Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Two students, hunched over books in Starbucks.)

Girl 1: Pith. That means ‘courage,’ right? Like ‘full of pith and vinegar’?

Girl 2: I think that’s ‘piss and vinegar.’

Girl 1: I guess I’ve only heard it said by gay pirates.

(Old people sitting down in a restaurant.)

Old Lady: Oh, in my industry, we only have one joke. Customers ask, ‘Which vacuum is the best?’ And I say, ‘Oh, they all suck.’ Ha!  Ha ha ha!

Other old people: Ha ha ha!

(Two guys, reading the comics in a drugstore.)

Guy 1: Wait, do cars even have edible underwear?

Guy 2: I think it’d be more like an edible hat.

(Girls studying math in the library.)

Girl 1: … So you just do your FOIL and multiply out.

Girl 2: I don’t get it! I don’t know how to do math.

Girl 1: You know, first, then outer, then the inner, then last?

Girl 2: Oh! You mean making rainbows!

(Two boys, sitting on the couch at a party.)

Boy: Oh my god, I love your cat! She looks just like Michelle Pfeiffer!

(Two girls, jogging on treadmills at the gym.)

Girl 1: You have to scoop! Scoop your tummy! Scoop your butt!

Girl 2: I’m sorry! I can’t stop thinking about ice cream!

(Girl, looking at DVDs in Blockbuster.)

Girl: Someone get the stunt boobs! I gotta do some boob stunts!

(Guy and girl, sitting in the back of a campus bus.)

Girl: It’s pulled by a team of invisible unicorns.

Guy: And rocket boosters!

Girl: No! You’ll kill them!

(Girl, on the phone in a grocery store.)

Girl: Are you serious? Right in the middle of the aisle? … Someone must have done it on purpose! I mean, poop from a human?

(Research meeting, at an outdoor picnic table.)

Professor: So we just need one more name.

Student: How about something ethnic, like “Moron.”

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, wearing baseball caps, jeans and ties.)

Guy 1: I love your tie, man. I can’t get knots like that. It never works for me.

Guy 2: Thanks.

Guy 1: I’m really jealous, dude. I wish I could be you. Or at least I wish we were better friends.

(Two girls at a picnic table.)

Girl 1:  That’s awkward.

Girl 2:  What?

Girl 1:  My roommate just texted me. She said she saw my butt last night. I don’t know what that means. 

(Guy, exasperated.)

Guy: It was like, hi Mom and Dad! And they were like, we’re dressing up like French police officers, we’ll say hi to you later! And then I had to take their picture.

(Guy talking on his cell phone.)

Guy: And then – oh my god, seriously, best part of the night – a two gallon jug of whey protein. Totally f***ing serious.

(Two guys.)

Guy 1: Guess what?

Guy 2: What.

Guy 1: I jizzed on a boat.

Guy 2: I hate you.

(A girl and a guy, waiting in an office hallway.)

Girl: I can’t go in there. Everyone else brought their unicorn!

(At night, two dripping wet guys with nerf guns running through a parking lot.)

Guy: Okay, I got him, I think he’s dead! Let’s go set off that car alarm!

(A girl on her cell phone during class.)

Girl: I don’t care! That’s the new dress code. Same outfit every day. It gets smelly, whatever, not my problem.

(From a CC reader: A girl and two guys, eating after work.)

Guy 1: I just ate the skin off this chicken, and you know how puppies smell? That’s what it tasted like

Guy 2: That’s disgusting.

Guy 1: Nahh, I’m not saying that, I like how puppies smell. I just don’t want to eat them.

(A guy, talking to a group of people outside.)

Guy: So… I had some pants. Last night, I had some pants. Anyone seen those pants? Anybody? Help me out, people.

(Girls outside, smoking.)

Girl:  So the radiator burns were finally starting to feel better, things were looking up, and then I bought some maternity pants.  Not my fault.

With all the crazy sh*t happening in the world today, we here at CC can’t help but think back to the days when the biggest issue in our lives was whether our Mom had put our favorite over-sized T-shirt (with the Coke Bears on it!) in the laundry yet.

Yeah, we’re talking about Elementary School.

And maybe we’re not even talking about the Elementary School of today, because apparently kids are alergic to everything and on mood-altering drugs and having sex at 11. We’re talking about the Elementary School of our youth. Troll Dolls. New Kids On The Block (the first time). Side pony-tails. Dunkaroos. Life was so much fun back then — or at least our nostalgia tells us it was.

In honor of our childhoods, and because we are so. drained. from a week full of political and economic strife, we’ve decided to put together the 10 Best Things About Elementary School. Feel free to add your own happy memories in the comments…

10) Lunchables

Yeah. These things were really bad for us. They were full of chemicals and sugar. Refined and processed. But hot damn, were they good.

9) Cootie Catchers

How many of these could you make in thirty seconds? How many times did you actually believe with your heart and soul that Sean, who sat two desks over, was actually going to fall in love with you because the Cootie Catcher said so? P-U-R-P-L-E…

8 ) Homework That Included Coloring

Booyah. This was the sh*t, right up there with making dioramas out of shoe boxes. Color the 50 states? Sure. Color the different parts of the flower? WHY NOT? Nothing was better than lulling yourself into a zen-like state with coloring and calling it “work”.

7) Skip-It

One time, I Skipped-It around my entire block for an hour. Exercising has only gone downhill since…

6) Yoo-Hoo

Do they even sell this stuff anymore? It’s probably known to cause cancer now, but back in Elementary School, this drink was as valuable as pure crack cocaine from Colombia. You could bargain for anything with Yoo-Hoo, including your friend’s half-baked cookie from hot lunch.

5) Trapper Keepers

If people wouldn’t look at me weird, I would still be using my Lisa Frank trapper keeper from 5th grade. That bitch held everything, even pens. Plus, you could add all the cute kitten and Troll doll folders you wanted to it and it would still close

4) Snap Bracelets

These things were outlawed in my school as soon as they arrived, but the potential to actually cut someone only made them cooler. If you sat in the back of the bus, you could watch boys having whipping contests with them — first one to shed a single tear loses.

3) Anything with Unicorns on it

Unicorns were hip in Elementary School. Especially if they had wings, or were painted in really bright colors. You could have Unicorns on your pens, notebooks, pencil cases, shirt…the list goes on. I can’t own anything with a Unicorn anymore, even though my love for them is still strong.

2) Sharkbites Fruit Snacks

Remember the white ones that tasted like all the colors combined? It was like an explosion in your mouth.

1) Recess

Tackling boys and throwing to the ground without worrying about restraining orders, getting “married” by the tire swing, testing the boundaries of your courage by kicking the tree with the bees in it; recess was pretty much the best thing the public school system ever did for us. I’ve never laughed so hard in my entire life than when I watched my friend Bobby try to jump off a swing, only to have his jacket get caught by the chain, and fly backwards like a rag doll 6 feet in the air. Oh man. Good times.

A lot of times, the fighting and rivalry between sexes causes a behavior called ‘reduction.’ Where each sex reduces the other one to a short list of (of I don’t know, lets say 13 or 14) traits, to belittle others and to make themselves feel like the true social scientist they know they are. But, all fun aside, we know that regardless of genitalia, people are actually quite complex. That’s really our evolutionary flaw. We develop consciousness to avoid needing night-vision eyes or long ass necks and accidentally give ourselves all these hangups and fears.

So, with that complexity in mind, let’s take a look at 5 thing’s your boyfriend loves that he might be to afraid to admit to.

5 ) Legos. Alright, not sure why ANYONE would be afraid to admit to loving these, but I see a lack of Legos in college dorm rooms and honestly I don’t know why. Legos are fun sober and SUPER fun when drunk. Maybe guys aren’t afraid to admit that they ‘did love these, when I was a kid,’ but can’t come to grips with the fact that they still think about going back and really finishing that Star Destroyer replica, now that they’ve got the money to buy the right color blocks. Buy your boyfriend Legos for his next birthday, and watch his face light up.

4 ) Unicorns. For some reason these magical, fair and royal creatures of ancient myth have garnered a feminine association in modern day. Which is total bullshit, FYI, since Unicorns are awesome and guys shouldn’t feel ashamed that they love them and wish they could ride them sometimes, or maybe just watch two unicorns eat grass and gently nuzzle each other. Pop ‘The Last Unicorn’ into your DVD player and see what happens. Prediction : 5 minutes of ‘come on let’s watch something else’ and then 1 hour and 45 minutes of wide-eyed enrapture.

3 ) Pro Wrestling. Now let’s move to the other side. Everyone knows guys have trouble admitting that they love stuff that might be perceived as ‘female’ but what about stuff thats inherently ‘male,’ or in this case ’stupid.’ We love pro-wrestling, we can’t help it. The disdain that we try to muster for it comes not from being ‘too sophisticated’ but rather from having our tiny 9-year-old hearts shattered when we learned that Wrestling is fake and that Hulkamania, in fact, won’t run wild all over the bully at school.

Doubt me? Wiki it and do some research. Ask your boyfriend a question about wrestling characters in the last 2 years, something contemporary. Prepare for an intricate explanation of the storyline. (Additionally I’d like to point out that women get to watch soap operas and call it ‘kitschy fun’ but if men watch wrestling, which is just a man-soap-opera, we are cromagnums.)

2 ) Other dude’s beards. If you’ve ever had a conversation with your boyfriend about how good another guy looks, chances are he either says ‘I don’t look at dudes’ or changed the words ‘Brad Pitt is handsome’ to ‘Ya he’s pretty jacked, good tris and lats.’ The truth is we don’t really admire things like dimples and cheekbones in other men, but we do admire other men’s beards.

Whether we have beards of our own and see some type of knightly brotherhood in another beard wearer, or simply wish we could grow a beard, save losing our girlfriend or our job, beards are something we look at constantly. Occasionally while whispering under our breath ‘yeah, that’s…that’s really nice…really full…I wonder if he conditions?‘

1 ) Bravo Programming. For a channel thats supposed to be for ‘alternative lifestyles’ they sure have a lot of MILF based programming. MILFS in OC, MILFS in NY. We came for the hot older ladies (and hot lesbians on Work Out) but stayed for the sensitive story lines on Top Chef, Project Runway, and Step It Up and Dance.

Has you boyfriend recently been busting some moves in the club? He probably saw them on the ‘Club Battle’ episode, where Cindy cried but eventually overcame all with her classic shoulder brush / collar pop shuffle.