Jimmy Kimmel has deemed November 17^th National Unfriend Day.  Yes, he’s talking Facebook and he’s insisting that you don’t really have 763 “friends” in real life, so why should you online?  Time to trim the fat, people!

Initially I thought this was a great idea.  Eliminating all those random welcome week acquaintances and sophomore year World Civ group project people would be pretty great.  I mean, seriously, who are these people anyway?  Do I care that your sister just had a baby?  Do I want to know what movie you watched last night with your mom?  Should you be posting pictures of your new tramp stamp?  Hell no.

But upon thinking some more, hitting that “unfriend” button could induce a sort of high.  It would start with people you’ve never heard of, increase to the ones you shared a few classes with, and end when you’ve cut all online ties to ex-boyfriends and old hook-ups.  Holy batman, you can’t stalk them anymore!  You can’t see if their new girlfriend is prettier than you!  You can’t know if they’re posting mysterious song lyrics that may or may not point to the beautiful moment you shared in the back of the bar last Thursday night when his hand was up your shirt!  What have you done!?

While I don’t think you should skip this new holiday altogether, I encourage you to observe it with a modicum of restrain.  Here’s a cheat sheet on who to delete now and who to keep around for a little longer:

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[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question (What do guys think of implants?) over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dear Dude,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. I told him we could still be friends and everything wouldn’t be awkward. Then I find out a couple days later he deleted me as a friend on Facebook. What confuses me is that he is not the first ex to delete me. In fact my other last 2 exes have deleted me as a friend on Facebook as well.

Dude, I know there can be a millions different reasons why they would, but I think it’s strange when I said I want to be friends. Why would they do that?

Sincerely,
Girls Just Wanna be Friends Read More »

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The reign of social media lives on as the New Oxford dictionary (“The world’s most trusted dictionary) named ‘unfriend’ the word of the year. Yes, as in: “Some whack-job keeps invited me to play Farmville so I unfriended his lame ass.” Another point for Facebook, and another hit to society’s overall intelligence. To ‘unfriend’ someone may be the ultimate diss on the interwebs, but in reality, Oxford is just verbing a noun.

To make matters worse, other finalists for the word of the year included: sexting, intexticated, tramp stamp and deleb. For those not as in the loop as the New Oxford word of the year panel, deleb is defined as a dead celebrity. I, for one, have never heard the word ‘deleb’ used in everyday conversation, but what do I know? I’m still over here thinking the correct term was to ‘defriend.’ Embarrassing.

While these words are culturally clever and all, I can guarantee word-enthusiasts all over the world are groaning right now. I’m just wondering how long it takes before ‘WTF,’ ‘LOL’ and ‘UR2GR82B4GOT10’ get their moment of glory. Also wondering how long it will take my spell check to realize ‘unfriend’ is legit now. Seriously, what is this proto-language and where do we come up with it?

It’s about that time for me.

I am going to have a sit down with my Facebook friends list and carefully consider who belongs there, who does not, and which family members need to be moved to the “Limited Profile” list. Yes, de-friending is a vicious process, but it has to be done in order to make way for new and more important friendships. Read: the people with the most exciting photos to stalk.

Anyway, as I sit here cutting out some of my 423 friends, these are a few of the people whom I’ve made dust in my virtual wind.

The Friend Who Desperately Wants You To Join YoVille
Facebook applications can be great. Who doesn’t enjoy a game of Scrabulous? But being bombarded with requests to join your farm or garden or pirate ship isn’t helping out your chances of remaining friends with me come clean-up time. Bye-bye application-addict. We’re ignoring you once and for all.

The Constant Status-Updater
I do not care what your plans for the day are.  Or what emo song lyics are accurately emoting your feelings at the moment. Or what color your poop is… no matter how odd it may be. If you are cluttering up my newsfeed with mindless chatter, you will surely be de-friended. But before we part ways, I want you to seriously consider getting a Twitter. There, and only there, will you be appreciated. Read More »