplishment. Where I got the degree wasn’t that important right? Let’s just say I plan on framing my Georgetown acceptance letter and hanging it above my X University diploma. Oh, what could have been.

I realized I was at the wrong school during my first semester, when the homework for a required course consisted of blogging about our experience as graduate students each week. That’s what Myspace bulletins are for! Though my friends and I drank away our frustrations that fall, it wasn’t until the following semester that I realized I would give anything to transfer to Northeastern University, a school that hadn’t been picked up on my original radar, but that I thought was pretty much the perfect school for me. I was shit out of luck.

Make a list of you want to get out of your education. Trust me, you’re going to be working your butt off in grad school, so it might as well be worth it. Take your time looking at schools, my friends. A few extra hours of your time now is much more efficient than two years of your life at a school that isn’t right for you.

Orgo was my wake-up call. There was one exam where I literally laughed the entire two hours (crying wouldn’t help and there was no way I was passing). When the curve was being set by less than 30% scored on a test, and no matter how many hours I kept my head dutifully in my books, I decided to bow out gracefully. It wasn’t worth feeling like a moron and beating myself up anymore. At the end of the day, I was happiest reading, analyzing, writing, as opposed to drawing benzene rings. And I was pretty damn good at it. (In college. Judge as you deem fit at present.)

This is NOT to say that people who stick through courses like these, no matter how much they hate them, are wrong in doing so. Au contraire, dear readers. If you can see the big picture and are content knowing that your hard work will make for a better, happier future, stick with it by all means. Ultimately, no one but you knows what’s going to be best for your future, not your parents, your friends, or your advisor.

Sadly, no one hands you a roadmap saying how your life is going. It’s not like high school, where your biggest decision is what college you’re attending after four years. It’s the rest of your life, and at 18-22, we’re ill-equipped to decide what we want to do forever. My belief, after having gone through this nerve-wracking process, is that you shouldn’t close off options just because it’s not part of your initial plan. If you do change your mind and have regrets, you can always go back to school.

College is definitely a 4-year course in hedonism—you have to be a little selfish so you can figure yourself out, and this is especially true in the case of determining your career path. For me, the hard part wasn’t deciding to change my major. I knew I needed to make a change, but explaining this to my parents was tough. They saw me as their future Doctor Daughter, after all. Sometimes you just feel trapped, almost as though since your parents have raised you and are (possibly) footing the bill, you owe them their dreams, even if it kills you. At the end of the day, a miserable child is not exactly a reward, especially if you blame them for your stress.

Am I saying give up if you’re unhappy in a class? Not at all. A lot more goes into it than that. My decision was based on many other factors (namely a general wave of nausea at the thought of veins/hunting for them in order to administer anesthetic of any sort, and a general distaste for lab work). Just don’t be afraid to go for something you love.

Any other major-changers out there? What’s your take on the process?

[photo courtesy of corbis]

I was an English major during undergrad, and people often have the misconception that English majors enjoy writing papers. I enjoyed writing papers about as much as I enjoyed the stench of a pungent dorm lounge the day after a particularly disgusting kegger.

I did manage to ace out on most of those papers, though, and thus I am offering this sage list of do NOTs to others in the world of paper peril:

* Do NOT stay up all night writing a paper.

I know, I know, sometimes it just has to be done. But believe it or not, your brain will have time to energize and recharge and think of better ideas if you write your paper over a period long enough to allow for Sex in the City-watching, meal-munching, and beauty sleep.

* Do NOT write your paper via AIM or your cell’s text-message screen.

Yes, you should absolutely take breaks to spend time with your friends and get away from your paper. But texting away while you are actually writing will only lead your prof to knock a few points off your paper because it contains “OMG HAWT++!” somewhere in the middle.

* Do NOT forget the evidence.

Here it is: the art of bullshit. Profs (aside from those looking for regurgitation of their own oh-so-important words) are looking for intriguing topics that have “proof” to back them up. The great part is that you can twist the evidence however your own twisted mind desires.

And just one last note before you hunker down to write that paper (perhaps the most important note of all): no matter what happens, do NOT forget to keep handy a never-ending, high-quality supply of dark chocolate.

Perhaps it’s the sheer volume of people on one concrete island, or that the people are actually more attractive and put-together. Maybe more of the residents are chemically altered more often throughout the day here. Whichever the case may be, New Yorkers are not at all shy about their catcalls, or “hollas,” if you will.

Granted, I’m from the Midwest. I completely missed out on this whole experience during my teen years. Back home, it’s mostly the sketchy old men in bars hitting on you, or, once you’ve ventured to the undergrad lifestyle, the halfway-to-blackout frat boys who think perhaps their forwardness will reward them with a piece of ass. Too often, ladies, we have caved, be it for lack of self-respect or just for fun. Hey, I’m not judging. Sometimes you just need to hook up.

Some women have never learned how to take a compliment or think anything positive about themselves, I beg those women to come to New York. It’s guarantee that of the eight million people, someone finds you attractive.

It may not be who you were hoping for, or rather what you thought you were hoping for, but you’re beautiful in the eyes of some random on-looker, even in post-gym attire or on your walk of shame home.

What a phenomenal city for an attention whore! Walking to work, if you don’t hear at least twice some sort of approving comment, you’re a little disappointed. It’s not that you want to jump on that construction worker who could pass for your uncle (let’s hope not anyway), it’s more that once you start having your appearance appreciated on the regular, it’s no fun to go back.

While some may consider the holla offensive, it’s just a line you don’t have to commit to. You’re not getting a drink out of this, and you certainly don’t have to worry about how to discreetly leave the characters you encounter on the street without hurting their feelings. You have no obligation to indicate you even heard the comment.

Of course, after acclimating to the city and being noticed simply for wearing a dress instead of a suit, you learn to be unfazed by nearly everything and act accordingly. So while you’re getting your daily confidence boost, it’s more than ok.

I don’t regret that “B” I got in English my sophomore year because I opted to go to a date party instead of the library. I don’t regret hooking up with a good friend, even if it turned out horribly ugly in the end. I don’t even regret catching a terrible cold that lasted 3 weeks after wrestling in Jell-O in the middle of October…in Michigan.

But if there is one thing I do regret from my years of undergrad it is that I never went abroad.

When my friends first started discussing going abroad for Junior year I was wary. Living in another country sounded interesting, but I was worried about being half way around the world for such a long time. I would miss my family. I would miss my friends. I would definitely miss late night pizza in Ann Arbor.

My friends moved forward, signed up to study in Australia and I opted out in favor of more time in good ole’ Michigan.

And I didn’t regret my decision…then. I had a great time! While it seemed like everyone I knew was going to be abroad, I ended up having tons of friends stick around Michigan with me. We all got a ton closer, I got more active in things around campus, I had an awesome spring break and it was a really fun semester (turning 21 helped, obviously). So what if my friends were off in Australia learning how to surf, camping in the rainforest or travelling through East Asia on their way home? Ann Arbor was just as great.

Then I graduated, got a job and realized that I only get 2 weeks of vacation time a year. Not nearly enough time for me to settle into another country, experience other cultures or see the world.

And the regret sunk in.

My mother makes fun of me whenever I bring this up. “Oh, poor baby,” she tells me. “You have such a hard life!” But she just doesn’t get it. I missed out on a truly once in a lifetime experience. I will never again be able to pick up and just go. I will never again have the time (and total lack of responsibility) to do serious travelling. So, instead of whining like I usually do, I decided to keep others like me from making the same mistake.

Go abroad! Travel! See the world!

If you have the opportunity to go abroad do it. Don’t let the little things keep you from such an incredible experience. Never again will you have an unlimited amount of time to escape from life and do something so rich and fulfilling. Going abroad is so much more than just meeting new people and seeing new things; it can really change you. Don’t miss out on that chance because of a boyfriend, a fear of the unknown, or any other dumb reason you keep coming up with. There is no good reason not to go abroad. None.

Unless, of course, you like the idea of spending your post college years sitting on your couch, watching the Travel Channel and crying about never having seen those things first hand.