No, that is not me. I'd never get drunk enough to wear a belly shirt.

I went back to Syracuse for homecoming weekend and effectively destroyed any part of my liver that was still functioning. While I had an amazing time reuniting with friends and walking to the bars while shivering in the pouring rain (man I’ve missed that Syracuse weather), I also learned that I’m officially not a college kid anymore. I honestly don’t know how I spent four years drinking every. single. weekend. on little to no sleep.

By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around I was curled up in fetal position nibbling on saltines and sucking on ice chips. All I wanted to do on the drive home was shut my eyes — which I would have done if the passengers in the car I was driving hadn’t objected so strongly.

The drunker I got, the more tired I got of having to answer the question, “what are you doing now?” So I began telling people I’m a graduate student at DeVry University and handing out a playing card as my business card. It didn’t take too long for people to stop asking me about my employment status. I did almost start a fake pregnancy rumor about myself but then refrained just in case karma hit me hard and I actually turned out to be with child. However, the pregnancy rumor would have explained why I threw up in the morning. Morning sickness sounds a lot more mature than a hangover.

The only thing weirder than no longer being able to drink two nights in a row was being on campus but not being a part of it. I so badly wanted to rewind to a year ago, throw on my North Face, grab my Longchamp, and head off to class like everyone else. Instead I was sleeping on a friend’s bed, living out of a bag, and peeping into the windows of my old apartment.

When I last left Syracuse at graduation I knew I would be back for homecoming in a few months. But this time when I left, I had no idea when I would be back. It’s a thin line between coming back for a weekend to reminisce and being the creepy balding alum in the bar talking about how things used to be back in the ’09.

Homecoming made me realize how much I miss college, how much I miss my friends, and how much I miss a working liver.

Maybe you’ve had a little puff of some wacky tabacky and you’re feeling pretty hungry. And even more lazy.

Used to be that these were major problems. Unless you live in a major city—ex that—unless you live in New York, there’s not a chance you’re getting that cookie at such an ungodly hour. In my Connecticut town, the police pull people over who are out after 10 PM. It rocks where I live…

For a select few cities, late night munchies are no longer a problem. Well, if you want cookies that is. Some brilliant students from UPenn have brought us Insomnia Cookies—a delivery service that will bring freshly baked, warm cookies right to your doorstep between the hours of 8PM and 2:30 AM.

Students from University of Syracuse, University of Michigan, Illinois, UMD, UPenn, Penn State, and of course, NYU can indulge in chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, sugar cookies, a cake sized cookie, a cookie with three different flavors… the possibilities are endless. They’ll even bring you milk to dunk everything in. Yuuuuuummy.

Talking about it with friends in New York, all of them said they were contemplating moving just to fit into the delivery area. They’re supposed to be that good.

Feeling like a business person yourself? Insomnia Cookies is looking to franchise to a campus near you. So get in on the big bucks, and start one up yourself. Seriously—there needs to be more of these, so get on it, people!